Chapter 15.

La Vie En Rose by Daniela Andrade (cover)

I sat on the floor in front of an old mirror that rested against the wall in my room. It was stunning, one that I think Anna found or was given. Rusty gold details, almost a fairytale-esque mirror.

It had been a week since Harry and I had gone to Anna's. Time slipped away as I continued to work and he, I assumed, worked on the album. Jeff got back and H went full time on the album again, which was good. It was a good thing.

He called me yesterday actually. But he was breathing heavier and panicking again and it scared me. He never really told me why but I was glad he came to me to talk away his worries.

But I knew too well that distraction was no remedy. I wanted him to be open with me, but that was so demanding next to my own lack thereof.

But communication was good, even in the slightest forms right now. I'd get there eventually. I hoped he would too. I kept on walking this line of fear, alternating the directions I leaned to. Those directions being the fear of taking this too fast and the fear of running out of time.

He called me and was barely able to talk. That is what terrified me, his heaving breaths and the sound of his staggering voice muted by held back tears.

I think I helped him. Something in the back of my head was mildly horrified to get a call like that again. I couldn't immediately see him in person when things like that happened. But it was okay, nothing was wrong, everything's alright.

Now I sat here writing little lines in my journal in front of an old mirror that I had developed an odd admiration for.

He holds the soft heart of a sunday afternoon in his chest. The rippling emerald waters he sees the world through are not rose but gold. The world is not perfect to him but it's beautiful. It's damaged but talented in aspirations and motivated to fulfill them. I can only hope he sees me through the same lense. (A reference to 'La Vie En Rose' by Edith Piaf. An Ode to seeing the world through rose-colored glasses, perfected and romanticized.)

I fiddled with my hair a bit, ultimately pulling the front pieces back into a couple of draping braids. The rest of my hair I left in its own messed up curls.

Girl in Calico by Tow'rs

I distinctly remember a period of time in grade school where I wouldn't sleep in my bed, but on my window seat. Just so I could watch the sky whilst falling asleep. It was the only bit of comfort I had then, and I remember appreciating the stars an infinite amount more for what they gave to me. I never understood what they had yet to give to me, but I remember thinking that one day I would no longer be alone under them. And painful as it was then, I endured it only with those thoughts. How ironic...

I started to learn some Italian. When I arrived, only the small bits and pieces I picked up from Anna's regular vocabulary I felt comfortable with. Things like buona giornata and ti amo. Two months and some into living here and I now can order at tiny cafés with much added anxiety that would have been there even if it weren't in another language. But Italy feels like an almost home to me for some reason. I think that the people are some of the sweetest I've ever met, so so passionate and emotional. To the point that it may sound in their tone that they are yelling at you, but really it could be the sweetest compliment and they are just getting their emotions across. They are transparent and vulnerable and they tell you what they are thinking exactly and I adore that. I saw it beginning to reflect in me. Which is everything I could have asked for and more.

The phone started to ring.

My heart gasped in itself and I hurried across the room to answer it. It was Harry, and the sight of the little letter 'H' on my caller ID sent my breaths racing faster and faster until I clicked the answer button.

"Are you okay? Harry-"

"I'm okay, Darby."

I took a no-longer-suffering breath of air as I moved the phone from one ear to the other. "Are you? You're breathing rather hard."

"I was scared you had maybe... panicked, again? Thank goodness," I rested a hand on my forehead. "No, I just wanted to call you, actually."

"Is there a reason?" I asked haphazardly.

"No, not necessarily?"

My breathing had unknowingly reached a normal pace again. I didn't think about it after that.

"Okay, then. Then you should get back to— the album." I was a little clueless. I listened to his soft giggles over the phone with no choice but to smile. "No I- Well maybe I can come get you. And bring you... here. Have you check it out."

The shyness in his voice grew to overcome it. He wanted to take me to his studio, for real this time. Show me the music he creates. What he loves.

But also the people he works with. All of that equipment and the weight of those songs that he probably never really wanted me to hear and those important people whose names mean something to the ear and mind.

"I can pick you up?" He offered again, sweetly.

I shook my head, "Yes, yea. I'd love to H."

"Wonderful. Be there soon."

"Bye?" I said, awkwardly. I wasn't quite sure how to end the conversation with the amount of words scattering my brain in that moment.

"B— Bye, Darbs. Bye." I heard him mumble "Goodbye," a just a couple of seconds later as I went to hang up on him.

"Wait-" I heard quietly from the speaker of my phone that I had lowered from my ear.

"H?"

"I just wanted to talk to you. Maybe while I drive?"

I blushed on my end of the call, letting my shoulders fall at ease as I smiled softly. "...How was your day today, Harry?"

I laid on the floor talking to him on the phone for the entirety of the time it took him to get to my house. Which means that I completely forgot to get ready, but it didn't bother me too much. I was wearing some random pair of flowy shorts and an old jumper when I opened the door and let him in.

Of course he had a tiny flower in hand.

"You don't have to keep pulling weeds out of those little gardens for me." I chuckled, guestering towards the tiny flowers that grew off the side of the road. He scrunched up his face with sarcasm, like I had offended him. "This is no weed, it's a flower. And I'll keep doing it."

