《I am a Spy》Pheromone lack problem
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Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
It was a rainy Monday, on the most famous street in Rio de Janeiro... In the view of best buddies Enzo Carvalho and Vinicius Valverde, obviously. But our heroes were not at their homes tonight, but a few miles away, after watching a movie in one of the many movie theaters in the city. The decision to go to the farthest one in the capital was Enzo's fault, of course. And better: he did not explain to Vini why he had chosen that theater. And it didn't take long for their situation to go from bad to worse.
- Enzo, could you do me a favor and get some change for the bus?
- We don't need any change, just wait for the bus from our condominium to come by.
- It's 11:50, Enzo.
- And?
- So, unless you've hired a private driver to pick us up in the middle of the night in this hellhole, we're going to have to use the ordinary buses.
Enzo didn't really understand the situation, or what Vini had told him. Or even both.
- And how do we do this?
- What's this we thing? I just want you to change the bloody money. The driver probably won't have change, so let's make it easy for him.
- Aye, aye, Captain.
Enzo walked away from Vini, who waited patiently, alone, at a bus stop, without any cars or a lost soul.
- I got a date.
It was Vini's turn to be confused.
- Excuse me?
- I got a date. - Enzo repeated.
- How did you get a date? I just asked to go and change the money!
- Well, I didn't know exactly what to say and there was a very pretty unaccompanied girl. I asked her in my own sly way, and that was it!
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As they climbed the stairs, the bus driver, a bald, black man with a wrinkled white shirt and a black tie, took the money from Enzo and smiled, after hearing Enzo's last sentence.
- Nice one, kid. - He said.
As both sat down on the bench in the back of the bus, Vini continued with his rants about dating and romantic life in general.
- You must be the only person who will exchange the money on the bus and ludicrously somehow gets along well.
- That's the difference between you and me, pal. - Enzo sat down next to him.
- The fact that I know what I'm doing?
Enzo shook his head, ignoring the provocation.
- Don't worry buddy, I have the solution to your pheromone lack problem.
- I'll give you a hundred bucks if you tell me what pheromones are.
- I don't need to know, dummy, I already have them. And that's what's keeping you from finding a nice gal.
- No, it isn't. The problem is that you have all the luck in the world all to yourself, and every other human being in the galaxy gets fucked because of it.
- What you need is a little confidence, Vini. How about starting with the basics. You want me to talk to Albania?
- Albania? - Vini shook his head. - She's a fucking slut!
- What an ugly, disrespectful word!
- But...?
- Yeah, she's a tramp all the same.
- What are your other options, Connor Mead?
- Well, there's Slovakia, Belgium and Austria.
Vini didn't seem convinced.
- How about Italy? Or Russia?
It was Enzo's turn to let out a brief laugh.
- Buddy, you don't get out of Auto School driving a Ferrari or a Porsche. Unless your parents are really damn stupid.
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- What the fuck are you saying?
The bus made a sharp right turn. Instead of explaining, Enzo took advantage of the fact that there were no other passengers but Vini. He got up from his seat and walked over to the driver.
- Where are you going?
- Just follow me, dammit.
- Nothing good came of it after you said "follow me". Enzo ignored and walked to the driver. He tapped him twice on the back to get his attention, which confused Vini and the driver.
- What is wrong? - The driver asked, not comprehending.
- What is your name?
- Leandro.
- That's alright. Leandro, tell me. How many years have you been driving a bus?
- Since I was twenty. Why?
- I just want to prove a point to my horny and fragile friend.
- Oh, the friend without pheromones?
- Yes, yes.
- Shut the fuck up, you idiot. - Vini didn't like it.
- Anyway, could you just get on a bus and drive around like Keanu Reeves in Speed?
- Hell no, I had to take a boring company training course and get my bus driver's license first.
- In other words, you can't just drive a bus. You have to start from the basics.
- I get your point, Enzo, but there was no need to call out to the driver.
- Why not? He also deserves a little fun.
- I concur - Leandro agreed.
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Magandang araw, Ginoo't Binibini! Ako si tori, isang kabataang may hilig sa pagsusulat ng mga tula at ng aking mga kaisipan. Sa kadahilanang ito ang aking hilig at ang nais iparating na emosyon ng aking mga tula. Hindi ako ganoon kagaling, ngunit ito ang simula ko. Alam kong sa mga darating na panahon ay mas magiging mahusay at matututo ako. Maraming salamat sa inyo! Kahilingan ko'y maipakita ninyo, angking kakayahan ninyo, kagaya ko! Ito ay mga tula at kaisipan na aking ginawa. Ang iba dito ay aking imhinasyon lamang, ang iba dito pinagawa ng ibang malapit na tao para saakin, at ang iba ay base sa aking mga karanasan.
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