My head never felt so heavy before. How long had I been sleeping? I opened my eyes quickly and glanced at the clock.

8 A.M. Huh. That was early for me. But I went to bed at 8 in the evening last night, so I did sleep for a total of twelve hours. Perhaps that was why I feel the ache settling in, I slept for way too long.

Today was Monday, which meant I have to get up quickly to go to campus. I wanted to complain—but at least my class was at 10. Sighing heavily, I let myself stood and went to the bathroom to wash away the telltale of sleep from my face.

I was welcomed by a quiet house the moment I stepped out of my bedroom. I paused for a little bit before walked down the stairs to the dining room.

My parents were probably not up yet. Well, not much difference even if they were up. Both of them had their own businesses to get to; we rarely talked to each other. I went into the kitchen to make myself a simple sandwich before slinging my bag on my shoulder.

My university was half an hour away by bus. Since I was quite early, I didn’t have to crowd around with the rushing office workers, so my journey was quite peaceful. I walked from the bus stop with ease and arrived in the empty classroom.

A girl entered the classroom not long after her. “Yo, Venelyn’s here! You come early today.”

“Yeah, I woke up early,” I replied. “Have you done today’s assignment?”

The girl scoffed. “You haven’t done it?” But she rummaged through her backpack.

“I was tired and stressed out yesterday, so I slept early.”

“Oh, gee, Venelyn’s stressed out? What a surprise,” she said dryly, though she still got something out and threw it.

I caught the notebook with my awesome reflex. “Thanks, Kee, you’re a dear.”

“Where did you go yesterday?” Kee asked as she sat down in front of me.

“Oh, don’t remind me,” I said, groaning. “The interview was a mess. I was too nervous to be coherent. Myself is too useless sometimes…”

“Don’t say that,” Kee laughed. “You are also pretty awesome. You can… Um…”

I glared at her.

“Hey, everyone had their own path to go through. This company isn’t yours, probably. Don’t worry too much.”

“I’m not really worried. Just depressed.” I look up to the plain ceiling and sighed heavily, as if all the burden in the world was on me. “It feels gloomy these days…”

“Is it? I don’t feel anything.” She looked around. “You’re probably too stressed out with all the assignments.”

I scowled, looking at the calculations in the notebook and doubted life. “Why did I choose accounting?”

“I have no idea,” Kee replied, not looking at me anymore. “Quick, read it. If the devil throws out a quiz today, you won’t be able to answer a thing.”

I sighed heavily and started to pore through the numbers. “I feel so tired.”

Kee didn’t reply to me anymore, and I looked to see that she already opened her laptop. I didn’t speak anymore.

The devil, as we called him, was a lecturer with bald head who liked to call upon students throughout the lecture. I wasn’t able to sleep and had to be ready to answer anytime, otherwise he could reduce my grade to ashes—he threatened the whole class that way back then.

Today, though, I felt extremely gloomy, like darkness shrouded around me. Maybe I was still affected by yesterday’s happenings. Well, not everything was bad, but… It was just annoying, like I was bitten by a mosquito. It shouldn’t feel this bad, though… It wasn’t my first failure.

After class, I was slumped on my desk, feeling absolutely drained of energy. The day barely started, but I was already like this. I really didn’t know what happened.

“You’re not going to the cafeteria?”

I waved my hand. “No, you go…”

“Are you not hungry?” Kee bowed to peek down at me. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Tired,” I mumbled. “Just bring me something back.”

“Okay, then,” Kee said, before leaving.

I just closed my eyes for a few seconds before I felt something encroaching. I abruptly sat up and looked around. Despite the slightly deserted class and a few classmates, I saw nothing.

I paused. There was actually nothing, so what was I feeling uneasy about? It couldn’t be the lack of sleep, since I had over ten hours’ worth of sleep last night. Was I still affected by yesterday’s occurrence?

I didn’t tell Kee everything about yesterday’s interview. When they asked what I see about the future…

I didn’t know. There was a fog in my mind, and I had no idea that I didn’t have any vision for the future. Suddenly I just felt tired. Frankly, the fact was that I was miserable and my life was going nowhere. I have no love life and I have no achievement. I didn’t even know if I have a future.

Perhaps my period was coming. That must be why I felt so soppy.

In any case, the feeling of unrest was still around. I glanced around the classroom and sighed. Well, after lunch, I needed to evacuate the place before the next class took place.

Thankfully, Kee didn’t take long and came back bearing sandwich for me. “Thank you,” I said to her. “Should we go to the next class?”

“Now?” Kee checked her phone, then nodded. “Well, let’s go.”

The strange feeling disappeared the moment I stepped out of the classroom. I walked faster, feeling more and more spooked by each step. What was it? Was the campus haunted or some sort?

I hope not, I thought, but then shook my head to get rid of the useless thought.

*

My Monday brightened when a classmate announced that my last class was cancelled.

I was the first to get out of the classroom. Outside, the sun looked rather dim, though when I checked it was still four o’clock. I frowned a bit. I really felt gloomy today that even the sun felt dim.

