"I guess they really got the best of us,

didn't they?

They said that love was enough,

but it wasn't"

✦

It was Friday morning. It was also the day I would go see Matthew at his work. And Melly.

Sitting on the bed making my cuticles bleed, I was staring at his bedside table; the one that beheld the ring and the watch. Tick, tick, tick.

I should bring them and I should hand them to him and say why Matthew? Why don't I call you Matt and why don't you call me Ev? Why am I waiting and what am I always waiting for?

I should bring them. I should open the drawer and take them out and bring them. I should. But every time I reached towards them it was like a force repelled me.

The force was my conscience, warning me. It would hurt seeing the jewelry that was bought as so much more than just jewelry be just that. It was just silver and was just thing. It would hurt to see it and maybe it could kill and maybe that's no so bad; Harry did say he'd plan my funeral after all.

Yawning, my eyes only tore from the wooden drawer when I couldn't pry them open. Tap, tap, tap. My foot rapped the floor. Tick, tick, tick. The watch counted.

Stop waiting, stop waiting, stop waiting. How do you break a habit?

The surface around my nails was dug into the flesh and I could feel the air reach each tendon. How do you break habit?

And Harry was perpetually right. How do you break a habit?

He did tell me I was the universe however, so I guess not. I begin and end behind Matthew in the finite space his frame casted in the light. Harry'd come to terms with that some day.

We were due to leave soon, Harry and I. I was going to take us to the insurance company Matthew worked as the CEO for. He'd been given the position recently once his father had retired, which is when he'd met his secretary. Melly-mellifluous.

I needed to grab the jewelry, I needed the proof that he'd shoved him and me and us away to be forgotten.

Latching onto the handle, I drug the drawer open, it sliding out jerkily. There they were. Dull and mute. Old, drear silver. The ring and the watch.

They were the only things stored in his bedside table so the two pieces looked particularly out of place. But maybe that's exactly where they belonged, lying in a shallow grave to corrode out of sight and only in mind. My mind.

I looked from his ring to mine, sensing the inscription on the inside of mine that matched his. Picking his up, I brought it closer to read the words: my love.

I needed to ask him if he remembered when he was nothing. When he had no money and no home and no job and no secretary and no love. I needed to remind him how I tried to give him everything—I tried to give him home and love and me. I was his love.

I pushed Matthew to reconnect with his father no matter how much the man hated me. But your everything I could ever need, Ev, he'd protest. But it's winter now, Matt, I can't let you freeze, I'd cry because there was no heater in that old rusty yellow truck and I was scared my warmth wasn't enough to keep him alive.

He had compromised on the terms that he'd talk to his dad in hopes of having a position at his company but moving in with him was out of the question, aware I couldn't accompany him. The reunion with his dad was rocky, though successful.

But his lips were still blue and his limbs were still shaky for the weeks I lived flush against his chest sheltering his heat when we hadn't had enough money to get a motel yet. I was warm when we waited and warm as he started working but he was cold. He was cold once that winter came. He was the sun but I swallowed every flame, nuzzling into his fire as the frost began to nip at his limbs.

He'd insist to hold me when he was present because he knew when he wasn't, the only thing left to hold me was the snow that made my lips blue and limbs shaky and he couldn't bare to see me so sickly. Sickly like him.

I wish I'd forced him to move in with his dad. I wish I was the blue lipped and shaky limbed one at the wake of that winter. He was cold and I was warm for the most part while he was there, but I think he was just cold.

I was nothing before Matt and Ev. When I had Matt and when I had my love I was everything. I think he might've just been cold.

Did I ever give him everything? Did I give or did I just take? Did Melly give him everything? Has he always been just cold? Did I make him warm like I tried? Were we one another's loves? Or did I just need him to keep me alive, to ward off my own cold?

I needed to ask him—I needed Matthew to remind me if I made him everything or if I've had every thing wrong since the beginning. Since Matt and Ev.

I picked up the watch and didn't remember it being so heavy. Matthew didn't wear it for very long. Tick, tick, tick.

