Time moved slowly when you were waiting. Waiting for Christmas, your birthday or for a school year to end. Your mind tricked you so that every day dragged on longer and longer until you were out of your head and the waiting consumed you.

Time moved especially slowly when you were waiting for something that didn't exist. When you were waiting for something good but had no idea what it was or when it would come. When you were waiting while there was nothing to wait for.

Ana graduated in June, turned eighteen four days later. She was eighteen but felt years older. She was smart. She'd had a lot thrown her way in her lifetime but it wasn't enough to get into anywhere else besides community college. She hardly even noticed her grades slipping. Her priorities had been so screwed up senior year that they dragged her future down with them.

This was where Ana found herself after high school; living with her parents while attending a couple of classes three nights a week with no idea as to what she would do with her life, babysitting her baby brother Monday through Friday, having no contact with people her age and working the cash register at a dingy drug store part time.

She was unhappy with the way things in her life were but the one thing that did make it better was Oliver. She spent the whole summer with him at the lake, discovering new parts of it with him when she strapped him into the seat of the old car that her dad bought as a graduation gift.

It was refreshing to see a human who only ever cried when he was hungry or tired. Who was otherwise smiling and giggling and was at innocent as innocence could get.

Justin was a sore subject that Paul and Lisa managed to avoid, as if he never even existed. Even Gavin forbade himself from ever using the J-word around Ana when they hung around his newly acquired apartment on Ana's nights off. They weren't old enough to drink and had no other friends their age so their time consisted of sitting around, eating Cheetos and playing Donkey Kong on Gavin's N-64 until 3 in the morning.

"Have a nice night." Ana said with a sickly sweet smile.

"I will now." The guy across the register said who had just spent five minutes chatting her up. How many idiots does it take to realize when a girl just isn't interested? He slipped a few bills into the tip jar and walked away with a sly grin.

"Your job sucks." Gavin commented smugly, sitting on the floor next to Ana's stool and typing annoyingly on his laptop.

Ana narrowed her eyes, "Not all of us have a shit ton of money shoved in our bank accounts weekly and move out at the age of eighteen." She kicked him across the side of his head.

"That was assault. Do I have to report you to your supervisor, Ana?"

"I'm going to kill you. And hide your body."

Gavin rolled his eyes. "You'd miss me too much. So what are we doing tonight?"

"I've been here since 4:30. I'm going home to sleep."

"Ugh you're so boring. What about all of the wild college parties with the cheap beer and shitty decisions?"

Ana stared at her best friend. "Go rent some 80s movies."

Gavin rolled his eyes. "You are so boring, why do I even hang out with you?"

"Because you have no one else."

He sighed in defeat. "Can we at least pick up froyo?"

"If you pay."

"Fine," Gavin rolled his eyes. "But I don't put out for cheap dates."

"Damn, and here I was hoping."

"Did Creepy Nate ask you out for 'after work drinks' again?"

Ana groaned. "Yes, even though he knows I can't drink. Then he asked me if I wanted to get coffee. I say no every single night."

"Isn't boss/employee harassment a thing?"

"But he's so nice about it, I feel bad." Ana whined.

Gavin snickered. "I feel like he's one of those old rich guys who throws huge mansion parties every weekend like in the movies. With prostitues and poker and stuff."

"He's only like twenty four." Ana rolled her eyes, shoving her arms through a hoodie.

"Think you can get me invited to one?" Gavin laughed until he was shoved off of his stool.

Ana was sitting on the floor with Oliver when Paul walked in from work a few nights later. He smiled down at his two children but Ana never missed the flicker of sadness in her dad's eyes when they glanced at her. Like he felt sorry for her.

But he must have also always seen the sadness that never left Ana's face. She was rarely truly happy anymore. It was all regret, anger and disappointment. Buried deep into a hole that was almost impossible to dig her out of.

