It ain't easy to say good-bye

Darlin' please, don't start to cry

~

Trigger warnings: language, mentions of self-harm, breakdown, trauma, feelings of guilt, feelings of worthlessness, more hurt and comfort

~

Shouta Aizawa had no idea how Hizashi had pulled all these stunts in the matter of a few hours. He had found an underground doctor that treated Y/N's injuries and he had managed to get them fake passports and organize their get-away. Now they just had to pack up some things and then get to the little cabin up in the mountains that Shouta and Hizashi had been using as a hideout.

Y/N was in the shower at the moment which would hopefully help her to warm up. Shouta wasn't really sure whether he should let her be in there on her own, but he also wanted to give her some privacy. He had hidden any razors and he was waiting outside the door, just in case she might fall with her broken leg. But she had been in there for a long time now and Shouta was getting worried.

The shower wasn't on anymore, that much he could hear. Hopefully she was okay. He sighed and looked back at Hizashi who was packing up some food for the two of them to eat on the way and once they were there. They probably wouldn't get to doing their grocery shopping for a while.

"You think she's okay, Zashi?" Shouta asked. Hizashi looked up at him with a smile and shrugged.

"I wouldn't exactly call it okay... Are you worried?" he wanted to know. Shouta sighed. Of course he was worried. While they were driving back to his apartment Y/N had woken up, sweating and shaking, obviously scared. It happened a few times and it had been difficult to calm her down again. Y/N was definitely not okay, he just hoped he could somehow help her get better.

"Of course I'm worried. She's been in there for a while, but the shower's been off for a while, too. I don't know... I hope she's alright." Shouta replied, glancing at the door again. Hizashi focussed back on the food.

"Why don't you check up on her?" he suggested.

"I don't know, I figured she might want some privacy... I guess I should check." Shouta muttered. He had only thought of the privacy aspect and not the fact that she maybe didn't want to be alone. Maybe that was it. He sighed and knocked at the bathroom door. There was no answer.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" he asked her. No answer again. Shouta sighed. This felt so weird to him, but he was getting really worried. What if she had passed out or something. She had gotten a lot of antibiotics and other medication from the doctor and things seemed to be difficult for her with the broken leg.

"I'm coming in, okay?" Shouta told her, before carefully opening the door, just so he wouldn't scare her. The room was warm and humid. So she had been showering, that was good. Shouta looked around the room and saw her sitting on a stool, a towel wrapped around her body, face buried in her hands and leaning against the wall with her back.

"Y/N! Is everything okay?" he wanted to know and quickly slipped inside, closing the door behind him. She looked up at him, tears running down her cheeks, her broken leg only gently resting on the floor. Shouta rushed to her side, kneeling beside her and wiping the tears away from her eyes.

"I'm just... I... Everything hurts so much... I can barely do anything myself... why would you take care of me like that?" she replied. Shouta studied her face. It had bruises on it and there was a cut on her cheek. There were burn marks all the way down her neck and her arms. Her fingertips were still looking red and sore and the nails had to grow back. It would probably take months.

"I already told you. I love you. It's okay, if you need help, just let me know. Everyone needs help sometimes." Shouta said to her, wiping a few more tears away. She just nodded sadly. She looked a little lost, as if she didn't know what was going to happen or what she was supposed to do. As if she was waiting for someone to tell her what was going to happen and what to do.

"Are you done with your shower?" Shouta wanted to know. Y/N nodded, softly taking his hand into her hands and just holding it for a while, looking down at their intertwined fingers. Finally, there was a small smile on her lips and she looked up at him, one of her hands carefully touching his face and running through his hair, as if she was scared he'd disappear if she touched his skin.

"I'm done... what... what are we doing next? I need to get dressed, don't I?" Y/N asked quietly. Shouta smiled widely at her, hoping that she'd be able to at least smile a little once in a while. He loved her smile so much, he'd hate it if he wouldn't be able to see it anymore. All because he failed to save her sooner.

"Yeah. I'll help you, don't worry." Shouta replied quickly and got up. Y/N looked at him nervously.

"But, Shou... I don't have any clothes." she muttered. Shouta gave her a confused look, before chuckling a little. After everything she'd been through that's what she was worried about? Shouta grabbed a few clothes he had put on the bathroom shelf earlier. He didn't have a lot of clothes, but out of everything he had, those few things were probably going to fit Y/N.

"It's okay, you can wear some of mine. Here, I thought these might fit you..." he said, handing her a big pullover. Y/N took it with a small smile and held it up to her face, letting out a content sigh.

