I paddle out, not bothering to wait for Seth and I spot Bea and Luke laughing and chatting.

"Hey guys." I say with a small smile gliding with one last stroke towards them.

"Hey." They say grinning.

"Where's Seth?" Luke asks looking around me.

"Coming." I say with a shrug.

The waves roll underneath us. No set's worthy of catching yet. There are surfers scattered everywhere. Littering the golden water, reflecting the setting sun.

I hear a few shouts and laughing jostles and I recognise the voices. I turn and see a few of the boys from the bonfire. I pull myself away from Bea and Luke who are too busy flirting to notice my absence.

"Hey boys." I say paddling over to them.

"Hey." "Yoo." Hey Lacey." "What's up." They say.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Carter asks. I roll my eyes.

"Not my boyfriend. We just made an arrangement for the evening to ward off Seth's admirers." I tell them, making sure Bea's well out of earshot, which she is. I spot Seth well behind the group of boys, he's sitting by himself, looking out to the ocean thoughtfully. He turns, almost as if he felt my gaze, and we lock eyes. Before I look away.

"So you're single then?" Maxwell asks with a lopsided grin.

"Yes. The way I prefer it." I say with a small smile.

"Party girl huh?" Leon says with a chuckle.

"Oh always." I say with a grin. Sitting up on my board and straddling it.

I look up and see Seth watching me, his stare strong, his jaw locked. I see him raise his eyebrows at me and I shrug in response. He looks away with a shake of his head and paddles in to an incoming set wave.

"Surf's up ladies." I say as I paddle away from them, towards the more central part of the break, awaiting the second wave of the set.

The wave begins to pick me up and I paddle in to it. When I feel my board catch I stand up, dropping in to the wave. I gain some speed and do a few turns to stay with the best part of the wave. I do a cutback. Followed by a board skim, in a circle. And jumping over the top of the wave before the wave broke off. My board lands on the water and I sink in to it from my feet, before my board gets pushed in to the water and pops out beneath me. I can feel a grin stretching across my face at the smooth ride.

I make my way out again noticing a few stares I'm given. I paddle out, duck diving under waves, rolling over the unbroken ones. Until I reach the group of boys again.

"How was the ride?" They ask.

"Insane." I say a smile making my face ache.

"That jump you do over the waves is mean as." Leon says, a hint of an accent coming through that I seem to have missed earlier. Kiwi?

"Are you kiwi?" I ask him curiously.

"Yeah. Moved here two years ago." Leon says with a grin.

"Seth's always wanted to go to New Zealand. Surf there is insane." I say glancing around for Seth. I spot him talking to Luke, Bea nowhere to be seen, must be on a wave.

"Hey Seth." I call out nodding him over. He turns his head, raises his eyebrows and nods for Luke to come with him.

"Hey boys." Luke says with a grin. They all respond with nods and heys.

"Leon's from New Zealand." I say to Seth raising my eyebrows.

"No shit? Really that's wicked." Seth says his face lighting up, from the tense look he had on previously.

"Yeah man. Born and bred." Leon says with a grin. They talk a while about surfing spots in New Zealand and I chat to the other boys. After a while I'm just listening in when Carter taps my shoulder.

I turn and raise my eyebrows at him.

"You sure your not into him?" He says quietly nodding towards Seth.

"Yeah why do you say that?" I reply quietly.

"You asked him over here because you knew he was interested in surfing in New Zealand. Both of you have been giving each other looks this whole time and you can see it in the way you too look at each other." He lists off with a shrug.

"Well I don't. And if I did it wouldn't work anyway because his sister would never let me." I say with a small sigh.

"Mmm I've seen it myself. And she'll come around." Carter says with a joking roll of his eyes.

"Yeah. It's just not like that between us." I say with a shrug.

I make my way back out in to the surf after a good catchup with them before catching a good amount of waves. I meet up with Bea and we do a party wave.

Finally when it's too dark to see other surfers, we catch our last waves in. Seth and Luke not far behind us. The other boys too.

I carry my board up the beach, the sand attaching itself to my feet as I drag them up the beach. I place my board in the bag and slide it in to the car. I dry myself off and put my t-shirt off. The cool night air brushing my skin, my wet hair making the temperature drop practically 10 degrees.

Seth and Luke are chatting to the boys while Bea and I sit in the boot of the car, goosebumps all over, our bodies threatening to shiver.

"Seth, can you turn the car on and get the heating going. We're kind of freezing over here." Bea calls out. Seth's head snaps to us and he nods.

He climbs into the drivers seat and turns on the car, turning the heating up high, it's not warm yet because the engine is cold, but it's better than nothing. Seth then grabs something from the back seat of the car, coming around to boot he's holding a sweatshirt.

He offers it out to me. And shake my head.

"It's alright you'll need it." I say gesturing to only his t-shirt thrown over his wet swim shorts.

"Lace, you know I barely ever get cold. You're shivering." He says as my teeth let out a chatter.