I went out of the campus quickly to the bus stop. When I stepped into the vehicle, I suddenly shuddered. No rhyme, no reason. It was instinctive, as if some ancient beast was staring at me from the depths.

I glanced around in vigilance, but I saw nothing but passengers. It was still early, before the rush hour, so there weren’t many people around. I was conflicted. I had planned to go to the city library to borrow some books, but I had been feeling uneasy all day… Perhaps it should be better to go home and rest.

Right?

I was going to just that when I remembered that the deadline was in two days. I had to get the books now, otherwise I would be crazy busy tomorrow. I cursed the professor that gave us this project. I supposed it was a blessing that my class was cancelled.

When the bus stopped before the city library, I finally went down. The feel of unease disappeared as I moved away. I felt more and more spooked, though, so I walked faster. What was wrong with me today? Had my life become a horror movie?

Well, at least it was exciting, I thought. Served me right for thinking that my life was too mundane.

The library was big, serving knowledge to the whole city. Meaning, if there were ghosts following me, there would be a lot of places to hide. I walked inside, a bit apprehensive, but I felt no feeling of unease. I relaxed.

The economic books and other similar sort of knowledge rested on the first floor, so it didn’t take me long before I successfully found the books I needed for my project. The topic was about money and poverty, which reminded me of my own situation. My family wasn’t poor, but it was my parents’ money, while I had nothing to my name… And I would turn 21 in a few months. They didn’t urge me, but I felt like moving out.

I was, after all, not their biological children.

I found out about it accidentally, when they argued about me one night. I was going to stay out the night in my friend’s house, but my friend had something to do suddenly, so I went home. They didn’t know I had entered the house while screaming in their bedroom.

“And the child’s parents haven’t contacted you since!” My mother exclaimed, on the top of her lungs.

My father was equally angry, apparently. “You were the one who said she was pitiful!”

“It doesn’t matter! Our own child, you don’t care, but this one you accept big heartedly…”

“Our child is dead, wake up!”

I felt cold all over and escaped outside.

In fact, I wasn’t close to my adopted parents. They were busy with their own big company, gathering money left and right. I grew up with a nanny since I was a child and alone when I reached teenage years. I was quite used to it, really.

It didn’t change the fact that I had no money now.

I tried saving money ever since I found out my reality, of course. I found a few random jobs here and there, but there was really nothing I wanted to do. I chose my major just following the flow, and… I shook my head. Focus, Venelyn. The assignment would not finish itself.

After a few hours of perusing through books and creating a possible outline, I decided to call it a day. As I walked to the entrance of the library, I passed by a shelf full of old book collection and paused. There was nothing unusual, visually. I had passed by this place a thousand times before and I never stopped.

But there was something weird about this area that I couldn’t explain.

I gazed in puzzlement, but upon discovering precisely nothing, I decided to leave. It was better to go home sooner. I craved my bed already.

However, something stopped me from moving away, as if my feet was planted. I started to panic as I felt similar uneasiness as I felt earlier. Worse, this time I was all alone, without any crowd around me. I could no longer fool myself that some weird person was staring at me; something inhumane was staring at me. It was an intangible wild beast…

Outside, I suddenly heard screaming. As if broken from a spell, I suddenly was able to move. Maybe that something was interested at the things outside…?

I ran to the entrance of the library, of which was now crowded by people, looking through the glass. “There’s a shooting,” someone whispered to their friend.

I looked through the glass door and found that they were right. I saw chaos outside as bullets rained from a teenage boy in the middle of the plaza. What was this, revenge to society? Was it my karma after complaining about my mundane life?

How was I supposed to go back?

The outside world was too muddled. A few bloody corpses fell down in the grand stairs to the library entrance, of which made me frown. I didn’t know why, I was never too scared of blood and gore, but this time… Why is this kind of thing is happening in front of a library? Shouldn’t teenagers take revenge in schools?

Before I could react any further, a bomb went off.

*

My ears were still ringing a few hours afterwards.

It took a while for the police and ambulance to arrive. It was evening when the bomb went off, where there were many people in a rush to go home. The plaza was crowded, which meant there were a lot of victims. If they didn’t die from the shootings, they died from the bomb.

I really didn’t expect to see so many deaths in front of me. Thankfully, I was outside the range of the bomb…

Not to mention from the bomb, because of the sluggish response from the public security department, a lot of people died from their wounds. Something was wrong with society, I cursed inwardly. Later they brought us to the hospital, but because there were too many victims, I had to wait for a while.

When I arrived home, it was night already. Kee and a few other classmates—who knew my plan to go to the library—contacted me with worry. I replied to them, saying I was fine. Undoubtedly, I felt mentally exhausted once I arrived home.

I turned on the TV in the empty house, filling the place with some kind of noise. The first news broadcast I found was talking about the incident in front of the city library. They were talking about some kind of cult terrorism, of how the police would handle it…

Disinterested, I turned the TV off and went to do my work. But after a few minutes, I felt so heavy and decided to just head off to the dream land. []