- Saturday, January 23rd, 2016 -

“Cristian.” My mom gets up the second an officer showed me the way to the waiting room, releasing me from the small cell I’ve spend the night in. “Drinking? And fighting!?” She grabs hold of my shoulder, dragging me outside and towards the car. “For crying out loud, you’re seventeen!” She snaps. “We taught you better, didn’t we?”

“I’m sorry…” I mutter, winching at the bright sunlight outside. The hangover caused a throbbing headache.

“Is this what you do every week? Telling us you’re with Finnley? Is he a bad influence? I thought he was a perfectly fine young man!”

“Mom!” I groan. “He is a great friend. Normally he doesn’t come with us.”

“So, you do this every week?”

I shrug. “Dad told me it was okay…”

“Your dad said it was okay!?”

Maybe I shouldn’t have told her dad allows me to go out and drink. I can’t wait until we get home and this blows up way out of proportion.

She lectures me all the way back home, telling me I’ll get community service and all. How this could ruin my chances of a good job and everything. I’m not even going to tell her that as a minor, it won’t be on my record as long as I don’t end up in jail for more than three times. It’s just how things work with minors and minor misdemeanours in this country. It’s not really the alcohol that got me in jail, it’s the fighting with some guy who was trying to hit on Julia.

I hope she’s fine. We lost her friends and mine during the evening and I wonder if she managed to find them after they arrested me and the other guy.

I just nod and agree on how stupid I’ve been, trying to not piss my mom of any further. I follow her inside, were my dad is seated on the couch, watching morning news. He looks up the second my mom slams the front door shut, making me jump in my spot.

“You allowed him to drink!?” mom shouts at him. “You allowed him to go out!? He’s seventeen!”

“And we were younger when we went out.” My dad shrugs. “If we forbid him, he’ll do it behind our backs.”

I zone out of the conversation, even though they’re full on shouting by now. I turn on my phone and notice I’ve missed a few calls from Finnley’s home.

I redial the number and walk into the kitchen to block out most of the shouting.

“James Lund.” A tired man answers the phone.

“It’s Cris, I missed a couple of calls from Finnley I think.”

“Oh!” He sounds surprised. “No, I believe Eva tried to call you a couple of times. We’re wondering if Finnley is still with you, since he hasn’t informed us on staying out.”

“He isn’t with me sir.” I answer, a little confused. “He was supposed to sleep at home.” Is there a possibility Finnley got arrested too? But then his parents would have received a call like mine.

“Oh, right.” James’ voice falters a little, before he regains his strength again. “Well, do you know where he could have spent the night? Any other friends? You know how worried Eva gets…”

“Did you call Emma? She was with him all night I think.”

“Emma told us he was probably with you.” He sighs deeply. “I’ll just try to call his phone again. Thanks for calling back. If you hear from him, tell him to contact us.”

“I will, sir.” I agree, feeling dumbfound at the information I just got. I hang up and immediately call Emma, who picks up after calling three times.

“Hey Romeo.” Emma chuckles. “I heard you’re planning a date with Julia?”

“Where did Finn go?” I ignore her question. “You told me you would stay with him all night.”

“I thought he was with you.” She sounds just as confused as I feel. “I haven’t seen him after I lost him in the club. I figured he went looking for you and Julia because he wanted to go home.”

“Emma, Finn didn’t come home.” I deadpan. “Please tell me you have an idea of where he went.”

“I…” Emma’s voice cracks. “I don’t. Maybe he’s with Lily or Willow?”

“Why would he go…” Why wouldn’t he? What if one of them is the girl I believe he’s dating with? “Do you have a number?”

“No, but I figure you have Julia’s number.”

“Right.” Maybe he’s with Julia. He went looking for us after all. Maybe it was after I got arrested and he went home to comfort her? “I’ll call her.”

“Let me know when you find him. And tell him not to freak out any of us like this.”

I chuckle. “I will.”

“Cristian!?” My mom shouts. “Don’t you dare to walk out on us. This is about your behavior…” She enters the kitchen and snatches the phone away. “No phone young man. You lost that privilege.”

“Mom!” I try to grab the phone back. “I haveto call someone.”

