; hey the 90s called. they said they wanted the cure for cancer. i said we didn't have it... they were pretty devastated

; uh... okay?

; and how is this relevant

; hey mom

; ugh for the last time

; please just be my mom at least

; NO.

; what are you doing?

; more like who am i doing

; omg did it happen

; no well sorta but ultimately no.

; did what happen?

; oh ya know, me fucking stans dad

; WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD

; bahaha

; i ship it

; i thought u shipped me and eds

; but u said its never gonna happen

; well people say things they dont mean

; well u meant it

; omg do u like eddie

; whahahahahat!?

; can i tell now?

; fine

; RICHIE LOVES EDDIE

; ha what

; i knew u would

; ok and?

; im gonna tell him

; he already knows

; what?

; he figured it out

; what did he say?

; he said it was really sweet that i like him

; well go make out already

; thats not how it works.

; yeah. ur not making out with bill are ya?

; i wouldn't mind

; really? right in front of my salad

; ok imma go now

; hey eds

; hi richard

; i have something to say

; i dont know, I've never told anyone this before

; u can tell me, its fine

; its just... my dick... its the perfect size

; uhh?

; gosh eds do u not stan josh ovalle?

; who?

; omg this relationship is over

; what relationship

; hahaha the one that hasn't started yet, eds.

; but u already ruined it. im sorry we could never date

; what the fuck?

; its ok to let out the pain eds. ill always be here for you.

; richie, we need to talk about ur little crush thing.

; hahaha what crush?

; rich.

; look ill get over ya, eds. its not like ur perfect in every way with ur little inhaler and fanny pack that isnt in style anymore.

; i just think it wouldnt work... you know?

; yeah. totally. i get it.

; richie?

; yes edward?

; im sorry. can we still be friends?

; sure edward.

Richie stared at his phone in disbelief. Had he really just made a fool out of himself in front of Eddie?

trashmouthtozier

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: i know i am not enough for you, i would have tried to be though.

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a/n this bitch angsty... yeet.