I woke up to my alarm and a massive hangover. I don't usually drink at work, but lately the job has gotten to be a little too boring for me. I cut off my alarm and got out the bed. I went through my routine of washing my ass and getting ready then grabbed my things. I never come back home before work so there was no point in leaving any of my things. As I got in my car my phone started to ring with "Boss Man" on he caller ID.

Phone:

"Hello Shawn" I sighed "What do you want?"

"I need you to come in early" he was laughing

"For?"

"Got a couple of auditions before we open up and I need my number one girl to make the cuts"

"If I come I need a chicken philly waiting on me... HOT... with fries and a drink!"

"You so fucking fat dude" he laughed "I gotchu baby girl just don't be late. You got fifteen minutes. And don't fucking complain because it only takes 10 to get her from the house"

"Fine" I sighed "I'm getting dressed now "

I hung up and went to put on a sports bra and sweats. I text my best friend Tiana who was still dancing at the club with me. She was already headed that way and offered to pick me up. I got my stuff together and took a quick selfie before heading outside.

@QueenofParadise: Sometimes you just be feeling yourself 😜😎✌🏾

When I got outside, Tiana was bumping music too turn in her hummer truck. I laughed as I got in the car and gave her a hug. We headed to the club singing and partying in the car. We pulled up and headed inside to see eight girls standing there waiting. Shawn walked out with my food in his hands and kissed us on the cheeks.

"Thank you both! I got you tonight! 5k each"

"Always" Tiana sat down

"I guess" I sat next to her and started eating

"First up is..." Shawn walked the girl up on stage

"Rebecca" she smiled

"Hmm you look more like a Snow" Tiana wrote Snow down as her name "Go head"

"Let's go Damon" I said into the walkie talkie on the table

"You got it ma" he said back

As the music came on Shawn left her not he stage by herself. Damon played 'Freak No Mo' and the white girl went in. I wasn't that surprised seeing how she was dressed for the job and her ass what on 2,000 by white girl standards. Tiana and I both gave her a five before cutting the music. I told her to wait in the locker room. As we continued threw the girls we kept two others but the rest were trash. I walked with Shawn to the locker room while Tiana went to the office.

"Ladies" Shawn smiled "Welcome to Paradise! This is Micah. I would tell you her name but she changes it with her hairstyles. Most of the time it's Butterfly"

"Hey ladies" I spoke "Minx is fine just never use governments in the club. I just want you all to know that anything you need, I am the point of contact. I make the schedule and so much more. If I'm not in the locker room you can shoot me a text and I'll handle whatever you need. Think of me as the Olivia Pope of Paradise"

"Now, you all have been given names"

"Rebecca" I looked at Tiana's notes "Snow. Yonny is Magix. And Whitney is Thunder"

"You all start tonight. Be back her by 9 and dressed for work. Tiana will have store you can shop at before you go. Also if you need a shot or two cool, but if you're drunk. You go home. If you get sent home twice, you're on probation for a week. Two more times and you gotta go."

"If I were you, I'd stretch and test out some routines before you get her. It was nice too meet you all. See you later Boss" I threw up the peace sign

I walked back into the front area. Tiana was going to help the girls since she wasn't working tonight so I decided to just take a cab home. When I got there, I headed inside only to see David walking up behind me. I didn't say anything but I knew he'd be annoying once he saw what was coming.

We got into the house and his hands were on my waist. I stopped and moved them away before walking into the kitchen and went to grab a coke. When I closed the refrigerator, he was standing there looking bewildered.

"What?" I spoke before sipping my coke

"Really? No hey baby....Nothing?"

"Hello David"

"Damn really"

"Look, I'm not in the mood for this today"

"This? What is this?"

"This bs you bringing me" I walked pass him to my room

"Hold up" he spoke coming in shortly behind me "Fuck is yo problem"

"I don't have one. I'm just tired of this"

"So you done with me now? Is that what you saying" he smirked

"I'm saying I don't have time. Go back to your girl and enjoy your life"

He shook his head before grabbing my hand. He pulled me into him and started kissing my neck. I can't lie, he always knew what to do to weaken my mind with lust, but today I wasn't feeling it. I pushed him away getting agitated. He shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever B"

"Bye" I walked to my closet

"You really doing this? Almost four damn years and now you feel some type of way? What type of bullshit is that?"

I took a deep breath trying to control my anger. The more he yelled at me the angrier I got. Finally, I broke.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I yelled throwing a Timberlin boot at him

"What the----"

"You are truly a self-centered arrogant bastard! You mad because I'm tired of being your fucking side piece? You got a whole bitch and think I should set for being your bitch on the side? Get yo fucking life! It was fun while it lasted! I'm done!"

"Whatever! B, you knew what this was before it ever started! Miss me with that bullshit!"

