We arrived home that evening. I treated Sean to the best pot roast I could make, and was ecstatic to see he had finally regained his appetite. I tucked him into bed soon after. I brought a chair by his bed, pulling his sheets and covers over him. The lamp by his bedside shone brightly.

“You doing okay, little guy?” I inquired. He didn’t respond, of course. He hadn’t uttered as much a word since the incident. I didn’t understand why, but I didn’t want to press him on it, either. I would get him some help as soon as I could.

I grabbed his stuffed teddy bear from a nearby shelf and waved it in front of him.

“You remember how we got this? How we went to the fair last year and you played the baseball game and won Teddy?”

I had hoped bringing up this memory would elicit a response from Sean, but he simply smiled and continued to look at me. Sighing, I returned his smile and patted his head.

“When mommy and I got married, we knew we wanted a baby. Every night, we would pray to the angels that a baby boy would come, and one day, you came to us! It was the happiest day of our lives, Sean, and from that point onward, you made us the happiest parents around. Mom… won’t be around for a long time. But I promise that she’s watching you with the angels. And she’s smiling, Sean. She’s so, so proud of her beautiful baby boy. And so am I. We will always love you.”

Again, Sean’s lips never parted once. Yet I knew that he understood. He had to have understood, he just had to. I just wanted to hear his voice again.

“Goodnight, Sean,” I said, getting up to leave his room. Before I could, he reached out and grabbed my arm.

“Oh, right. Sorry, buddy,” I said, leaning over and kissing his forehead. He nodded his head in satisfaction and laid down. I turned off his lamp and closed his bedroom door.

Making my way to the bathroom, I went inside and stared into the mirror. I had kept my promise to myself, to stay strong for Sean. At least for tonight. I gripped the sink tightly, leaning over and peering into my reflection. What the hell had happened earlier? Could it have been related to the dream I had the other night? Why was I experiencing these disturbing visions?

I had never really had to deal with mental trauma in the past, so I was unfamiliar with how to process this information. If people knew about the experiences I was having, would they think I was crazy? For the first time in my life, I felt small, and out of control. I balled my hand into a fist, pounding it into the wall.

That night was a sleepless one. All I could do was look up at the ceiling. Empty thoughts occupied my mind. I couldn’t make sense of what I had experienced, so I merely dismissed them as nightmares. I’ll keep you guys updated on any future developments. I need an outlet to get my thoughts out. I don’t want to vent to my son, so I’ll type my thoughts here. Thank you for your attention, I appreciate it.