They were both in my hands, the ring and the watch, so silver and so grey. So cold.

Knock, knock.

I dropped the jewelry into my pocket and took a step back, trying to collect myself.

About to turn around, I closed the drawer, accidentally using more power than anticipated. The force caused the whole table to shudder violently, knocking a cup off and towards me. It was a mug of old coffee Matthew had to have left ages ago. The remaining contents splashed straight onto my white shirt, rapidly spreading through the threads.

I squeezed my eyes shut as my breathing picked up and short nails dug into my palms. The liquid was tepid and sticky against my skin, closing in on me as I stood rigid.

Knock, knock.

Harry was here. I walked back and out the bedroom to the front door, sliding the lock with a "come in."

He was closing the door while I sped to the kitchen sink, turning the tap on and peeling my browning shirt off to hold under the water. My lip was pierced into my lip and my eyes were stinging as I refused to blink, watching the water pool onto the fabric and sink through without taking any of the stain away.

"Evdoxia?" Harry said, sounding frightened and concerned, standing besides me.

I didn't answer, I felt like if I opened my mouth I would explode into a million tick, tick, ticks.

"Evdoxia," he repeated. "I don't think it's coming out."

It wasn't. The coffee wasn't coming out. It was a big dark splotch on my white shirt that wouldn't come out no matter how much water filtered through it.

Then the water stopped gushing into it. Harry's hand was on the nozzle, bringing it downwards in my peripheral vision. The brown sagging stain was kind of yellowy soaked through.

I could feel the weight of the ring and the watch in my jacket pocket, anchoring me to my place on the tiles. My knuckles were white, grasping the edges of my shirt unforgivingly.

"Evdoxia?" That was the third time. "You're hurting yourself."

Then his fingers wrapped around my own, one by one bringing them from their tightly wound place till they were out straight. The stretched out shirt dropped onto the ledge of the sink the same time a felt a tear glide onto my cheek. I still hadn't blinked and my eyes were burning, but I needed the practice.

"Evdoxia?" He said a fourth time, this time it sounding like a cry. "Please, angel?"

I barley moved my head from right to left. Another tear fell and my view of the drain grew blurrier.

"Talk to me, please."

Silence.

The pad of his index finger slid against my cheek, absorbing a tear there. He softly placed his hand on the side of my face he couldn't see, bringing it forward.

"Look at me," he ordered. I couldn't.

He let out a sigh. I was looking out the window behind him at the sky. It was overcast today, not a speck of blue to be found.

"Can we go on a walk," I murmured. I wasn't ready to stop waiting.

My face felt sticky, my Cupid's bow itchy with snot.

"Um, yeah, of course," he said, a little shocked.

I stalked out of the kitchen and up the stairs quickly, changing into a hoodie. When I came back down, Harry was already by the door, opening it up for me.

"Do you wanna take Bear," I asked.

"Sure." He spoke with a rising inflection, confused by my behavior.

We made our way over to his house and I decided to wait in the driveway while he got his dog. It was chilly today, the wind blowing hard enough to knock a small child over. It permeated straight through my sweatshirt and paper thin skin, but jelled around the ring and the watch.

Upon the door of Harry's house opening, a loud bark cut through the wind. The clatter of heavy paws hitting cement followed Harry's shriek of "Bear!"

I spun around a second early enough to catch the black flash of Bear on his hind legs, tongue flopping out of his mouth and face full of determination with his front paws by my shoulders. Then I hit the ground, the entire weight of the massive Newfoundland pushing me down.

My back and body hit the ground first, the air being knocked out of me as I was slammed down. My head hit it next, pain immediately forming on my skull.

Harry scolded Bear to get off me before his worrisome face hovered over my cringing one. "Are you okay?!"

I groaned, laying stiffly and trying to catch my breath. Bear's sniffing filled my eardrums, his slobbery lips slapping together.

Harry got on his knees and shooed the dog away before brushing tangled strands of hair from my face. He lifted my head off the ground, wedging his palm under it as gently as he could.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know he'd be so excited to see you—not that he shouldn't be or anything because it's you and I'm always excited to see you, just not enough to pounce you and throw you into cement and accidentally kill you—did he kill you?! Are you alive and well and okay?" He rambled out so fast it was hard to catch every spazzed word.

