CH 4.1: Ugly Faeling

I remembered thinking that the nothingness was starting to feel a bit overdone. But brief moments of indeterminate length without sensory were just that, and that was what I was experiencing. Just as I started to go crazy from having no body or voice and only my thoughts, I had to wait for even longer. But after I did go a little crazy, remembering every theme song to every cartoon I watched as a kid, I finally found myself popping out into existence once more.

I was laying on the ground in a dirt field. Great roots filled the horizon, a giant tree of country sized proportions, and a local mountain made of mud and dirt, looking like a conical mud pie that dwarfed most buildings. And before I even had a chance to take these surroundings in, I was affronted by the infamous nerd-shit Blue Box.

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Welcome to Season 54! Here are the most relevant notes, for your convenience! All hail our loving admin overlords!

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What’s new Season 54:

No more GUI or Convenience Numbers! This means your stats are now invisible, and aren’t easily changed. Isn’t that swell! This should relieve a lot of the stress you min-maxers were feeling. Thank you Hacker Hal! Combat is no longer directly rewarded with Experience Points! And Experience Points are now hidden! No more farming those poor helpless dungeon denizens! Ability and Skill growth are now capped to your primary Path, and grow organically with your use! You can still open new Paths, but you’ll only ever have one primary. Our Random Number Gods have tired of awarding loot for non-accomplishments. From henceforth, no more loot drops. RNG asked us to cordially say: Fuck You All.

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The Officially sanctioned ‘Evil Powers’ of this Season:

The Devil’s (Wraith Faction) Broken Soul Exchange The Entertainment Cartel’s Punisher Pits (Live!) Paid Farming Achievement Unlocks The Shawny (Crystal Throne Faction) Slavers

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The Officially encouraged wars of this Season

The White Children vs Oceaners Beastkin (Wolf Lord) vs Village Green Shawnies (Crystal Throne) vs Dry Lands

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The blue boxes kept coming, a lot of information that I had no way of relating or contextualizing. It was good to know, maybe. But changes don’t mean much if you don’t know the initial state, and I had no clue what this place was, or why it was. Finally, a message came up that directly pertained to me.

Welcome to the Fairy Fey Faction!

“Her Royal Highness is awake?” A voice buzzed from somewhere nearby. I waved away the boxes, clearing my vision, and I jumped when I saw the speaker. Or who I assumed was the speaker. “Excellent. My duty is to convey you to Her Royal Majesty, Queen of the Fey...You may call me as you wish, but I respond most promptly to my name, Waz” He finished speaking. Again, assuming gender here.

Waz, the waspish butler, was a very large insect-like humanoid. He wore a black tunic, and had four arms and two legs. His face came with mandibles, he had bee wings, and a fairly large protrusion between his legs (not that kind of protrusion, but a stinger (not that kind of stinger you degenerates)).

In short, Waz was some kind of bee person.

“Might I supply answers to Her Royal Highness to fulfill their curiosities?” Waz offered as I stared at him. Awkwardly, I looked away, not wanting to be rude. But Waz was a strange looking person.

“Wha…” I started, before stopping. I should probably be diplomatic here. “The fuck are you my man?” I asked.

He let out a long suffering sigh. “Her Highness may consider me to be a variety of wasp-kin,” He said. “Now, I strongly recommend Her Highness to follow me, we have appointments to keep.”

“Talk about stranger danger,” I said, blowing him off.

There was a lot to take in. The first thing to hit me was the stink of dirt and trees and strange spices that reminded me of vanilla and cloves mixed with chilli powder. And then there was the dirt mountain that I mentioned earlier. It reached hundreds of yards into the air. That was way more interesting than taking orders from the weird bee.

There were paths of compressed dirt and rock leading up the side of the cone, and little beetle people carrying buckets up towards the top. I followed them up, ignoring Waz’s protestations. I figured there would be a sweet-ass view up top, and I kinda wanted to see what the beetle dudes were doing. And I wasn’t disappointed when I got up top, but there is gonna be a bit of unpacking here.