It was rough after Ana walked away from Justin that day. She cried and thrashed around to the point that her parents were scared for her. Then one day, she just stopped. She walked around, alarmingly blank, and Paul and Lisa were starting to prefer the other version. They wanted her to feel something, anything. It was better than having to look at the ghost of their daughter.

Moving was supposed to be a fresh start. A nice, quiet life in the woods as opposed to the busy life of the city. But which destroyed their daughter more?

Ana nodded when he came in, saying hello and running upstairs to change before class. She quickly ate dinner, kissed Paul on the head and said goodbye to Lisa who was coming in as she was leaving.

It was hard for Paul to watch this. She rarely ever sat down to conversations anymore. She was always up and out. Throughout the summer, started pulling away slowly again until she became a shell of herself. All because of a boy.

That's what made Paul blind with anger.

All because of that goddamn boy.

*

Justin slid off of the hospital bed, sock-clad feet landing on the cool marble ground. He sat back down and leaned forward to dangle his intertwined fingers between his thighs.

It was one of those days.

He woke up with a horrible headache and had no motivation of even getting out of bed. He leaned his head back with his eyes closed, breathing like Susan taught him until his nurse brought him his meds that would turn the ache into a dull throb. It didn't help.

He still felt like he wanted to die.

The first month in the hospital helped. He spoke to a lot of different people, took a lot of different medications, and went to in-hospital groups that made him feel silly. But when he accepted that he was as crazy as the people he was judging, he just went with it. Listened to their stories, cried alongside them until the people who were as out of their mind as he was became his only friends.

Month two was when things turned back to shit. He continued his routine but instead of being severely angry, he was severely sad.

Halfway through his second month in crazy bin, Justin's depression developed.

It wouldn't have been that big of a deal if he hadn't given an older patient named George his breakfast every day for two weeks to cause a distraction while Justin locked himself in his bathroom and got caught by hospital security tying his bed sheets around the shower rod.

He now stayed in a room with only a sheet-less bed, one thin blanket, a TV set and twenty four hour surveillance. It was like a prison punishment. He even had to ask permission to go to the bathroom and had a nurse stand in with him with her back turned to him.

Once, he got in a lot of trouble for saying with a smirk, "I'm eighteen you know? You can look if you want."

She didn't find it as funny as Justin did.

Borderline Personality Disorder. Post-Traumatic Stress. Depression.

It was a load of shit.

"Good morning, Justin." Rita was his favorite nurse. She would go to Burger King on her breaks and sneak him burgers and fries. It was hard for her to resist the shine in his eyes when she did this. "Ready for your medication?"

"Mmph." Justin mumbled, holding his palm out to receive the goods.

Two pills. One pill. Two more pills. Another one.

He lifted his tongue when Rita pulled out the flashlight to make sure he swallowed, smiling proudly when he showed that he did. "I'm getting Chinese for lunch."

Justin grinned, just a little. "Lo Mein. With chicken. And an eggroll. Please."

Rita ruffled his flat hair a bit. "I'll see you later. Be good."

He smiled a bit, getting up to go look for another nurse. He found one of the assistants, the one who probably disliked him the most. She rolled her eyes when he approached.

"I have to piss."

"Justin, there are these things called manners." She rolled her eyes again but led him down to the bathroom. "I'll be right out here, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." He saluted her, passing through to step inside the white-lit bathroom.

He did his thing, pulling his sweats back up onto his hips. Then he ran the faucet as loud as he could without being suspicious, leaning over to choke out the little white pill that he struggled to keep in his throat.

The anti-depressant.

He flushed it down with a stinging throat and teary eyes then washed his hands quickly, exiting the bathroom. He smirked back over at the girl, sauntering back to his room.

Richard came mid-morning, like he did every day. Their relationship wasn't fixed but it went back to how it used to be before the lies. Quiet, awkward conversation and Richard saying the wrong things that upset Justin.

But Justin said it time and time again. They were all each other had. And now it meant more than ever.

