You were my life

But life is far away from fair

Was I stupid to love you?

Was I reckless to help?

~

Trigger warnings: language, hurt and comfort, mentions of violence, abuse, rape, murder, trauma, blood

~

Y/N wasn't sure what was happening. She wasn't sure whether she was dead or not. She didn't feel more pain than usual, but then she was always in pain, so maybe that was just the way her life would be from now on. Or rather her death. Maybe that was what death was like. Maybe death was just being in as much pain as you were in at the moment you died for the rest of eternity.

At least it couldn't get worse. Y/N was hugging her knees to her chest. It was cold and she could feel herself shivering. She wasn't sure what was happening around her. There was loud noise and then it was quiet for a long time, before the noise started again. She slowly rocked back and forth on the ground. She wasn't sure anymore whether she was dead or alive.

It was quiet after a while and all she heard were footsteps. Y/N didn't want to open her eyes. If she was bleeding out, she didn't want to see it. She just wanted to fall asleep without knowing what was happening. She just wished she wasn't this cold, but there was nothing she could do right now.

There was a voice, someone was talking, but Y/N couldn't understand what they were saying. She didn't know what was going on, all she wanted was for everything to be over. There was more talking, another gunshot, much clearer this time. Y/N was starting to believe that maybe she wasn't dead... maybe she had somehow survived... but why were there gunshots?

And then she heard footsteps again. They were coming closer to her. Y/N kept her eyes shut, crying quietly, still shaking. She didn't want to open her eyes, because she was scared that it was him again. Chisaki. She didn't want to see him anymore, she didn't want him talking to her anymore...

"Y/N..."

There was a voice calling out for her. A familiar voice. Y/N couldn't really place it at first. It had been a long time since she had heard that voice and her memory had gotten weird and patchy during the last few days. Had it been days or only hours? Y/N had no idea. Time seemed to pass weirdly.

But then it came back to her. Shouta. That was Shouta's voice. What was he doing here? Why was she hearing his voice? Why was he here? Was he... was he dead too? Or even worse... was he one of them? Had he been one of them all this time and Y/N just didn't notice?

She opened her eyes and saw him smiling softly at her. Why was he smiling? What was he doing here? And then her eyes fell onto his hand on her arm and she started panicking. A part of her knew that Shouta wasn't her enemy, that he wasn't going to hurt her, but the part that was currently in control just saw someone holding onto her arm when her body just wanted to get away.

She scrambled backwards, freeing her arm from his grip and shook her head quickly, her eyes widening. Her legs were scraping along the concrete floor and the dull pain returned to her fingertips. It was like life was slowly returning to her. Her broken leg hurt so much she almost couldn't feel it anymore. Her entire body felt sore, but her survival instinct had kicked in again.

"No... no, no, no, don't touch me... please, please, no..." she whimpered, trying to get away from him. Shouta looked hurt for a second, but he quickly smiled at her again and stayed where he was. Y/N was breathing heavily, watching him closely to see whether he would move towards her again.

But he didn't. He was kneeling on the ground, looking at her, a pleading look in his eyes. Y/N wasn't sure what to do. Her body told her to get away and hide as quickly as possible, while everything else just told her to let herself be hugged. She wanted to be held and hugged, but she was so scared of being touched.

"Y/N... it's okay... they're dead... Please, can I hold you?" he asked her. Y/N really wanted to throw herself at him, but she automatically shook her head and just kept staring at him wide-eyed. Shouta nodded and looked around the room, before pointing towards a corner and getting up.

"I'm just going over there to get the blanket. You're... you're shivering, Y/N. You must be cold. Is that okay?" he asked her. Y/N slowly nodded. Yes, she was cold. She was shivering from the cold. She watched him closely as he walked past her and over to the mattress and got the blanket from there, before going back to her slowly. Y/N didn't really know what he was planning to do now, but he inched closer and closer to her. She wasn't sure whether she should try and get away... not that she could get far.

"Can I put the blanket around you? If it's too much just let me know, okay?" Shouta told her. Y/N nodded.

"O-okay." she finally managed to say. Shouta smiled with relief and then carefully opened up the blanket, wrapping it around Y/N, making sure she was as warm as possible. He sat down cross-legged next to her and Y/N was glad he didn't try and make a move towards her, because despite how much she wanted to feel close to him right now, she didn't want to go into yet another panic.

Y/N finally looked around the room and actually saw what was going on. There were five bodies just lying on the ground. Some of them had a pool of blood around them, others not so much. What had happened here? She looked down on herself. She was naked and bruised, but... she hadn't been shot. She hadn't been shot? Then those shots she had heard... they were... they were what killed all of them. It wasn't her that had been shot. She was... she was okay.

