《Waifu Wars》20 - The Second Battle
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The third day of the Tournament Arc was finally upon us. We had two fights scheduled for the day—one in the morning and one in the evening. It was going to be a busy day.
To top it off, I was designated to go pick up snacks for today. Our match wouldn’t start for another half an hour, so we had time to get something to eat.
“Maybe we should have someone get some snacks!” Shin-san had casually suggested. Then the debate started. Who would be the one to get the snacks?
Tanaka-san was the one who suggested a game to decide. We would show Shonen protagonists’ silhouettes and guess who they were, a game clearly in his favor. Surprisingly though, the others went along with it.
Needless to say, I lost. Tanaka-san quickly got the lead in the competition. Shin-san and Osana-chan surprised me, though. I thought I would at least hold my own against them.
I let out a deep breath as I started my walk back to the pod. A cola for Tanaka-san, a fruit cup for Shin-san, a corn dog for Osana-chan, and so much more, they had bombarded me with their orders. It was to the point where I held two full bags in each hand as I struggled my way back to our spot.
In this state, I walked with shaky legs when a voice called out to me.
“Look out!” someone shouted. It was pointless, though. Seconds later, no milliseconds later, they crashed into me. I went tumbling to the floor. Everything went down with me. The snacks crashed into the floor. The drinks spilled all over it. I could only look at the mess with a helpless expression painted on my face.
“Oh no! I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” the voice behind me said.
I turned around to see a crying waifu. Large tears were rolling down her cheeks as she sobbed.
Her head was covered with unkempt, messy hair.
“It’s so tragic! All you were doing was walking there, and I ran into you! I’m sorry!” she cried.
“Um, don’t worry about it. It was an accident.” I wasn’t sure what to say. I might have tried to chew her out under normal circumstances for not watching where she was going. With her sobbing like this, however, I didn’t have any heart to yell at her. I looked away awkwardly and rubbed the back of my head.
“Don’t get cocky, you bastard! I’m not sorry at all!” The waifu suddenly said.
Taken aback, I took a step back and turned to look at the waifu. Her tears had stopped. It looked like she had never been crying in the first place. Her arms were crossed, and she avoided looking directly at me.
This waifu had long, wavy brown hair. She wore a simple school uniform and had a bass strapped to her back. She made a sneer at me. I think my face made several expressions as I tried to comprehend the mood change.
“Well, I probably should go…” I slowly said. It would just be best to leave at this point.
“Wait! Don’t go! I need to do something to make up for running into you!” Her demeanor suddenly changed as she reached out and grabbed my hand. It wasn’t just her demeanor, though. Her expression changed so much that it was as if she had a new face altogether. Her wavy hair suddenly became tied into twintails, and I think she was now carrying drums on her back instead of a bass.
That last one had to be my imagination. I shook it off as I gently pulled out my hand from her unnecessarily firm grip.
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“Thanks, but it’s alright.”
“No! It’s not alright!” she exclaimed while back in tears.
“Just let me help you out, jerk.” Now she was angry again.
I backed away as she flipped her mood a couple more times. She finally took a deep breath and smiled at me. Her hair appeared to now be straight. Her face had been emotional before, but now she seemed remarkably calm. On her back, it looked like she was carrying a guitar.
Either this waifu was a little off, or I just needed to get some sleep.
“I am sorry for knocking you over. If it’s not too much trouble, I can give you the snack I got for myself in exchange.” I just now noticed, but this waifu held a bag with what I presumed were snacks in it.
“Oh, I couldn’t take your food. I’ll just go back to the shop.”
“Well, the match is about to start, and I think anyone selling stuff went to watch. You probably won’t be able to get anything else without going all the way out of the shopping area. I don’t mind at all!”
She didn’t give me an option to refuse. Instead, she shoved the bag into my hands. I grabbed it hastily to avoid letting it fall on the floor as well.
“Thanks, I guess.”
We stared at each other for a moment in awkward silence. As I stared at her more closely, I got the feeling I had seen her before.
“I’m sorry for being so reckless. You can head back; I’ll get a staff member to come to clean this mess,” she said with a polite bow. For some reason, that is what reminded me.
“You were singing a song yesterday!” I shouted a little louder than I had meant to.
She blushed and turned away.
“Yes, I am hoping to be an idol in the future… Thank you for watching my show…” she said with a shyness that seemed even more strange with the mood changes before.
“So, how was my song!” she suddenly yelled with wavy hair.
“I took a step back in surprise.”
“Oh, it was good.”
“Really! That’s awesome!” Now her hair was back in twintails.
“Well, I probably should be going. I have hungry friends and all.” I said while taking a step away.
“No problem! It was great to meet you… uh…” She seemed to want to address me by name, but I did not want to give my name to such a strange waifu.
“Main.” I quickly replied.
“Main. What a lovely name.” Her hair was straight again.
“It sounds a little weird to me!” Then her hair was back to being wavy.
“Ah! Main! I’m sorry for running into you!” Now it was messy again, and tears rolled down her face.