His anxiety brought a smile to my face.

"You're smiling... smiling? Something's gotta be wrong, should I call 911?" He spat out frantically.

"Harry, I'm fine," I chuckled, leaning up with a wince. "Everybody falls down sometimes, it's no big deal."

"Everyone isn't tackled by a 200 pound ball of shaggy fur!"

I rolled my eyes, sitting up with the support of Harry's hand. There was some pressure in the back of my head. "I'll just ice it and I'll be fine."

He seemed uncertain, his nostrils flared and forehead wrinkly. "What if you have a concussion?"

"I doubt it." I went to stand on my feet, the ache in my head worsening tenfold as I did.

"What's wrong?" Harry caught my body strain in discomfort.

"Nothing," I dismissed, faking a tight lipped smile.

"Come inside? Let's ice it now," he suggested.

"Okay."

After grabbing Bear's leash he led me inside, taking Bear to the backyard and having me sit on the counter. He had a table and chairs by now but they were cluttered with miscellaneous boxes and objects.

I watched quietly as he filled a bag with ice and wrapped it in a thin towel. He stood in front of me and brought it behind my neck, whispering "here?"

"Mhm."

His eyes bounced from mine to my collarbone by the opening of the hoodie. His frown grew as he inspected the area.

"What?"

"There's a scratch from Bear," he said ashamedly. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. Plus it's a scratch, it'll heal."

"He's never done anything like that before, he's usually so calm especially now that he's old. I'm really sorry Evdoxia, he hurt you," he apologized again.

"Remember what you told me? You didn't do anything wrong, so please, stop saying sorry. There's no reason to."

I could tell he wanted to argue but there was defeat written all over his countenance. They were his words not mine, they'd mean nothing if he didn't apply them to himself.

We were staring into each other's eyes now, his slightly squinted like he was trying to figure me out. The interaction was distracting me from the cold compress of the ice. His hot breath fanned over my face, our noses less than a foot apart.

I reached back, covering his hand with my own. He took the cue and slid his away, chipping my shoulder as he laid it beside my thigh on the counter.

I folded my lips against one another. "Don't worry about me Harry. Trust me, I'm okay." Lier, lier, lier.

His thumb barley grazed my thigh in a way I'd miss if I wasn't so tense and attentive to his close proximity.

"You look tired," he pointed out, doing the opposite of what I said.

I shrugged, biting my lip at the throb of my back. "Didn't sleep much." At all, actually.

I had anticipated being at Matthew's office by now and the idea of the confrontation kept my mind racing. The side effects of this were the discolored bags beneath my eyes.

His frown deepened. "Angel, you've gotta take care of yourself..."

I tore my eyes from his intense gaze, spinning the ring around with my thumb. We both ignored Bear's scratching at the back door while I investigated the peek of inked skin visible by his slightly unbuttoned shirt.

I've seen the tattoos littering his arms but not the ones apparently lacing his chest.

"What's the tattoo of?"

He pried the shirt open a little so I could see the bird there. "A sparrow. I've got another one on the other side."

I hovered over it, the tip of my finger slightly making contact as I traced it. I noticed how his breathing paused as I did. "Pretty."

"Just like you," he slyly but playfully complimented. His frown was replaced by a big bunny tooth grin.

I laughed quite hard, ignoring the sensation in my head as I jostled around.

For a moment I forgot about today's mission but then there was a clang in my pocket from the ring hitting the watch. Harry didn't notice it, chuckling along with me. Only when he realized I had stopped did he.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable—"

"No, no, it's not that," I cut him off, swatting my hand back and forth.

He was stood a little farther now, still close but not intimately so. "Is everything okay? Is it your head?"

"Bit of a headache that's all," I agreed, curving the side of my mouth up.

"You sure?"

"Yup." I switched out my right hand for my left to hold the ice pack as my arm grew sore.