Richard watched Justin with cautious eyes for an hour, confusing Justin. It all became clear when Dr. Mare and Susan came in with familiar soft smiles. He was anxious. The stupid nurse's assistant probably heard him this morning and snitched.

He was going to be calm and cool; not defensive. "What?" He snapped. Okay, or not.

"Justin, please." Richard said, chastising.

"How are you today, Justin?" Dr. Mare asked.

"Fine, what's going on?"

Susan stepped forward, placing a hand on the edge of the bed. "I'm glad to hear that."

They were beating around the bush. Justin sighed, "What is this about?"

Richard spoke this time, "Justin, I've been speaking to Dr. Mare and Susan and other nurses here. We understand you had that little stint last month but they've told me that you've been doing so well lately."

Justin shrugged. "I guess." He mumbled.

"They'd like to let you come home with me."

Justin raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Justin, spending all day every day in a dreary place like this isn't good for you. We feel that it's time for you to take care of yourself. In a familiar setting, where your head could be clear." Dr. Mare said.

"You mean where my mother died? Where I'll be alone once again?"

"Of course not." Susan rephrased it. "We will still meet with you; at least twice a week and you'd be going to a doctor to regulate your medicine. Plus you have your Uncle. It will be in-home treatment. Do you understand?"

"I want you at home, Justin." Richard added. "You belong there."

"This hospital is for people who are weak and are incapable of being strong for themselves. Believe me Justin, that is not you. Does this sound good for you, Justin?"

Justin blinked. Back at home. Where every single demon he'd ever had lay. "I-" He swallowed. "Yeah, that sounds good."

Less than twenty four hours later, Justin was sitting on the chair next to the bed he'd just spent the last month in. His hands were shaking. He hated this place but he hated Richard's house too.

He wouldn't call it home. He hadn't in years.

Justin sighed, running a hand over his face. I want to die, I want to die, I want to die. The mantra never stopped. It always ran in the back of his mind, reminding him.

He slid the grey hoodie over his t-shirt and zipped it up just as the door opened. Rita stepped in with a sad smile, slipping a bag of breakfast into his hand and left without a word. He made a mental note to come back and visit her.

Being discharged was horrific. Richard walked him down a line of nurses who were watching and smiling and clapping. It made him want to throw up. He wondered if they knew how ridiculous they looked. He counted on it.

The ride to the house was silent. Justin rolled his window down, taking in the damp air. He'd been only as far as the hospital basketball court the whole summer.

When Richard pulled up into the driveway, Justin stared up at his childhood house. A sarcastic, hysterical laugh escaped his lips which made Richard look uncomfortable. Justin just shook his head with a grim smile before hopping out of the truck.

He purposely kept his eyes trained in front of him, not looking at any other house on the street.

He refused.

The house felt cold and empty when he kicked his shoes off. He felt Richard step behind him as he breathed in the silence of the house.

"Welcome home." Richard muttered. "You hungry?"

"No," He shook his head. "I'm tired, I'm going to go to sleep."

His breathing was labored when he moved upstairs. In the hallway by the stairs, Richard hung the diploma that was mailed to him. Justin rolled his eyes, taking it down and placing it on the hall table.

He avoided his room, stepping into the bathroom to set up his medicine. He stacked and restacked them until his arms got tired. When that was finished, he showered and finally stopped in front of his room.

He took a deep breath and opened the door. The scratches and holes in the wall. The calendar which was still turned to May, back when he was counting down until school would end. He licked his lips, tearing the calendar down and throwing it against the wall.

Boxes were still packed with all of his shit. He let out another laugh, kicking box after box over. Then he kicked them all again for good measure. Laughing the whole time.

He kept laughing, until he just stopped. He stared into space, with no idea what do now. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

I know it's two days early but I found some time and I just couldn't wait.

Hope you liked! I have a lot planned so be ready.

Also leave me some ideas for a cast for this story and let me know what you think of the cover :-)

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