...every time she met him there surged up in her heart that same feeling of quickened life that had come upon her that day in the railway carriage when she saw him for the first time. – Line

from Anna Karenina, read by Felicity in Jase’s cabin

I think romantic love is the most powerful of all the vices because it most closely resembles real love. For both romantic and real love, people surpass their own abilities to serve the beloved. For both, people try to better themselves. For both, they deny themselves. But for one, the service is all for oneself. For the other, the self is not the point. – Felicity’s Journal, April 4

March 29, After midnight

Felicity did not panic this time as she shook off the shroud of slumber and became aware of the presence sitting behind her in the bed. The echoes of an incubus reverberated through her momentarily, and she melted subconsciously into the warmth of his body, brushing her lips across the hand across her mouth. For several seconds, she did not register reality, but when she did, she nearly lurched out of his arms. Unmoving, his grip held her in place, as if he had anticipated her reaction. Thankfully the darkness concealed the burn in her cheeks.

“Felicity,” he breathed, any reaction to her proximity well masked if present.

Felicity did not reply immediately, waiting until she could control her breath. “What is it?” she finally whispered.

“Someone is here. Not in the house, outside.” He leaned down slowly onto one arm to look in her eyes. “I need you to come with me.”

Inaudibly, he scooted backwards off the bed, holding Felicity closely in his arms as he pulled her with him. Whatever fear gripped her held a tenuous grip compared to the iron vice of his body heat. Probably still half asleep, Felicity couldn't keep her priorities straight.

Keeping his arm around her waist, Jase led Felicity silently out of her bedroom and into the hallway. He led her to the small coat closet which mirrored the laundry closet.

“You want me to hide in the closet?” she asked incredulously, nervously eyeing the door. The possibility finally shook her from her drugged infatuation with Jase and back to the glaring starkness of reality.

“Not exactly. Stay back a minute.”

Opening the door, Jase reached above the high shelf over the hanging rack. Without seeing exactly what he had done, Felicity gradually became aware of a crack of murky light that appeared between the side of the closet and the back. All at once, the back of the closet disappeared, to be replaced by a narrow descending stairwell. Felicity shivered.

“Come on,” he commanded.

The flight of steps was, thankfully, very short. Four steps straight down, then an acute left-hand turn, followed by four more steps down. The confining staircase opened abruptly into a low, sparsely furnished room. A wooden chair sat next to a small side-table, and a narrow cot lined one wall. From somewhere overhead, light crept murkily into the meager dwelling adding to its unearthly sense. It reminded her of a hidden cellar in a horror movie.

“Safe room,” Jase explained. “Don't turn on the light. It will give away your location.”

Jase's eyes took on an angry appearance, but he spoke with more than usual softness. He raised his hand to cup her face. “Please don't do anything. Don't try to solve this yourself.” He sighed, exasperated. “I told you I would take care of you.” His thumb brushed gently down her cheek, and her eyes closed at the sensation. Then he turned abruptly and retreated up the stairs, his expression frightening her almost as much as the gloomy accommodations.

What had she done? What had he found out? If someone had seen her trekking through the woods, what else had she revealed? Felicity tried not to walk down the paths of the thought, instead turning her attention to the room around her. The decrepit chair looked as if it would buckle under her weight, so she sidled to the bed and perched herself, cross-legged, on it, her back against the wall. The room felt cold, and she pulled the thin wool blanket off the bed to wrap it around her shoulders. At least the blanket smelled clean and freshly washed. Perhaps Jase had freshened the room after her arrival in case he needed to hide her even more deeply than his cabin in the woods. She didn’t know if the idea made her feel safer or more anxious.

Though she strained against the stillness, no noise made its way down to her from above.

The silence began to weigh on her, and her mind wandered into nervous thoughts. If something happened to Jase, what would she do? Honestly, she thought she would still most likely manage an escape from her circumstances. Her personal peril didn't worry her quite as much as she would have expected. Instead, she found herself actually concerned for Jase's safety. Her trip to the Henrys’ seemed incredibly foolhardy. What if something she had done got Jase injured? Or even killed? Her stomach knotted with the errant images that her mind stirred, images of Jase with a broken limb or beaten and battered. She found herself so convinced that her actions had brought him danger that she jumped at every creak of the walls against the wind, hearing in it the beginning of a gunshot.

