Jax’s head lay on Bren’s chest, listening for something, but there was just silence. He traced the scar that ran down his chest as he wondered what it would feel like not to have a heart that beat. He couldn’t help but feel a little scared by the lack of something that was so inherently characteristic of the living. His own heart was beating fast and he couldn’t help but feel exhausted.

A flash of light hit Bren’s watch and caught Jax’s attention, causing him to roll to his back and look up for the source. How had he missed the skylight above them? Sunlight poured into the room like golden honey as little flecks of dust descended down like sparkling glitter making the moment feel surreal. Time seemed to slow in a moment of self-reflection as he became aware of his feelings. He felt several tears escape his eyes as he realized he felt safe and loved. He quickly brushed the tears away, not wanting Bren to worry.

Bren squeezed Jax’s arm making him turn his head back up towards him. He was met by a warm smile and gentle embrace. Bren moved his arm off of Jax and said, “we need to get up before Fuchsia and Sina get back.”

Bren sat up and slid his legs over the bed, his back now to Jax. He had been sitting still, not moving, and Jax realized and said, “is something wrong?”

Bren started to say something but then stopped, instead he turned back around and kissed Jax’s forehead. He got dressed quickly and said, “I’m going to make coffee,” and left the room.

Jax looked up again towards the skylight and stretched his hand up, flexing it in the warmth. His vision blurred from his visual sensitivity, although he reveled in the moment anyway. He sighed and rolled back to his side. He smiled as he brushed a hand over the empty spot where Bren had just been. His time with Bren was slowly helping to replace his bad experiences and all the mistakes he had made.

He finally rolled toward the edge of the bed, despite his body wanting to continue laying there. He scooped his clothing off the floor and headed to the bathroom so he could join Bren.

***

When Fuchsia and Sina got back, Bren was sitting at the table drinking coffee. Nix was purring and rubbing up against his leg, demanding attention. Bren seemed to be in deep thought and was unintentionally ignoring Nix. Fuchsia her bags down heavily on the counter and let out a “Tsk” of disapproval. Sina sat her bag down and the smell of warm seafood filled the room.

Fuchsia asked, “is Jax awake?”

Bren nodded and seconds later the bedroom door opened and Jax walked out. Nix took off running down the hall to him. Jax leaned over and picked the cat up cradling it in his arms only for a moment before having to drop him to the floor. He was engulfed by the smell of seafood and wretched as he ran back to the bathroom.

Fuchsia placed a hand on her forehead and said, “dammit! I should have thought about that.”

Bren stood up, prepared to go check on him.

Sina looked up and said, “let's take the food to the porch and eat so it doesn’t bother him as much.”

Fuchsia looked at the bags and said, “we have fries and a baked potato. He should be able to eat those. I will save those for him if he feels like eating later.” Fuchsia looked back up at Bren. “Are you going to eat now or wait?”

Bren said, “I will just wait until Jax is ready to eat. I think we might take a walk now if he feels like it.”

Fuchsia nodded and then stepped outside with Sina.

***

Bren had walked to the bathroom. He knocked and got no response so he opened the door. Jax was sitting on the floor beside the toilet. His head against the wall and his eyes staring blankly out into space. Bren ran his hand along Jax’s face, a cool sweat lingering on his face. Bren sat down in front of Jax waiting for him to regain awareness from what he assumed was another seizure. Bren stared at Jax while thinking that there may be more to his past than he knows or may want to know.

Jax reached out and brushed Bren’s face and said, “what are you thinking about?”

Bren smiled at Jax and leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on his lips. He pulled back and said, “do you want to take a walk?”

Jax nodded and Bren helped him up from the floor.

They headed quickly through the house so Jax wouldn’t get sick again. Luckily, there was a cool breeze so the bright sun was not unbearable. Once they reached the loose sand they removed their shoes and placed them on a nearby bench. It was around two-o'clock, so they didn’t need to rush. Jax took the lead and headed to the water walking along the edge where the salt water lapped at their feet. Bren walked close behind Jax but they didn’t speak, each seemed to be deep in their own thoughts.

Jax turned around to see Bren’s brow was wrinkled and he looked like something was bothering him. Their eyes met and Bren started to ask something and then stopped. He looked quickly away at the small waves headed towards them.

They continued to walk for a couple of minutes when Jax stopped abruptly and said rather loudly, “did you want to ask me something?”