She looked back at Shouta who was watching her closely. He had blood on his hands and all over his arms. He was patiently waiting for her to say something or react in any way. Y/N wondered how much time they had before someone was going to call the police. Would they take Shouta away from her and leave her alone? She didn't want that. That was the last thing she wanted.

"Shou...? Is that r-really you?" she asked quietly. Her voice was barely more than a whisper and her throat felt dry and sore from crying so much earlier. Shouta smiled a little more and nodded.

"Of course. Of course it's me. Y/N, if you... if you want to leave, we can go. I can get you away from here." he replied. Y/N nodded and then held out her arms tentatively. Maybe it would be okay... maybe it would be okay, if he held her. Shouta looked down at her arms and carefully took her hands, looking at her to make sure she was okay with it. Y/N felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

"C-Can you h-hold me, p-please?" she whimpered. She wanted to move closer to him, but every part of her body was in pain and she felt like she wasn't able to move anymore. Shouta nodded and quickly pulled her closer to him. It was a little painful, but Y/N ignored that. There was no way Shouta could avoid hurting her when hugging her. Her entire body hurt, after all.

"I've been so worried about you... what did they do to you? Oh God, Y/N, this is all my fault..." he whispered, as he gently ran his fingers through her matted hair. Y/N felt gross. She was dirty and wet and cold, but Shouta was still holding her, as if she was the same person he knew from the strip club. But she wasn't the same person. She'd never be that same person again.

"It's not... It's not your fault... I missed you... I... I thought I was g-going to... d-die..." Y/N replied. She didn't even know where to start. There were so many things Y/N wanted to tell him, but at the same time she didn't even know how to say any of it out loud. It was too terrible to say.

"It's okay... You're not going to die... I'm here now... I'll take care of you now... I'll make sure you're safe..." Shouta replied. Y/N nodded, even though she couldn't believe it 100%. Could anyone really make her feel safe? Was she even capable of feeling safe ever again? She doubted it. But she could try. She could try to get better for Shouta... no, for herself. So she could maybe get a fresh start.

"Are you... t-taking me... h-home with you?" Y/N wanted to know. Shouta nodded and kissed her forehead, before softly rocking her back and forth in his arms. Y/N liked the rocking motion, it felt calming to her. Somehow the rhythmic movement made her feel more in control of what was going on, as if she was slowly finding a connection back into her own body.

"Yes, for now. We won't be able to stay there long, but we'll both go to a nice small town in the mountains. It's all arranged, Y/N, so you don't need to worry about anything. We'll get you home and we'll have a doctor see you and take care of you. And then we're going to make our way into the mountains and lay low for a little while. But I'll be there with you the entire time, okay?" he told her. Y/N didn't understand half of what he said, but she nodded anyway.

She would get to stay with him and he would take care of her. It had all been planned. That was what mattered to Y/N. That's all she wanted. A warm bed, something to eat and to drink, a hot bath and someone that would take care of her injuries. And Shouta to hold her and comfort her. That's all she wanted. Anything else was just a nice extra. There was just one question...

"How... h-how are we going t-to get to y-your place? M-My leg's b-broken... I-I don't think I c-can walk very f-far..." Y/N sobbed. She was still useless, wasn't she? She couldn't do anything on her own. She couldn't even get up on her own right now. Shouta rubbed her back soothingly.

"We don't need to walk. My friend is here, we'll go outside to meet him and he's going to drive us back to the house. Don't worry about it, we can trust him. He helped me to find you." Shouta said to her. Y/N didn't exactly like the idea of sitting naked with just a blanket to cover her in the back of a stranger's car, but she knew there wasn't another way around it. And she was tired... so, so tired...

"Okay. L-let's go then... I d-don't want t-to stay h-here any l-longer." she replied and tried to move, but a searing pain shot into her leg and the rest of her body. She cried out in pain - there was no way she could move on her own at this moment. She looked up at Shouta, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself. Why was she so goddamn useless all the fucking time?

"It's okay, Y/N. I'll carry you. You'll have to help me find a position that's least painful for you, though... which of your legs is broken?" he wanted to know. Y/N had to think for a second. She couldn't think of a time when she hadn't been in constant pain and she also couldn't imagine any position that wouldn't be painful. Her arms hurt from being tied together and from the cigarettes that were being put out on her skin. Her leg was broken. Her fingers hurt from the exposed nail bed. There was still a brand mark on her thigh that hurt and was blistering. There were cuts all over her body, too. And she was cold and stiff and starved in general.

