- Wednesday, February 10th, 2016 -

– 19 days after the disappearance –

‘Don’t judge me after the next thing I’m going to tell you.’ Stan lets me take a seat on the grass outside of school. He dragged my ass all the way here during lunch, telling me he had to share something with me. Emma is a little offended because Stan told her he didn’t want her around.

‘I won’t judge.’ I hold up my hands as if in surrender. ‘I don’t think you can do something that I don’t expect from you.’

‘You make me sound like some kind of criminal that does all sorts of illegal stuff.’ He chuckles.

‘Well, did you do something illegal?’

‘Nah,’ he shrugs. ‘Depends on how you explain my actions.’

‘What did you do?’

‘Well, Nathan goes to the gym a lot. I may have gone over there to borrow his phone.’ Stan holds up an IPhone. My eyes widen in shock.

‘You stolehis phone? And you found Nathan?’

‘The guy was out of the country for some trip with school.’ Stan hands me the phone after he unlocked it. ‘Had a friend of mine helping me to hack the phone, but you have to read this.’

‘But you stole a freaking phone!’ I want to shake him heavily. Does he not understand he could get into major trouble for this?

‘I said I borrowed it. I’ll have someone drop it at his house tonight.’ He doesn’t seem too impressed over the fact he stole something, from a guy he claims to have short temper. ‘Stop whining, start reading.’

I roll my eyes, but hey, since I have the phone right now anyway, I might as well read what he wants me to read.

It’s a conversation between “Fuckboy Finn” and Nathan. It angers me seeing the nickname Nathan used for Finnley in his phone. So much for a relationship. The guy probably didn’t care one single bit for Finnley and I wonder if he’s even worried about his whereabouts.

Their contact started over a year ago and isn’t that interesting. They text on and off with little words and mostly just dates, times and locations; probably meeting to exchange the Ritalin Nathan got him. After a while, the conversations seem to get friendlier, with short greetings and small chit chats. Nathan asking him if the stuff is helping him, Finnley telling him his grades are improving.

‘Why do you want me to read all of this?’ I look up towards Stan.

‘I didn’t assume you would read every word. Just scroll to about a year ago.’ Stan grabs the phone, scrolls down. ‘I didn’t feel like looking for the right part of the conversation. Sue me, I’m lazy.’

I chuckle when he hands me back the phone. The conversations are like regular conversations between friends.

Eventually, I come across a part where Finnley tells Nathan he can’t afford to buy anymore. His parents discovered he’s been withdrawing money frequently, asking him questions about it.

Nathan’s reply is simple; to meet him and they would figure it out.

After that, the conversation goes dead for about two weeks, when Nathan asks if he thought about his proposal. Finnley’s response is probably exactly what Stan is trying to show me:

Fuckboy Finn:

I can’t do it. I’m too much in love with Cris.

I’m shocked, looking down at the words in front of me. Stan is shuffling left and right, seemingly nervous for my reaction. I don’t know how to respond to this. Something tells me I already knew Finnley was into me, I just ignored it. But on the other hand, Finnley never gave me any hint about liking me. I didn’t even know he was gay.

Nathan presses him to reconsider, since Finnley would not only get his Ritalin, but also the chance to experiment; which first confuses me, but then it hits me what this is about. Stan told me Finnley experimented with Nathan for his sexuality, nothing more than that. By the looks of this conversation, it was Nathan’s idea to do so, in exchange for the stuff, as Nathan calls it.

‘Wait a minute…’ I look towards Stan in shock. ‘Don’t tell me Finn slept with Nathan to pay for the meds.’

Stan simply shrugs. ‘It certainly looks like that. But it’s not the only thing that I wanted you to see.’ He points back to the phone, by now I notice he’s reading along with me over my shoulder.

Finnley and Nathan bicker over yes or no having a deal, Finnley refusing, Nathan telling him to really consider how much his education means to him. How much he needs the meds to succeed, reminding Finnley about the facts he’s back to getting straight A’s after starting to use the stuff.

‘He’s just blackmailing Finn!’ I feel angry all over again, wanting to hit Nathan in the face for doing this to Finnley.

‘Continue reading, we’ll get back at Nathan later.’ Stan chuckles. Eventually, Finnley returns on explaining he’s too much in love with me to do anything with another person. Nathan seems to lose his patience, telling him in a harsh way I’m straight as a pole and Finn would never stand a chance.

Fuckboy Finn:

I kissed him once already. And he kissed me back. He just needs to figure out his sexuality. Don’t tell me I don’t stand a chance.

The phone drops from my hold in shock, before I snatch it up from the ground to reread Finnley’s message in a shocked state of mind. Finnley kissed me? And I kissed him back? When did this happen?

‘He never… I didn’t… What is he talking about?’ I stammer, looking at Stan in shock, who simply shrugs.

