Toughen up Kayden.

Toughen up!

I stared at my reflection with a hot tear sliding down my cheek. Peanut was all I could think of beside Gina. The moments that led up to Peanut's death danced in my head like a jokester. Seeing the life disappear from his eyes over and over switched my humanity off. I couldnt feel a thing. Watching my phone ring on and off did not phase me whats so ever.

Looking at my pistol on my bed, picking it up to put it against my temple infront of my dresser mirror with anger surging through my body. I wanted to be with Peanut. I know Chris gon' hold it down while I'm gone.

But I miss my brother, man.

I miss him.

Taking the safety mode off, I took multiple deep breathes before calming down, shutting my eyes. I never heard Gina come in, shouting my name throughout my apartment. I didn't hear her open my door and rush towards me to snatch the gun away from me. The only thing I felt was her arms wrap around my torso.

My legs turned into dead weight as we both dropped to the floor. I let the tears slip out of my eyes continously, looking straight with no emotion found on my face. She hummed her tune that I grew fond of, rocking me in her arms.

"Don't ever think you're alone... I'm here" she murmured, kissing the top of my head. I felt loved for once. Not that Chris and Peanut didn't love me, but by a female. She was different, it had only been a couple days and I knew I could rely on her for a shoulder to cry on.

But Peanut's words from days before slipped into my memory.

"Nigga make her chase you for once"

"You need to get hard again"...

I pulled away from Gina's arms, leaving her on the floor as I got up to leave the apartment. I couldn't stay here anymore. It was too many memories I couldnt look back on. Jogging down the steps, I violently pushed the door open.

Thinking I almost broke it, I never checked to see if I did. Walking farther and farther away, I ended up on the corner where Chris, Peanut, and I usually stand at; hollering at fine women. The memories consumed my mind making me saddened all over again.

The faded holograms of Peanut standing there with his chips and juice while Chris and I conversated amongst each other, whispering about females walking past. I felt the many tears slip out of my eyes. I felt numb in the brain and body.

A voice from behind called out continously but I never looked back.

Beginning to walk forward, I turned the corner and bumped into someone.

Looking up, Chris and I locked eyes abruptly . His cheeks were damp while the white part of his eyes were a dark red. "M-man" Chris choked out, his bottom lip began trembling. I noticed how his hands and arms were shaky. Just seeing him like this broke me down even more.We needed each other to mourn the lost of our favorite best man.

Grabbing Chris, We embraced while crying on each other's shoulder. I couldnt tell if him or I were hyperventilating.

It seemed as though we both were. I opened my eyes, watching Gina walk up the steps to her apartment. She looked back with a frown before entering her building.

I shook off the thought of her, patting Chris's back as he sobbed and sobbed endlessly. It was never ending to me.

**

"We gotta get them niggas mane.."Chris spoke in a hoarse whisper as he glared at me. I could feel the anger and sadness from him mixed all in one bowl. I wanted to go back in time to make sure Peanut would've been here to tell the story about the whole mission. But now, it's just me and Chris.

"We will yo . . . we will."

Chris shook his head slowly as he took a deep breath. I couldnt imagine losing Peanut before and it happened. just.. like.. that. "Man, let's turn up for Peanut!" He said widening his blood shot eyes while throwing his arms in the air. "bet" I said taking a sip of my soda.

Hours later we had all the females from the block in my pent house dancing, kissing, and feeling up on one another. Our other homeboys like Tico, Marvin, Juan, and Lamar were here too. Dabbing and nodding each other, the music got turned up even more. Eyeing one of the chicks that was at the party made my night even more interesting.

They all were going to mean nothing to me by the time I got sober. One girl had on a bikini top with short ass shorts. Her body was looking right from where I was standing. Making my move, I decided to go towards her and work my magic.

"You can't keep your eyes off me Ma?" I said deepening my voice, knowing what effect it would have on her. I could tell she was trying to act as if she didnt get a tingle in her underwear but her breathless expression gave it away. Leaning towards my ear she said ". . . nah I can't" in a lustful way. I smirked as she leaned back, giving me that sexual look like was DTF.

Oh she wanted me alright.

"Let me show you around sweetheart" I spoke lowly into her ear, tracing my fingers down to her hand. She inhaled sharply as I did so, causing me to grin at myself. Gripping her small fragile hand, I guided her to my guest room in the back. As I did so, Gina walked into the party. I stared at her and waited for her to catch my eyes. When gina looked my way, I simply looked away knowing she was watching me take this random girl somewhere. Once we got to the guest room, I shut and locked the door quickly.

"This is my—" she tackled me within seconds before I could finish the sentence. Her cherry moistened lips crashed onto mines with force. rough exhaling and lip smacking was only to be heard in the room.

Grasping every inch of her body, ripping off her bikini top as if I'd been given the last chance to do something sexual tonight. Latching my mouth on her neck abruptly made a moan escape her lips. I held onto her arms as I pecked her neck and chest, going lower and lower. "Wait" she said gripping my arm. I paused & looked up at her as she stared back down at me. "I dont want head, just the dick".

I sat still for a few seconds in my own world thinking about random shit like what this chick name was. Snapping out of it, I level to where she is. As I'm hovering over her, she bites down on her bottom lip. One slow insertion and her mouth forms an circle shape. I ain' even wrap it up. Thrusting into her multiple times as she grabs every inch of my upper body. Her moans flow through the air within seconds right next to my ear.

Burying my head into the pillow beside hers, I go deeper and watch as she gets breathless. The drinks and weed in my system makes it feel really good. Pumping faster and faster, shawty gets louder and louder like theres no tomorrow.

I came alright, and I didnt even pull out . . .

fuck it.