《golden | A HARRY STYLES NOVEL》"You've Got My Devotion"
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Chapter 16.
"Edward." I smiled as I ran my fingers through his hair. He laid in my lap on a couch in the studio. Mitch, Sarah, and Jeff had gone to pick up dinner as well as Charlotte, Ny Oh, and Adam from the airport.
"Quite the middle name, isn't it." He laughed, pulling my pinky down with his own and resting it on his chest. "It really is."
Home by Edith Whiskers
"Darby Eden, what is yours?"
I cringed, "Goodness, when you say both my names like that it sounds so unbearably cheesy." He tilted his head back to meet my eyes as I laughed.
I ignored his question, "Is that rain outside? I can hear it!" It's not that I was embarrassed. I loved my middle name so much. But it told quite a story I wasn't sure if I had the time or energy to tell. Or the courage.
"You're ignoring my question." He mumbled as I kept on about the rain.
"The sound is so comforting, isn't it?" I chuckled, eyes now sparkling with tiny beads of water as I smiled it away.
Harry sat up immediately, turning to face me. He placed two hands cupped on my cheeks and I caught my breath.
His breathing was slow, steady but unmistakably anxious. He looked at me for a long time. And as comforting as his eyes were, I was horrified of every possibility my brain made up, what he or I could possibly say that could ruin it. But his eyes were quite the distraction, as light a green as they were.
"Darby," He started and I panicked. "I l-"
"Oh my go- Don't say that. I- Don't. Please no-" I pulled his hands down from my now tear streaked face and tried to hold them in my hands. What he was saying, I wasn't ready, and that layered on top of what I hadn't told him... but It felt so overwhelming all at once, I no longer knew what to do with my hands. I dropped his in his lap, buried my face in them, ran them in my hair, held them on my heart to make sure it was still there, stared at them. I thought I heard him saying my name but it was barely audible and my eyes were too blurry. I shook and it scared me so badly I shook more.
But he stopped me. He pulled me back down from my pacing, wrapping his arms around me until no inch of the imperfect world could touch my skin. I wheezed, feeling idiotic for uncontrollably freaking out over what I thought he would say. He didn't even say it. ...He didn't say it.
"You are safe, nothing can hurt you right now. Remember that please Darby." I nodded my head, childishly. "I understand you. And I want to understand you more. I'm so sorry, god, I'm so so sorry I scared you. I want you to trust me, to be comfortable, I wasn't thinking." He brushed strands of my hair out of my face.
"Don't you dare be sorry, I want to let you in, I keep pushing you further— I keep-" I shook my head, wanting to push words out of me but finding none for the moment.
The silence I was ever so afraid of wasn't so bad. It only gave me time to think while he held me tighter than ever in his arms. I rubbed my hand on his arm.
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'My middle name is Anna.' It sounded nice saying it in my head, didn't it.
"You're too good for me."
"You think too highly of me." I said quickly.
Followed by silence. It wasn't a typical silence, it wasn't uncomfortable. Only full of thoughts.
"I'm selfish for wanting you so badly, I know it. You need time, I should be able to give you that." He shook his head.
"I despise time. I've wasted far too much of it to favor it."
He stayed very quiet and very still. But I turned my head to face his and he did the same, still resting it on the couch.
"If you let me in—"
"That would give the universe much reason to hurt me again." I counteracted, my eyes drying quickly as I rubbed them until they were red. My voice was now only filled with accepted fear. My body had calmed down finally, but my mind still needed to breathe.
He said no words. Only waited for my own. "And you could get hurt. Who knows-"
"Don't worry about me." He took my pinky once again, holding it on top of his stomach. "I'm going to no matter what you say." I laid my head on his shoulder as I felt his stomach rising and falling with his breathing.
With that, the door opened and Sarah entered, leading the rest of them behind her. "H! Nice to see you-" Adam started as he entered the room. I abruptly moved slightly away from Harry but he held onto my pinky. Adam just smiled, and Charlotte did as well. I blushed and stood quickly to meet them.
"This is Darby." Harry said, standing right behind me. "I am darby." I smiled, shaking Adams' hand.
"I'm Charlotte." "I love your top, Charlotte." I complimented. "Thank you very much!" She gushed. Complimenting someone was something my mum told me to do to calm myself down. It stuck with me forever. I complimented Ny Oh's earrings as well.
Harry got pulled away with Jeff to record a couple vocals, all the rest went with him except for Sarah and Charlotte. I caught his eyes as he went into the other room, they seemed reassuring.
"Harry very obviously likes you a lot. I can tell already. Glad he's finally happy." Charlotte said. Sarah sat at a drum set comfortably in the corner and Charlotte found a keyboard and pulled it up onto a keyboard stand. I kind of just stood there, unsure of what to do while they fiddled with their instruments. "It just gets quite miserable writing all of those sad songs, doesn't it?" Charlotte added.
"I told you earlier he loves her already." Sarah said to Charlotte. I shook my head to turn her down. They gave me a questioning look. I felt myself sinking back into my typical shy composure.
"We haven't... said that yet." I said slightly uncomfortably.
Charlotte looked surprised, as did Sarah. "That's really a good thing, Darby. He tends to rush into things." Sarah said.
"He must really care about keeping you around. That's how I would translate it." Charlotte played around with a couple of chords as she spoke. Her voice was vivaciously soft, I bet she was a beautiful singer.
"How long have you been together?" Charlotte asked easily. It wasn't so easy to answer. "We aren't together, but I met him in April."
