Chapter 22

Chelsea by Phoebe Bridgers

"Darbs," He knelt down beside the couch as I groaned, "I know it's early, it's time to go."

"Yeah, but I specifically told you not to!" I fumed, I always tried to be kind and calm and collected with the managers but I had absolutely no control over myself when he told me.

"Harry, we had to. There are thousands of people there that want to see you in Italy and Florence was the only arena we could book for two nights." Two Nights. Two Nights Only. Only Two Nights.

"She's not there anym-" Mitch started. "Please don't Mitch." I had no emotional capacity for feeling anything right now.

Moments of silence passed and I rested my hands on my hips. Tonight was Manchester, so why did I feel the least at home I've ever felt? I needed to go on soon. This kept happening, her getting in the way of my everything because I let her.

I kept reminding myself that she shouldn't be thought about like that, that it was my fault she backed away. She is not the enemy, I am my own.

I heard she's been talking to a publisher, Sarah reached out to her to see how she was doing. Said she didn't say very much, that she was busy writing nonstop and helping her mum. I don't think Sarah told me everything, though. And if Darby is publishing a book, she must have a lot more to say than what she said about me.

"Here." He handed me a pair of shorts and a Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps) shirt from my closet. "Thank you." I said sleepily, my eyes never fully opening once.

"My eyes are so puffy from last night." I yawned, looking into my bedroom mirror. "One sec-" Harry said, rushing out of the room and coming back quickly with a cube of ice. "Thank you again." I smiled, not caring how many times she thought himself selfish. He was nothing of the sort.

My hair looked like some sort of nest atop my head, a horrible night's sleep seemed to do it for me. Harry brushed it out softly as I rubbed the ice under my eyes. "Slippers will do. You won't need a jumper, I have a blanket in the truck."

"Truck?" I asked, quietly. "Mitch borrowed it, cool right?" He smiled excitedly, making me giggle a bit. "It's an old one, orange and— you'll see it soon enough." "Are they out there waiting for us?" I asked, slipping some shoes on and following him out the door to the stairs.

"They are, but it's okay. Don't worry about it." He smiled lightly, letting me hold his arm as I was still so tired.

I climbed in the back seat of the truck to find Mitch and Sarah in the front. It was still completely dark outside, and there was quite a bit of a drive to the coast. Harry was set on going to the real beach, and not just the water. So we made our way to Viareggio, only an hour from Florence.

I slept on and off the whole ride against the cold window, sneaking peeks at Harry as he stayed wide awake the whole time. Most often he was looking at me, I saw him once scratching something quickly on the leather of a dark colored journal with no light. He sat with himself turned towards me on the other side of the seat. I wondered what it was he wrote as I fell to sleep once again, waking up abruptly to someone telling us that we were here.

Mitch parked the truck backwards, the bed of the truck would face the beach right where the sunrise would be. We sluggishly threw all of our blankets and pillows in the back, moving to sit there.

I, still yawning, noticed a camera that Harry pulled out. I recognized it as a canon ae1, I always wanted one growing up, though my mum had an older film camera around the time I was born. "That's a pretty camera." I said softly as I pulled a blanket tightly around me.

"Thanks," He smiled and pulled it up to his eye after setting up the next photo.

"I don't take a lot of photos on it, only when I want to remember something. I couldn't even find it for awhile..."

I raised my eyebrows. "I found it last night after I left your house." Ah, so he left and came back this morning. I knew I'd given him a key, and thankfully so because I would never have woken up.

The feeling was soft and sweet, the sun rising slowly as I waited to really look at it. When it was still completely dark, the waves looked like dark, terrifying rolls of thick ink waiting to swallow someone whole. Now, they were reflective of my most favorite thing, sounding much nicer than before, though they sounded exactly the same. Sweet as a melody, relaxing and letting you breathe the air back into your lungs.

Harry and I sat up against the back of the trunk, on opposite sides just as we were in the back seat of it. Facing each other, my feet rested in between his, while he was writing once again in his journal. I caught half a glimpse of what was written on the outside of it, he'd drawn stars, rather carved them with an ink pen right into the leather. A couple sentences worn down after years that I couldn't make out. My eyes were drawn to the clearest one, only briefly reading it before he closed the journal and threw it through the window into the truck.

"It's so perfect, isn't it." Sarah sighed. I jerk my head towards her, bringing myself out of the trance, watching her dangling her feet off the edge of the truck with Mitch by her side.

The morning was stunning, and the minute Harry smile at me I genuinely forgot about the words on the book. I could only sit and appreciate how the crisp air felt brushing up againt my hair, how the subtle touch of his leg against mine sent an electric smile to my lips. The sun coming between us wasn't at all an issue, only a sweet calling. It reflected perfectly off the window behind us and I caught Harry gazing in awe at that as well.

