January 5, 1990

Mom and Dad have been fighting again.

Mom still hasn't completely forgiven Dad for everything he's done. Every time she's mad, I hear her say "are there any more kids I should know about?"

It's not really fair. None of this is Richard's fault. He's here because he has nowhere else to go. I'm kind of glad because he hates it here; if he found somewhere to be, I know he'd go. Mom either treats him like a pet or doesn't acknowledge his presence at all. And one time Richard told me that Dad was just as dead to him as his real mother. And I don't blame him. Dad ruined all of our lives.

I've been sleeping in Richard's room since Tuesday. Last night, Dad left at 1 in the morning and Mom was up until sunrise throwing things across the hall. I tip-toed across the hall to Richard's room and curled up against his back. I felt him wake up and stiffen but then he just muttered a "go to sleep" and started snoring again.

(Dad didn't come back for two days. Mom acted like nothing happened.)

August 24, 1990

The hottest week of the summer and of course the entire town loses power.

Which means Mom's being a lot more annoying than usual, complaining every second about the heat and missing her soap operas. Dad's been away on business and now there's no way for him to get in contact with us. Lucky him. But I think Mom's new friendship with vodka has made her oblivious to just about everything.

Richard has had friends over for most of the blackout. There were a few of them hanging around the house every day. They were loud and obnoxious and only talked about the neighbor's niece with her long, tan legs and soft blonde hair. Every time she saw me, she would pat my head like a child. Thank God she was leaving for college in a few days.

I had floating back and forth on my back in the pool when I heard the loud laughter of the boys. They were coming down the patio and shoved each other into silence when they saw me sitting on the pavement in nothing but a skimpy bikini Mom swore was perfect for my summer entering high school.

One of them let out a whistle and Richard looked mortified. He stomped over to me, face red and blotchy.

"Jesus Christ, Pattie," He snapped. "Do you have to walk around here like that?"

"Like what?" I shouted. "I'm swimming. It's hot and I'm cooling down."

"Just," He sighed, gesturing down to me. "Cover up or something. You're embarrassing me."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever you say, your majesty." I dove down so that my head was under the water and counted to ten. When I rose back up to the surface, Richard and his friends were walking away.

"Your sister's a babe." One of them laughed.

"Shut up." Richard mumbled, slamming the back door.

Richard turned sixteen on the twenty-first. Dad called and they talked for ten minutes until Dad "had to go" and Richard hung up with a sniff. I moved to say something but he just locked himself in the room for the rest of the day.

I snuck out of the house to go down to the bakery a few streets over. When I got back, the power went out minutes later. Placing the chocolate cupcake and shoving the candle into it, I knocked softly on Richard's door until he finally opened with a blank look. At the sight of the cupcake, he cracked a small smile, letting me in.

"Dad said," Richard mumbled around a mouthful of chocolate, "That he 'can't believe I'm practically a man now' as if he's known me for any better part of my life."

I wiped the corner of his mouth with my thumb. "He's trying, Richard."

"Yeah well he's not trying hard enough. He's barely paying attention to me, that's completely fine. But now he's starting to forget about you. Doesn't that make you angry?"

I shrugged. "He works a lot and-"

"Bullshit!" I shrunk back at Richard's outburst. "How did you feel, Pattie? How did you feel when you found out that you had a brother, a brother you had no idea about? How did you feel when you found out that your mom wasn't good enough? How do you feel knowing that it's still not good enough?"

"Richard, relax, please." I begged.

He took a few calming breaths. "I leave for college in two years but your mother refuses to spend a single dime on tuition, you know that? She told Dad he better find some way to pay for me because she's not allowing me to spend a day more than I have to here and she's not paying for some bastard's education. She hates me."

"She doesn't-"

Richard laughed. "Don't humor me, Pattie. I've been here for almost three years and nothing's changed. The only reason I'm still here-"

"Please don't."

"I didn't even want to come. But I have no other family around. My grandparents are dead, I have no aunts and uncles. I begged them to put me in the foster system, anywhere other than my father's house. But he fought for me. He should have just let me go."

"Stop talking like that." I snapped. "Mom's a hag, everyone knows this. And yeah, maybe Dad is useless. But I'm glad you came. Maybe not at first. But now I am. I want you here. Isn't that enough?"

Richard stayed quiet, looking down at his hands. "Thanks for the cupcake." He muttered.

"You're welcome." I whispered. "Please don't be sad."

"You're nicer to me than I probably deserve."

I shook my head, "That's not true."

I slid across the carpet, leaning my head against his shoulder. We sat like that until the sun went down and the ember of the candle that illuminated the room gave out.

Richard was my brother. He was a good brother. I really did love him a lot.

Justin

It was the last page of the first journal. I made a mental note to make my way up to the attic to grab the next one. All I'd done all week was read. It was addicting, never knowing what the next entry would tell me. I lost myself in these stories, living in a world the way my mom saw it.

"Oh, Justin," Richard entered the living room where I was laid out on the couch. "What are you reading?"

I tucked the book against my side. "Just a nonfiction book I got from the library about...cars." I made it up right on the spot.

"I didn't know you were into cars."

I shrugged. "Trying to find some new interests."

"That's nice. Christmas is coming up, have you decided anything you'd like?"

"No but i'll let you know. You look tired." I pointed out, shifting the focus of the conversation away from myself.

"Yeah," Richard sighed. "Just haven't really been feeling like myself. It may just be the cold weather, who knows. How about you? How do you feel?"

I nodded. "Fine. Better. I dunno, things could be worse."

Richard chuckled. "Yes well, it seems you and I are in the same boat. You mind if I turn on the news?"

"No," I shook my head, making room on the couch for Richard to sit down. I watched him watch the TV with sunken eyes. Looking at him right now, he looked young. He looked normal, and one wouldn't believe the secrets he harbored. I couldn't picture the sixteen-year-old version of him that the journal painted with friends and a life. I wondered when it all went wrong.

This chapter made my cry a lot idk

Hope you guys liked this chapter! Sorry it took me so long to update :(

Thank you so much for getting Revival to 1k votes, i love you all so much

obviously everything that's happening in Pattie's childhood was made up in my own mind for the sake of the fic so none of this has actually happened (just clearing this up)

twitter: @bugattibiebxr

ig: @thelakehouse_

ask.fm: hehebieber

if you want to make me an edit for the instagram account, please inbox me or dm me on twitter and you'll get complete credit and a dedication on the next chapter :)