《Lola's Birthday Wish》Chapter 18: Super Crazy Family Fun Land
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Lana Loud was not the master of subtlety.
The morning she got off the phone with her displaced twin she went up to Tatiana and said, "Hey sis?......how about we play a game of...monopoly?"
"Monopoly? you hate that game. You always said it was boring."
"Yeah well, I'm kind of in the mood to make some money I guess."
Tatiana raised an eyebrow. Even though she was becoming more and more child like by the day, even she could see through that little lie.
The two of them played monopoly and it quickly became apparent that Lana was looking for something in particular. She was glaring at Tatiana like a hawk through the entire game.
Tatiana ended the game by yawning and saying it was boring. Then she challenged Lana to a game of hide and seek. After Lana hid, Tatiana went online and put herself in a local contest. One of those quiz things were answering twenty questions correctly nets you a prize.
After Tatiana won with her adult intellect, she went over to "what-she-soon-hoped-would-be-" her new parents.
She told them about this wonderful new amusement park that just opened up called Super amazing family fun land and that she had scored them a free entry fee for the whole family.
Ecstatic, Mr and Mrs Loud agreed to take them there tomorrow since it was Saturday.
This whole event took about a half hour. Tatiana knew Lana had talked to Lola on the phone. Which meant Lola would soon be arriving. And Tatiana already had two or three plans brewing in her mind to stop Lola from getting anywhere near her.
She found Lana hiding in the linen cupboard soon afterward. Lana soon forgot about the crazy lady on the phone altogether.
...................................................
Now it was present day, Lola and Sally were left fuming at the Loud House while Tatiana and her new family were on their way to super crazy family fun land (or sceffle, as Lynn Loud had dubbed it).
Lola then called her inside spy (Lana) on the phone.....
......................................................
In the van, Tatiana had already anticipated this and slipped Lanas phone out of her pocket and hid it. When the phone rang, Tatiana turned it off.
........................................................
Lola cursed at her phone (as an adult she had gotten much better at swearing), and began pontificating the situation.
"Sally?"
"Yes?"
"pick the lock."
Sally looked at her "possibly-not-boss" with a raised eyebrow. "Are you really a seven year old?" she asked
"I am. This is my house and I live here." Lola replied
"Well if your really Lola Loud then your not my boss. You don't pay my wages. Which means I don't have to follow your instructions. Especially the illegal ones."
"...........Well played Sally."
"Thank you."
Lola sighed deeply. "Oh well. I suppose it doesn't matter. If Tanya really has flipped out and decided to steal my life she probably destroyed the other necklace."
"You call her Tanya?"
"Yeah. she asked me too."
"Wow. Kid, I hope you appreciate the fact that she doesn't get that informal unless she trusts you with her life."
"I know." Lola said as she looked at her phone.
"It took me years to get to that level of confidence with Tanya. You did it in just a few months."
Lola laughed. "Well, to be fair, Tatiana and I were FORCED into seeing a lot of each other. I doubt she would have trusted me that much if I wasn't inside her body."
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"Still. Tanya doesn't trust people easily."
"How did you meet her?" Lola had often wondered this question. Sally and Tatiana seemed like more than just boss and assistant. They seemed almost like best friends.
Sally shrugged her shoulders. "How we met wasn't anything special. I was looking for a job and Tatiana was looking for an assistant. I got recommended by a mutual friend on a trial period. Three years later, I got into trouble."
"What kind of trouble?"
"I helped someone in need and they got murdered. Because I was the last person to talk to them the police had me pegged as suspect number one. I quit work until I could deal with this. Tried to fix it on my own. Wound up in jail. Then the guards took me out of the slammer and there was Tatiana Tiche in the commissioners office. Telling him that I had become an indispensable employee to her. Work was piling up without me. The situation was intolerable. So she posted my bail and hired a private detective to investigate on my behalf......They caught the real killer. Not just the detective but Tatiana as well. She figured out where the last piece of evidence was. After that she started referring to me by my first name. I asked if I could return the favour, she grumbled and said "Very well. Call me Tanya if you like. You've earned that privilege.", then I said "I could also use a raise" and she told me not to push my luck. We've been great friends ever since."
