Stay alive Find evidence as insurance to make sure I can go on living Figure out whether or not Brendon should have anything to do with our kids in the future Get away from Jase Get back to my kids

-List of priorities from Felicity’s journal, April 3

Will you be my wife? – Jase’s text to Amélie, April 1

March 28

The following day - Friday, Felicity realized - she prepared herself more effectively for her day-long trek. She would have little opportunity to explore during the weekend – an uninterrupted weekend with Jase - so she needed to do it immediately. Digging through the shallow pantry, she found a box of granola bars and another of trail mix. She grabbed two packets of each, and refilled the water bottle she had taken with her the previous day. Unlike that day, Felicity allotted extra time for the return trip. No more than three hours hiking northwest, then begin the return trip before lunch.

At first, the day began almost identically to the previous day's journey, but heading west instead of south. The dense forest surrounding the cabin clutched menacingly at her hair and clothes, snagging them and decreasing her ability to focus on the path of her feet. As a result, Felicity stumbled several times, once scraping her arm against an aged oak and leaving a hole in her sleeve.

Damn, she worried. How will I hide this from Jase?

Proceeding more carefully, Felicity continued until she began to notice, with relief, a slight thinning of the trees around her. Could the diminishing density signal the presence of a clearing, maybe another house? Unfortunately, she found herself on a public trail. As soon as she could, she would step off the path, but it did offer a measure of comfort, the assurance that she wouldn’t be lost in the woods. Still, when the path met with the highway, Felicity knew that she had to strike off the path even if it took her nowhere.

Cutting south, she soon found a rustic route that seemed to lead somewhere – which could prove good or bad. She had stopped marking trees once she hit the public trail, but she picked the practice back up once the way grew narrower and more irregular. She only had a few minutes before she would need to turn around, but she couldn’t admit defeat too soon. She didn’t think she could try again if she failed this time. Finally, a beautiful cabin rose before her.

Felicity wanted to feel cheered by the sight, but doubts assailed her as she approached the edge of the woods. How could she know that it was safe to approach the house? Jase had said that Bill owned extensive property near Banff, but most of the area was public land. What if the place she found was some kind of outpost or science center? What if there was not a computer in the building?

To her relief, as Felicity approached the house, she could see an elderly lady sitting in a rocking chair watching as her aged husband putted golf balls into a makeshift hole. Not Bill Henry.

“Hello,” Felicity greeted them loudly, hoping that the shock of her sudden appearance would not send them running. Plastering on her most warm-hearted smile, she advanced a couple of steps into the clearing.

The couple eyed her warily. “Hello,” the man returned, hesitant.

Hands in her pockets, Felicity adopted her most sheepish grin, “I know it’s probably a shock to see me way out here.”

“You could say that. We don't get many visitors - by choice.”

“I'm so sorry. If I had any other way, I wouldn't dream of bothering you.”

The man continued to stare dubiously at her.

“Um,” Felicity stuttered nervously, “my husband and I are staying at a cabin just southeast of your home.”

“Oh,” the man relaxed a little. “You must be Mrs. Green.”

Surprised, Felicity stared wide-eyed at the man before she was able to answer, “Why, yes. How did you know?”

“Well, you're staying on our property.”

For a moment, confusion paralyzed her as she processed the new information. She had assumed that Jase owned the land. “I didn't realize that,” she finally managed.

“Yeah, Mr. Green comes up here from Calgary sometimes to get away, but he's never brought his bride. Congratulations, by the way.”

Felicity tried to appear cheerful, “Thanks.” She glanced at the ring on her left hand, for the first time realizing that she still wore. I’ll have to take that off as soon as I leave here.

Obviously, the owner of the home had relaxed his concern, and Felicity watched anxiously as the minute hand inched toward noon. She decided she had to broach the reason for her visit as quickly as possible.

“I feel kind of foolish asking this,” she smiled shyly at them, “but, do you have a computer with internet? I promised my brother that I would email him when we reached our retreat, but I didn't realize we wouldn't have a computer. My cell phone won't work up here, and he won't answer a number he doesn't recognize. Mr. Green went into town early this morning before I realized that I was so isolated up here.”

The man laughed. “Yes, one of the many hazards of escaping civilization. The difficulty of staying connected to it.”

“George, don't tease the poor girl. Let her use the pool-house computer.”

“Thank you so much, Mrs....” Felicity suddenly realized she hadn't asked their names.

“Mrs. Henry,” the woman replied with a smile.

Felicity's just recovered heart restarted its manic rhythm at the name. Surely there were numerous Henrys at any location in North America. They didn't have to be related to Bill. She almost changed her mind about emailing Nick, but desperation made her brave. Or stupid, she quipped to herself.