Before long, she couldn't stand the tension, and she stood to her feet to pace the little room. Forcing her mind away from what she couldn't see or hear outside, she turned to what she could control. If something happened to Jase, could she get out of the basement? If Jase had locked her in, she would need a lot of resourcefulness to escape without him. She tried the door, but could not open it. Scouring the walls with her eyes, Felicity searched for the source of the dim light that offered the room’s only scant illumination. It could not be artificial. The moon, perhaps? The sun had not yet lightened the horizon, though her eyes could perceive more than when she first awoke. Despite the gloominess, Felicity easily found the source of the glow. Four evenly-spaced windows dotted the ceiling, their dusky glimmer seeping in unexpectedly green. Felicity could not tell if the glass was green or if the moss and grass above obscured the clarity of the moon's rays.

Surprised, Felicity noticed that the ceiling surrounding the lights had a strange texture. She grabbed the chair and tested it, gingerly standing on it until she it supported her entire weight. It held steady. Dragging it directly below one of the windows, she stood carefully, stretching as high as she could to see if she could reach the ceiling. Her hands easily touched the surface, and she began purposefully probing it with her fingertips. A gentle smattering of earth tumbled onto her face. Shaking her head to clear her eyes, Felicity peered carefully back up at the window.

She thought the entire window sat framed into the soil, but she could not be sure. And even if it were, she felt no certainty that she could work around the window to open an escape. Surely the pane needed some structural support sturdier than the dirt. She needed a light.

Stepping down from the chair, she scanned the room again. From the little table against the wall, she notice what looked like a cord protruding out the back. As she got close, she saw that it was plugged into the wall. She tested the wood on the underside of the table, searching for the cord’s source. Bending down, she glanced under the table and could see that the cord disappeared into a little paneled compartment under the table. She poked and prodded and pushed, and a small drawer finally popped open. Inside she found a phone, a small electronic tablet, and a wound up ethernet cord. Jase seemed ready to survive down here a while. Felicity would have bet that, if she spent enough time in the room, she would find some stockpile of supplies. If her brother had not suffered from the same tendencies – he insisted hackers had to prepare because they knew just how bad it could get – she might have decided that Jase was some kind of crazed survivalist. She rubbed her face to brush away the thought then pulled the phone out of the drawer and stepped back to the chair.

The dim light of the phone revealed the soil that surrounded the window, and Felicity began digging cautiously with her index finger to reveal the edge of the pane. Though she dug through three inches of dirt, she encountered no firm structure. Finally, she encountered a thin line of metal, likely a frame. She wasn’t as strong as she once had been, and she decided she would have to drag the table under the skylight, stack the chair on top, and do her best to balance to pull herself out.

Her fear of being trapped just muted the questions her mind tried to use to slow her down as she carefully scaled the structure. When the vice grip of arms yanked her from the chair, the shock tore her breath from her lungs almost as much as the force of the fall. Though she still felt arms tight around her, the speed of her descent felt like uncontrolled plummeting toward the ground, and for a moment, she wasn't sure if anyone would to catch her. Then a powerful grip snatched her from the air, preventing an actual fall to the floor. Though grateful, the force also restricted her desired freedom to spin and face her assailant. A weak scream escaped her lips as the arms grasped her against an iron chest.

“Were you trying to get out?” Jase's voice demanded huskily. The anger that he had masked before issued clearly in his tone now.

She couldn't speak. Although she felt a modicum of relief when she realized who held her, she couldn't swallow the terror that had overcome her when he had grabbed her. She stood, panting heavily for several minutes, not fighting to extricate herself.

Finally, Felicity squirmed in Jase's arms, struggling to turn herself toward him. He relaxed his arms just enough to allow her to revolve in his grasp.

“Oh, Jase,” Felicity moaned, burying her face into his shirt. “I'm so glad it's you.” Fighting off a sob, Felicity remained there until her breath calmed and her heart slowed.