"My bad, a flower." I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside. "I forgot to get ready, so you'll have to help me choose something to wear," We walked up the stairs and arrived at my doorstep. "Is that alright?" I asked.

"Absolutely."

He picked out some cream colored wide jeans, and pointed at the olive green jumper I was already wearing. "You know it's the middle of summer right?" I laughed and he tried to defend himself. "It gets breezy at night?"

"Wear this under." He pulled out a cropped top with blue florals on it, Bluebells scattered the pattern. It synched around and sat right at the top line of my jeans.

I went into the bathroom to change and came back just a couple minutes later. Throwing the green jumper back over top of me as I walked out, I asked for a belt.

"I don't see any?" "I don't have any." I laughed. I grabbed a tiny shoelace off the ground and laced it through my belt loops.

I did a tiny spin, "I'm ready."

"You look perfect, Darbs. Now let's go."

"Yea, well I'm also barefoot." I laughed, grabbing a random pair of sandals to slip on on the way out.

He led me back out to his car, smiling the whole way. The sun was showing off as it said goodbye, leaving me in awe as we drove through the small city. "You see it right?" He asked.

"Finally, yes." I sighed. I felt like the living embodiment of a breath of fresh air. Nostalgic for a moment I had yet to have. And he was there for it. I think that is why I cared so much.

"Good, because I went out of the way to get to this part of the city. Completely open skies." He spoke softly, giggling under his breath. "You're not kidnapping me again, are you? We're still going to the studio?" I teased.

"Of course we are. I promise to only kidnap you sometimes now." He was driving a cream colored convertible, and believe me I have absolutely no knowledge of cars, but it was such a pretty one. I could tell it was stupid expensive. He didn't have to roll down the windows this time, I laid my head back to watch the sky directly above me.

"You know I've written a couple songs for the album, right?"

I chuckled, "Well yeah, you've been doing that for awhile now." My voice was soft though he could hear it over the sound of the wind.

"Obviously. But I'm not yet to my point." He paused while taking a left turn, pulling around the studio.

Lift by Skullcrusher

"I haven't been writing a whole lot of new stuff lately, kind of at a dead end." I nodded my head as I listened to him slowly explaining. "I want your honest opinions, ya know?And I feel like I have some ideas that I need to write down when we go in. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable-"

"Harry if this is about you being in any way worried about me being overwhelmed then please do not be. I feel safe with you." That was a little blunt. I shut myself right up in shock.

He turned the car off. "You feel safe... with me."

"Yes in fact I do." My voice fell soft with a smile.

He turned his head forward, facing the wheel. Smiling to himself, he took a deep breath. I decided to hop out, running to the other side of the car to open the door for him. I bowed a tiny gestural bow. One of those fake royalty ones that I always seemed to do naturally.

"Harry, come on." I smiled, sticking out a hand towards him.

He stuttered a bit but ultimately took it and got out of the car, he looked a bit lost in thought.

Just as I pulled him up, his other hand impulsively laced behind my neck. Too quickly to process, he kissed my lips without any hesitation. I thoughtlessly rested a hand on the car door. I did many things thoughtlessly, actually. A surprising amount for the excessive amount of thoughts I have. Putting a finger to his chin and pulling him in again was one of them.

...

"Words can be my passion day and night but that was far beyond them, Harry." I shook my head in disbelief, having just heard one of the songs he'd been working on. It had no name, it had next to no production done. Just H singing and Mitch's acoustic guitar.

She cares for clouds and morning drives, craving love as if it passes her by. Wispy thoughts, they turn to ashes. It's so simple if you let it...

Oh, and the rain makes her feel things, oh, and her pain makes even the sun go down. I'll hold her pinky until it's a promise, like leaving her home town.

Oh, and her fingers dance all over. As she drifts away in summer air. Oh, and it's such a life to know her, and she has no idea.

A bubbly mess with brown eyes, one could hardly stop loving. But I'll give it until the sun dies, she is everything I am becoming.

Infinite goodness in her aura, like smells of precious florals. Sun rising and falling, temptress of wondrous calling.

The rest of the night felt so fragile, only room for difficult thoughts attempting to be processed. But I kept on watching his eyes, something in them only knew truth. And everytime he sang it showed.

Did it go right over my head? Not necessarily, but close to necessarily. My mind refused to take every bit of that in. I wasn't intimidated by his vulnerability, merely amazed. He was brave. And I was not everything he claimed me to be.

I often think about words, and then break it down to letters. Letters that create words and words that create sentences. They create the lines I write. The same words and letters that create Shakespearean Sonnets and the same words and letters that gracefully flood every bit of Harry's lyrics. One combination of them can divinely inspire a person and yet another can ruin just the same. We both worship words and stars and how odd is it that both of those things are as connected as they are.

Stars are small parts of galaxies but massive parts of the earth's sky. Words are slivers of sentences but even just one can convey just enough emotion. Today my favorites are ethereal, for the one night that led us all the way to this night. And petrichor, for the enthralling smell of italian streets after rain. I missed the rain a lot.

To Darby Anna Eden,

I know you hate when I use all of your names but desperate times call for desperate measures. I have no clue as to how else I should start this, so I'll start by saying very simply that you healed me and I ruined this.

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