Justin

"So..." I said, trying to wrap my mind around everything. "You're a in a mob."

"If you want to put a title to it, yes." Richard replied. We were six hours in to our eleven hour car trip to Arizona. The first few hours were mostly just awkward silence but then Richard felt the need to brief me on just what this trip was for. "I got involved when I graduated high school. I was a lot like you. I felt depressed and out of place. There was no one to pay for my college tuition. So I clutched on to the one thing I could find."

"Are we even Italian?"

Richard laughed. "You're not, I am. My mother was. But the Mob isn't like what you see on TV."

"You kill people."

He doesn't even bother with denial. "I've done what I've had to do to live."

"Did Mom know?"

"Yes, but she wasn't happy about it." Richard sighed. "Do you remember, when you were younger, you never really saw me much?"

"Yeah, and I was really confused when we had to move in with you because I barely knew you. But Mom said you had a lot of money and we had close to nothing. You were willing to take us in."

"She didn't want me near you too much when you were really young. She was worried I'd have a bad influence." I heard the bite in his voice. "But I promised her that I would keep you away from my world until you were old enough to make your own decisions."

"You kept me from your world. So why did you keep me away from the real one?"

"I think that's self-explanatory." When I'm quiet, Richard sighed, "Not just anyone could know about my business and if there was any chance that they could find out, I didn't want you getting dragged down too."

I turned to look at him. "So then why did you get your men to break into Ana's house?"

Richard shifted in his seat. "That was a reckless mistake that I made, I've apologized."

He hasn't, though. "She would have still loved me even if she knew."

That comment is disregarded. "Are you hungry? We'll stop for something in a few minutes."

--

We weren't staying in a hotel like I originally thought. When I went to Maine with Anthony and Henry over a year ago, I spent five days straight in a small hotel room that smelled like cigarettes.

I'd never been inside of a mansion before. It looked like a museum from the outside, complete with a huge fountain on the front lawn and two men stationed at the front door.

"Wow," I let out a laugh.

Richard was smirking. "It's all a little dramatic, I know. Just be polite, they're letting us stay in their home."

An older man emerged from the front steps, looking completely normal with his greying hair and perfectly fitted suit. He looked more like a lawyer than a mobster.

"Richard," He grinned at Richard like they were best friends. "It has been much too long."

They shook hands, Richard smiling like I've never seen. "Dimitri, this is my nephew Justin. He'll be accompanying me on this trip."

I shook Dimitri's hand, trying not to wince at the crushing pressure on my knuckles. He had an intimidating grip, as if he were trying to challenge me through his handshake.

"I've heard about you for years." Dimitri said. "I have to commend Richard for his responsibility. When he became your guardian, his focus became solely you and I always respected him for it. I look back wish I would have done the same for my family."

"You have children?" I asked.

"A son, he's older though. Living on his own. He lives out in California by you actually." Dimitri smiled widely when a young girl stepped out behind him. "And this is my beautiful stepdaughter, Gianna."

"Hello," She said sweetly. Richard hugged her, gushing over how big she's gotten. She was pretty I noted when I shook her hand. Dimitri told her to take me up to one of the guest room and she enthusiastically dragged me throughout the house.

"This house is great." I commented, dragging my backpack up the marble staircase.

"Thanks, it's our nicest one." Gianna giggled. "My mom's at the loft in New York right now for a fashion shoot. I don't even know where my stepbrother is. Dimitri is always gone and I go to college right outside of town. It gets so boring here."

"I bet."

The guest room was amazing. It could be about four of my rooms combined back home. I've never seen luxury like this in my life.

"There's a guest kitchen right down the hall so feel free to take whatever you want from there. Housekeeping restocks it every Sunday. They clean the rooms every other day so they'll probably be in here tomorrow morning."

"Good to know, thanks." I dumped my things onto the bed. All I wanted to do was shower and sleep. I probably wouldn't see Richard until tomorrow.

Gianna stood by the door, still holding her big smile. She was watching me expectantly, though I wasn't sure what she wanted.