‘I didn’t know this. I met Finn after that and he never said anything about it.’

I search Finnley’s next messages for any clearance about when it happened, but he doesn’t give away any details. But he does say I was drunk, reminding me of the one party Finnley attended last year; my own birthday party. I don’t remember half of the night, I know Janet had been pissed at me because I ruined her chances with Finnley. But I don’t remember barging in on them like she said. So, is Finnley telling the truth? Did he really kiss me and did I really kiss him back?

‘So, after you accepted the fact you are in fact into boys, we’ll go after Nathan to ask him about his true relationship with Finn.’ Stan grabs the phone from my hold, scrolling down. ‘And we should figure out a way for the police to look at Nathan as a suspect.’

‘For using underaged boys for his own pleasure?’ I growl angrily. ‘Or for dealing Ritalin among student?’

‘For having something to do with Finn’s disappearance.’ He shoves the phone back in my hands, this time showing a conversation that occurred in the days previous and on the day Finnley went missing. To be honest, I know by now, he had plans with Stan and James to smoke pod and he canceled those plans to tag along with us going out. But apparently, Nathan was trying to get a hold of Finnley, who had been ignoring his messages for about four days, until on Friday, Finnley replied to fuck off and leave him alone. Finnley was texting Nathan throughout the early hours of Friday night; and it wasn’t a very friendly conversation. In fact, Nathan is threatening Finnley and Finnley constantly replies, telling him it’s over, he didn’t need his stuff anymore and he was done with their deal.

Nathan on the other hand didn’t feel like ending the deal, reminding Finnley he wasn’t close to paying of his debts and to either give him the money, or stop whining like a bitch and keep up his end of the deal.

Finnley refuses both, telling Nathan to back off and leave him alone, he didn’t owe him anything. The final text makes my blood run cold.

Nathan:

Just watch your back, fuckboy. I will either get the money, or you.

‘We have to show this to the police!’ I jump up from the grass.

‘Wow there!’ Stan pulls me back down, snatching the phone away. ‘And tell them what? Nathan conveniently let me borrow the phone, and he gave me his pin code to snoop around in his conversations?’

‘Right.’ I let out a frustrated groan. ‘What if Nathan has something to do with Finn’s disappearance?’ I shake Stan lightly. ‘What if he killed Finn?’

‘Calm down Cris. As much as I hate Nathan, I don’t think he’d kill over some Ritalin. Or kill at all to be honest.’

‘We have to figure out a way to get him to become a suspect.’

‘And we will. After I get the phone back in his pocket.’ He wipes the phone with his sleeve, probably removing my finger prints in the process.

* * * * *

‘How come the police didn’t find these messages? Haven’t they checked Finn’s phone records?’ Emma asks, looking down at a printed version of the final conversation between Finnley and Nathan.

‘This is a different phone number.’ Stan grabs his phone, showing both Emma and me he owns two different numbers for Finnley, one we knew, and one we didn’t know about. ‘Finnley bought himself a prepaid number to prevent from getting traced while discussing his business with Nathan, or me, or with anyone about anything slightly illegal. He used the phone for his hook ups too.’

‘Hook ups?’ I feel highly annoyed over the fact these secrets keep getting bigger and bigger.

Stan rolls his eyes. ‘Every now and then he hooked up with someone he met in a club.’

‘Club?’ Emma looks back and forth between me and Stan. ‘Finn never went out.’

‘Almost every Saturday.’ Stan shrugs. ‘Just not to clubs where any of his school friends would go to. Nathan took him to the city a couple of times. James and I took him to some parties around town.’

‘Sometimes I get the feeling we’re talking about a different person.’ I admit timidly while looking down to my hands.

‘I’m sorry to constantly remind you of his secret life.’ Stan sighs deeply. ‘It’s not like I want to rub it in your face. But you need to realize Finn’s life didn’t just consist of studying and going to school. He met with a lot of shady people over the past year.’

‘And we have to tell the police.’ Emma waves the papers in front of us. ‘Nathan might have harmed Finn.’

‘I told you, we didn’t get the information fair,’ I snap at her.

‘We can just send these papers in anonymously.’ It’s the first time Julia speaks up, while before she studied the conversation up close. Much to my liking, I let out the part about the kiss Finnley and I seemed to have shared. It’s not of any essence to the information anyway.

‘Can we?’ I cock a brow.

‘Off course we can.’ She smiles at me, finally stopping to look down at the papers. ‘We can call in and leave an anonymous tip about Nathan being shady. We can also send in these papers without addressing to any of us, proving the fact Nathan is shady.’

‘I thought you both liked Nathan.’ Stan sounds a little irritated at the girls, for constantly pushing us to hand in the information to the police.

‘I don’t know the guy. And as long as he acted nice to me and Finn, I had no reason to dislike him. Finn never told me about any of this, so I just assumed they were indeed dating.’