As her own unease quieted, she became aware that Jase's breathing had sped. His hand caressed gently down her hair, and he moved his lips down to rest lightly beside her temple. When he spoke again, some stronger emotion subdued his anger.

“What were you doing?” He did not relax his grip.

She couldn't look at him – he held her too tightly – so she turned her face to the side so he could understand her.

“I wanted to find a way out. In case you didn't come back.

His anxiety leaked through his tone as exasperation, “I told you not to do anything!”

“I wasn't, really. I was just planning. I wouldn't have done anything for a long time.”

He pushed her a few inches from him so he could look her in the face. He gave her a skeptical look, ironically brushing debris from one of her cheeks before placing a hand on either side of her face and pinning her eyes to his.

“Your planning would have gotten you killed!”

“What?”

Jase sighed again pointing to the window and releasing her face.

“The man saw the light you held up to the window. He would eventually have found a way down to you if I hadn't seen him in time.”

Felicity furrowed her brow, concern melting her usual calm. “Where is he? Was it the same man from the hotel?”

“I took care of him,” he stated matter-of-factly. Felicity shivered. “He was definitely ProtoComm; one of Bill's favorite operatives – merciless. I knew him.”

Jase knew him. Past tense. Felicity shuttered again. Someone had died because of her. And Jase had killed him. Though she had intellectually accepted Jase's help in whatever form, she had never considered that it would require killing.

As if he had read her thoughts, his tone softened. “I'm sorry, Felicity. You're not used to this world.” He lifted her chin until their eyes met. Your world, she accused. Though she sensed his concern, she had to force herself not to glare. “This guy was going to kill you this time, Felicity, not kidnap you,” Jase urged insistently. “I made sure before I killed him. He tried to kill me to get to you. If I had left him alive, you and I would both be dead.”

Despite herself, Felicity peered at Jase with a new respect, for the sheer physical ability of a man who could not just stop a trained assailant, but overpower him and even kill him. She bit her lip. What chance would she have against him when time came for her to leave him? What chance would she have against Brendon without him if she did?

“I need to know what you've done,” he took her face in his hands again so she couldn't escape his gaze.

“What do you mean?” she asked innocently.

“Something led that man to this place. I've had this house for over a year, and never once has anyone happened onto it. You're here for four days, and suddenly I have an intruder. What did you do? Did you contact someone?”

Felicity fumbled for some excuse, some reasoning that she could feed Jase in order to explain the man's presence. Nothing came. She wasn't quite ready to abandon her plan that did not include Jase. She had no guarantee that he actually would try to secure her freedom, and his character, while seeming noble, could not yet be trusted. She could, however, think of no convincing evasion that would appease him. She settled for a half-truth. “I contacted Nick,” she hedged in a small voice.

“You...” Felicity watched him control his anger. “How?”

“Um,” she debated whether or not to tell him about her hikes. “I called him,” she lied.

“With this phone?” he finally released her face and wrestled the device from her clenched fingers.

Felicity shook her head furiously. “The one you gave me in Nanton,” she hedged. “It’s upstairs in my room.”

A look of understanding flashed across his face, then fell into deep consternation. Felicity didn't see the danger until it was too late.

“I need to see the phone.”

Breathing deeply, Felicity turned and headed up the stairs. Jase followed behind, and Felicity’s stomach practiced a few flips. She had no idea where the phone was – probably buried somewhere under a seat in the car. Cornered, she turned back to him. She had lied to him. For a good reason, she had told herself, but the idea of convincing him seemed unlikely.

When they reached the top of the steps, she turned to face him, stopping him with a hand to the chest when his eyes stood level with hers.

“I lied,” she admitted, her insides churning. She guessed that now she would find out just how much of her belief in Jase’s goodness was based on wishful thinking.

Rather than react, Jase closed his eyes. He placed his hands over hers on his chest and breathed deeply for several seconds. “I understand,” he finally crooned, thoroughly calm if a little sad. “I just need you to tell me what you really did.”

His patience melted her resolve, and she bit her lip. “I emailed him.”