“Anyway, I’m Muse!” Her hair was back in twintails. She gave her name with a cheerful smile.
“Well, see you,” I said before quickly walking away. That was a strange exchange, to be sure.
I took a look into the bag she had forced into my hands while I ran. It contained four onigiri in plastic. Not quite what everyone wanted, but considering everything else was spilled, I guess it would be okay.
I got back into the pod as a loud buzzer went off.
“Juyo-san! Get over here; the match is about to start!”
I had not realized I had taken so long to get the snacks. I set the bag of onigiri down and ran over to look out the window. Sure enough, the match had begun. Raphine was leading the first round today. Her opponent was a large waifu. She had thick, square arms and legs and wore a hat that looked like a square safety hat.
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The opponents began their fight. Raphine quickly summoned her golden bow and shot several arrows at the square waifu. Before the arrows could hit, a large chunk of the arena suddenly rose between the two waifus. It kept going until it resembled a short building. The arrows exploded into an array of elements as they hit the wall.
Raphine was unfazed. She broke off in a sprint to run around the large structure that had appeared between her and her opponent.
“Raphine, wait!” Tanaka-san yelled.
“Don’t worry, Otaku; I won’t lose to a waifu like this!”
Raphine came around the raised building, only to be blocked by another structure. The battlefield continued to morph in this manner until it resembled the main street of a city. Raphine did all she could to avoid getting knocked away by the shifting landscape.
The square waifu finally finished the landscape, and everything settled into place. Raphine found herself on top of one of the ‘rooftops’ looking down at her opponent. She drew an arrow and fired it. A streak of fire exploded as the square waifu sunk in the ground.
Raphine began to look hastily around at the arena. Her opponent came flying out of the ground from behind her. The square waifu had a band of stoned arranged around her hand like brass knuckles. Raphine was barely able to leap out of the way before the stone hand came smashing into the top of the building around her.
As Raphine flew through the air, she fired a series of arrows at her opponent. The raccoon waifu landed gracefully onto the ground as the square waifu sunk into the stone rooftop where Raphine had just been.
A fist came from the side of the ‘buildings’ and flew towards Raphine. Or it might be more accurate to say the side of the building turned into a giant fist that was being punched at Raphine. Raphine leaped into the air as the fist flew under her. She landed and began to run down the stony arm to the building.
Her opponent emerged from the arm behind Raphine and tried to strike her in the back. Raphine, however, was ready for the attack and ducked below the strike. Raphine immediately turned her duck into a handstand and grabbed her opponent with her legs. With a simple motion, the square waifu was thrust into the air above Raphine.
Raphine drew her bow and aimed it at her opponent. The square waifu was helplessly flailing around as she tried to get her bearing in the air. The raccoon waifu shot her arrows.
Before the arrows could land, the square waifu was suddenly teleported out. In her place, a short waifu with black hair and a white scarf appeared. She wore what looked like a giant can of tuna on her back. The faces of the tuna were oriented so that they were facing the waifu’s side.
“Not good!” Tanaka-san said.
The can on the waifu’s back seemed to open up on each side, and two mechanical devices wrapped around her arms from within the can. From there, a cable shot out from one arm, and the waifu was pulled rapidly to one of the buildings. All this happened in the instant before the arrows should have hit, and instead, they just crashed and exploded into the barrier at the top of the arena.
The rest happened equally as fast. The scarf waifu used her cables to propel around the building that had been raised in the arena.
Raphine wasn’t able to react. She tried to point her drawn-back arrow at her new opponent, but the waifu swung around the set-up buildings with ease and grace. Raphine began to look all over the arena frantically. Before she realized it, the cable waifu was behind her with a long blade.
Raphine just managed to duck as the waifu swung a sword. The blade passed slightly above Raphine’s ears as the cable waifu sped past.
Raphine was teleported out of the arena, and in her place, Junkers appeared. I looked around the room of the pod. Shin-san had called for the switch, with Tanaka-san nodding in agreement.
Junkers immediately took to the sky and started to rain bullets down on her opponent. The cable waifu seemed to be unfazed as she continued to swing all around the arena. In a matter of seconds, the cable waifu was behind Junkers and ready to strike.
Junkers flew across the arena to get away from her opponent. She spun around in the air and fired another barrage at her opponent.
“She has speed, but will that be enough?” I asked.
“Don’t worry; Junkers can win this for sure!” Shin-san happily responded.
Junkers flew around the outside of the arena. Then she made a pass over the constructed buildings and released two bombs. They exploded on the stone town underneath.
That should have done it, but the cable waifu came flying up in the sky at Junkers instead. I guess that she used the explosion to thrust herself at Junkers. The plane waifu was unable to respond as her opponent smashed a sword into her side. If Junkers had been an average person, she would have been severely cut. Since she was a waifu, the blow probably wouldn’t even leave a mark. Instead, she was thrown across the arena.