"Wow, so three months now..."
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A soft smile grazed my lips as I thought about those past months. "I came to write and found exactly the inspiration to do so."
"Do you sing, Darby?" Charlotte asked me. I almost laughed, "Only in the car. When I'm alone. I'm not tone deaf, thank goodness, but I don't see myself anywhere compared to this." I waved my hands around. "So yes?" Sarah chimed in.
"No- no, I-" I tried to back out.
"You know the song Cherry, right? From Fine Line." Charlotte asked, switching from her keyboard to an acoustic guitar that hung on the wall.
"I do, I think."
Charlotte started playing the little tune on the guitar after putting a capo pretty high up on the fretboard. Sarah gestured to me to start singing, but the words left my mind the minute I started considering actually doing it. Sarah started to sing as well, and I joined in ever so sweetly.
"Don't you call him baby, we're not talkin' lately..." The song was so sweetly heartbroken, I'd never thought too hard on the song before. "I, I confess... I can tell that you were at your best. I'm selfish so I'm hating it."
I didn't realize it for quite a bit of time, Harry standing at the door.
"Coucou!" Sarah chimed at the end, making everyone in the room laugh. I turned, hearing Harry. It startled me, I had no idea how long he'd been standing there.
"You did not just hear that..." I said, standing as he walked over to me.
"Only the last chorus... but yes, I did, love." He grinned, holding my pinky.
He rested his forehead against mine as I blushed, laughing. "Best version I've heard so far, actually." He over exaggerated and I giggled at the compliment.
"Oh, yeah, he's whipped." I heard the quiet whisper from behind me.
Hey Nineteen by Steely Dan
"I really did think it was raining." I said as we left the studio, Harry holding my hand by the pinky. "I know you love it, but the car would have definitely been in, um, trouble." Harry chuckled as we walked up to it.
"No we can't dance together!" Harry screamed to the song playing as he drove with one hand. "No we can't talk at all!" I sang back to him, laughing hard at the apparent irony. "Please take me along when you slide on down."
His voice was pretty, feeling like a summer night just to listen to. Match that with driving through the air of a real summer night and you feel infinite. I think Harry had a way about him, everything he did felt that way. Infinite, I mean. Timeless.
"Geez, I should just hand my career over to you." He chuckled, and I let out a "Ha!" "Please don't, I couldn't handle it." I chuckled, he scrunched his nose up as he did too.
"Make tonight a wonderful thing." Harry belted into the air as he pulled onto my street. I had yet to stop dancing even as I got out of the car. As I closed the door, I attempted to wave goodbye but he turned off the car.
"This is quite a complex kidnapping plan, don't you think?" I yelled, walking away from the car as he got out of it. "May I?" He asked.
"I guess you may."
Krystal by Matt Maltese
Harry followed me inside my house, though it was midnight. He was on a quick call with Jeff while I rummaged through the fridge. I decided to make a pack of tortellini, it'd been my favorite for the entire past decade. I bought some frozen ones from the market after work the other day.
"I'm just at Darby's, Jeff. What's up." Harry said, peeking towards me as I hardly noticed.
"How do I... I'm going to have to tell her..." I heard a sigh from him while I poured the tortellini in boiling water, some speckles splashing up and nearly burning me. I wondered of course, but I felt quite calm.
"Darbs, Jeff said I legally had to tell you, but I hate to bring it to your awareness." I nodded my head slightly. "There were some photos taken of us from the past couple days, they always spread like wildfire. Rumors and all..."
"It's okay, H."
"It is?" I nodded my head as he asked that. "I don't know any of those people, they can't hurt me right?"
"Right, love. ...But people will start paying real attention to you, they already think I'm dating you." He pulled his loose curls out of his eyes.
"It's okay with me, if it is you. You don't have to... you know like fake anything for them, right?"
He took a deep breath, "Not anymore." A realization in me pulled some string of sympathy. "I won't... hurt your career... ?"
"No no no, I love what I do but my friends are more important to me." I grinned at him, hearing the irony playing at his tone. "You make quite the friend..." He leaned against the counter behind me.
"Yes, I am. And I made you pasta." I said confidently. He took the bowl I handed to him and smiled at me with deep-set eyes.
"That's very kind of you." He said, voice running deep.
I nodded my head towards a stray Treat People With Kindness hoodie that was perched over the back of a chair. "You stole that from me!"
I yawned, stretching my arms out to the side, "Yes, I did. And it was rather comfy." I grabbed two forks and made my way to the couch to sit. He followed, sitting on the complete other side of the couch as I turned on the tv and the disc player.
I gave him a confused look, "Why over there?"
"You want me to sit by you?" His eyes widened, and I nodded laughing quietly.
"Do you have any movie ideas? I only have a couple discs..." I said shyly. "Options are The Incredibles, Inception, Perks of Being a Wallflower, Cinderella, uhm..." I flipped through the cases. "Spiderverse, 1994 Little Women..."
"Too hard." He complained. "Okay, choose between Wallflower and Little Women. Oh, I have Pride and Prejudice too."
"I've got to go with that, then." "I see, you're an Austen type of guy. I could have guessed it."
"Well I have to impress my writer almost-girlfriend somehow, don't I?" My eyes widened.
"Yes... yes I'd assume so." My smile grew slowly with warmth. I didn't dare turn to face him, or he'd see just how pink my cheeks felt. But then again, when was it such a horrible thing to be open?
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