《I am a Spy》This is not going to end well

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Barra da Tijuca, Rio de Janeiro

Seven in the morning. Vini was woken up by his unbearable cell phone alarm clock. Once again he felt like throwing it against the wall, but he recalled that it wasn't the poor thing's fault. He got out of bed lazily and grumpily, but he had to go on. After all, Enzo would be delayed again, but then the unexpected happened.

- Enzo? - Vini asked, surprised to see him in his living room. - What the hell are you doing here?

- You said you were supposed to be here at seven o'clock.

- No, I didn't. In reality, I don't even remember you leaving yesterday.

- I made it an effort to get here early, since you're often late.

Vini smiled sarcastically.

- Oh, right, I'm the one who's late.

Enzo also smiled, because he knew that what he was saying wasn't true. To relax a little from the long walk to Vini's house, he sat down on the couch and lit a cigar.

- Smoking at this hour? - Vini said.

- What? - Enzo didn't understand. - Today will be a long day. It might be our last.

- Stop saying bollocks!

- Is your cute aunt there?

Vini shook his head.

- Ha, ha. Funny. She left ten minutes ago.

- Did you hide the guns well?

- Under the bed. No mistake.

- Not a good hiding place, Vini. Just ask those kids who kill their whole family and their friends at school.

- Why are you talking about this?

- I don't know. My mouth and my head are not quite connected.

At exactly eight o'clock, Vini and, incredibly, Enzo, were waiting for Julio to come by with the bus. The bus driver was surprised to see them, because, again, Enzo was up early, a very rare accomplishment.

- It is like witnessing the passing of Halley's comet. - said Vini.

- I agree. - Julio shook his head. - Its beautiful.

And the moments of surprise didn't stop here. Julio was amazed when Vini asked to make a stop in Rocinha; they had no reason to stop in the neighborhood.

- It's a long way off, Julio.

Enzo and Vini climbed down at the nearest stop. For the first time they saw that hill full of brown houses, one on top of the other, like a tsunami. Vini couldn't hide the huge silver suitcase with the guns. There was no such possibility. Vini took a deep breath and moved his hand for Enzo to continue.

The morning in Rocinha started off lively. Two men selling barbecue skewers, people crossing in front of cars, police cars on both sides of the street. In other words, a typical morning there. But the cops in a Toyota Corolla worried Vini a bit. If they were caught for a pat-down, they would end up in jail. Still, could be worse.

- Why is that truck running with the door open? - Enzo asked, pointing to the north.

Before Vini could even answer, a hysterical woman started to block the vehicle with her body. The driver made a right turn, almost hitting a motorcycle and a Fiat Uno that were passing in the next lane. The woman hit her purse on the back of the Mercedes truck and fell to the ground. Nothing made any sense.

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Well, after... That... The two decided to take a motorcycle taxi to the top of the hill, in order to get to the address Suzane had given them the day before faster.

- We? You decided! - Vini said. - Why does the storyteller keep saying things in voiceover that do not fit reality?

It didn't take long for the two of them to make up their minds and stop at a small but tasty snack bar on the corner of the street.

- No, once again, it was your idea! I didn't agree to this.

- Vini, it's too hot, my throat is melting. Get something to eat. - Enzo offered the paper menu. - Whatever you want. My treat.

Enzo had to leave Vini alone at the table and went to the back to ask someone there if the snack bar had popsicles. He was very much in the mood for a lemon or coconut ice cream. But as it turned out, his search had somewhat different results than he imagined he would find. And a somewhat troubling one at that. Enzo spied a man with a few bottles of mineral water in his hand. Nothing to lose your pants, I guess. What he didn't expect though was to see the same man filling the same bottles with tap water and then putting them back in the refrigerator.

- Vini, leave.

- What? - Vini didn't understand. - We just arrived. I didn't even get my piece of cake!

- Forget the fucking cake! Leave, Vini. Let's go. Now!

Enzo leaves Vini behind again and goes to the motorcycle taxi stand. They had to pay part of the price at the beginning of the trip and the rest at the end, which Vini found odd, but he had no objections. During the journey, it was clear that people were spying on them, especially the children. Vini's suitcase was large and drew a lot of attention. Even more so on a small Honda motorcycle, which never stopped making noises. Without meaning to, Enzo and Vini became the attraction of the neighborhood.

After a few minutes that seemed like hours, the motorcycle slowed down and finally stopped beside a residence with green walls, three floors, and a balcony with a view of the sea. Vini got off the motorcycle and began to feel dizzy.

- What kind of crazy drive was this? - Enzo asked.

- Yeah, I almost shit my pants. - Vini added.

Enzo went ahead and knocked twice on the door.

- Who is it? - They heard a male voice.

- We came to bring the bag. - Vini said.

- A suitcase?

- Open the damn door. - Enzo went straight in.

A black van drove past them both at full speed, honking its horn and making a lot of noise. Then a motorcycle and two Fiat Punto.

- You guys may enter. - said the voice.

