I arrived at the Main Hall that fateful morning looking for Lord Yukimura to share breakfast with. As I entered I saw Lord Shingen, several of his top generals, along with Yukimura, his father, and a few of The Ten engrossed in what was obviously a serious discussion of some sort.

Bowing slightly as Shingen saw me enter, I went to find a place where I would be far enough away for them to think their conversation was still in private.

From my first mouthful of food I realised they were discussing me and I had to force myself to appear ignorant. I couldn't put names to all the voices from the angle I was on, and some of the conversation was out of my hearing range, but what I did hear made my blood turn to ice.

"You can't be serious ..." (?)

"I promised her a fair trial." (Shingen)

"But a woman!" (Kansuke)

I stared at my bowl and controlled myself, I was getting used to how the men saw me here, no problem.

"What is wrong with her?" (Yukimura) "It is like she is ..."

"Yukimura, she is close to breaking point, she is very fragile right now, be patient." (Shingen)

"She is so driven, so strong, she does not seem fragile." (?)

"Is she dangerous?" (Kansuke)

"Only to herself." (Shingen)

I was starting to have a little more difficulty looking natural, so I coughed and drank some tea. There were a few sideways glances, but I ignored them and they resumed their discussion.

"How long before Saizo returns, have you found him?" (Shingen)

SAIZO

– that word.

A sharp pain hit my heart, but I was practiced now, and so I firmly steered it back to a regular beat.

"Yes milord, after trying to destroy an entire bloodline single handed .."

(I couldn't get the rest over appreciative mutterings at this point)

"He was in Ise Province at Anotsu Castle with the Naishinnō." (Yukimura)

"The Kitasatake Princess?" (?)

Something metallic snapped loudly in my heart –

.

I stopped eating.

"Will he return before we go to war?" (Kansuke)

"Let us hope so or..."

At that point several things happened.

Firstly, I wasn't aware that I had stood up until my mind caught up with real time. Secondly, I had stood up so quickly I had sent my tray clattering to the floor.

Lord Shingen's and my eyes met.

His showed the revelation that I had not only heard but understood their conversation from this distance and I don't know what he saw in mine.

My secret was out.

I swept from the Hall.

I had to ride. I fled to the stables.

Ryo looked almost terrified as this hurling ball of female fury descended on the stables and demanded their horse. Minutes later I was galloping from the courtyard and through the castle gates. I rode to the training grounds, I don't know why, and as I galloped around the empty space, twisting and turning, the hoof prints matched the shattering pattern of my heart as it cracked the cage I was holding it in.

...

...

I can't describe the battle and torment that wracked me as I rode.

Dear Jin did his best, but I realised I was punishing him, so I backed off chasing him and let him catch his breath.

Saizo

... Princess.

I couldn't put those two words out of my head. I dismounted and strode towards the cherry tree seeing pictures from what seemed like an age ago. I stood and stared at it, and for a little while everything went blank, all I could hear was my own breathing.

My feet walked me to its bark by themselves and I saw my hand reach out for the trunk...

A bolt like electricity went straight to my heart as I touched it; and I staggered backwards so quickly from shock I ended up sitting down hard on the grass.

This was not pain I could use. This was pain that overtook my mind.

I sat on the grass trying to breathe the pain away.

"Lady Tamara."

The voice close to me made me jump to my feet in an instant, drawing my katana as I spun around.

"You would draw on me?"

The tall frame of Lord Yukimura looked alert, but his eyes were confused.

"Yes, looks that way doesn't it."

My tone was mocking and even in my own ears it didn't sound like me.

I took an attack swing towards him, forcing him to draw his own in defense. The blades clashed as he saw I wasn't kidding.

"I do not want to fight you." He took a step backwards

"Pity." I threatened, stepping into the space he left.

I put an attack to him, which he defended easily, but still had to keep his guard up. We squared off with him looking even more confused and me totally focused on a fight.

I rocked from foot to foot like a tennis player waiting a serve, jumping my katana from one hand to the other.

"So, whatcha got then lover boy?" I baited him, and as he blushed I flew in another attack.

Again he defended easily, but seemed more upset. There was a part of me that just wanted him to attack, put some real force into this exchange.

"LADY TAMARA! ... PLEASE!"