So first of all, the top of the mountain was a hole, a hollow cylinder that stretched straight into the ground, all the way down, to the base of the mountain, if not further. The beetle dudes were scaling down the hole, packing in terraces that lined the hole way down. And these terraces weren’t the kind used to grow rice. No, they were fortified, with loose stones, javelins, ropes, and bulwarks that would protect from anything trying to climb the pit. And at almost every terrace there was a claustrophobic tunnel going straight into the dirt wall, from which I saw beetle dudes crawling in and out of. And far down, almost impossible to see with the fortifications and terraces, way down at the bottom of the hole, there was a glimmering surface and what looked suspiciously like daylight...but coming from the ground, and not the sky, where daylight is normally supposed to come from.

“The way to the Lower Realms,” Waz supplied, having followed me up like a creeper.

“So Earth is through that thing?” I asked, hopeful that I could have a chance to get home. If all I needed to do was to go through there, then heck yeah! I was getting ready to jump, trusting my chances to the fall, to get away from the insect people.

“I fear not,” Waz said. “Below that portal is the Great Net, controlled by the Crystal Seat. And far below that one will find the Middle Realm.”

Middle Realm was a way of saying Earth right? But it sounded like I’d have to get through the Crystal Seat first...which I did not recognize from geography class.

“And what is the Net?” I asked. That was another way of saying the internet right? Maybe I could load Reddit or something, find out what happened back in Seattle, or order some plane tickets back home.

“A fallacious containment measure from those who foolishly set themselves against The Court...”

While he was explaining, I might have tuned him out. It was a ton of exposition, and boring. And besides, two of the beetle people were heading our way, having seen Waz, and broken away from the rest. The first one was smaller, the second one was bigger, but was also hiding behind the first. The first beetle person sounded male when he (I’m assuming here) spoke.

“High Steward,” the first beetle person started. “What brings us honor with your visit?” He rubbed four of his arms together, making a scraping clicking sound. “Perhaps to answer our request to investigate our missing persons?”

“No,” Waz said simply, before turning to me. “If Her Highness would follow me? We have dallied too much as is.”

The second beetle person cried out in a female sounding voice, which surprised me, since she (I’m assuming here) was bigger and meaner looking than the first.

“Please!” She said, “My Henry’s been missing for days...it’s not like him. We’ve looked everywhere…” There was a new smell coming from where she was standing. It smelled a bit like freshly-stepped on dog-poop, mixed with stale sugar cookies.

“Madame,” Waz said. “Please refrain from any further emotional outbursts in the presence of Her Highness.”

The first beetle gave me an appraising look, while the second pleaded to me. “Please! Talk reason to him. The Shawnies must have stolen him. Please look into this…” The smell coming from her got stronger, and I wondered if maybe I was smelling her distress. I knew that a lot of animals had scent-glands, so it wasn’t completely impossible.

She kept talking for a while, but I wasn’t about to get involved in any beetle-drama. I had my own shit to figure out.

“Sorry lady,” I said, before turning towards Waz, “Which way?” I asked, glad to leave the beetle people behind. Though when she cried after me, I did cringe a bit, but I wasn’t about to stop now.

“Wise choice Your Highness,” Waz said, leading the way down the hill. That wasn’t the first time he called me that, which was absolutely nuts, since that sounded like something you’d call royalty, and I sure as hell wasn’t that. But whatever, there were more views to see, like the mud huts and clay multi-story buildings stacked up against a giant tree, in the midst of its roots. The tree itself was spectacular. Bigger than a high-rise, big enough to house an entire city at the base of its roots. High enough that I couldn’t see all its canopy.

“The Heart Tree,” Waz said, following my gaze. “A truly impressive sight, and seat of Her Majesty and The Court.” He continued leading us towards the base of the tree.

As we approached the trunk of the Heart Tree, and entered a center avenue leading through the roots towards the tree, I noticed silk bundles lining the streets, stuck against the sides of buildings. As we got closer, I saw they were people, actual people-people, not the fake kind (insect-people). They were wrapped and trapped in webs that left nothing visible except their bruised faces. Waz brought us off a side street, and I saw a humanoid earwig approach one of the bundles, pinch around through the silk a bit, before coming away with a very human looking calf. The bundle resealed itself, and bound-and-wrapped dude wailed. I smelled the blood. The humanoid earwig began chewing on the leg as it passed us.

