《1984》Chpt. 12
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I can remember things so clearly now. I haven't anything to do, since everything's done for me, so I've lots of free time to just...think.
~I can remember as a small child, walking in the fields at night with my tutor, Edmund, and stomping on all of the little sprouts in the spring. As soon as Edmund would catch me, he'd quickly scoop me up in his arms and carry me off back to the mansion. I would kick and scream, and try to bit him, but never lost his temper, not even once.
I remember at times, feeling so rampant in his arms when he was reading to me or trying to put me to sleep. I would be seemingly relaxed in his arms, but secretly plotting my next move. Then, I would reach out and yank Edmund's long, dark brown braid, causing him to gasp. Edmund would always just sigh and twist my ear for a few seconds before letting go and either putting me to sleep or continuing with whatever it was that he was doing.
He always seemed to polite and patient. His pale, blue eyes were always so gentle. You could look into them, and see an old man trapped inside a young man's body. However, there was one time I saw a very different side of Edmund.~
-I was small, maybe 9? I was sent downstairs by my parents to tell the cook what we wanted for breakfast the next day. I went to the servant's level and walked over to their eating table, where the maids told me the cook was. I found the cook there, sitting with Edmund and having drinks.
I had never seen Edmund so unwound and relaxed. Usually, his posture was perfect, his limbs carefully and gracefully placed, and had a kind, quiet look about him. Now, he looked so different. His black uniform, usually form fitting on him, was now partially loosened. He was slouched at the table, talking in a relaxed, yet not gentle voice. If i hadn't been looking at him, I wouldn't have recognized him.
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They hadn't noticed me yet, so I stood there listening.
"That damned child from hell!!" said Edmund, "He's just like his ancestor!"
He took a sip of his drink.
"You know, I've been around a while, and only them two shmucks act alike! I've lost so much hair from them, I could fleece a coat!!" he said, grabbing and loosely shaking his wavy, unbraided hair with a panicked face.
He downed the rest of the cup, then started back up, the cook pouring him another drink.
"You know, I'm really scared for the family. He's such a terror now, imagine what he'll be like when he gets older, bigger stronger! At the very least, he could ruin the family's reputation!"
I couldn't make myself move. I knew it's what everyone thought, it just felt so- weird hearing someone say it. I didn't want to cry, I wasn't angry, just surprised.
Edmund suddenly looked past the cook and noticed me. His eyes grew wide and he straightened himself up seemingly on instinct. He bowed his head in submission and stood up.
"I am terribly sorry you've witnessed me in such a state, sir. ..Is there anything you needed from me?" he said, back to his usual, sweet tone.-
~I'd never seen anything like it, nor did I ever see it again. He never broke character again to my knowledge. I never told anyone about it either. It was never appropriate in conversation, nor did I see my parents a lot anyway. Ah, I don't think they would've done anything anyway. They would've just said I was doing it for attention. Why? Why would I need to when my tutor is my parent? He's all I'll ever need.~
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