"Um, the car trip was really long so I think I'm just going to go to bed. But thank you, for having me and for showing me around."

"Okay," She frowned. "Well, if you need anything I'm right up the stairs out there. I'll see you in the morning?"

"Yeah," I replied, not looking up from shuffling through my bags. I heard her sigh before shutting the door behind her.

--

"So are you and your mom, like, okay with what Dimitri does?" I asked Gianna the next morning over breakfast. We were the only two in the house and when I woke up; she had told the kitchen to make me a full breakfast before I could even ask.

"I guess," She shrugged. "His first marriage broke up over it. He and my mom were engaged before she even knew what he does. But they canceled the wedding because she was livid. I'm really close to my stepbrother so we kept in contact even though they broke up. They were miserable those few months until they got back together. They've been married almost six years now. They love each other a lot so I don't really think it matters if we're okay with it. He's family and that's what you do for the people you love, you accept them."

I nodded, "I know what you mean."

"So tell me about you."

One of the housekeepers came in then, holding a little bottle in her hand. "Richard wanted to make sure you got this and remembered to take them. Somehow they got into his bag."

Somehow? I purposely didn't pack them. The antidepressants make me nauseous and make my body feel like it's not my own. Of course Richard checked my bathroom before we left.

I thanked her, inwardly cringing. I didn't exactly want to put my issues on display with this girl I met less than twenty-four hours ago. But Gianna didn't say anything as I dumped two pills out and swallowed them back. She didn't watch me inquisitively and she didn't ask any questions.

So I took the liberty of just telling her. "I have depression and Borderline Personality Disorder." I said. "My mom killed herself when I was younger so you can slap PTSD on there too. And I had a girlfriend last year. I loved her a lot but it was a really unhealthy relationship. I threatened her one day and she called the police and I was put in a hospital for a little bit. I spent the summer there. I'm better now, I'm not okay, but I'm better than I was. It's a work-in-progress."

Gianna didn't say anything as she cut into her waffles. "So what's your favorite color?"

I smirked, "Black."

"Black's a shade, not a color." She wrinkled her nose.

I shrugged. "It is what it is, there's no in between. That's what I like about it."

"Fair enough." Gianna said. "Do you want to hang out with me today?"

--

We were in Arizona for five days. Richard was gone most of the time and I didn't once to get see anything he was doing. But I got the gist of it. And it was more information I'd gotten from him in my whole life.

I thought I'd have more time to read more journal entries. But for the whole trip, I spent more time hanging out with Gianna than anything else. We'd gone to the movies and bowling and a lot of things I'd never done with friends before.

She was really nice and I liked her. But I couldn't like her like that. I actually think I was fucked up from any relationship I could have for the rest of my life. Because like an asshole, I kept comparing Gianna to something I couldn't have.

--

I never felt like I was pretty or good enough. Even when I was a little girl, Mom would compare me to all of the other little girls in the neighborhood. Why couldn't I be that graceful? Why couldn't I be that respectable? Why couldn't I ever just listen?

Why couldn't my mother control my every move?

But Richard tells me not to talk like that. He tells me I'm perfect just the way I am. He tells me I'm beautiful and smart and Mom doesn't know anything.

I just wish I agreed.

"Did you enjoy the trip?" Richard popped his head into my bedroom.

"Huh?" I looked up from my spot in the book. "Yeah, it was alright. Thank you for bringing me."

"Gianna's a nice girl."

"Yes, she is."

"Well, good night." He cleared his throat. "I love you, Justin, don't ever forget that. I just want what's best for you."

"Yeah, I know." I nodded. "Love you too."

I feel like I don't ever thank you guys enough for being so amazing. I work really hard to write good stories for everyone and I really hope it pays off.

twitter: @bugattibiebxr

ig: @supersabrinaa

there's also an RP account for Ana on twitter: @Ana_TLH

if anyone wants to make a roleplay account for any of the characters in this story (especially Justin) please inbox me or tweet me :)