Following the slightly-hunched form of the man, Felicity glided across the close-cropped grass to a glass-enclosed structure on her right. “We had a computer installed out here so that Ann can surf the net while I swim,” he grinned.

“I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. It should just take a few minutes.”

“Take your time. I'm not swimming any time soon. Just make sure you shut it down when you leave. That dinosaur of a computer overheats and erases stuff all the time.”

Felicity started to thank him, but stopped herself as a thought occurred to her.

“Would you do me a favor, Mr. Henry?”

“Call me George. Probably, what is it?”

“Okay, George. Would you mind not telling Mr. Green that I came over here? He would be livid if he found out I trekked by myself through the woods just to find a computer. As far as he's concerned, my brother can just wait till we get back like everyone else. In-laws, you know,” she tried for an exasperated smile.

“I guess I can do that. But take my advice: don't spend too much time avoiding a fight, or that new wedding ring will outlast its usefulness.”

“Don't I know that,” she murmured under her breath morosely, thankful that she hadn’t yet taken off her wedding ring. “Thanks, George. I'll try to remember that.”

With that, George Henry took his leave and returned to his Astroturf putting green.

As Felicity entered the pool-house, she couldn’t escape the sensation that she had stepped into her crypt. Not that the largely glass edifice hemmed her in, but if she had really stumbled on the home of Bill Henry’s parents, the CEO had most likely installed software to monitor the activity. She found herself furtively peering over her shoulder lest George Henry appear at the door with a key to lock her in.

So, the quicker she could get Nick, the quicker she could escape. Her next move would be more complicated than just sending an email. Felicity felt sure of that.

First, she created a new email address, one which referenced a misspelled nickname he had given her from her favorite childhood book. If she emailed from her own address, she thought that someone might trace it, but surely Nick would recognize the word from their history.

She would also have to download a shredder file to cover her tracks in case anyone came looking for her transactions on the computer. More than any other time, she wished now that she had paid attention when her little brother had begun his tireless discourses on computer security. What was the program that masks your location? She wracked her brain to remember, but gave up when she realized that her phone said 12:25, twenty-five minutes after she wanted to be on her way.

The shredder would have to be sufficient.

[email protected]: Hey, it's me. Please, please, please have on your email alerts! Can you start a secure chat with me?

Felicity bit her cuticles nervously as she watched the unmoving screen for what seemed an eternity. Finally, the very irate response came in all caps.

[email protected]: WHERE IN THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!!!

Felicity sighed in relief that Nick so obviously recognized who the email belonged to. But would that mean others would recognize it, too? Nick's site was very secure, she knew, so she didn't allow herself to worry.

nightengale: I'm near Banff, Alberta, the place my spouse took me. I'm with a guy who's trying to find a way out of this situation for me. I'm fine. Were you able to pull anything else up off of that file?

root: Not yet. I'm having to bruteforce it. What are you doing so close to your husband? Aren't you afraid he'll find you?

nightengale: Not likely. I'm in the middle of nowhere. I had to hike three hours to find a computer. Look, can you send me those files somehow? When you've finished?

root: Not unsecured.

nightengale: Of course not. Encrypt them. Another question. I found out about some private servers. Is there some way I can get you access to those? They wouldn’t be connected to the internet.

root: I have to get access to the system. Can you get a phone?

nightengale: I have no idea.

root: I need that to get in. You have to broadcast the signal somehow. And a flash drive for software, if you can find one.

nightengale: I’ll have to see. Not like I can jog into town for supplies.

root: Yeah, please don’t. And you better get out of there, wherever you are. You’ve been on long enough for people to notice. Check back tomorrow if you can. I'll send you those files as soon as they're ready. And I'll take care of your trail. Love you. Be careful.

nightengale: You, too. And you, too. And, hey. Change cell companies!

root: Haha. Okay.

Felicity quickly erased and shredded her history, praying that would suffice to stymie any pursuer savvy enough to pinpoint the computer she used. Then she uninstalled the shredder and emptied the recycle bin. I really wish I'd paid more attention to my brother when he talked about computers, she lamented again. Too late for regrets.

Shutting down the computer, Felicity turned quickly to the door. Surely no one had time to trace her whereabouts in the scant few minutes she had chatted with Nick. She crept out the door and glanced to where the elderly couple sat blissfully, sipping something hot out of mugs while they held hands across a petite wicker table.

Felicity paused there, watching the idyllic picture that the two presented. Of all the times to feel sentimental, she sighed. What she wouldn't give to sit at Brendon's side, the past two weeks erased from existence, and do something as mundane as sip tea or drink coffee! Then she remembered how messed up Brendon really was, and Felicity could feel nothing but gratitude that she would never have to endure that sickness again. She hadn’t lost all faith in the ideal; she just recognized that she didn’t have it.