“How?” he inquired coolly.

She really didn't want to explain to him about her hikes knowing that they, over every other concern, would upset him most. Still, his composure gave her a little more confidence. She needed to protect the nature of her communication, but she hated to lie as blatantly as she would need to if she were to protect the nature of her exchange with Nick. Impressed or not with Jase’s placid response, Felicity could not hand him all the cards. She settled for a partial revelation.

“I found a house - it belongs to a nice elderly couple - and they let me use their computer,” she explained, avoiding his eyes nervously. “I made sure no one could follow my trail, though,” she insisted more brightly, meeting his gaze.

Jase controlled himself. “Found a house…” he wondered cynically. “Maybe that would have worked,” he sounded exasperated, “if the couple hadn't been Bill's parents. Theirs is the only house you could have reached in less than a day of hiking. They don't know anything about his business, but I happen to know that he monitors their internet activity. You didn't leave a physical trail – just a virtual one.”

Felicity chewed her lip. Yes, the cabin belonged to Bill Henry’s parents. And so did Jase’s cabin. Even though Felicity had intellectually withheld her trust from Jase, she found that the idea of confronting him about it distressed her, and not for the reason it should. She ought to fear for her safety, to worry about upsetting an unscrupulous man who was obviously in league with Bill Henry. Instead, though, Felicity found herself not wanting to break the emotional connections she had made with him, to threaten such a fragile bond. She shouldn’t want to preserve those, but they preserved her in a way her thoughts and reason could not.

“What did you tell Nick?” Jase continued, and Felicity grasped at the direction for her topic.

Now the lies needed to stick. “I just told him that I'm okay. I said I would contact him when I had a better idea what I was doing, but that I was safe for now. “I started to think you had lied to me, that you had no intention of contacting him!” At least she felt certain that, monitored or not, no one could decrypt Nick’s security to read the messages. She risked a surreptitious glance at Jase, hoping her accusation would distract him from her equivocation. “I told you he would panic if he didn't hear from me. I mean, he was desperate. Briel told him not to go to the police, and maybe she told Bill. Maybe that is how the man found us.”

Without answering, Jase stared pensively at the wall over Felicity’s head, one hand still cupping the side of her face. He stroked her skin absentmindedly with his thumb while he thought, and she licked her lips, unwilling to move away from the heat that trailed down her cheek.

“I’m…I’m trying not to lie to you, Felicity,” he began with low supplication. His obvious struggle weighed his eyes to the ground, and he dropped his hands to his side. Felicity couldn’t quite suppress her guilt – she actually understood why he didn’t try to explain everything to her. Of course, she also understood that the fact meant she had to keep her own agenda and not just trust his. “There is a strategy here to keep you safe,” he continued. “I’m taking risks, but, Liss…” He raised his eyes and searched hers imploringly. “I’m trying to take most of the risk on myself. There is no reason you should believe me, and I know that. But everything I am doing is to keep you safe until I can get you back to your children. Our end goal is largely the same, though I recognize that you have reservations about my intentions. If you will just tell me what you did, I can know if I need to ardjust my strategy.”

The pressure ignited her natural rebellion, but she forced herself to tap into her reason. What did he need to know. “Okay, then. When you left on Thursday, I put on my tennis shoes and started walking due south.”

“But there's nothing due south for about 50 miles.”

“Right,” she continued. “I didn't find anything on Thursday. That's why I was in the bath when you came back.” She grimaced at him. “Then, Friday, I turned southwest and hiked all morning. I found the Henrys' house about noon.”

“How did you find your way back?” he questioned, genuinely curious.

“Part way I followed a public path, and where I had to hike through the woods, I marked on the trees as I went with a piece of chalky rock that I found.”

“Huh, Impressive,” he murmured. But then his tone changed to calculating. “That’s what I needed to know. Will you show me?”

“Um, sure.”

Of all the things he could have wanted to know, this seemed the most benign. Maybe he genuinely was concerned that Bill’s man could find her again. Jase led the way out of the house, pulling her by the hand. Once outside, she took her hand away and strode to the clearing's edge in the direction she thought she had taken the previous day. If she let herself touch him anymore, she might lose her resolve to resist him. And since she was still lying to him, it didn’t seem like a safe time to be vulnerable.