I said nothing but pressed him harder, speeding up my attack. His features turned grim and he began to use more of his strength in defending.

My spine hit the tree trunk as his sheer power forced me backwards.

Pausing for breath, he thought I was going to stop and relaxed his stance for a second; he took a step forwards,

"Lady Tamara!" He pleaded with me.

I sprung upwards, caught the first branch and jumped over his shoulder and the split second I landed I rammed the katana hilt into the small of his back.

He turned with lightning speed and I saw the point of his blade pass just millimetres from my face.

OH YES. NOW IT WAS ON.

This time I didn't lose my temper, this time I was able to siphon into myself every emotion and make it calculated, cold, power. For the first time since it was done, my shoulder burned and that was beautiful, pure pain.

It was almost as if I could see Yukimura in slow motion, know where his blade was heading and he in turn began to change, a different expression crossed his face, and for the first time in the exchange, he attacked.

I was knocked backwards by the incredible force and speed he had, but my feet felt the ground easily and I still kept my balance.

We stayed locked together, the clash of blades loud in our ears, locked together in that world, that moment to moment, our focus purely to the weapons.

Suddenly, he stood straight and took a step backwards and as I registered it, something grabbed my collar, lifted me off the ground and flung me like a rag doll sharply to the right.

I bit the dirt and skidded on my side, and looked up in time to see a foot descend onto my wrist and crush my katana from my grasp.

Lord Shingen stood above me; his face lit with bright amber fire. He kept his foot on my wrist as he knelt down towards me. Every part of me had frozen; I just lay there in the dirt gasping to get my breath back.

"Leave us." He barked, never taking his eyes off me.

The seconds seemed to drag on into minutes, my breathing began to settle and I felt tiredness wash over me as he still stared into me. I went to try to get up, but he pushed me roughly back with a hand to my shoulder.

"Don't T.." I grated between clenched teeth.

"Be. Quiet." He cut me off as I squirmed for a bit, but I had to yield to his strength, it was totally frustrating.

"Tamara, Lady Tamara." His voice softened along with his grip, and I scrambled out from underneath him, wrapping my arms around my legs and burying my face in my knees.

"You've been keeping secrets from me. Why?"

"I was told to."

"By who? Lord Kenshin?"

"No."

"Who then?"

"I don't know who she is, she was the one who helped me." I paused, "It was so dark." I tailed off as a wave of emotion came with the fatigue and swept through me; my heart had almost gotten free. Still the two words echoed through my mind.

Saizo

... Princess

"Tamara, come with me." Lord Shingen stood and retrieved his horse; I had been so intent on my fight with Yukimura I hadn't even heard him approach. Picking up my katana as I pushed myself upright, I called Jin to me. Another wave of tiredness and emotion rolled across me as I jammed the hilt home in the scabbard and went to mount up.

"I AM NOT WEAK!!" I shouted to myself, gritting my teeth and jumped onboard.

I didn't pay attention to where we were going, woodland flew by, and as each wave of tiredness swept me I felt parts of me breaking, losing my defenses.

I had to stop.

I pulled up sharply, dismounted, dropped to my knees and threw up loudly at the side of the path. The scenery seemed very bright around me, the pain in my chest was torment and I gasped for air trying to find something, anything in my mind I could use to make the merry go round stop.

Lord Shingen lifted me to my feet, as another wave of pain and nausea folded me in two, and he tried to embrace me. I struggled and went to run from him, but he held one wrist and easily pulled me back. I folded again, my breathing in ragged gasps and then something broke, caved in deep inside me and I screamed.

It was a primal, desperate sound that I howled to the sky.

My heart broke its cage, but I felt it crumble to dust in the process.

Everything drained from me as Lord Shingen still held me in his arms, like meeting an old friend his power and strength washed over me.

I struggled weakly but he held me firmly to him in silence.

I could feel myself sinking, and he controlled my descent until we were both sitting by the side of the path, his great arms wrapped around me as I faced away from him.

"Tamara" His warmth breath swept my ear, "You have to let the fear go – tears are not a weakness."

My breath shuddered in my chest, but I was far from tears, too busy mourning the loss of my heart.

The sound of hoof beats approaching met my ears as I sagged into his arms. He held me so close I could feel the steady beat of his heart behind me – and then I guess I passed out, because the last thing I remember was staring at his hands as they held me.