Turning toward her makeshift domicile, Felicity trudged unwillingly back to the waiting grey peace of the cabin, an ephemeral disillusionment all that she could hope to find. After getting back in touch with the other anchor in her life, Nick, Jase's nascent affection felt too illusory. Yet, it was also necessary for now. Maybe the relationship was based on a fiasco, but she needed help to escape the fiasco, and for now, that help came from Jase.

Once she reached the cabin, Felicity stretched herself as fully as she could on the short couch. Because of her stature, she draped her legs over one of the sofa arms, her own arms stretching over her head in an attempt to relax her breathing. She refused to indulge her nerves, instead letting herself dwell in a sense of accomplishment. She had tackled a tough task that may pay off in a big way.

When she finally heard Jase enter the house, Felicity tracked the sound of his footsteps as he approached her and found her in the same pose, Mahler's masterpiece playing for the third time.

“Felicity?” he whispered, his habitual greeting subdued by her lack of response.

All evidence of her morning's expedition removed, Felicity really preferred not to break the spell Mahler had woven over her, but she knew she would have to open her eyes eventually. She didn't particularly want the drama of Jase's solicitous concern at the moment, so as not to worry him, she smiled without yet opening her eyes.

“Hi,” she hummed.

“Hi,” he echoed, obviously closer. He sounded amused, or maybe pleased. Felicity did not open her eyes to see which.

“You seem to like this piece,” he commented on Mahler.

“Hmmm...”

“Shall I leave you two alone?”

“Ha,” Felicity laughed a short laugh, but still did not open her eyes. She wished she had Brendon's blindfold. How nice to shut out all the things she didn't want to see!

“Would you like some wine?” Jase suggested.

“Mmm, no thank you,” she murmured. Though the idea sounded pleasant, she didn't want to move enough to drink the wine.

She suddenly felt the warmth of Jase's body edge into proximity in front of the sofa, but she didn't move, praying he wouldn't touch her again without her permission, as he had promised.

The music swelled and grew, battled and resolved repeatedly, evoking again the tempest and alleviation of tension within Felicity. Even with Jase inches away from her, she buried herself in the rhythms and melodies, unwilling to shatter her absorption.

Finally, the music raced to its climatic ending, and Felicity reached reluctantly to push the button on the remote. For a moment she lay still, breathing in the dizzying conclusion.

“What are you doing?” she eventually mused with a smile, though her eyes remained fettered.

“I'm trying to figure you out,” he professed. Definitely amused.

Though she knew her present vulnerability, she didn't want to confront the reality that would face her if she opened her eyes. At last, however, Jase sighed an exasperated sigh, and Felicity forced her lids to open.

“Would you like dinner?” he pressed gently, reaching for her upraised hands, asking permission by his hesitance.

“Sure,” she conceded grudgingly, opening her hand and taking his.

He raised her to her feet, and pulled her lazily to one of the seats at the table.

“You know, I'm growing rather spoiled with your cooking all the time.”

“That's the idea,” he teased, peering longingly at her in a sideways glance. His skill in the kitchen soon revealed itself with the delicious aroma of ginger chicken.

Despite her earlier languor, Felicity's mouth began to water. She inhaled the succulent scent, “That smells amazing.” She closed her eyes again.

Whether her success of the afternoon or her subsequent relaxation, something rendered her bold and confident. She confronted Jase gently.

“What is it you hope to accomplish here?” she demanded, opening her eyes and peering up at him.

Jase paused, placing the lid over the pan to steam the vegetables. “Ginger chicken,” he responded wryly.

Felicity grimaced at him. “No,” she rolled her eyes at his bad joke. “With me. What do you hope to gain?”

He pulled the other chair backwards toward her, straddling his chair and resting his chin on the back. His eyes gazed evenly at hers.

“Your safety, of course!” he insisted. “I’m going to fix this, to get you home to your kids, to make sure you can live the life you were meant to live – free from the insanity that evil men intended for you.”

“But that’s not all that this is, Jase. That doesn’t require you to cook me dinner, to buy me books. Don’t tell me you are doing that because you are the most considerate person on earth who hates for anyone to be uncomfortable. You’re not that kind of helpful.”

With a sigh, Jase ran his fingers through his hair. “I mean, I would hate for anyone to sit, bored, under my protection, but you’re right. That’s not my kind of kindness. No, Liss. I just – I not trying to accomplish anything, exactly. But I can’t say I don’t hope.”

“Hope?”

“That you will be open to possibilities.”