“No.” She grabs my ear and drags me to the living room, just like she used to do when I was little. I hate it when she does this.

“Maria, for the love of god.” My dad groans. “He’s seventeen.”

“Mom!” I pull away from her hold. “Finnley didn’t come home.”

“Did you get him arrested too!?” She snaps. Mom lovesFinnley so she hates it when I get him into trouble; which I never do because he won’t let me do stupid things when he is around.

“No, mom.” I feel a little panicking. It isn’t like Finnley to stay away from home without notifying anyone. “I’m serious. His parents don’t know where he is. I needto make a phone call. I need to find Finn.”

“Let him call.” My dad snatches the phone away from her and hands it back to me. “And stop blowing everything up. He’s a kid, he’s meant to make mistakes in his life, to learn.”

“Thanks, dad.” I send him a thankful glare, before looking up Julia’s number to call her. My mom crosses her arms and looks at me, awaiting the call to continue her lecture.

“Cris?” Julia sounds a little sleepy. “You’re out? How are you!? Are you in pain?”

“I’m fine.” I sigh. “Julia, is Finn with you? Or with any of your friends?”

“No, I haven’t seen Finn after we went dancing. When you got arrested, Lily and Willow took me home.”

“So, he’s not with any of you?” A weird, tingly feeling messes up my stomach, making me nauseas a little.

“Is something wrong?”

“He didn’t come home, he isn’t with any of his friends…” I swallow back the forming lump in my throat. My dad sits up straight, looking at me with a frown. My mom lowers her arms and looks worried by now, probably since my voice gives away the panic rising inside me.

“I have to go, I’ll call you later.” I mutter, voice thick and cracking. I hang up and look at my dad for help. “Finn is missing.”

- Monday, January 25th, 2016 -

It’s Monday and I haven’t really slept in two days. Finnley never got home and nobody knows where he is right now. I’m a total wreck and I feel guilty as shit for dragging him out of his comfort zone and get him in trouble like this. Emma feels guilty for losing track of him. We’re both miserable and I’m not the only one who had sleepless nights. Emma’s hair is pulled up in a messy bun and she’s wearing an oversized sweater, functioning as a dress, along with some tights and shoes she didn’t even tied.

“Please tell me you’ve heard something.” She mutters the second she slumps down in her seat. “Although his absence right now…” She swallows hard. A tear escapes her eye and I wipe it away with mu thumb.

“Don’t cry.” I tell her. “I can’t handle it right now.”

“I can’t handle it either. What could have happened? Are the police looking for him?”

I nod and take in a deep breath. “They’re looking for him, sending out an amber alert today, you know…” I tell her without much emotion. “They haven’t got a clue of where he went. But I believe they’re going to check security cameras and all.”

“You think he’s…” She cuts her sentence short while I notice someone taking a seat on my other side. Just for a brief second, I believe it’s Finnley, just casually taking a seat like nothing happened. Who else would join us right now? But then I notice it’s Julia, along with Lily.

“Please tell me it isn’t true.” She looks stressed, eyes bloodshot. She holds up her phone and shows the amber alert I just talked about. “Don’t tell me he’s actually missing.”

I’m surrounded by three girls, Lily seemingly calm, but the other two both with tear filled eyes.

Emma pulls my sleeve. “What if this was what his plans were? He was acting weird lately…” She whispers with shaky voice, tears rolling down her cheeks. “What if he planned on running away?”

I don’t know how to respond to her. Because I have no idea if it’s a possibility he wanted to disappear.

“No.” Julia takes in a deep breath. “He wasn’t planning on running. Not that I know…” She looks at Lily, before looking at Emma, avoiding my eyes in the process. “Finn didn’t know how to tell you guys…” She trails. “He was dating someone. He was supposed to go on a date Friday and he cancelled to go out with you.”

“Who is she? Can’t we call her? Maybe she knows where he is? Why didn’t you tell me sooner! I’m worried sick!” I grab hold of both her shoulders, shaking her lightly.

“Cris!” She looks at me with big ayes full of fear. “He wasn’t dating a girl. Finn was dating a boy. He had a boyfriend since a couple of months.”