"Lets go to your mystery location another day, hm?"

Tick, tick, tick. Stop waiting. "Um..." I mulled over procrastinating the confrontation, the jewelry in my pocket gaining weight, "okay."

"We can still go if you want, but your head and all," he said slowly, watching for my reaction. "I don't know where exactly we're going so..."

I bit my lip. I didn't want to have to dump the ring and the watch back into their coffin only to have to pry it open again later. But I also didn't want to know. I knew her title, I knew her name, I knew her pet name, and I knew Matthew might love her. Suspicion from her imprint on him was enough to suffice for self hatred but not negate every what if? If he didn't love her, he might still love me; what if we could be Matt and Ev again?

Matt and Melly, it did have a ring to it. I should wait, I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to know.

"No, we can go Monday?" I proposed desperately, basically begging.

"I'll make sure Bear doesn't attack you," he promised with a simper.

Harry pulled at a thin tendril of hair that was hung on my lip, tucking it behind my ear, nearing me to do so.

"How's the brain feelin?" He murmured in a hush.

"Squished." My lips spread invisibly apart while I spoke, my tongue barely tapping the roof of my mouth to make sound; my body was more tuned into Harry's short distance than my own volume.

"Wanna lie down? I've got a couch now."

"Sure." I shifted to slide off the stone counter but he prevented me with a hand on my knee. I furrowed my eyebrows at the action.

"Arm up," he ordered, gesturing to the one not holding the ice pack. I raised it reluctantly. He then wrapped his arm underneath mine and used his other under my knees to scoop me up bridal style.

"I can walk, you goof."

He glanced down to me, dimples dug in. "I know."

I pursed my lips.

He put me down on his new plush sofa carefully, my head on the armrest to support the ice there. Then he sat down, lifting my feet and resting them on his lap. Besides the couch, the room didn't have much to it besides some walls.

"Evdoxia?"

"Harry."

"Earlier at your house... were you alright?" He was playing with the hem of my pants as he asked hesitantly.

"Sorry you had to see that."

"You don't have to apologize," he brushed off as if it was obvious. "Were you alright though? You—you were crying."

I didn't know how to respond. "I'm fine. Thanks though."

His touch was warm against my ankles. "You can talk to me Evdoxia."

"I know," I said quietly, looking his at hands' busywork.

He bit his cheek, unconvinced. "Evdoxia—"

"I'm fine Harry," I interrupted.

He mumbled something under his breath.

"What?"

He finally turned his neck to make eye contact. "I don't believe you."

The hallway behind him was dark and menacing, a big black hole when there was no light flicked on.

"I don't know what you want me to tell you."

There was little to no emotion in our voices as we went back and forth. Every aspect of us was monotone.

"I want you to talk to me."

"Harry—"

"I want you to tell me what shade of grey you are." A shadow's grey.

"I'm fi—"

"I want you to tell me. To talk and actually mean what you say."

The fingernail on my pinky finger was halfway ripped off and Harry's jaw was clenched and his eyelids were wide open and it was the closest thing to angry I've seen on Harry. My happy Harry.

"I don't know."

Incredulously, he scrunched up his face. "What?"

"I don't know, Harry," I repeated harshly, emphasizing a word like he had.

We stared at one another, this type of encounter completely new for us.

"What do you think of gold?" I queried, unwavering.

"It's okay?"

"Just okay? Don't you think it's nice? Shiny? Expensive?" My tone was very casual and sort of condescending. We both knew the right answer, I just needed to hear him confirm it.

"Yes?"

"I think so too," I clipped, pulling my legs off his thighs and abruptly standing up.

My name died on his lips as I darted into the pitch black tunnel and out the front door of his house. The jewelry in my pocket jangled around as I crossed the yard to my own house.

Waiting, waiting, waiting. Always waiting. Waiting for Monday.

⇢ ⇢ ⇢

longest chapter so far oop and

also the eleventh which is wilddddd

I hope it was interesting lol

just wait until the next one *wink, wink*within a couple days :)

anywhoo thanks for reading!

peace out ☺