Dear Journal,

It's been a lil over a week, let's try to keep this weekly. There has been some strange things that used to happen to me a lot when I was younger.

***around age range 4 to 6

I keep wanting a different life, wanting not to live in fear of my next beating for some random reason. I started dreaming how my life would be within the next week, the next month, the next many years.

I kept feeling like a prisoner with my my siblings as my fellow inmates. I daydreamed, and dreamed of anything but where I was. Thus leading to my first of many encounters of the thing termed "déjà vu", but wasn't exactly the definition of it.

The déjà vu's started with simple things like eating, walking, going on the bus. The same routine wasn't what made me go crazy. But the realization of the daydreams and dreams of wanting to envision my future was coming true. Pretending of having chats with my future self. Then around the age I pretended to chat with, I can hear my younger self talk to me, and responded in same manner as my dreams.

The feeling of always knowing what was around the corner, or coming up throughout the day was amazing, and happen around once to twice a month where I felt like a psychic.

It didn't end there, I started pretending I was other people and living their lives around 6 years old, and felt all their senses and train of thoughts become mine for a few minutes, like I no longer existed in my body but was somebody else. Then came back feeling weird being back to my original way of thinking...

***Age range around 6 to 10

I felt like these visions were amazing, but noticed that not all my visions that knew were going to happen were not very accurate anymore, for example, running on a fence post then jumping off and doing a perfect roll onto the grass below. I lose my footing, landing hard on my side, and getting a big splinter in my hand from the fence.

Feeling frustrated with things not happening how they were supposedly doing so before. I started thinking of ending déjà vu's prematurely when they happen. For example, walking down a trail, where I started stamping my feet on the ground while humming and click my tounge and clapping my hands. Animals started to follow me oddly enough, I tried to shoo them away, but a couple squirrels and birds stuck close by observing what a lil kid was doing making all these odd noises... then a couple loose dogs and cats joined in with following me close by. Feeling like I was caught in a daydream, a car pulled up beside me as I was walking the trail close to the road at this point. They asked how I was making the animals follow me...

...I stopped what I was doing and the dogs got eager for pets, they cats and the other wildlife to off in fright. It was weird that happened as I realized I was caught in another déjà vu at this moment because it stemmed from a future vision I had. To destroy this vision, I thought I'd yell at the dogs to get lost and I ran back home.

The people that asked how I had animals following me, followed me back to my house to ask if I was okay. My déjà vu finally ended there.

These visions were getting longer and more frequent. By the age of ten, I was having them every second day, with visions lasting from 2 seconds to 30 minutes.

***age range 10 to 16 years old

At this point I stopped caring that I knew when a déjà vu was happening daily several times throughout. With most of the visions being faulty yet telling me everybody's inner thoughts, so I ask those people those thoughts to see if I knew what they were thinking, which I got right most of the time. The visions started making feel accidents and pain at this point, where I feel happy whenever a bad vision doesn't come true. The pain started happening in my visions since the day where I wasn't fully asleep during my short surgery.

When I was 7 to 8 years old, I felt the most excruciating pain in my side where it hurt to move at all, or even live. My appendix was coming close to exploding inside of me. My mother thought it was the perfect time to get my tonsils remove as well with snipping under my tongue to make it longer. I had a lot of trouble saying L's and Y's because my tongue was short.

Here's the thing I thought it was normal to have your body completely paralyzed and feeling everything that was happening when I was given anesthesia. So never complained about it, but developed a fair of fainting due to this.

So, due to this I started envisioning painful accidents in vivid detail. To the point where I even die in pain in my dreams, but start over with my pain gone, and building up once more.

Then when I was 16 years of age, I finally experience the ground hog day déjà vu, which I thought was amazing.

In high school I went to sleep in the bed behind the principal's office for sick people. Then woke up went to chat with friends, go to biology class take out my text book, the bell rings. Then woke up feeling like I was just doing what I did as I chatted with my friends about snowmobiles, feeling weirded out, went to the washroom then sat inside the bathroom stall waiting for the bell.

Then I woke up realizing I'm stuck in a weird loop, so thinking of breaking the loop, I go outside and start walking home, I hear the bell ring in the distance. Then I woke up feeling frustrated because I'm now stuck in a loop, so I go and talk to the principal about it, then he directs me to talk to the councillor, the councillor then tells me how déjà vu's are one eye going faster then the other: I argue with him stating my déjà vu's are not from one eye going faster then the other but dreams and visions I had when I was younger coming true. The bell rings. I woke up once more, so I go to my locker grab my food and munch out until the next loop starts. The bell rings once more, I then start trying to have one on one conversation with everybody within range before the next loop starts. By the time I talked with every last person through I don't even know how many more loops.

I wake up feeling very heavy, knowing this is the real deal, went to do what I did in the first loop, chat with my friends about snowmobiles, then went to class, the bell rang. Then I fell asleep in class, but not a loop this time.

Oh journal this made me think I was crazy for the longest time, but learned to stop my visions by repeating a mantra I created for those times. "What was I doing? What am I doing now? What is the next thing I am going to do?" This breaks my déjà vu's away when they happen. Take care journal, I'll write to you another time.