A knock sounded at the door. Three raps in quick succession. Precise; loud, but not too loud. As if the person desperately wanted my attention, but didn’t want to draw too much of it. It wasn’t any of my inner circle, Ha’ana or Keoki or Ohelo, as they had a key. It could only be Torven.

I set down the cup of coffee on the counter, a drop of the liquid slipping over the edge to leave a ring on the surface. My fingers trembled, but I wasn’t sure for what reason - caffeine? Anger? Excitement? I inhaled deeply and smoothed my braids against my head. I'd be damned if I wasn’t calm, cool, and collected.

I opened the door to a stranger wearing a hooded sweatshirt, sunglasses, and a surgical face mask. His clothing was baggy, nondescript, though innately clean. His skin, the bit I could see of his cheekbones through the shadows of the hood was a familiar pale tone, uncommon on this side of town. I was right - it was Torven, and he was in a cheesy disguise. Did he really think he was inconspicuous dressed like that? He drew more attention this way, especially with his shining bright sneakers. They were pure white, and still reflective, not a single scuff. I wondered if he’d bought them just for this purpose.

“It’s me,” he whispered. “Let me in!”

I’d already surmised who it was, but without another word, I ushered him inside. No point in gabbing outside; neither of us really wanted our relationship, whatever it was, public.

As soon as the door shut and the lock clicked, he sighed a breath of relief, pushing the hood back to reveal silky blond tresses, mussed from the sweatshirt and damp from walking. His deep blue eyes met mine, melting as I stared back at him as he removed the sweatshirt from his body and tossed it on the kitchen chair.

“Indeed, it’s you,” I said, crossing my arms and continuing to watch him. Let him squirm.

His eyebrows squeezed tightly together at my less than response. I wondered how he’d imagine our first meeting in private since his election, and whatever else besides. Probably was a bit less hindered by clothing, I’m sure. I squeezed my arms tighter.

“Can I get a glass of water?” he said finally, his eyes roaming the house. Was he looking to see if we were alone?

“Yeah.” I passed him to enter the kitchen, sneaking a peak at his left hand as I did so. It was bare. Why did that knowledge cause my stomach to leap?

I softly picked up a glass from the cupboard, filling it with water from the sink. It was mostly potable, and it was the best I had to offer. I handed it to him, raising an eyebrow as if daring him to comment, or ask for fucking Perrier.

“Thanks,” he said as he took the glass.

“Was that what you came here for? Water?” I said, knowing full well that wasn’t the case. I knew what he was here for, the same thing he always wants from me. God damn it if there wasn’t a part of me that wanted it too.

“No…” he paused to take another gulp of water, then placed the glass carefully on the counter next to my coffee cup. “We need to talk. There’s so much that I need to say to you, but I don’t know how.”

I nodded my head in the direction of his discarded hoodie. “Seems you have trouble getting to me, too. Too important to be seen in the Nari’e quarter?” Truthfully, I understood why he wouldn’t want to be recognized here, and at my place. But it wouldn’t hurt to make him feel a little guilty. He had married another woman, after all. Anybody would feel jealous.

He only sighed, not denying my comment. “You’re right, Mea, and you have been from the start. Can I please take some of your time to get all of this off my chest? Then you can chew me out as much as your heart desires. You deserve all that, and much, much more.”

Damn right I did. I nodded, to let him know he had the floor.

“Okay, here goes. Everything I have done has been for you. Every single little thing, even the things that have hurt and upset you. And for that I’m so sorry, but I just need you to see the big picture, okay?”

He sighed heavily, the weight of whatever he was going to tell me pressing down on him visibly; he sought the kitchen chair and sunk down into it. The old metal squeaked in protest.

“I want to give you the world, everything. But you made me see - that first time we hung out, you made me see - that the world I can give you is right in front of our eyes. But it needs changing, so much changing. The system needs to change from within, don’t you understand?”

I kept watching as he spoke, ignoring his comments about my understanding. I understood more than he knew, of course. But I let him continue.

“...I know this is probably hard to stomach, given what I’ve done, but I’ve fallen for you. Heart and soul. And I knew that if I wanted to be with you, I had to become your champion. I had to become Prime Minister… for you.”

“But did you have to fuck her, Torven?” I spat, surprising both myself and him. I had been so quiet thus far. My heart beat quickly, so powerful I could feel it in my throat. What was going on with me? I was supposed to forgive him, so he could continue to love me and be my ‘champion’, just like we planned.

He blinked, shocked by my sharp words. His face was so crestfallen, it was as if I slapped him. Good, maybe he’ll start to understand what betrayal feels like, being hurt by someone you cared about. He didn’t speak for a moment, letting me simmer in my suffering.

“You don’t deny it either,” I scoffed. “Not that I’d blame you. I saw her on the television; she’s a perfect Arugan beauty.”

“Don’t blame her -” he started.

“Oh, believe me - I don’t. I blame you. I blame you for making me care about you. I blame you for making me think, maybe, maybe! That there’s more to life than just struggling, suffering through day after the other, displaced. Unwanted. So no, I don’t blame her at all.”

“I understand,” he said. He smoldered with a slow heat of rage, fired up by my words attacking him.

He deserved it all, even though I should’ve held back. Silently, I cursed my selfishness. This was all for my people, this whole escapade, and I’ve already fucked it up. I stared down at my toes, willing deep quicksand to emerge underneath and swallow me whole.

“I’ll give you the space you need,” he said after a moment of intense silence. “But Mea?”

I looked up into the eyes I’d been avoiding. They shimmered like the ocean at daybreak, the morning sun speckling the waves.

“I will do anything - and everything - for you.”

Shocked, I watched in silence as he picked up his hoodie, tossed it over his head, and slammed my front door behind him.