《I am a Spy》I'll get the convertible, Enzo
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Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
As Enzo continued with his narrative, Leandro, the bus driver, drove more and more slowly to not miss any details. He was so distracted that he didn't stop for a woman waiting at the bus stop next to a gas station. Luckily - or unluckily, depending on your point of view - the red traffic light stopped Leandro from continuing his drive. The furious woman slammed the glass door and did not seem happy to have been left behind.
- You didn't stop the fucking bus!
- Fuck off, I'm listening to the story! - Leandro replied, annoyed. - So, to cut a long story short, this guy has daughters named after countries.
- Yes," Enzo confirmed, "Italy, Belgium, Russia, Poland, Albania, Slovakia and Austria. Go figure. They are very nice, very pretty and funny gals. But they attract more males than a lion in estrus, if you know what i mean.
- And what do you want with them? - Leandro asked.
- Basically, I wanted to ask them out.
- All at once? - Enzo cynically asked. - You dog!
- Must be the pheromones, Enzo. - Vini answered, ironically. - But you know I didn't mean that.
- I dont don't know jackshit, Vini.
- Anyway, Vini, I think you should definitely talk to the girls...
- So that you don't miss out, call them the Europe Sisters already. - Enzo suggested. - All our colleagues call them that anyway.
- Sure that. Which of the Europe Sisters do you have the closest relationship with?
- Hard to say. I've never been as close to Italy or Belgium as Enzo.
- You have five more to up the ante, my friend. Otherwise you get all five, and the one that satisfies you best is the one you choose.
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- You would be sentenced to an albanian jail on Twitter.
- I do know that.
- Cut the shit. What are you going to do?
- Well, Leandro, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe call one of them. Italy or Russia...
- Again, Vini? I already said it. You don't drive a bus straight away!
- Why do you think Italy and Russia are the buses in this analogy?
- What is an analogy?
Vini stared at Leandro.
- And he had slept with the Portuguese teacher.
- Really? - Leandro was astonished.
- Why should I know what an analogy is? It's not like she taught me a one-on-one lesson. I mean, she gave me a lesson, but on how to blow the...
- Oh, oh, oh, oh - Vini complained. - We don't have to know that.
- Anyway, Vini, my point is that you have to start small. To begin with... Russia, even Hitler didn't achieve much over there, why should you?
- What's it got to do with it, you schmuck?
- Italy... Beautiful girl, beautiful eyes, nice body, dazzling hair...
Leandro had to interrupt to punctuate.
- He doesn't know what analogy is, but he does know what dazzling is.
- All the adjectives to praise a girl, Enzo made sure to memorize. - Vini clarified.
- Right. Right. Why don't you pick up the phone and call one of them?
- Are you nuts? It's almost 12:00 already.
- It could be a signal. The one who answers...
- Forget it, Enzo. It's not gonna happen.
- Well, then you're a loser. You fool! What are we doing here?
- I'm doing my business. - said Leandro. - Driving the bus.
- Vini, if you want to be precocious and drive the bus, fine. But do not forget that I told you so.
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- Thanks, Enzo. Always good to have you along.
Despite the complaining, Vini did exactly as Leandro suggested. Initially, he called out Italy's number, in other words, he was going to sit in the driver's seat of the bus. Since he didn't have her number, he asked Enzo to help him with this part.
- Hello? - she said, in a sleepy voice.
- Italy, it's Vini.
- Who is this?
- Enzo's mate.
- Oh. Hello.
- Do you recognize me?
- The friend he calls "Goldilocks"?
Vini stared wide-eyed and punched Enzo's back, who complained.
- What the fuck, Vini? What did I possibly do that you didn't like and I'm being blamed unfairly?
- Did you say that I am Goldilocks to Italy?
There was no way for Enzo to escape, unless he wanted to jump out the window with the bus moving.
- It was just a little joke.
Vini made an ugly face at Enzo and returned to his cell phone.
- I guess so.
- Hello, Vini. Why are you phoning me so late at night?
- You know what it is. - Vini looked at Enzo, who gestured with his hands as if he was eating a pizza. - Enzo, you jerk!
- What? - Italy heard that part of the conversation.
- Sorry, it's just that Enzo shit is here beside me.
- Oh.
- Actually, I was just wondering if I... - Vini paused. He stared at Enzo again, who this time imitated a sex scene. - I swear I'm going to kill that son of a bitch.
- Once again, unjustly accused. - Enzo added.
- Do you want to ask me out, honey?
- How did you know?
- It's not the first weird conversation I've been involved in, but it's the first weird conversation I've been involved in after midnight.
- No way.
- Yes, it is. Enzo usually calls me well beforehand, when my father is not at home.
That information was new.
- But, honey, I'm already on a date.
- Oh, I didn't know that.
- Didn't Enzo tell you?
- He told me that I shouldn't drive the bus
It was Enzo's turn to punch Vini.
- Drive the bus?
- It's nothing.
- I'm amazed that Enzo has not mentioned to you that I'm seeing someone. After all, he is that person.
Oh, Vini didn't like that.
- He... - Vini stared at Enzo again. - He's not the talkative type.
- I'm sorry, dear. If you wish, you can reach Belgium. She's awake.
- What is her area code?
Italy laughed at the joke and gently gave him the number of her younger sister. Vini finished the call and started typing the number he had just gotten.
- And so?
- I'll get the convertible, Enzo.
Enzo stared at Leandro, who raised his shoulders.
- Don't stare at me. I got nothing.
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