Junkers slammed into the invisible barrier. A ripple effect appeared in the air around her as she bounced off and crashed into the ground. She tried to push herself off the ground but ended up falling flat. She was out cold.
The crowd cheered as Junkers was teleported out of the arena. I turned to the group. Tanaka-san was biting his lower lip while Shin-san was rubbing his hands through his hair. Osana-chan looked back and forth between the two before settling on looking my way.
“I’ll send out Trash-chan next,” I said. I wasn’t sure if that was the best plan, but we were limited to who we could send next anyway.
Trash-chan appeared on the field. To my surprise, they did not teleport the cable waifu out of the battle. Junker’s bomb had damaged the prebuilt structures, but there was still enough intact. The cable waifu latched onto these buildings and propelled herself back into the air. Trash-chan closely watched the waifu as she swung around.
Then, the cable waifu tried to make an attack; she came flying from one of the buildings at Trash-chan with her sword ready to strike. Trash-chan gracefully leaned back and let the blade harmlessly pass over her as the waifu sped past.
The waifu didn’t give up. She continued to swing around for a moment before attempting to strike Trash-chan again. The trash-tier waifu dodged it again. Everyone was quiet as this exchange went on several more times.
“Trash-chan,” I finally said, “do you have a plan?”
“Of course, Main-kun,” I heard her voice come through the earpiece, “I will take her down with the next strike.
“Perhaps the cable waifu heard her claim. Instead of coming in for another strike, she stopped and landed on a damaged block. They stared at each other for a moment.
The cable waifu shot two more cables, except this time, they were not pointed at a building. They were directed at Trash-chan.
Without flinching, Trash-chan spun and let the cables zip past her body. Before the wires could hit anything, she grabbed onto them and gave them a strong pull. Her opponent was now pulled into Trash-chan’s direction as well. Although, it seemed like the cable waifu had wanted such an event to occur.
She was not thrown off balance or unprepared. Instead, she was poised to strike the trash-tier waifu.
Trash-chan was similarly ready to face her opponent. In each hand, a Trash-Whip appeared. She snapped the whips forward, and they wrapped around her opponent’s arms. With a tug, Trash-chan pulled herself into the air and flew over the cable waifu.
The cable waifu went crashing into the ground. She was unprepared to hit it, which made her stumble on the landing. Meanwhile, Trash-chan came flying in from overhead. She delivered a kick to her opponent. The cable waifu was down and out.
We all let out a sigh of relief. We had won one round in this match, but we only had Estouls left in reserve at this point.
The cable waifu was teleported out, and in her place, a large waifu was teleported in. She might as well have been a tank. She had a giant figure with a wide and muscular build. In one hand, she held a sizeable two-handed ax, and in the other hand, she held a round shield. Her face had a broad smile as she glared down at Trash-chan.
The large opponent smashed the ax into the ground. It was meant to hit Trash-chan, but she leaped out of the way before contact was made. The ground cracked under the force of the blow, and the arena shook.
Before Trash-chan was able to get far enough away, her opponent swung the ax again. This time Trash-chan leaped above it and let it pass under her feet. Her opponent was ready for such a move and smashed her shield into the trash tier waifu.
Trash-chan went flying across the field and crashed into one of the makeshift structures set up at the beginning. The building crumbled as Trash-chan fell to the ground. She pushed herself to her feet, but she was shaky after that blow.
It was an obvious choice to make a switch. Estouls appeared on the field in the weakened Trash-chan’s place. He quickly took to the sky on his griffin.
The tank of a waifu stared up at Estouls. She whipped her shield in the air. The griffin suddenly struggled to stay up as a large gust of wind shook all around Estouls.
Estouls leaped off the griffin and began to fall toward the waifu with his lance pointed her way. She blocked the blow with her shield, and the whole arena seemed to shake. Estouls pushed himself off the shield back into the air and was caught by his griffin.
They flew higher and began to circle the waifu from the sky. She tried to hit them with another gust of wind, but they avoided the attacks as they circled.
Finally, the giant waifu leaped up in the air. She had her ax back, ready to strike Estouls. The griffin disappeared from under him, and the big ax flew over his head. At that moment, he grabbed the waifu’s arm and pulled himself up in the air over her. With a steady strike, he delivered a blow to her, and the two began to plummet.
Estouls landed gracefully on his feet while his opponent crashed into the ground. The match was over, and the crowd cheered.
We all gave a sigh of relief at the finale of the match. It was as exhausting to watch as I am sure it was to fight in it. For now, though, we won. I could relax a little.
I found myself grabbing one of the onigiri I had gotten from the waifu Muse earlier. I sat down on the couch and took a bite. It wasn’t rice.
My face scrunched up as I looked at what I had just eaten. It had looked like an onigiri, but upon closer inspection, it was not. Someone had made a jelly-filled doughnut look like a rice ball. What sick person would do that? Was that intentional? Did Muse order these on purpose? I sighed as I examined the other onigiri; sure enough, they were all doughnuts. Was this some prank?
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