i lost my sunshine.

i lost my guide.

i lost my strength.

i lost my pillar.

i lost my world.

i lost my father......

i hugged his soil and called him a lot to come back to me i need him but he didn't hear me.

i cried and wailed for him to come back i will be lost without him but he didn't.

i hate it when people tells me to move on and look out for my kids but i cant move on.

this pain is too much to take i just cant take it. i cant digest to think that my father is no more. i don't like when someone tells me that he is d...

no he is not!

he loved me a lot and he proved it in every way possible so how can i stand on my feet when he is not around me to tell me what to do?

i cant move on when he is not here to tell me what to do and what not?

how can i move on when i see his room, his bed empty?

how can i move on when i see his books spread around but he is not here to write?

his clothes, his bed, pillow and blanket, all his room smells like him. i smelled his pillow and slept on it while crying and making it wet, but he didn't come to me.

my father was a professor, scholar, writer, poet, and what not. how can i move on when i wasn't even able to read him my stories?

when i told him dad i am writing, he looked at me and smiled that you still need to learn. how can i move on when i am still learning and he is not around me?

he is right since in front of his writings, i was nothing. and i needed to learn from him and how now?

i saw him lifeless, i ran after him and called him to come back let this be a bad dream. but it is a reality.

a reality which i may never come over it.

he was my everything and i lost him.

but i know he is with me and i want him with me otherwise i will lose my life.

dad. no body understand in what grieve pain i am but you do. i know that you know it will take me a lot of time or may be a life time to understand this fact that you will not be around me. i know you know my pain cause you know me.

we kept you save from corona virus but your heart betrayed us.

4/6/2020 at 3:30 pm i lost him due to cardiac arrest.

please keep him in your prayers.

and do not expect me to update as i dont know i would ever keep my mind in work and write.

my heart and my mind is shattered.

please pray for him.

dad i love you a lot and you know that i need you in my life. be with your daughter please.