“Dude,” I said to it. “The fuck you doing?”

“Is you hungry?” The earwig person said, in a raspy, sultry voice, that I could have confused coming from any Instagram-Influencer.

Waz interjected. “Her Highness is not concerned with your larder, citizen. Be gone.”

The earwig person bowed again and left, smelling content, all while munching away on the calf. I thought I heard the bundle of person that had donated their leg beg for mercy. But what could I do? Waz led us up into one of the clay multi-story buildings immediately thereafter.

“Welcome to the Scribe,” Came a smooth and even voice, one that I couldn’t identify as either male or female. A ladybug person sat at a table that seemed to be made from branches tied together with strands of white silk. When the ladybug person saw Waz, they immediately stood to bow. “And a formal greetings. How may this one be of service.”

“Always a pleasure to see you,” Waz started, as he examined a portrait on the wall. It was well done, if a bit fantastical, and it was of the same Fairy from Race Selection, except she was sitting on a throne made of skulls. “And always excellent depictions of Her Majesty.”

“My thanks,” the ladybug person said. “This humble rendition was by my upstairs partner.”

“Hm.” Waz said, turning towards the ladybug person. “Unfortunately, Her Highness and I are in a hurry, and we require a Character Sheet.”

The ladybug person went to rummage through a crate beneath the table, and was down there for some time, before coming up with a single piece of thick paper. After she found the paper, she handed me a black orb that was about the size of a magic eight ball.

“If you will put your hands here,” The ladybug person directed me to hold the orb with both hands, while Waz hissed under his breath.

“It is Her Highness!” He said. “Do not take that familiar tone!” He scolded the ladybug person. The ladybug person guffawed and waved Waz away, before using a piece of bone as a quill and starting to write on the paper.

As I held the orb, it cooled down, and started to pinch my skin. I yelped and dropped it when I felt a jab come from it. I checked my hands and saw a drop of blood on each middle finger.

“Big baby,” the ladybug person said, while Waz made a strangled sound. The ladybug person continued to read something hidden with the orb while writing. “...And done,” they said, handing Waz the sheet, which he showed me.

The sheet was basic. A single piece of paper, with a few lines written on it. The paper itself was the size of a card.

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Race: Fey (Fairy)

Affinity: +3

Affinity Type: Arthroformation

Path: Walking Stick [Rank 1 (0%)]

Passive Skills:

When a walking stick is in hand, walk faster and with less fatigue. Arrive at your destination more often than not.

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“Oh that’s kinda neat,” I said. “Does it update when I do shit?” I asked, wondering specifically about the 0% part.

“Only if you bring it to a scribe,” The ladybug person laughed, while Waz buzzed again at the ‘nonproprietary familiarity.’

Waz raised his chitinous eyebrows at the Path and said, “Walking Stick?! What kind of path is--” He cut off as the ladybug person laughed even louder, and I frowned. Throwing shade at my path?

“My sincerest apologies for my outburst,” He said, bowing deeply, and leading us out of the place, without so much as a farewell to the ladybug scribe.

He muttered to himself as we passed a few buildings, one smelling of smoke, another of piss, before he found a hut that smelled like oiled wood. The building itself wasn’t anything to write home on, just a hut made from mud and sticks, without any visible markings outside. “Here we are,” Waz said, heading through the doorway without pausing. There wasn’t anyone inside the hut, just a few piles of staves, bows, and sticks. He rummaged through the sticks while I waited by the door. Eventually, he pulled out a cane that he deemed suitable.

“Not the best Path,” he said, “But this is a suitable cane for Her Highness.”

It was actually a pretty cool stick. It had a ball of opal as a pommel, a leather-wrapped grip along the shaft for the first two hands, and then was almost bladed, except made from a darkly stained wood, and the very tip was capped in silver. It almost reminded me of a wooden sword, sans a handguard. I tapped it experimentally on the ground. It felt good. The weight settled in my hands. I felt just a little bit safer.

“Very fitting,” Waz said, leaving the hut behind, and guiding us up the path, to the Heart Tree, where a road had been carved into the bark of the tree itself, spiralling upwards. “Her Highness has one more errand, prior to her audience.”