I remember the period of time where the sun was my only goal. To be needed by people, seen by them in all different colors. Then came my obsession with the stars, though it continues now today. But only now because I see them as him, not myself. The stars were my method of wishing for those goals, now they are a representation of my... him. With every inch of the golden light growing higher and highter, it eventually graced Harry's eyes, creating that same light lime green that I'd only ever seen once that day at the gardens.

Hello Sunshine by Billie Marten

"You're eyes are super pretty in this light, Darby."

"I was just thinking the same! For you, not me." I giggled, then remembering that my eyes were never pretty. "My eyes are only brown?" I questioned.

"No, they're honey colored, like if you were to drizzle honey into chocolate and then shine the sunlight into so it sparkles. Yeah." He spoke with a little bit of confusion, I cackled at his effort.

"That was sweet, Harry, seriously." He laughed in return, "I tried okay, and it's true." "I believe you."

After a second, Harry nudged me to look at Sarah and Mitch.

Mitch was holding one of Sarah's hands with both of his. He was obviously saying something important, looking her straight in the eyes with a serious face. I would've been worried if it weren't for Sarah's expression.

She was on the brink of happy tears, smiling so wide that it was unmistakable.

Every motion felt slowed, I watched Mitch pull it out of his pocket, no box, nothing else but a simple ring.

Sarah's reaction was nothing short of joy, just watching made my heart jump. "No fooking way..." Harry mumbled, almost in tears himself when I turned to look.

"Wait, are we supposed to take pictures?" I whispered. "Maybe...? Probably..." He pulled out his film camera, which wasn't what I expected but it was much more perfect, and took a couple of them while they weren't looking.

"Congratulations!!" I said when they turned around to us, my voice bubbling over with excitement for them. Harry went to hug Sarah, then Mitch. I took the role of sweetly hyping Sarah up about the ring. It was perfectly her.

I caught a glimpse of Harry, still suffocating Mitch as he clung so tightly to him. I could tell it meant a lot to him, as much as it did to Mitch and Sarah.

...

Dance With Me by Orleans

The rest of the day was spent running through the water in our clothes, peeling them eventually off. Sitting in the back of an old truck singing to old songs Mitch played on guitar. It was a couple of hours before we decided to hit the road again, and to get gelato at a place nearby.

My clothes were partially dry but extremely wrinkled, which would have to do. Everyone's were, really. But it was a perfectly sweet day. Instead I wore a huge white button up Harry had brought as a backup.

"This is so good." I said, tasting the gelato. "There's some girls outside looking in here, H." Mitch said abruptly.

"Harry Styles??" "Harry!" "Hi Harry!" I heard once they realized it was him. I was a little uncomfortable, knowing that I was wearing Harry's shirt, Sarah was wearing her new ring, and that would all get out. I watched Sarah fidget with the ring as she looked at Mitch, but with one look at each other they both decided it was alright to leave it be.

"Can you please write me a tattoo, Harry?" One of the girls asked softly. She pulled out a tiny journal and a sharpie, Harry took it from her calmly. 'A tattoo? People really put that in his hands?' I thought. I looked to Sarah with shock in my eyes, she nodded at me. "He's a decent artist but I'd never." She said laughing, I slapped a hand to my mouth, laughing silently.

I watched him in thought, and then scribbling something on the paper. It looked like it was in all capital letters, I assumed that he wrote like that most of the time. Before I could see it clearly, he handed it back to her. "Wow, thank you so much."

"Of course, love."

I think Sarah had seen what he wrote, but immediately after seeing it changed every subject. They took a picture and left, I threw up a peace sign from the table we were sitting at, considering I was sure it had made it into the back of the picture.

...

"SARAH HAS A RING ON OH MY SKJDKSJDDJDHFHDH"

"DARBY IS WEARING H'S SHIRT"

"A FAN MET HARRY GETTING GELATO IN ITALY"

"HE'S STILL IN ITALY"

"WHAT HE LOOKS SO GOOD AND HAPPY AWWKJSUSJ"

"MY PARENTS SARAH AND MITCH ARE ENGAGED FINALLY AHHHhhhHh"

"OK BUT DOES THIS MEAN HS3???"

"DARBY IS SO CUTEEE"

Instagram was a mess. I hadn't been on in ages, my instagram is private but I had thousands of requests. The headlines were massive and loud and they screamed at me, but it wasn't all as bad as I thought. The fans weren't attacking me or Harry, well most of them, they were supportive?

It was an odd feeling of course. I opened up my instagram to the public after going through my pictures and archiving a couple personal ones. I then posted just a couple and then left it alone again for a long, long time.

.

To Darby Anna Eden,

I know you hate when I use all of your names but desperate times call for desperate measures. I know you'll think that was cliché, I feel like it's the only way to reach you for some reason. I also don't really know how to go about saying this. I miss you? I know that is horrible. This letter will probably never get to you anyways, there's no way I'll let it. I should say that I'm sorry before I miss you. I'm sorry doesn't seem to be enough, and I know only you could find the words to make it powerful enough.

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