"Picking favourites I see." Bea says with a sigh.

"It's ok Bea. You can have my sweatshirt." Luke calls out in a high pitched mocking voice. Bea stands and get's out of the boot and walks over to Luke.

"Hands up." Seth says preparing the sweatshirt in his hands, to slip over my head I believe. I give him a look and a small smile escapes my lips. He cracks a smile as well.

I put my hands up over my head and he slips it over my arms. He pulls it down and fixes it, his face turning into slight concentration.

"There you go." Seth says with a satisfied grin.

"Aren't you going to be good at dressing your kids." I say with a small chuckle, pulling up the hood and letting the sleeves fall over my hands, balling them up to warm up my frost hands.

"What can I say." Seth says with a grin. "Is it helping?" He asks raising his eyebrows cautiously.

"Yeah. It's still cold but I'll warm up soon enough." I say with a shrug.

Seth moves in front of me and grabs my ankles pulling me towards the edge of the boot, so my legs hang over the sides after he let's them go. He then wraps his arms around me his warmth instantly wrapping me up in a blanket of safety.

He rubs my back gently.

"Your so warm, how is that even possible." I ask resting my head against his shoulder.

"It's me and my masculinity." He says burying his face in my neck.

"Right right." I say sarcastically with a small smile.

"Do you want my warmth or not?" Seth asks moving away slightly and looking down at me.

"Yes." I say frowning up at him. He grins at me.

"Aww Lacey wants to hug me." He says with a grin.

"Don't flatter yourself. I want your warmth." I say with a roll of my eyes, I know that's not true. Heck I craved his hugs, his touch, his safety.

In a friendship way though.

Friends kiss and then realise maybe not. Right.

"Using me for my warmth I see how it is." Seth says shaking his head moving away so his torso isn't pressed against mine.

"No." I say frowning again. Seth grins and mutters something under his breath.

'god your cute when your mad' I think I heard. But definitely not. There was no way.

it was probably like, god I want to just go hang with the lads. He's just getting annoyed at having to look after me constantly.

I sigh and unhook my arms from around him. Moving my legs and climbing out of the car.

He looks at me confused.

"Your missing out on chatting with the lads." I say nodding towards the lads as I begin to walk to the group still chatting.

This was a familiar vibe.

"Hey it's the couple that aren't a couple but should be." Says Carter. Bea throws him a glare which he is oblivious to.

"We should probably head home. Mom wants us back for dinner." Seth says to Bea and I.

I nod and so does Bea.

"I'm gonna head home. I'll catch you fellas later, and I'll see you guys at school." Luke says to the group and then at Bea, Seth and I.

"Later guys. See you in the surf sometime again." I say waving at them before following Bea towards the car.

"Shotgun." I call out before I rush to the passengers seat.

"No fair." Bea says with a frown. I stick my tongue out at her and behind her Seth chuckles. I get in the passengers seat and Seth get's in the drivers, Bea in the back. As we make our way to the Nixon's for dinner.

We were a little bit late. It was now 8:56.

***

The dinner was alright, my dearest mother was still ignoring me, my brothers were chatting happily with everyone, minus mom, they were still holding a grudge about that. Molly and dad had a few laughs with Bradley and Trina. My family walked home not long after the late meal. I lay awake last night and decided to go to my spot for a while. I let it out, without Seth which I hadn't done in a while.

Now, I'm waiting at the kitchen table for Jacob to return back inside with my keys, he got my car back from the shop last night and had taken it out to pick up some milk.

Today is the gender bender. The girls were dressing up as guys, the guys were dressing up as girls, non-binary and trans chose to dress up either way they wished.

I was wearing some basketball shorts and a white shirt, I had on long white nike socks and a tie draped around my neck, I had a hat on backwards and a red solo cup. Frat boy style.

The boys always went full out for gender bender, it was hilarious. Gender bender was 100% the best theme.

I hear the door open and get up typing on my phone to Bea about her costume.

"Here Lacey." Jacob says dropping the keys into my outstretched hand.

"Thanks Jakey." I say giving him a small smile. I pick up my cheer bag from the doorway and wave goodbye, heading out to my car.

I drive to school quickly, a lot earlier today as well. Even though we started late gender bender is an extra fun day. I swing the car in to my parking lot and climb out of the car.

"Hey Lacey." Oscar, the guy Callie's in to calls out from a group of guys, all wearing an assortment of skirts, shorts, croptops, dresses. It was hilarious.

I walk up to them, exageratingly checking them out, doing my best impression of a guy as I make my way over to them.

"Is that a mirror in your pocket?" I ask one of the guys. "Because I can see myself in your pants." I finish before the guy has a chance to say anything.

The guys crack a smile.

"That was amazing." Oscar says chuckling.

"What can I say. Your guys pickup lines come in useful at some point. That point being gender bender." I say with a laugh.

"Hey Lacey can you help me with something?" Oscar asks me quietly while the other jump in to a conversation.

