When I wake up the next morning I spend 30 mins just watching them both sleep. I just couldn't take my eyes off either one of them. Every minute that passed I watched how Nari smiled in her sleep and how Kai crinkled his forehead slightly when he snored. I savor the feel of their bodies next to me and tried to store it all in my memories for later. After 30 minutes I couldn't contain the emotions anymore.

My tears raced down my face as I tried to control my sobs. There was no use my entire body trembled as I cried. My head pounding from the thought of what I needed to do. I feel arms pull me down and tug me close. Nari whipes my tears away even though they don't seem to stop. She places her forehead to mine while she holds me. Pecking my lips lightly as she rubs circles on my back.

"Tell me what's wrong babe. Don't cry. Talk to me" she says with concern in her voice.

"I um...I.." I try to get out and I break down in tears again. I sit up pulling myself out of her embrace. If I let her hold me any longer I don't know if I'd make her stop. I know I wouldn't. I can't believe I'm fucking doing this. I feel like I can't breath and the walls are closing in. Everything I want is slipping through my fingers. But I can't stay here in this town, I won't . I try to slow my breathing.

I can only blame my mother. She's the reason I can't stay her. She's the reason I lie and say my parents are away on vacation when in reality my dad had been long gone since I was in middle school. My mother spends her time chasing her yearly boy toys around the globe leaving me to fend for myself. She hadn't bothered with me since dad had left; leaving me with a many until I was old enough to look after myself. She checks in when she feels the need but that is few and far in between. Then there were the forced vacation that where really for her. Every vacation I met a new boyfriend. I wanted to be nothing like her. The only way was to get away from her. I need to build my own life and I planned to.

Once I left here I would never look back. The contact between me and mother will be minimal. Not much difference from now. I planned to go to college in London and when I finish I plan to stay. I would make something of myself. I would be better than my mother, better than chasing around some man and not loving my kid.

Strong hands wrapping around mine brings me back to the here and now. Kai wipes away more of my tears while watching me with pleading eyes. "Tell us what's wrong princess" he says with a soft voice "please".

I wipe my eyes again with the back of my hand. I try to find some strength somewhere deep inside to say what I need to say to them. I bite down on my lip hard almost drawing blood. It's either now or never and I know this needs to happen.

" I..I can't do this anymore. We can't be together. We we're not supposed to be like this but it has to stop. I'm sorry" I whisper. I finally get it out and it hurts. My heart feels like it's being torn in two.

Nari pulls away like she's just been burnt. I want to teach for her and bring her back to me but I know I shouldn't. I feel sick as the tears fall from her eyes.

"Why?" Kai says from the other side of me.

"Kai I-" Kai cuts me off

"No!" He growls. "No Roxie. Whatever it is we'll work through it. I know you feel what we feel"

"I'm moving to London after graduation Kai. Sooner if possible. Long distance doesn't make sense right now for us and it wouldn't be healthy" I say not able to make eye contact with either of them. They couldn't talk me out of this. I didn't want to hold them back. I couldn't ask them to wait for me because my plan was to never come back to this town.

I feel the bed dip and Kai is on is feet pulling his clothes on. I watch him as he moves around the room grabbing his things and Nari's. He won't even look at me but even through his anger I can see the hurt. I hate that I hurt them.

"Don't. Roxie don't. We-" Nari starts but Kai cuts her off.

"No Doll. She's not fighting for us. Let her go." He says passing her clothes he just gathered. She looks like she wants to fight him on it but she doesn't. She takes one more look at me as the tears continue to fall before taking them from him. As they get dressed in front of me I try to think of something, anything that will make this better. Make them not hate me as much but I come up with nothing. I want them to understand but I can't tell them everything about my mother or my life. I don't want anyones pity.

I hear Kai cussing under his breath but he still doesn't look at me. I thought he would fight me a little more than this but he doesn't and I don't know if that makes me feel better or worst. Nari slides into her shoes and I cry harder. When I finally clear the tears and look up their gone the door just shutting.

My body feels heavy and it's like I can't move. Panic takes over when I realize I didn't get to say everything I need to. They both we're just so hurt and angry I couldn't form any word. They need to know how I feel. I grab my phone thinking of the quickest way I could reach them and send a message to the group chat.

💦

❤️

I don't expect a reply back but I hold my phone in my hand while I cry alone in my bed. I hope that at least if not both of them would message me back and say anything. While i wait I open the secret album on my phone "mine" and swipe through our memories. As I swipe through each picture I cry harder. I wish we could make more of these. At this point I think I might drown in my tears and die of sadness.

My head is pounding when my tears finally calm. I look at the clock and realize it's been 3 hours since they left. Looking down at my phone it was still notification free. Feeling defeated I throw myself into my pillow and hope sleep takes me soon. My reality sucks.

At least in my dreams I can dream about being with the couple that stole my heart.