“It should be here somewhere,” she mumbled as she searched. After a couple of minutes, she found the first mark. It had faded with the morning mist. “Ha! Here it is.”

Jase examined the mark and nodded, seeming satisfied.

“What is it?” Felicity asked.

“I had hoped that maybe that man had followed the trail you left, but it's too faded for that. Maybe the guy just stumbled upon the place. If so, that's good, because ProtoComm still wouldn’t know exactly where my cabin is. Even Bill's parents don't know its actual location since they own thousands of acres and never asked for plans or visited the site during renovation. Let's get back to the house so I can figure out how to move you out of here in the next couple of days. I'm going to need help.”

He held out his hand for her to come back to him, and then he pulled her with him back to the cabin. Felicity wondered uneasily where he had hidden the body of their visitor, and she tried not to let her eyes stray from the path in front of her. Unfortunately, they were drawn against her will toward the darker patches of forest as she passed them.

Once inside, Felicity felt better – she could breathe normally. She had managed to keep Jase from realizing the full extent of what she had told her brother, and he seemed convinced that they weren't in any immediate danger. With her temporary security assured, Felicity began to watch Jase curiously. His face wore a calculating expression.

“What are we going to do?” she demanded, certain that his face spoke scheming.

“You are going to do nothing,” he narrowed his eyes as if daring her to object. “I told you I would take care of you…”

Felicity pursed her lips, and she crossed her arms across her chest. “And even after what you acknowledged, I’m supposed to let it stand at that?”

“Yes,” he agreed, then a twinkle entered his eye. It was strange given the circumstances. “I need you to do what you do best – look pretty.”

Blinking, Felicity lost her thought. Had he just…? “Excuse me?” She glared at him. Instead of letting her scowl affect him, Jase laughed out loud.

“Since you obviously don’t have the expertise to manage the spy business, then your options are limited.”

“You know,” she defied him. “I don't really like your attitude. I'm pretty sure I could find my way to the road. Apparently, I'm quite resourceful.” She feigned a step toward the door.

Jase surprised her by moving to intercept her, and his arm formed a vise around her waist. “Go ahead and try it,” he challenged, and Felicity’s instincts wanted to raise on her toes to kiss him. What? she asked herself. How had that happened? She should want to run. The realization froze her. “You look scared,” Jase quipped, his voice a bare purr, and she couldn't miss his mirth.

Fortunately, he did not try the kiss again, because Felicity’s heart pounded in her chest in anticipation of it. She hated herself at that moment. Jase stood with her in the little kitchen area, and he stepped, his arm still holding Felicity's waist, over to the tiny cupboard.

With his free hand, Jase moved a can from inside the cupboard and pressed a small button hidden underneath it. A section of the back panel of the piece of furniture slid to the left, and Jase reached into a crevice, retrieving a big, blocky phone.

“Satellite phone,” he explained, grinning. He seemed to enjoy her shock every time he revealed some hidden technology.

Curious, Felicity listened intently as Jase punched in a number and waited for an answer. After a few seconds, Jase's face screwed up in an unfamiliar expression. Somehow persuasive? He spoke with a flirtatious lilt. Felicity frowned. He still hadn’t let her go, though she had not actually tried to get away.

“Bonjour, Amélie.”

Amélie ?

“Oui, ça va? J'ai besoin de votre assistance.”

Jase laughed. “D'accord. Pourriez-vous être mon épouse autre-temps ?”

Another laugh. What was he trying to pull, holding Felicity like that and flirting so audaciously with the woman on the phone?

“Je suis à ma maison. Vous pourrez dormir ici ce soir ? Ah, oui. C’est mieux. A tout a l'heure.”

“Who was that?” Felicity queried, impressed even as she suppressed her jealousy.

“My friend Amélie. She's going to help buy some time for me to get you out of here.”

“Can we trust her?”

Jase smiled a smug smile, a strange expression on his face. “She is too attached to me to risk our relationship by causing you harm.”