"Yeah for sure." I say with a nod.

"Great. I'm going to ask Callie to prom today I think. Do you think she will say yes?" He asks me nervously.

"Do you think she will say yes??? Of course she will dumbass." I say with a grin.

"Okay good. Here's my plan.." He says with a a relieved sigh before he explains his plan to me. It's very cute and something Callie will love.

"That sound's perfect." I say with a small smile.

"Good." Oscar says with a smile, running his hand through his hair nervously.

"Lacey!" I hear Bea call out and I turn to see her climbing out of Seth's car.

"Heya." I say hugging her. I notice Seth get out of the car and I let out a laugh. He's wearing a boob tube, part of his hair is tied up in a little tuft, he's got on some fitness shorts, he's wearing a few necklaces and he's got Bea's school bag.

"Damn girl. My friends call me Chad but you can call me tonight." I say in my most Lad voice. Seth catches my eye and grins, he giggles mockingly.

"Dude you look epic." Oscar says chuckling.

"Says yourself bitch!" Seth says in a girly tone. They flounce around and hug excitedly. I roll my eyes at them.

"Hey Bea did you see that absolute Babe I bagged the other day?" I say in my guy voice.

"Fuck yeah I did mate. Her ass tho." Bea says dapping up. Which earns a few chuckles.

We meet up with the rest of our friends and hang for a few hours before letting school drag out.

***

Cheer practice is uneventful, everyones just mucking about. I dread going home and being ignored by my mom again but I know I have to.

I pull open the front door dropping my cheer bag in it's normal hook by the door.

"I'm home." I call out.

"Hi honey." My mom's voice calls out. My stomach twists.

I walk into the kitchen.

"How was your day?" My mom asks pleasantly.

"Fine thanks." I say confused to my mom's mood shift from the past few days. She doesn't talk to me for days then I come home and it's fine?

"That's good." My mom says pouring two glasses of wine. I notice her tog strap peeking out from underneath her dressing gown.

"Where are the boys?" I ask her, not making a move to sit down.

"They all went for a surf. I thought we could have some girl time in the spa." My mom suggests.

"Why?" I ask her, shock has filled me.

"Because I think we should hang out. Have a gossip like we used to have. Tell me about the boy stuff. School. Everything." She says.

"Ok I guess. I'll go get my togs on." I say cautiously. I make my way upstairs, extremely confused and shocked at how quickly she turned around and wasn't mad anymore.

I know you probably think I'm stupid for acting like everything's fine again. But I really miss my mom. The real her not the bitch one.

I pull on a bikini and grab a towel making my way downstairs. The porch door is open so I make my way outside, closing it besides me.

My mom is sitting in the spa already. I drop my towel onto the table and climb in across from her.

"Here." My mom says handing me a glass of wine.

"Oh thank you." I say cautiously taking it. Sipping it gently.

Wine was weird. I had never really liked it. But I guess it was one of those better with age things, the human not just the wine.

"So dish. What's the goss, the tea." My mom says, I cringe slightly.

"Uhh. There isn't a lot at the moment. Bea and Luke are kind of getting together. They're going to prom together. Callie and Oscar are going to prom together. Seth and I are going." I explain.

"You and Seth?" My mom asks interested.

"As friends yeah." I say shutting down any thoughts she might be having.

"Right. How's school?" She asks me taking a sip or her wine.

"It's fine. Wrapping up for the year. We have a game on friday. Then there's talk of a graduation trip up north a little. And as you know. It's college week. We find out which colleges we get in to." I say realising how not in the know she truly was.

"Oh yeah I forgot that was this week. Any schools answered you?" My mom asks.

"Well no. I really hope I get in to navarro though. Monica is an incredible coach and I've heard that their mental health programme there is really good." I start but stop as soon as I see my mom's face contort.

"Something wrong?" I ask her. It's like I was waiting for an answer I knew would hurt.

"Well honey, I don't think you should just be interested in a school that has a good mental health programme." My mom says taking a sip of her wine.

"Why not?" I ask her, my blood beginning to boil.

"It's all in your head, you'll grow out of it. You don't need to be paying extra to speed up the growing process." My mom says with a shrug.

"Are you dense." I say dumbfounded at her ridiculousness. Every-time i'm shocked at how fucking naive she is.

"Beg your pardon young lady." My mom says her mouth agape. I roll my eyes and climb out of the spa. Grabbing my towel.

"Good chat." I say sarcastically as I wrap the towel around me and make my way up to my room.

I climb in to the shower and sit on the floor, leaning back against the wall, letting the water run over me.

I zoned out as the steaming water warmed my body. After I pull myself out of my daze i get up change quickly and climb in to bed. I twist open my sleeping pills and take four, which should keep me asleep until morning.

I roll over, waiting for the drugs to hit me, and take over. I think about everything, really think about it. Until my mind goes fuzzy. And I'm pulled in to a drug induced sleep.