The steam from his shower had fogged the mirror and Jax wiped it away revealing his reflection. Grey lackluster eyes stared back at him, and he was once again filled with unease. He wondered if he would always have this painful feeling of disconnect. His thoughts scattered as he heard a knock on the bathroom door and Bren’s voice asking if he was ok.

His mind struggled to recollect and focus on the matter at hand. His response was delayed but finally he was able to say, “yah, I will be out in a minute.”

He put on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and looked once more at his reflection in the mirror. He wanted to hide, the possibility of losing his memories terrified him. Although there were some memories he wanted to disappear, those that made him sick and hate his not so distant past. He did not want to lose those he had of Bren, Fuchsia, and Sina. Another knock pulled him back to reality and he headed out to the hall to meet up with Bren.

***

Fuchsia and Sina had converted Bren’s grandmother's studio into a makeshift lab/surgical space. They had spent the last couple of days cleaning and setting it up. And now the time had come for it to be used.

Jax sat on the table, uncomfortable in the surgical gown that Fuchsia was making him wear. He scratched at the freshly shaven spot, which revealed a scar from his previous surgery. He had refused to have his head shaved completely despite the childish argument that he and Fuchsia had had. He didn’t want his scars showing and Fuchsia told him he was going to look silly with a bare spot on top of his head. In the end his decision had been final.

Bren had made his way over to Jax, he was wearing a surgical apron, cap, and gloves like the others.

Bren looked at Jax and pulled his hand away from the newly exposed area and said, “you are going to make it raw before the surgery even happens.”

Jax looked at Bren with worry in his eyes and said, “I don’t think I can do this!”

Bren placed a hand on each side of Jax’s face and tried to reassure him that everything was going to be ok. He leaned forward to kiss Jax and received a swift kick from Fuchsia as she said, “this is a clean space, no kissing! Now go change your gloves.”

She laid a metal tray beside Jax, and said, “Alright hun, I am going to try to explain what I’m going to do. If you have a question just stop me and ask.” Jax nodded in agreement. Fuchsia began to explain, “I am going to start by doing a scalp block. I will administer medication into seven nerves on each side of your head, each injection will take about a minute. The medication that I am administering should completely numb the area and it should only take at most 45 minutes to take effect. Once the medicine has taken effect the surgery should go quickly.”

Jax swallowed and looked at Fuchsia and said, “I really don’t think I can do this.”

Fuchsia looked at Jax and said in a stern tone, “YOU CAN DO THIS!”

Fuchsia stepped away to get something and Sina walked over to Jax and patted his leg and said, “I know you are nervous, but Fuchsia isn’t going to let anything happen to you!”

Bren and Fuchsia were talking as they walked back over towards Jax.

Fuchsia leaned over closer towards Jax and said, “just relax, and have faith in me!”

Fuchsia placed one hand on the tray and the other hovered over the syringe. Her hand trembled ever so slightly and Sina stepped up behind her and placed a reassuring hand on her back.

Fuchsia flexed her fingers and regained her solid confident composure and reached for the syringe and said, “alright, let's get started.”

Bren noticed the ghostly pallor that had emerged upon Jax’s face. He reached over to hold his hand as Fuchsia began administering the injections at different nerve locations. It was evident that Jax was trying to maintain consciousness as beads of sweat now formed on his face and neck and he was blinking profusely as if he was having trouble seeing. Fuchsia had two more injections remaining when she realized Jax was about to pass out. She laid the syringe down and said, “Jax lets take some slow, deep breaths together and I am going to help you lie down.”

Fuchsia had gotten a cloth and wiped the sweat that had formed off of Jax’s forehead. She smiled reassuringly down at Jax and patted his shoulder. She looked back up to the concerned faces of Sina and Bren and offered an explanation of what happened. “He is ok, he just experienced a vasovagal response. It is quite common. He just had a drop in blood pressure, probably due to the sight of the needles.”

A couple of minutes passed and the color in Jax’s face had improved a little. Fuchsia patted Jax’s arm and said, “I’m going to administer the last two injections now. Just keep taking slow deep breaths.”

Fuchsia finished up the injections and patted Jax on the shoulder and said, “and now we wait.”

She took off her gloves and took a seat at her laptop. She placed her elbows on the table and rested her head on one while the other rubbed the bridge of her nose. Sina joined her and they started talking.

Jax nervously shifted on the table as he could hear their conversation perfectly. The discussion was only making Jax’s anxiety worse. Bren noticed what was happening and started trying to distract him from their conversation. They talked for about twenty-five minutes before Jax started rubbing his forehead and scalp remarking that he couldn’t feel anything. Bren stood up and walked over to get Fuchsia.

Fuchsia checked the time and said, “I’m going to get some stuff prepped and by then he should be completely numb and we should be able to begin.”

Sina walked over and hooked up some sensors to different areas of Jax’s body so they could monitor his vitals. She then placed the head restraint on Jax which he didn’t respond to well. He didn’t like the feeling of being trapped and unable to move.

Fuchsia returned with another tray of some instruments. She looked down at Jax and held up her fingers in a 1x1 square and said, “this is the size of the space that I will be working with. I’m going to begin but I want you to relax and breathe normally.”

Jax let out a small nervous laugh and said, “Ok”.

***

A couple of hours later Jax was over it. Laying on the table was agonizing, the smell of antiseptic was making him want to vomit and he didn’t even want to think about what would happen if he moved. He was tired and just wanted to sleep, surely it wouldn’t hurt if he closed his eyes for a couple of minutes, he thought. Just as he started to close his eyes he felt a strange tingling down the right side of his arm and leg. His eyes flew open and he let out a panicked scream. Bren had to push his shoulders down to avoid problems. His vision was blurry from the shock but he could see Fuchsia’s bright eyes in his sight. Fuchsia said, “sorry hun I should have warned you that you might feel something. I need you to stay awake! It will be more alarming if you start to doze off. We are almost finished with this part and that leaves only the installation of the external access point and then we will get you stitched up and you can sleep.”