"It's soft. And it smells like you." she replied, before pulling it over her head and over the towel that was still wrapped around her. Shouta smiled. He didn't really get why it made her this happy that the pullover smelled like him, but he was glad that she was happy. Y/N carefully stood up, wincing as she put some weight on her broken leg. Shouta rushed to her side, propping her up, so she wouldn't fall.

Y/N looked at him and smiled a little before pulling the towel away from her body. The pullover was long on her, reaching to about the middle of her thighs. Y/N looked up at him, a little embarrassed. Shouta couldn't help but look at her thighs. The brand mark was just about visible from under the pullover.

"Don't... don't look at it. I can't stand seeing it." Y/N muttered and sat back down with a sigh. She seemed exhausted from that. Shouta ran his hand through her wet hair, absentmindedly starting to braid it.

"It's okay. You need to heal first. If it's too painful to look at it, we can get it covered up. But that's something we can think about later, okay?" Shouta said, weaving Y/N's hair into a soft braid and kissing the top of her head. Y/N leaned back, resting her head against his stomach.

"What are we doing now? Once I manage to get dressed?" she wanted to know. Shouta tied her braid up with a hair tie once he was done and put his arm around her shoulders, softly holding her.

"We're going to leave for a while. We'll go to a small town, up in the mountains, just to lay low for a while. You'll be able to heal up there." Shouta replied, handing Y/N a pair of his boxers and some loose fitting pants. Y/N slipped on the boxers, as far as she could while sitting down and then slid the pants over her legs. She looked up at Shouta who helped her to stand up again.

"How long are we staying there?" she wanted to know. Shouta put her arm around his neck and helped her stand up. She pulled up the boxers and the pants and closed the pants quickly, before sitting down again. Shouta knelt down in front of her, to put some socks and shoes on her feet. Her cast wasn't helping with everything, but they'd manage with it somehow.

"We'll stay as long as we need to. There is no rush to get back. If you prefer to stay longer than we need to, we can." Shouta told her. Y/N nodded and stood up when he was done. She was leaning on him, as he carefully helped her get out of the bathroom. Y/N whimpered a little, both her legs in pain. Shouta couldn't wait to get to the little cabin, just so he could cuddle up to Y/N and fall asleep next to her.

It still seemed so surreal to him that after all of this, he was finally able to be with her. Able to fall asleep next to her and wake up next to her again. Hold her, be there for her, make sure she was okay. Comfort her when she woke up from a nightmare. Protect her. Keep her safe. Take care of her.

"Okay. I... I guess we shouldn't really waste much more time, right? Will... will we get caught? For... you know..." she said quietly, sounding insecure and scared again. Shouta shook his head.

"We'll be fine, Y/N. This isn't the first time I go into hiding. And Hizashi is good at organizing the get-away. He's organized fake IDs and passports for us, just in case we need them for anything at all. Whatever happens, I promise you'll be fine." Shouta told her, his hand on the door handle.

"Okay. Let's go then. I'm exhausted, I just want to get there and sleep." Y/N replied. Shouta chuckled a little.

"Me too, babygirl." he told her before opening the door and helping her out of the bathroom. Hizashi had finished packing things up and was rushing around the place to make sure everything was ready for them to leave, especially to leave the house behind for a longer time.

"Oh hey, you two! Sorry, I'm just packing up. The car will be downstairs in about five minutes, so you might want to grab your stuff and go." Hizashi told them. Shouta nodded and went to the side to get two bags that were standing there. Hizashi smiled at Y/N and handed her a jacket, so she could stay warm.

"Sorry, Y/N, I wish we could chat for a bit, but you'll have to go. I'll come and visit some day. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, okay?" Hizashi said to her. Y/N was putting on the jacket and nodded.

"I will. Thank you." she replied. Shouta huffed. Y/N had never seen Hizashi before, and he was being annoying already... But after all, it was mostly thanks to him that she was alive and here now.

"Aw no, I'm getting emotional now. Can I give you a hug, Y/N?" Hizashi asked, holding out his arms. Shouta looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He couldn't believe Hizashi was doing this right now.

"Zashi..." he muttered, but to his surprise Y/N just laughed and held out her arms, so Hizashi could hug her. Shouta was surprised that she seemed rather comfortable with Hizashi already, but then his blond friend was a people person. Everyone seemed to take a liking to him quickly.

"Thank you for your help, Mr. Yamada." Y/N replied politely after Hizashi had let go of her. He waved her off.

"No, no, no. Hizashi is fine. Just promise me you'll take care of Shou Shou for me, because he's hopeless when it comes to taking care of himself. All he can do is take care of other people." Hizashi said. Shouta rolled his eyes, but he knew that Hizashi was right. He found it easy to take care of other people, but he failed miserably when it came to taking care of himself.