“What in the world does that mean?” Felicity couldn't fathom what he thought would come out of their situation.

He dropped his eyes to her hands, reaching for them and entwining her fingers in his own. She didn't pull away, waiting to hear his explanation.

“Someday, this whole ordeal will end.” He sounded like he was promising her. “When that happens, you will want someone to...”

He waited so long, she prodded him. “To what?”

“Well, I was going to say to take his place,” he grimaced. “But that's not really what you need. You need someone to be what he wasn't. You need someone who recognizes your value.” His steady inspection of her face unsettled her a little.

Felicity sighed, exasperated. “Jase, how am I supposed to even think about that right now? Even if you manage to work everything out, even if I'm safe and Brendon is behind bars, I still have to take care of my children. I have responsibilities.”

“It'll work out,” he offered confidently.

She peered profoundly into his eyes, searching for his intent, willing her words to have clarity. “Jase, I'm sorry. Since we're being so honest, I have to tell you that my life will eventually settle down. I'll have my children to think about.”

“And you'll need help.”

“And you’re going to be that help? That's a risk I don't know if I can take.”

Frustrated, Jase shook his head. “When will you figure out that you can trust me?”

“I'm beginning to hope I can,” Felicity mumbled, staring at a spot on the floor. “And it scares me.” She had grown to count on him so much, but even as she realized the fact, she recognized that she had gone behind his back to contact Nick. That she would continue to deceive him about her attempts. She reined in her expression to reflect her sincere gratitude. “I know how much I owe you.”

He seemed satisfied, smiling and pressing her hands to his lips. Then she extricated herself gently from his grasp. She did owe him, but she would not let that obligation pressure her into making a bad decision. Since he did not press the point, Felicity considered the conversation over.

Having served Felicity dinner, Jase seated himself facing her. His melancholy grew with each moment of her pensive silence. After an obligatory bite or two of food, Felicity excused herself to bed. Her hunger had evaporated. In reality, the two solid days of hiking had greatly tired her, and her muscles ached with the unusual exertion.

“Thanks,” she smiled and rose to leave.

“Goodnight,” Jase mumbled dejectedly.

Remorse gripped lightly at her mind, but not enough to turn her around for conversation. She stumbled leisurely to bed, plunging herself into the plush feather-top mattress and conforming pillows. Before sleep could overtake her completely, her mind wandered. The state of her expectations had reached somewhat of a standoff; she neither hoped for nor feared much in her immediate future because she just couldn't make out the possibilities.

Apparently, Jase held some illusion that when her situation resolved, she would stay with him. True, she appreciated his obvious attraction to her, and she certainly felt something in return, but the kind of commitment that would make her stay with him, bring her children to him? She couldn't quite reconcile herself to the idea. She cared about him in a way, she felt immense gratitude, his admiration of her made her heady. How shallow, she chided herself.

If she could completely remove every thought of concern for others, would she let him have his way? She didn't know. Unbidden, the image of her first night in the cabin rose to her mind, as he stood behind her displaying the window television. Her imagination altered the memory, edited reality so she could consider her desires. When she looked down, insecure and confused, Jase had stepped closer, lifting her chin. Staring into his eyes, she read his desire, and her lips parted in anticipation. I will take care of you, he reassured her. I love you. She cringed at the words in the imagined memory, not yet comfortable at hearing them from anyone, much less Jase, whom she didn't quite trust. Still, she couldn't deny the appeal of the image.

The pain of not seeing her children, though, the affliction she felt when she thought of their being raised by Brendon wouldn't let her dwell on the pleasure. In fact, thinking of them at all brought on a wave a nausea. If she indulged her image of Jase, her children had to fade into insignificance. She could not do that. But what if Jase couldn't find a way; what if she couldn't make it back to her children and stay alive?

If she could not go back to her previous life, maybe Jase could provide the closest thing she would find to peace. He, of all people, would not mind the transitory life she would be sentenced to if she had to stay on the run. Certainly, his resourcefulness and experience would help protect her since she herself knew so little about self-preservation.

Because she had always consigned her protection to Brendon. Obviously, a bad decision.

Another sigh of sadness pushed past her lips.

Felicity could come to no real conclusion. Instead, she determined to make no definite plans at the moment, not when she hadn't exhausted all of her own resourcefulness. In fact, she had a plan already at work. Only if Nick could offer her no help would she revisit the possibility of life with Jase. Until then, she would focus on staying alive.

Despite her conscious resolution, her subconscious mind struggled with ambivalence as she tumbled roughly into dreams. Her mind warred between longing for her illusion of the past with Brendon and anticipation of the future with Jase, unable to determine which desire pulled more strongly on her heart. Veiled by dreams, her desires battled throughout the night.