Bren almost ran into Jax and was a bit shocked by his raised voice when they had been silent for a while.

He continued walking past Jax and didn’t say anything, unsure if he even should.

Jax ran to catch up. “Do you regret what we did?”

Bren stopped and looked at Jax and said, “definitely not!” And then he continued to walk.

Jax again ran to catch up, stepping in front of him to ask, “what is it then?”

Bren sighed and said, “I guess I was just... surprised.”

Jax stared at Bren for a moment confused and then realized what he meant. He frowned and said “oh.” He was the one to walk off this time.

Bren grabbed ahold of Jax’s shirt and said, “if you don’t want to tell me it’s fine!”

Jax said in a low voice, “I told you I had done things I wasn’t proud of. I made some bad decisions when I felt like it was my only means of survival. Lance….” Jax hesitated, not wanting to continue.

Bren angrily stepped around to face Jax grabbing his arms and said, “Lance what?”

Jax shook his head and tried to push Bren’s arm away, he closed his eyes and said, “I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t have anyone.”

Jax was trembling and had started to cry and said, “When I finally got the courage to leave, I found a job and a place to live. I expected for Lance to argue with me, but instead he said I was more trouble than I was worth. I just wanted to cut ties completely with him but because he was the only place I could get Blue Cryo, I couldn’t.”

Jax looked at the ground and shook his head pulling his arms around him and said, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

Bren pulled Jax into a hug and said, “I’m sorry I made you remember something so horrible!”

Bren pulled back from their hug and brushed the stray hairs from Jax’s face and then leaned in to kiss him again.

Jax looked at him anxiously as he said, “I don’t want Fuchsia to know, please don’t tell her!”

Bren nodded in agreement and then said, “let’s walk a little farther before we turn back, ok.” He held onto Jax’s hand and gently pulled him along for the rest of their walk. It was obvious Jax was tired so Bren found a place to sit so that they could watch the waves.

Jax said, “do you think that Fuchsia will do my surgery tomorrow?”

Bren lightly squeezed Jax’s hand and said, “yes, I think that she will. You seem to be doing well enough for it.”

Jax looked down at their hands and said, “I am scared!”

Bren wrapped his arms around Jax and said. “I know, but I will stay with you the whole time.”

***

When Bren and Jax got back from their walk. Fuchsia had insisted on checking Jax’s vitals and running some scans in preparation for his surgery.

As soon as Fuchsia finished, he ate some of the french fries and then headed to bed saying he was tired. Bren had stayed by his side until he had fallen asleep and then headed back out to talk to Fuchsia and Sina about his surgery.

When Bren had stepped into the kitchen he found Fuchsia standing in the kitchen boiling hot water. She looked over and said, “do you want a cup of hot tea?”

Bren looked up and said, “sure.”

Fuchsia pulled out a box that held jars of different herbal tea mixes and set it heavily on the counter. She paused and then said in a somewhat heavy tone,

“what type of tea would you like, Bren?”

Bren looked concerningly at Fuchsia, noticing that she seemed upset with him. He quietly responded with, “something to help me relax, but I don’t want to sleep heavy. Just in case Jax wakes up and needs me.”

Fuchsia filled a mesh ball with tea and poured hot water over it into the mug. She pushed it rather harshly in Bren’s direction, spilled tea encircled the mug. Bren picked it up and started to walk away but was stopped by Fuchsia’s arm blocking him.

Fuchsia said, “I told you and Jax that he needed to rest today. I didn’t know I needed to give you a list of what not to do.”

Bren almost dropped his mug, shocked over what Fuchsia said. His face began to turn red as he stared at her.

She looked at him with an air of irritation, dropped her arm to her side and shook her head and said “well I guess that confirms it. Don’t look so shocked! I thought Jax had some sort of weird rash on his neck, but then realized what it was. I guess you two were busy while we were gone.”

Fuchsia carried her and Sina’s mugs to the table and sat down. Bren remained in the kitchen trying to avoid any further discussion of the matter.

Fuchsia sighed and said, “Bren, just come to the table. I won’t say anything else about it.”

Sina walked in with her laptop and noticed the uncomfortable silence and asked if something was wrong.

Fuchsia adjusted her glasses and said, “nothing is wrong.”

She again rubs the bridge of her nose and then adjusts her glasses and says, “Bren please come to the table or else we are going to be up all night.”

Bren slowly walked to the table and sat down and thus began their discussion about Jax’s surgery.