I look at her, shocked and unable to respond in any properly accepted way. Finn had a… boyfriend? He was gay? He kept this a secret?

“Who is he?” Emma calmly asks her, snapping me out of my stupor a little. “Girl or boy, it doesn’t matter. Finn could still be with him.”

“He isn’t.” Julia shakes her head and looks down. “I called him right after Cris told me he didn’t come home. We kept contact over the weekend but he doesn’t know where Finn is.”

“Who is he?” I ask unsurely of what else to ask. “Why didn’t Finn tell us?”

“He was afraid you’d hate him for it. He never told anyone.”

“But you knew.” I deadpan. I hate the fact Finnley kept this a secret. So what if he’s gay? As long as Finnley is happy, I’m happy. Is this why he was shutting me out more and more? Why he didn’t want to meet during the weekend?

“I found out because his boyfriend is friends with my sister.” She mutters. “I saw them together once…”

“It’s not important anyway.” I mutter. “He doesn’t know where Finn is.”

“Right.” She takes a shaky breath and looks up the second the bell rings. “Keep me updated, okay?” She squeezes my hand softly before following Lily out of the lunch room.

* * * * *

“Cristian, Kody, Maria. Thanks for stopping by.” James looks at me. His eyes are red, his hair is a mess and he seems like he hasn’t shaved since Saturday. He opens the door further, to let me in the house. I follow him towards the kitchen, where Eva is seated at the table. She’s holding a cup of coffee, but by the lack of steam coming from it, I figure it might be cold already. She seems lost in thoughts, staring at a wall with dreamy eyes. She’s wearing one of Finnley’s sweaters while her hair seems unwashed and is messy and uncombed. This disappearance is taking its toll on them. It’s hard to look at Finnley’s parents like this, being unable to do anything to help them get their son back.

My mom grabs the coffee from her hold and starts prancing around the kitchen, making new coffee, offering to make them some food. There’s a pile of pizza boxes and other home ordered foods piled up on the counter. Dishes are placed in the sink.

“Cris, could you do the dishes?” She gestures towards the sink and I nod in response.

“You don’t have to…” James starts, but my mom gives him a warm, sympathetic smile and he just nods and mutters thanks. My dad takes a seat with them and they start discussing the results from the search the police organized.

“He walked outside, holding his phone and calling. His phone records showed he called home, but we didn’t hear the phone.” James tells my dad, to which Eva starts crying again, spilling the coffee from the mug because of the sobs and the shaking. “We can’t help but wonder if he would be here with us if we would have picked up…” James explains. I notice my mom’s teary eyes. Guilt is flushing over me yet again. They wonder if this would have happened if they would have answered the phone, while I feel guilty for dragging him in there in the first place.

“You can’t help it.” My dad tells him calmly. “Did he call anyone else after that?”

“Me.” I mutter, knowing Finnley called me according to my phone and his phone records show I was the last he tried to reach. But I was already arrested by then.

“But no one else?” My dad looks shortly in my direction. “They must have some idea of where he went.”

James shakes and nods all at once. “They found out he’s been calling and texting with a boy, Nathan, a lot over the past couple of months.”

Nathan.His boyfriend.

“But he isn’t with him either.” Eva voices. “James, just tell them the truth!” She sounds desperate, sad, defeated. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“What truth?” My stomach is jumping, turning and twisting, thinking something is seriously wrong and they’re keeping something behind. Do they know more about his whereabouts?

“Finnley was severely depressed.” James whispers. “He was taking antidepressants, he was seeing a psychologist. They’re still looking for him, but they told us to be prepared for the worst…” His voice falters in the end and when he is silent, I notice he started crying. I’ve never seen him cry. I’ve only seen my father cry once, when my grandfather died years ago.

I shake my head, dropping the plate from my hold. It breaks when it hits the floor, pieces scattering all over the floor. My mom yelps in surprise. “The worst…?” I repeat his words. “Like…” I feel a tear escape my eye, wiping it away with a little force. Like I’m trying to tell myself to keep it together.

Finnley was depressed?

What else did he keep from me? Did I even know Finnley that well? Yesterday I found out he had a boyfriend, today they’re telling me he kept a depression hidden from me?