"No what's bullshit is you laying in my fucking bed, saying how much you 'really do love me' only to go fuck your bitch the next day!"

"She's my wife!"

"One fucking year of marriage big whoop! You been dotting my door for two and a half years David! You just need to let me go!"

"So I have to lose you because I have a wife. Someone you knew about from jump!"

"You're trying to make this my fault" I shook my head trying to stop the tears "It's both of our fault. I knew better the same as you. But I'm done now----"

"B I love you! Can't you fucking see that"

"Not enough to be with just me though"

"We come from different types of people. I've been Gabriella's husband since I was 17. She was my high school sweetheart and the woman everyone wanted me to marry"

"Do you love her?"

"Of course I do"

"Then why---why you sitting her fighting for me" the tears won and began rolling "I'm not some rich kid from the suburbs. I don't even have fucking parents. I'm not good enough for you.... cool. Let me be good enough for someone else."

"I've never said you weren't good enough!"

"No, you just fuck me and throw me to the side like an angel" I rolled my eyes as I spoke with sarcasm "Just get out and let it go!"

"No!"

"No?"

"No! This is the dumbest shit your hot headed ass has gotten upset about. You knew what the fuck we were and now you mad? That makes no fucking since and I'm not leaving until you explain"

"Explain what?"

"Your fucking problem"

"You are my fucking problem! YOU!" my tears were rolling faster "Did you ever stop to think that I am a woman that actually has fucking feelings? That maybe I actually love your stupid ass? Maybe I'm tired of being player fucking two in your games...." I stopped yelling at him "Did I ever even cross your mind other than when you ready to bust a nut?"

"B----"

"Just save it. I'm done fighting about it. Go home to your wife"

"B please just let me talk"

I shook my head before walking over to my dresser.

"Micah please"

"Just say what you have to say and leave"

"Micah I love you. I love you more than you will understand. I love you from the inside out. You are everything I could ask for an more.... You know the life I have and I can't just throw that away for love"

"What about for your child" I sighed pulling out the ultrasound

"What?"

"Would you have given it up for your baby.... our baby?"

"B are you----"

"I was"

"Was? You mean----"

"I felt sick a while ago but I didn't think much of it. Before I knew it I was waking up covered in blood" I felt myself getting sick "Carmen came over and took me to the hospital-- it was so much blood I didn't even make it there"

"Huh?"

"I passed out.... When I woke up Carmen was sitting there holding my hand. She was crying so i knew. The doctor came and said there was nothing they could do by the time I got there my body was already getting rid of the--- I was a home for a week.... a week alone.... a week with no one here but Carmen when she wasn't at home or working"

"Why didn't you----"

"I'll call you back B. You know I'm with the fam shit why you tripping" I shook my head "I was laying in the hospital and that was what you had to say to me.... all I wanted to do was tell you our baby died and you didn't----" I shook my head "Then to add salt to the wound. You post on snapchat how you taking your girl to the cabin for the weekend. Trying to make babies all night"

I laughed as my anger built. I turn around and mushed him in the face with the ultrasound. He stumbled back as a ran to my bathroom and locked the door. I couldn't breath and everything felt like it was closing in on me. I ran to the toilet and threw up before leaning against the tub. No one knew about my anxiety attacks but Carmen. I grabbed my phone out of my bra and sent her a text.

TEXT:

RED ALERT- Micah

Fuck! Where are you?- Carmen

Bathroom! Door Locked! David here!- Micah

OMW!!!- Carmen

END

I grabbed a towel as I felt myself start to hyperventilate. I turn on the shower and sink to steam up the room. It always helped me breath even though it wasn't a science behind it. David continued to bang on the door and call my name. His voice was shaking but I couldn't move from my seat against my tub. After a while he stopped banging and I heard the door slam. It was literally seconds later the Carmen open the door with her key and grabbed me. I cried in her arms not knowing how to feel or what to do. It had been almost a month since I was in the hospital. Shit I hadn't talk to David the whole time, but I never thought I would blow up like this. He was never supposed to be more than just a jump off.

After thirty minutes of me crying and Carmen silently consoling me, we headed to the kitchen. I took a couple shots and shook my head.

"You need to go to a doctor yo" Carmen looked at me confused

"I need to go to work"

"Micah you have legit anxiety attacks. That's not normal"

"It is for me"

"I can't stand when you're stubborn like this"

"Carmen I'm serious. I'm fine. I just.... I can't do this with him anymore"

"Bitch you love him! You love him and you know it!"

"He's married"

"So! You were here first"

"No I wasn't"

"Well you were here before he married that dumb ass girl"

"It doesn't change anything. He's with her and I'm moving on"

"Fine"

"You just wanted me to get with him and stop stripping like yo in love ass" I laughed

"Well" she laughed "I just think it's time for you to move pass the club"

"Everyone doesn't have a doctor like you"

"Well you know" she laughed

I shoot my head "I didn't even realize what time it was when I got home. I'm going to be late going up there"

"Well I must warn you before he left, D said he'll be up there tonight. Micah he really wants to talk to you about all this"

"I understand but I just don't see why. He with the love of his life.... leave me be" I sighed "Come on, help me pick a theme for tonight"

"You know I love your S & M routine"

"Yo kinky ass"

We laughed before heading back to my second closet.

