One month later...

Driving four wooden posts of fencing in the blaring sun each day became my new obsession. There were about thirty wooden posts on our West side fencing that needed replacing, so I took it upon myself to go ahead and replace the whole side, consisting of around 200 posts. I figured if I could tackle four a day, I could get it done in about two months which would keep me busy in the slow autumn season.

The problem was, to replace each post with just the steel T post driver I had grabbed as my tool of choice, it was taking me around three hours each post. It was hard labour, and I reveled in it, more than that, I welcomed it. But it left less time to work on anything else. Though, I suppose I didn't mind too much. Things were already quieting down at the ranch as we approached September and my dad insisted on keeping most of the ranch hands through October.

Driving the T post driver into the ground again, I wiped the sweat from my brow and looked up to see my father riding my way.

He halted his horse right next to me and stayed mounted on top, not saying a word to me as I continued to drive it into the ground. If he was waiting for me to say something, he would keep on waiting. I wasn't saying shit and wasn't in the mood for his or anyone else's for that matter.

"I reckon there's about thirty posts on this side that need replacing. Is that what we had counted awhile back?" He finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Yup."

"And you replaced that last one for what reason? It wasn't one of the thirty Colt."

"Neither were the other eight out of the twelve I have done so far. I'm replacing the whole West side."

He adjusted himself in the saddle, gripping the reins and leaning forward as he stared down at me.

"Can I ask why you're tearing out perfectly good wooden posts?"

I stopped what I was doing and took my baseball cap off my head, wiping the sweat off my forehead with my arm before placing it backwards on my head and glancing up at my dad.

"Because why am I going to do part of a fence just to have to keep replacing parts of it in the upcoming years? Might as well make it all brand new."

"You know, I ain't never heard of someone replacing about 200 damn posts when only thirty of them need replacing."

I shrugged my shoulder as I went back to work.

"Well, I guess you have now."

He narrowed his eyes on me, looking down the pasture momentarily, before looking back at me.

"If you're going to be a stubborn ass, at least use the air powered one you know damn well will cut the time in half." He turned his horse in the direction he came and peered back down at me. "I'm not asking Colt." With a kick, he trotted away.

"Too bad I'm not listening." I mumbled as I tuned out his words and went back to the only thing that made sense anymore--the ranch and its' work.

****

The sun had just set as I trudged up the porch, my legs feeling like lead. My hands were calloused, and my back and feet were aching. I was ready for a hot shower and an inviting bed. I stepped through the foyer surprised to see the small lamp on next to the recliner where my mom sat.

"You missed dinner."

Sighing, I sat on the edge of the couch, grabbing the heel of my boot and tugged it off, followed by the next.

"Yeah, sorry ma. I got caught up. Didn't realize the time."

"Now Colt, you know when possible, we have dinner as a family every night together. The work can wait."

"It was one dinner mom. I'm not even hungry."

"Its been more than one dinner and you know it. In fact, I can't remember the last time we all sat down together."

And I couldn't forget. Because Grace was there.

I placed my hands on my knees and pushed myself up off the couch.

"I'm sorry mom. I'll make dinner tomorrow, promise." I went to walk away but a firm, "Sit back down," rooted me in place.

My mom was giving me that look that made me feel like I was an eight-year-old boy again. I sighed and sat back down, not in the mood for whatever was coming.

"Colt, we need to talk about what has been going on with you. Ever since Grace," I pinned her with a look that said to not go there, but she went on anyway, "you have been working extra hard. Which is saying something. Now, I know you. And I know you use work as an escape. You've been doing it since--"

"Enough mom. I don't need to deal with this right now. I'm dirty and exhausted."

"Well when exactly are you going to deal with it, because it has been six years now Colt, and your father and I are worried."

"There's nothing to be worried about mom. I'm doing just fine. Ranch work is hard work. I would think you and dad would appreciate my efforts to keep this place going."

She sighed as she leaned forward, reaching out to touch my knee.

"We do Colt, but you know what you are doing is more than that. I don't know why you insist on putting the ranch above your well being."

"Because I put it above her!" I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up, the motion knocking her hand off of me, and ran a hand through my hair.

She sat back, startled. "What?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hold back the guilt-ridden pain. "I chose to stay on the ranch while Catherine left for college. She wanted me to come with her, but I was too set in my ways. The only fucking reason we fought was because of the distance and me working so much. If I slow down now, then what was the point of it all?" I threw my arms up, dropping them simultaneously. "What was the point of missing out on so many memories with her? Of losing her!?" Prodding my chest, I fought back tears. "I can't fucking stop working mom. Because I chose this life above her. And I need to make it mean something."

My mom stood up, wrapping her arms around me, and waited patiently for me to return the embrace. I dropped my face in her neck and allowed her to hold me. She pulled away after several moments and looked up at me with glistening eyes.

"Colt, listen to me and listen good. That night was not your fault."

"But, if--"

"No. It was not your fault. She loved you Colt and she knew how much you loved her. Now, I know no matter how much I tell you that, you won't believe me, because you haven't yet. But until you learn to forgive yourself, you will never be able to move on."

"I don't deserve to move on."

"Not until you believe that you do. But I know you want to."

Shaking my head, I pulled back. "And what makes you think that?"

"Because I lied. I know exactly when the last time we all sat down for dinner was. Quit running Colt. Unless it's after her." She leaned up, giving me a kiss on my cheek and patted my arm, leaving me alone to face my overwhelming thoughts.

Colt's back! And he's not doing so good 😪 Now we know why Mark's constant need to put work first ticked Colt off even more.

As always, thanks so much for your sweet support!💕