"I... I'm not sure, w-what would work..." she muttered. Shouta nodded and let his eyes wander over her body. Y/N felt a little embarrassed by that. She was used to being ogled and looked at by men, but that was when she was still in a somewhat normal condition. Right now, she felt ashamed of all the scars and bruises that were scattered over her broken body.

"Don't worry. Just let me know what's bearable, okay?" Shouta said and wrapped the blanket tighter around her. He wrapped one arm around her back, holding onto her tightly and put the other one underneath her legs. His arm around her back hurt a little, mostly because there were so many bruises and cuts, but it was relatively endurable compared to the pain in her legs. Y/N knew that everything else would just hurt more though, so she bit her lip and kept quiet.

Shouta slowly lifted her up into his arms, holding her close to his chest. Y/N felt a little scared being held so tightly, but she tried to keep reminding herself that it was just Shouta. Just Shouta who was helping her. There was no reason to be scared... but her body thought differently. Her heartbeat started skyrocketing again and her breath was going faster again. She buried her head in Shouta's chest.

"It's okay, it's okay. It's just me. Does it hurt? Do you want me to put you down for a bit?" he asked. Y/N shook her head.

"N-no... just get me out of here... quickly... p-please..." she muttered. She closed her eyes. She really didn't want to look at the dead bodies on the floor. She thought she might appreciate seeing her tormentors dead on the ground, but... it wasn't nearly as satisfying as she thought. It just made her feel exhausted. She didn't want to see anymore or hear anymore. She couldn't care whether they were alive or dead, she just wanted to be rid of them.

"I will. Just keep your eyes closed. You'll be fine. You're safe with me now." Shouta replied. Y/N nodded and kept her eyes closed as she was carried out of the building. She felt the cold air hit her and even though it was freezing, she was glad to feel the slight breeze on her skin again.

Y/N didn't really know how long Shouta was carrying her, but she soon heard a car door opening and she was put down again. She sighed with relief. Her leg was hurting badly, but she could finally rest. She opened her eyes and looked into a pair of unfamiliar green eyes. She gasped and moved back a little. Who was this? She quickly looked for Shouta, who was getting in the car after her.

"Don't worry, it's all good. That's my friend, he won't hurt you. I'm right here, Y/N." he said to her, before lifting her head up a little and resting it on his lap, before closing the door. Y/N looked back at Shouta's friend. He gave her a friendly smile, as he ran his hand through his long, blond hair.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm Hizashi. I'll drop you and Shouta off at his house, so he can take care of your wounds while I organize a few things. There's no need to be scared." he said. Y/N nodded slowly. It wasn't like there was much that she could do right now, anyway.

"Are you okay like that? Or would something else be more comfortable? Do you want something to drink? I should have some water here..." Shouta said to her. Y/N was surprisingly comfortable like that. As long as she didn't need to move her leg much, she would be fine.

"W-water would be nice... I'm tired..." she mumbled. It was so nice and warm in the car, she felt drowsy and tired. Y/N had no idea when she had last slept properly and when she had last been warm. Shouta leaned over her head, looking for something, before propping her head up a little.

"Here, I've got some water for you. Careful, it's probably a little cold." he said and held the bottle to her mouth. Y/N leaned forward a little and gulped down the liquid. It was really cold, just like he had said, but she was so thirsty, she didn't care. She tapped against the bottom of the bottle when she had had enough and Shouta quickly took the bottle away from her, closing it and putting it back down. He turned back to face Y/N, stroking her hair gently and smiling at her sadly.

"Let me know if you want more, okay? Is there anything else? Anything I can do for you right now? I'd offer you some food, but we don't have anything in the car. I'll get you something to eat as soon as we're back home, alright?" he told her. Y/N nodded and closed her eyes. She was so tired.

"It's okay. I'll survive... " she muttered.

"Okay. You said you had a broken leg, right? And... and your nails... anything else that the doctor should have a look at as soon as she gets to the house?" Shouta wanted to know. Y/N thought for a while.

"There is a big... a big burn scar on my thigh... and... and I got injected with something... a lot... and... well... everything hurts. T-there are cuts... e-everywhere..." she replied. Her head couldn't focus on talking anymore. And she didn't want to think about everything anymore. Not right now. She wanted some sleep. Why couldn't he just let her sleep? She was so tired.

"Okay. We'll let her know, so she's prepared. Go to sleep, Y/N. I'm right here. I'll be right here when you wake up, alright?" he told her and kissed her forehead. Y/N nodded sleepily and nuzzled into Shouta's chest, before she drifted off to sleep.