《The Wizard of Ounces》Chapter 5: Getting to the Wizard

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Chapter 5: Getting to the Wizard

Bob, Jazz, Lefty and Juan started following the glittering gold path toward the town with the Wizard who told bakery stories, and the famous Halfling baker. The walk was mostly hot, and they didn’t sing any songs or have much mirth since the Bard suffered from stagefright. Juan was at the lead. Though he had made a vow not to kill, he knew loopholes, and Bob seemed too emotionally damaged from the sandwich mission to fight, Jazz had stage fright and Lefty insisted on taking up the rear. Jazz went second and Bob third.

“It is too hot,” complained Lefty.

“I know,” said Bob, but maybe if we solve this mystery, we will become rich and famous.”

“Rich would be good,” said Lefty, “then I can become a legitimate businessman, but famous is dangerous.”

“Why is that?” asked Bob.

“Having everyone know your name is a curse. You get no peace. Strangers want to talk to you. People want to blame you. You can’t do anything without someone complaining. No thank you.”

“Yeah, well…” Bob responded, “famous people don’t have to do the shit jobs. And, if you lose all your money, people give you more, because they can’t stand the idea that someone who had money doesn’t have any now.”

“I don’t know,” said lefty, “I’ve lived my whole life in the shadows, maybe I can’t imagine life elsewhere.”

“Why did you live your life in the shadows, Lefty?” asked Bob.

“I guess I was born there. I never knew my dad. My mom said he was a noble, but she never said which one. Said he went a wenching one day, and I was born. Said I was blue blood but that I better keep my head down or else someone would chop it off. That is the trouble with nobles.”

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“What?”

“Their heads. People want to chop them off. I think it makes ‘em go a bit daff.”

“Like playing with puppets?”

“I said daff, not deaf. You want to say that a little louder to Mute Mike?”

Lefty stuck his puppet into Bob’s face.

Bob grimaced. “Why do you always stick that puppet in my face. It is hard to ignore when it's there.”

Mute Mike’s mouth opened and closed.

“Fine, what did the puppet say?”

“Mike here said that you are so daff that you don’t know the difference between the sword you fight with and the strudel you find at the end of a dog’s bits.”

Bob roared with laughter, and started shaking his head. Then, his laughter turned to a few streaks of tears. “Someday, maybe, I will be able to lift my sword again. But, to be honest, I am not sure if it is worth it anymore.”

“It was pretty awful out there, eh?”

“I saw my friends die for nothing, nothing but silly sandwiches. That is no reason to send people into harms way. What kind of economy is based on killing Orcs anyway?”

“You have to understand that the nobles are different, mate. As they say, they work in mysterious ways.”

“Well, they can work in mysterious ways without me.”

“Of course. That is why we are out here, trying to solve this mystery. But, we are going to need your sword.”

“Well, I am just not ready yet. None of this makes any sense.”

“Well, it could make cents, mate.”

“I don’t care. I didn’t join the Noble’s Guard for gold. I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do. But, now, I don't know what the right thing to do is any more.”

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“What if you never?”

“Never what?”

“Never know what the right thing to do is. I mean I never know what the right thing to do is. I just do whatever comes into my head.”

“I can’t do that either. I have principals. That is why you are okay with the Nobles acting in mysterious ways. You see yourself the same way. But, I don’t. I can’t understand why they act so impulsively. It can get people killed.”

“I don’t know, mate, but Mute Mike might.”

And, with that, Lefty thrust Mute Mike back into Bob’s face. The puppet’s mouth opened but nothing came out.

“Yeah, Lefty, so what is Mute Mike saying now.”

“He is saying: that’s just me act. It is how I got the capital to lend you a gold piece. I do performances for nobles. They think all the insults are funny. I think they trade in put downs, and rising and lowering statuses. I just give ‘em what they want. That’s how I ‘em becoming a legitimate businessman, by giving ‘em what they want, whatever they want, I don’t care as long as they pay me.”

“You are a real artist, Mute Mike. An actor. Maybe, a silent actor, but an actor nonetheless. You are whatever other people want. But, who are you? I am concerned you’ve lost that. I, on the other hand, know who I am. I may be braun, but I am a thinker. And, I am sensitive. And, knowing who I am is a curse. For I suffer for the decisions I make, and their impact on others.”

“You know what you need, mate.”

“What Lefty?”

“A plan. It kind of puts everything in perspective. It is all relative to achieving the plan. My plan is to sell aftershave scent to Dwarves and Half-Orcs.”

“Yeah, what is up with that?”

“To me, it is the very symbol of hope. If those uglies can get dates, then maybe love has a chance.”

“Hope? Give love a chance? Umm...yeah. That is good. I didn’t...I didn’t think you thought that way.”

“I may appreciate the randomness of the universe but that is the power of a plan. Bam! Order to the chaos.”

“But do you really think aftershave will lead to love? You don’t think that the partners they meet won’t see through the illusion?”

Lefty put his arm, the one without the puppet, up on Bob’s shoulder. “Bob, people need talismans. Maybe, you don’t, but most people do. If it gives people hope and confidence, it might just seal the deal. Pin a talisman on a person and it is like holding all the chaos at bay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe, if we meet the Wizard, he can give you a talisman of powerful magic. Something to give you faith again.”

“Yeah? And, what do you hope the Wizard will give to you?”

“Gold and legitimacy. A chance to step out of the shadows.”

“Well, I guess we better get to the Wizard then!”

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