Before, however, the two went through a long inspection. Cell phones, wallets and even Enzo's cigar were confiscated. Momentarily.

Vini was the first to walk in, followed by Enzo. Good manners, always. So they made sure to beat their feet on the entrance carpet. The green house was not at all like any other residence in the neighborhood. To begin with, Vini didn't fail to notice the extremely expensive furniture inside, 4K TVs, an aquarium, a seven-seat rectangular table, and Turkish carpets. The place looked more like a museum of the future than a home.

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Finally, the mysterious voice was given a human version. He was wearing a blue floral blouse, short gym pants, and a white panama hat. In his left hand, a glass cup with a green liquid and three ice cubes. Definitely not what Vini thought he would find.

- Who are you?

- It is not important. - He answered. - Where is the suitcase?

Vini pointed to the floor and slowly opened it. The voice, which was no longer a speaking one, began to check each point of Suzane's weapons, in a strangely professional manner. As he did his analysis, he concluded:

- Very good, but there is one tiny issue.

Vini glanced at Enzo.

- And what would that be?

- The price. Ten thousand is missing from the previous payment. Without it, nothing can be done.

- You want me to walk with that suitcase screwing around? That's your shit. And I don't know any fucking money.

Vini was right. But he wasn't there alone.

- Who did you guys come on behalf of?

- Suzane. Suzane Francisco.

- Look, we are here and we have your stuff. So, accept it or leave it.

- Or what?

Well, Enzo didn't think of that part.

- I don't know. I didn't think it would come this far.

- Suzane asked us to come here to get her money.

- I didn't get my part of the deal. So let's say that the guns stay with me.

- And the money?

- What money? - The voice played dumb.

- Listen here, mysterious freaking ass fella, we came here to collect money from you, and we are not leaving this butthole place without cash!

- How about you leave here with a bullet in your ass?

Enzo soon fell into silence.

- Yeah, that doesn't sound like a comfortable way to walk away.

- And it's not. - Vini agreed, begging Enzo to be quiet. - Look, sir, I'm sorry. Let's talk to Suzane and get this situation fixed.

Enzo looked at Vini and smiled ironically. Since he had no choice, he pulled him by the arm for a heart-to-heart talk.

- What are you doing?

- Trying to gain some time.

- How clever! And then what?

Vini had no answer.

- Great. Just fine!

- Stop moaning!

- What do you want me to say? "Look what a brilliant plan".

- I have an idea. But you gotta follow me.

What could possibly go wrong anyway?

Vini turned back to face "the voice". He asked for a glass of water or a cigar. Whichever was easier. Enzo still didn't understand Vini's brilliant idea. The voice returned to the living room with a glass of water, while Enzo remained in the corner next to the TV. The two men who searched them noticed a suspicious behavior in Vini. Suddenly, one of them shouted "gun" and the rest was a pandemonium.

Enzo immediately jumped under the table. The shots were coming from all over the place. Vini also made the mistake of going to the same direction as Enzo.

- Holy shit, Vini! - Enzo started to whine. - Was that your thought?

- That was plan B. - Vini confessed.

- What's your fucking idea now? They're shooting at us! And we're unarmed!

The shooting didn't stop for a whole minute. Bullets shattered the TV and the flowerpots on the table, and blew glass everywhere. The voice began to shout for his men to stop destroying his living room.

- Stop! Goddammit! Stop shooting!

Two minutes later, the shooting had stopped, but the damage was huge. The sofa looked like a Swiss cheese with so many holes. The dust settled and "the voice" soon noticed that there was something missing. Or rather, a couple of things.

- Where the fuck are the boys?

But as it turned out, Enzo and Vini were not the only missing ones. To begin with, as he had to take a random moto on the street, Vini noticed that the steering was a bit heavy. As he looked back, he got an unpleasant surprise.

- Enzo, why do you have the fucking suitcase with you?

- Why the ask?

- Why didn't you leave it at the house?

- We haven't been paid. The plan was to take the money and leave the guns. No money, no guns.

- Oh, very good! You are a fucking genius!

- Really?

- No, you imbecile!

Because of the arguing, Vini didn't pay attention to the street. A Fiat Mobi drove in front of him and he had to turn right. Almost falling off the motorcycle, he thought about throwing his body into the garbage bags. It would be a softer fall than on the hot asphalt. And with that in mind, Vini did. Sadly, though, Enzo did not read his mind and continued on the top of the motorcycle out of control. In fact, he only stopped crashing the door of a blue Toyota Corolla. The sound of breaking glass was so loud that the neighbors figured if it was another married couple fighting.

- Holy crap! - said Vini, running to the scene of the accident. - Enzo, are you okay?

- Shut up! Let's get the shit outta here.

Vini climbed on the back of the motorcycle and Enzo went full speed toward the Joá neighborhood.

- Hey, Enzo, what car did you hit?

- A Corolla. And very well done. Corolla drivers are awful. Funny that one had lights on the roof.

Vini's eyes widened.

- Lights? You mean red lights?

- I think so.

- Oh, this is not going to end well.

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