Lola sniffed and her eyes started to water. "Thats so beautiful! Your like her only friend."
"I know....and she...."
"Yes?"
"I'd never say this to her face, but Tatiana Tiche is the person I respect most in the entire world. We fight all the time. I threaten to quit and she threatens to fire me, but theres no one on earth I trust and believe in than her. She is a genius....and I'd risk my life for her....probably the only person I'd do that for, other than my own family."
"And thats why you followed me here." Lola asked
"Of course. Tatiana needs me. I still don't know if this is what you say it is but either way, Tatiana needs me....also you threatened to run around naked. Which I didn't want to see."
The woman stood across from each other. Lost in thought. Sally looked at the house and got an idea. "How many relatives in your family?"
"Thirteen."
"Excuse me?"
"I have ten siblings. Nine sisters and a brother."
"Oh my dear sweet god. I am so sorry."
"Its not so bad. We all get along great."
"I have one sister and she drives me up the wall. If I had nine I'd be crying myself to sleep every night."
"Were you going somewhere with this Sally?"
"Can we call one of your other siblings and get the info out of them?"
"A grown woman calling a random kid and asking where their going? No way would they fall for that! Besides, Tanya's probably sitting right there in the van we'd have to......"
Lola stopped. Her eyes went wide and that oh so familiar grin crossed her lips. "....find someone she wouldn't be expecting to hear from."
............................................................
Leni's phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hi! is this Leni Loud?"
"Yes." Said Leni. The woman on the other end sounded warm and friendly.
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"I'm miss Alexi Stopenthrober. Head of the united dress delivery alliance, and you've won a free trip to our department store in California."
"Oh M Gosh! You guys! We won another free trip!"
At the sound fo the phone call Tatiana whirled around. "Who is it?"
"Its some lady name Alexi Soon...stopan...stephan...she says we've won a trip to California!"
Tatiana rolled her eyes. "Leni, did you enter any contests?"
"Now that you mention it I don't remember doing so. But I won!"
"Leni! Its a scam caller!"
Tatiana's phone began to ring. It was Poor Kylie.
"Hang up the phone and don't tell them anything." Said Tatiana as she answered.
Confused. Leni put the phone to her ear. "Are you a scam caller?"
"Noooooooo. I'm just calling to give you your tickets. Where are you heading right now?"
"she says she wants to know where we're heading." Leni said to her family.
"What?! Why would she want to know that?" said Mr loud
"Leni sweetie, hang up the phone." said Mrs Loud
"Dude, better do it, who knows what kind of phone tracking gizmo they're using. They may have all your data by now." said Luna
Leni gasped in horror and shut her phone off.
Tatiana snickered. "Amateur. Sorry about that Kylie. What's happening?"
on the other end of Lola's phone, Kylie said, "I wanted to know if you wanted to come over and play today?"
"Sorry Kylie, Me and my family are heading to super crazy family fun land. It'll have to be some other time."
"Okay. Bye."
...................................................
Kylie looked up at Lola and Sally. "she's going to super crazy family fun land."
Lola grinned. As she expected, Tatiana wasn't fooled when Lola called Leni, but Kylie's call caught her off guard.
Besides. Kylie has a habit of being underestimated.
"So your really Lola?" Asked Kylie
"Thats right." said Lola
"Wow." Kylie sounded mildly shocked by this. As if she just saw a dragonfly buzz past.
"Thank you for all your help Kylie. I have to go and get my body back now."
"Can I come with you?"
Sally stepped in. "I appreciate it kid, but I don't think you parents are going to be thrilled when they find you gone. Heck, they're probably sitting in the living room, wondering why your on the front porch talking to two strangers."
Kylie turned and opened the front door. "MOM! DAD! IM GOING TO GO SLEEPOVER AT LOLA'S! I'LL SEE YOU TOMMORROW!"
"Okay cupcake! See you tommorrow!" came the slightly drunk response.
"Okay, I can come with you guys now." Kylie said as she shut the door and headed for the rental car.
"Sweet Jesus." murmered Sally.
"I know. Kylie should have social services on speed dial." Lola replied. shaking her head.
...............................................
An hour later, Lola and Sally arrived at super crazy family fun land.