‘So, will we send in this?’ Emma gestures to the papers. ‘Anonymously?’

‘If this comes back to me…’ Stan points his finger left and right between the girls. ‘I’m dragging both of you down with me for stealing a phone.’

‘If we go down, we at least go down together.’ Julia nods agreeing, Emma doesn’t seem convinced.

‘Okay.’ Stan nods, convinced by Julia’s sweet voice and soft eyes. ‘We’ll send them in.’

‘Good.’ Julia seems pleased. ‘Remember, we’re doing this to find Finn. We need to take some risks since the police is bound to follow rules and restrictions. But do we agree on helping each other out if we for some reason need to do something illegal to get to the bottom of this?’

‘I don’t care what I have to do, as long as we find Finn,’ I simply tell her in response.

‘I didn’t even care about doing illegal stuff beforehand.’ Stan shrugs, before we all look at Emma, who is looking at Julia in a weird way.

‘You are totally not as geeky as I thought you were,’ she mumbles. ‘But yes, for the sake of finding Finn, I’d do anything to get him back home safe.’

‘Let’s send these in right after school and head over to my place to talk over anything else we can do to help the police without them knowing it’s us.’

‘I like her.’ Stan nods towards Julia while looking at me. Julia blushes and I grin. I do like her too, but my mind is all about Finnley right now, no place to think about anyone else. ‘But we’ll join you after community service.’

- Friday, February 12th, 2016 -

‘Cristian?’ My mom calls out to me. It’s Friday, it’s three weeks since Finnley went missing and I feel a little on edge since we’re supposed to go over to his parents. My mom and dad had a big fight with them last week, but made up with them at church on Sunday. They still however think it’s wrong of them to condemn Finnley for being gay.

But I couldn’t say no to them when they asked if I wanted to go with them to eat dinner with them tonight. We send in the papers two days ago and I’m curious if there’s any news about it. We haven’t seen or heard from or about Nathan ever since. He hasn’t been in school and he hasn’t been to the gym. Stan, Emma and Julia are going out tonight, early, to see if Nathan shows up in the club again, while I join them after my parents went to bed.

Julia came up with the idea to buy ourselves a prepaid phone number, solely for sending fraises from the conversation between Nathan and Finnley to Nathan himself. She said that messing with people’s heads could push them towards breaking point.

So far, no reaction. But he’s read all of the messages. And he isn’t blocking the number for some reason.

As soon as we arrive at the Lund’s household we find ourselves in the middle of a fight; and it’s awkward as hell. Charlie opened the door with a look to tell us he’s sorry about the fight. My mom sighs deeply, while my dad barges inside, standing in between James and Eva. They’re about three meters apart, both heated over some argument they were in.

‘You’re the one who pressured him,’ James shouts at Eva, who looks at him with wide eyes full of disbelieve.

‘I wasn’t the one who kept on asking him about the slipping grades,’ she snaps, waving a hand in the air to add drama to her words.

‘At least I showed interest in my son!’

‘Hey!’ My dad holds out his arms, the palms of his hand towards either one of them. ‘Stop it!’

By now they realize we’re inside and heard a part of their fighting; falling back into silence while sending each other angry glares.

‘What’s going on?’ My dad looks back and forth between the two of them in question; both of them look down in shame.

‘The police received an anonymous tip and conversations between Finnley and Nathan. There’s no beating around the bush Finnley was into some shady business with that guy.’ Charlie explains. ‘Now they blame each other for pressuring Finnley to get straight A’s.’ Charlie gestures towards both his parents.

‘Didn’t the police go after Nathan to get more information about their true relationship?’

‘They did.’ Charlie nods. ‘But they didn’t release any intel about it.’

‘Right.’ My mom claps her hands before she forces Eva to walk into the kitchen, while addressing to the rest. ‘It’s not worth it to fight over. We’re all worried about Finnley and we all want him to come home. Fighting over who did what isn’t going to help any of us; and especially not Finnley.’

‘Did they arrest Nathan?’ I follow Charlie towards his bedroom, since he’s the one who spoke about it. I don’t think his parents are capable of discussing the matter without ending up in another fight.

‘I don’t know.’ Charlie takes a seat on the floor, unpausing a game he was playing, probably until we rang the bell. ‘They don’t tell us much about it. They only keep us updated on having a suspect. Nathan is one of them, but that’s all I know.’

‘But there’s enough about it in the papers?’

‘And that’s about everything we know too.’ Charlie sighs. ‘Can we not talk about it right now? Mom and dad have been fighting each and every day since he went missing and I’m kind of sick of it.’

‘Aren’t you worried?’

‘Off course I am.’ Charlie pauses the game again to look at me. ‘But to be honest, I think Finn ran away on his own terms and doesn’t want to be found. He’s smart enough to trick any of us.’