A couple hours had passed since me and B had fallen out. She would answer my calls or respond to my text. I had already decided when I left I'd just find her in the club, but first I had to pick up my boy Tim. When he got in the car he shook his head.

"I told you to leave her alone" he spoke as I drove off "I told you to be happy with Gabby but no! You just had to have your cake and eat it too! She pregnant bro!"

"Was pregnant" I sighed "You didn't listen. She was pregnant"

"She abor-----"

"She had a miscarriage a fucking month ago"

"Why she aint tell you?"

"She tried.... it was when I took Gabby to the cabin and was trying to be a good husband for once. I shut her completely down..... I remember the call and everything. I told Gabby it was Bianca from the office talking about that dumb ass case we had together"

"Man"

I paused "I've never even seen B cry... let alone like that. It was like I broke her"

"Well you probably did"

"I didn't mean---"

"It's never about what you meant to do. It's about what you did. Bro, you got to understand men throw themselves at B's feet every night...but she left the club with you. She's playing vixen for you. Fulfilling all your wildest fantasies... only for you to make her your second option. No bitch want to be an option. Let alone a bitch that can have any nigga out there"

"But she knew what this was. She knew I had Gabs"

"You say that... but how many vacations have you taken her own, gifts you bought, and everything else you been doing for years. You don't do that much with your side piece if you want her to stay on the side"

"I guess" I pulled up to the club "Just help me out. Worst come to worst, you'll have to talk to her. Easiest situation would be you just b-lining Bell crazy ass"

"You would want me to handle Bell"

I laughed at his disdain as we got out the car and headed inside. We shook up with the bouncer before heading to the both in the back. Any time I came to just see B at work, I'd just sit in the back and chill. I felt so confused with how to handle a conversation with B. She was never like this, but we also hadn't ever experienced a serious situation like this. I decided to call over a chick that look pretty new.

"Excuse me sweet heart" I grabbed her hand so the hundred was in hers "Can you bring Butterfly over her for me?"

"Umm sure"

I watched as the young girl walked over to B and whispered to her. B rolled her eyes before following the girl over to me. When she got there she hugged Tim but completely ignored me.

"Hey B" Tim kissed her check "How you been?"

"Been better"

"You gone talk to my boy"

"I don't have anything to say to him" she turned away from me "Yall have fun"

Before she could walk away I stood up and grabbed her hand. She jerked away but didn't walk off.

"Just let me talk to you baby" I whispered in her ear

She shoot her head and walked forward. When I did move with her she stopped and I felt relief. I walked up behind her until we were in her office. B sat against her desk and I stood in front of her. She head was down with her eyes glued to the floor.

"B talk to me"

"I've said everything I had to say David"

"Do you love me B?"

She would speak.

"B! DO YOU LOVE ME?"

"YES! FUCK! Yes okay!"

"And you don't think I love you back? B I been rocking with you for three years"

"Yeah and what have I gotten?" she stood up "A year in you miss my birthday for your engagement party. Three years in you left me in a whole other state to check on your 'finance' who was lonely? It was our fucked up anniversary and you couldn't even be with me then. Let's not forget last Christmas when you had Tim bring me a couple gifts only because I hadn't seen you since Halloween AND after that we didn't speak until the end of fucking January. And the icing on the cake...." she scoffed "And grand ole year three. You marry her and I don't hear from you for month. Then you walk back in and stupid ass me welcomes you with open arms. For what? So that I can get pregnant and miscarry a fucking baby while you laying up with her? THAT'S NOT FUCKING LOVE!"

"BUT I DO LOVE YOU!" I yelled back "I've never had what you are able to give me! Nobody understands me like you do. Nobody loves me like you. Yes, I'm married and I'm with her because I'm suppose to be.... You just don't understand B but I don't have a choice in this. I want us to be together. I want to have kids with you" I felt myself crying "I wish I was there for you! For our baby! I can't take that back! You really think I wouldn't want to have babies with you?"

"You can say that all you want... but your actions speak volumes"

"Let me show you"

"How?"

"I don't know yet. I don't want to lie to you. Baby please just give me a chance to show you. Let me take care of you and love you like I should"

She shook her head and covered her face as she cried some more. I pulled her into my chest and kissed her forehead. Did I feel bad? Yes... but I do love B. I just can't leave the future I have set for myself. Shit to many people have been planning my future for me to throw it away. B is everything to me.... but I just can't. Now, I just have to figure out how to make it all work out.