With Kylie, Roxie and Genny in the back seat.
"Why the hell did we bring them again?" Sally asked
"We're two grown women trying to capture a seven year old. We'll be in prison by bedtime. So instead we have to let them do the capturing and then we step in and use the necklaces." Lola replied.
"Okay. But Why three? We could just use Kylie!"
"Honestly I don't trust Kylie to not wander off. Also, my little body is pretty athletic for my age. So you guys up to date on whats happening?"
"Yes!" replied Kylie
"Yes." said Genny, who was thoughourly confused but determined to help.
"Kind of." said Roxie, who had just gotten her mind blown after hearing Lola's whole story.
"Good. So lets go over our stories. "What are we going to tell your folks?"
"We had a last minute slumber party at Lola's house" the three replied
"Did you go to an amusement park?"
"No" the three replied
"Why are you actually here?"
"to get Lola's body back." they replied
"Is this a kidnapping?"
"No." replied the three girls (even though it totally was)
"Great. Lets go grab a child."
"Lord above." Murmered Sally
......................................
Lola, Sally and the three children walked up to the front counter and bought tickets. The dude at the ticket booth complimented their family and said they looked beautiful together.
Once inside they spread out and searched.
Roxie and Genny went off to the food fair together. Sally took Kylie over to the rides, holding her hand to make sure she didn't wander off.
Lola ran around the attractions.
"alright. Now if I was me, where would I go first?" Lola thought to herself.
The answer to that question, was the merry go round. Where all of the younger loud siblings were riding around in a circle happily.
Tatiana spread her arms wide and squealed at the top of her lungs. "I hope this never ends!" she cried out.
But when she opened her eyes her blood went cold. A tall and familiar looking figure came out of the crowd holding hands with Poor Kylie.
"No..." Tatiana gasped.
She jumped off the horse and ran into the crowd and bumped into someones knee. Her own.
"There you are!" Lola Yelled grabbing Tatianas arm. "did you really think you could steal my family?! wheres the necklace Tanya?"
"HELP! HELP! THIS STRANGER IS TOUCHING ME!"
...................................................
So after all her speeches about not looking like a kidnapper, it was Lola who wound up in the park managers office in handcuffs.
"Well played Tanya. but your definitely going to pay for it."
"The police are on their way lady." said the scary looking head of security.
"Perfect."
...............................................
"Honey are you okay?" Lola's parents fussed over their not-actual-daughter.
"I'm perfectly fine guys. She was just some random creep. Probably a drunk." Tatianas eyes scoured the crowd for Sally but couldn't find her. "Come on Lana, lets go buy some candy!"
Tatiana grabbed her not-twins arm and dragged her over to the food court while the other siblings watched it curiosity. Who was that woman? they wondered.
Tatiana's mind raced furiously. How could she have been so dumb as to give away her location? Now everything was going down the toilet. she had to get away. She had to buy time until the spell was permanent.
"Lola. Who was that lady?"
"I told you she's-" Tatiana froze.
Genny and Roxie came up out of the food court and approached them. Lana waved them over excitedly, but Tatiana could see in their eyes that they weren't here for fun.
"you know what? I'm not hungry."
"But Roxie and Genny-"
Tatiana dragged Lana away while Genny and Roxie rushed after them in pursuit. Tatiana made a hard left and fled into the fun house. She didn't even stop to pay, she just ducked under the security beam and rushed inside before the ticket collector could stop them.
Tatiana ran deeper and deeper into the fun house. until she was sure she was good and lost.
"Lola? Why'd you run away from those guys?"
"What guys? HEY! look at this!"
In front of the two girls was a massive row of fun house mirrors. Tatiana stood in front of each one and made funny faces. "Come on Lana! you do it too!" she pulled Lana in front of the mirror next to her.
There was mirror that made her look fat. one that made her look short. Tatiana began talking to the reflections as if each one was a different person.
But then one mirror made her stop. It was the tall and thin mirror. The reflection made Tatiana look tall and beautiful. For a second she thought her adult self was staring back at her.
"Lola? Whats-"
"Hey Tatiana!"
The twins whirled around. Kylie was walking up to them and waving. Fear gripped Tatianas throat.