The words stopped Felicity’s internal complaint, and she stared in his face with far too much desperation. Amélie was attached? When, exactly, had Felicity grown possessive of Jase? Especially since she refused to let him grow any more attached to her? “How long until she comes?” Felicity squeaked, her voice slightly choked.

“She’s not coming here – well, not yet. I'm meeting her in town in the morning.”

Another wave of jealousy. Despite her intense struggle to control herself, something must have shown on Felicity's face because Jase paused and brushed his thumb down her face.

“You don’t have anything to worry about, Felicity. I’m going to take care of you, okay. That’s all this is. Amélie 's going to pretend to be you. I mean, not actually you, but Bill likely knows I have a woman in town. Tall, brunette. I need an explanation to offer him. She’ll put in a few appearances with me around town: holding hands, the occasional kiss, laughing at stupid things. Speak with an American accent.”

“Is this something you do often?” Felicity accused, masking her irritation with humor. Something we do often…the occasional kiss. She prayed that her face had not betrayed her. Jase could never know how close he stood to ensnaring her – because that's what he would do. Ensnare her, not win her. Not gain her affection or love. Not in any impending circumstances she could imagine.

She convinced herself that the hollow vacuum left by her husband’s betrayal had rendered her desperate for a new structure, and Jase’s compassion and protection offered a support. Her heart wanted her to follow her gratitude.

Not in these circumstances, though. Not while she stood in peril, and certainly not in competition with another woman. A stubborn pride in Felicity’s mind would not compete for a man’s love – especially not after her husband’s infidelity. She had decided that with Brendon immediately. It was true with Jase, too. If he was ambivalent, Amélie could have him. Felicity composed her expression. She didn’t need to expose the chaos in her head.

“I'm glad she’s helping,” Felicity leveled stoically. “It will buy us more time to enact a plan.”

“Right,” he shrugged. Had he realized how close he had come to conquering her? She thought maybe he had, if his disappointed countenance spoke truth. “But don't get too comfortable. I'm buying you hours, not days. Maybe 24. And I'll be in town for a third of those. Amélie and I need to be seen together in a few places so we can set up the story.” For a moment, all subtlety and play evaporated from his eyes, and he pierced her with his urgency. “Please, Felicity.” He placed his hand on her cheek again. “Please don't go anywhere! Don't do anything! I can't keep rescuing you from these situations. I might slip up at some point and you would suffer.”

“I won't do anything.” Not yet. “I'll read Dickens and listen to Mahler.” She took his free hand and returned his intense gaze. “I promise.”

Felicity had no problem making the promise. With the revelation of the Henrys' identity, she had nowhere else to try to contact Nick. She had dropped the phone in the basement, and Jase had locked the door when they left. She didn't feel equal to more hiking just yet, and if Jase couldn't buy time for them, she would be placing herself in a more vulnerable position. What if another one of Bill's men came looking for her while Jase was gone? Felicity would rather have the semi-security of the house if she had to hide from a killer.

When Jase called her to breakfast in the morning, Felicity noticed a difference in Jase’s countenance. She had gotten used to “real” Jase, and he apparently had not woken up at the moment. This “Jase” was the charmer, the performer who Felicity had seen at the parties, around his coworkers. At least Amélie doesn’t get the real Jase, she hummed to herself before she could clamp down on the thought.

“I think I'll be back in about four hours,” he informed as he placed her breakfast on the table and seated himself in the other chair. She nibbled at her food, not quite able to mask her melancholy.

“Are you not eating?” Felicity wondered, staring at the empty spot in front of him.

“I woke up early. I’ve already been to town and back this morning.”

Felicity snickered. “So, what you’re saying is that I’m a sloth.”

Grinning, Jase shrugged as if in agreement. “You know what I think of you,” he countered as he stood and took her plate. He rinsed it off and turned back to Felicity, who had stood up in the meantime. “Are you going to be okay?” he crooned, anxious. When Felicity just nodded, he lowered his face toward hers. Her heart stopped, but like that once before, he just placed his lips gently on her forehead. Without looking back at her, he strode out the door.