"Okay, I'll do what I can with my leg." Y/N answered and chuckled a little, before looking back at Shouta, who had just been thinking about how beautiful she was. He blushed a little when he was caught staring and cleared his throat. He definitely had to thank Hizashi for everything he had done for him the last few days. Hizashi could be annoying, but he was definitely a good friend.

"Thank you, Hizashi. It means a lot, you know... everything you've done for me... well, for us, really. I'll see you soon." Shouta told him. Hizashi nodded and pulled him into a tight hug as well.

"Okay, now you should really get going, I'm sure the car is already there and waiting for you. Take care and let me know when you get there safe, alright?" Hizashi said to Shouta. He nodded and handed Y/N the two crutches the doctor had left for her, so she could get outside without too much help.

Shouta was following her, the two bags in his hands, making sure she was okay and wasn't struggling too much. She seemed to be doing well, even though it looked like she was in pain at times. She seemed to be dealing well with everything. And Hizashi was right, the car was already waiting for them.

Shouta quickly walked ahead and opened one of the doors, waiting for Y/N, so he could help her to get inside. He put the bags in the boot and glanced back at his house one last time. He'd miss the place, but Shouta knew it wouldn't take long to get used to the cabin again, even though he had usually only been there on his own. But it shouldn't be much different with another person. Especially not when that other person was Y/N. He just hoped she'd be alright with it.

With a sigh he opened his door and got into the backseat beside Y/N. There was no need to talk to the driver. He didn't know him and it was better that way. It was easier when they didn't talk. Would lead to less trouble. He pulled the door shut and put on his seatbelt, before looking over at Y/N.

She looked drowsy and exhausted. She did have a long day after all. Shouta was fascinated how she still had that understanding look in her eyes, the same warmth that had drawn him to her in the first place. Shouta had no idea if he had ever been in love with someone, but if he had, then Y/N was the only woman he had ever been in love with. And he was sure that there was no way he could ever stop loving her. It would change over time, sure. It would change drastically after everything she'd been through. But Shouta knew he would still love her.

"I'm so tired, Shou..." Y/N mumbled and leaned her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. Shouta smiled and kissed her forehead. His heart felt so full when he looked at her tired and exhausted form. She had been through weeks of torture, but to him she still looked like the most beautiful thing in the entire world.

"Come on, put your head in my lap. I got you. You should really rest, we'll be on the road for a few hours, before we get there. Go and sleep." Shouta said. Y/N smiled at him and inched a little closer to him, putting her head down in his lap and closing her eyes again. She seemed comfortable for the first time since Shouta had seen her again, especially when she let out a small, happy sigh.

"Thank you, Shou." she mumbled, her voice already sounding heavy with sleep. Shouta watched her chest gently rise and fall underneath the pullover. He put one hand down on her shoulder and stroked her hair gently with the other one. He was getting tired, too. Hopefully it wouldn't be long until they'd get to their little hideout. He couldn't wait to get some sleep in a proper bed.

"It's fine, Y/N. Go to sleep." Shouta told her again. She nodded softly.

"Shou?"

"What is it?"

"I love you."

Shouta felt a pleasant heat rising up in his chest when he heard her say that. It felt good to know that she still loved him, even though he had failed her so badly. He couldn't have lived with himself if she didn't love him anymore because of that. Shouta leaned back and closed his eyes as well.

"I love you, too. So much." he replied.

"And thank you..."

"Thank you? For what?" Shouta wanted to know.

"For saving me, of course!" she replied with a drowsy little chuckle. Shouta shook his head with closed eyes.

"I didn't do much to save you. I was way too late. I've let you down terribly and it was my fault that they took you in the first place. I... I'm sorry, I should have done something much sooner... I feel terrible about taking so long to find you, Y/N..." he muttered, until he was interrupted.

"Ssh. Don't. Don't say that. I would have been sold with or without you. Shou, you gave me hope. You made it all so much bearable. And then... and then you came to save me. No one ever cared enough for me to do that. Stop blaming yourself, Shou, please... I'm glad I met you. I'm glad you came to save me. So thank you." she replied, readjusting her head in his thigh.

"Y/N... it was still my fault... I can't... I don't know how I'll ever not feel guilty." he said. Y/N chuckled.

"Let's just sleep over it for a night. Maybe things will look different tomorrow. I just know I'm glad you came to save me. And I'm glad that it's finally over." she said, her words sounding a little slurred towards the end. Shouta opened his eyes and looked down at her. She was fast asleep. He smiled and bent down a little, pressing a small kiss to her temple and taking in her scent.

"I love you more than anything, Y/N."