"Kylie? what are you doing here?" asked Lana
"I came to get Tatiana. Didn't Lola tell you on the phone?"
"Don't tell lies!" Tatiana screamed petulantly. shoving Kylie to the ground and grabbing Lana once more.
But this time Lana didn't budge. "Hey! why'd you do that!?"
"Because she's crazy! Kylies just a big mean...stupid...she hates me!"
Lana went over and helped Kylie off the ground and Tatiana realized she had blundered badly.
"Look Lana I'm sorry, I just...you see me and Kylie...we...I..."
But it was no use. Tatianas massive intellect had finally vanished. she had become nothing more than a naughty child who had been caught in her lies. All that was left was the knowledge that Tatiana was in fact, herself. She was 99% Lola Loud and the last 1% was only holding on because of who was at the park.
"Tanya?" Sally cautiously came out from behind the darkened corridor. "Is that really you?"
Tatiana looked up at her former assistant. The memory of who she was caused her to feel even more guilt and shame.
"Good lord. I didn't want to believe it but its true. You know who I am? don't you?" Sally edge closer.
Tatiana frowned and turned away in disgust. "I don't know what your talking about. I've never seen you before in my life."
"Uh-huh. Try saying that again to my face. Tanya, what are you doing? You know you can't keep this up forever."
"Keep what up? Your just some crazy lady who's trying to kidnap me."
"Enough Tanya. We know where the Louds live. Nice work ducking out of there at the last minute but you realize you would've had to come back sometime right? All we had to do was sit outside the louds front door and they would've brought you right to us."
"Lalalalalala, I can't hear youuuuuuuuuu." Tatiana plugged her ears.
"Tatiana this isn't fair! Lola's just a kid and your robbing her of a childhood! Look, I know your probably not thinking straight right now, but on some level you have to know this is wrong. Here, put this necklace on and lets fix this."
Sally took out the museums necklace and Tatiana laughed.
"Fat chance! You need both necklaces and I got rid of mine!"
"You mean this necklace?" Lana said as she pulled the second one out of her trousers.
Tatianas tiny jaw hit the floor. "But how!...I...."
"You dropped it down the rain duct. I know. I scrounge around the sewer all the time. I found it floating down the channel and fished it out." Lana looked into Tatianas eyes. " Are you really an imposter?"
Tatianas eyes turned to floor. she rubbed her arm with guilt. "look Lana I..."
And then Lana Loud turned into a hurricane.
Before Tatiana could even put her arms up she was getting belted with hard blows all over her face and body. Lana was screaming cuss words with tears running down her face.
Sally rushed over and found herself protecting the person she was trying to capture. "Whoa! kid! thats enough! Its still your sisters body!...and I don't think..oof! she's going to appreciate the cracked ribs!"
Tatiana saw her chance and snatched the necklace from Lana and fled for her life.
...........................................
The manager of the park led the police into the security office. "She's in here officer. We caught her grabbing a minor by the arm."
"Kidnapping?" replied officer Boone
"it didn't look like a...you know....an assault. but it didn't look like she was trying to carry the kid off either."
The officer nodded his head. "maybe the kid screamed at the right moment. in any case we'll take care of her."
but his words were hollow.
For if Tatiana had become 99% Lola. Then Lola had now become 99% Tatiana Tiche. The security room was empty, save for a pair of handcuffs, an open cell door, and the head of security lying uncouncess on the floor.
...................................................
Tatiana cried and sobbed uncontrollably as she ran through the fun land. Her sobs could be heard by everyone who passed her.
Her sister hated her, and now the rest of the loud family was going to hate her too. she had no friends or family and nowhere to go. Plus her body really hurt.
Roxie and Genny cut her off again by the parks rear exit. "Got you imposter!" yelled Genny
"You're not going anywhere!" said Roxie
Tatiana frantically looked around, and saw the gigantic playground called tube land. Complete with tubes that stretched almost thirty feet into the air.
Tatiana ran to the security fence and clambered over it using her gymnast agility. then sped into the nearest tube.
"Dangit!" yelled Roxie.
Genny snarled like a wild animal as she tried to scamper up the fence.
"Forget it Genny. we'll have to get in the legal way."
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