NAME: Jin

TITLE: Enigmatic/ Endless Sleeper/

AGE: 19

RACE: ???

LEVEL: 2

CLASS: Beginner

STRENGTH: 12

VITALITY: 13

SPEED: 17

AGILITY: 17

LUCK: -1

INTELLIGENCE: 15

DEXTERITY: 18

MANA: 5

SKILLS: Origin(UPDATED). Traveler (+lighten load). Enigma(UPDATED).

“Sir Stabbington Spike do you have any idea what the hell that ‘UPDATED’ thing means?”

“No.”

I whipped my head towards Sir Spike for a long minute before checking my status plate for any signs of a schizophrenia status. I didn’t find one but y’know what? fuck it I’m just gonna pretend my sidekick I ironically named is just a knife. Right? Ok. I looked back at my status plate and tapped the ‘UPDATED’ part.

ORIGIN

-----Updated Lvl 1----

Effects ::: Can return small to medium objects to a previous state/ Can be used on self to heal injuries/ Can revive user on death once a month/

ENIGMA

-----Updated Lvl 1----

Effects ::: Can hide stats (Active)/ Can make things more confusing (Passive)/

“Oh fuck yes.” So I can revive now when I get eaten. That’s fukkin’ hella. Wait but what’s this new enigma update? As I wondered that looking at the plate, the letters blurred before snapping back into focus.

ORIGIN

----Updated Lvl 1----

Effects ::: Can make things go back/ Heals sometimes/ Maybe not die so much/

ENIGMA

----Updated Lvl 1----

Effects ::: Makes stuff sneaky/ Heh./

I feel personally attacked. Are you kidding me enigma?? How are you so useless???

ORIGIN

----Updated Lvl 1----

Effects ::: / +/ ^//

ENIGMA

----Updated Lvl 1----

Effects ::: ~~/ 🖕/

Alright well I don’t really have the leisure to sit around getting into pseudo-arguments with my goddamn status plate. I’m a bit naked, which is slightly inconvenient I guess. ‘Ok so first we need to find clothes.’

“Wait what the SHIT?? Where’re my clothes? My cool armor?? My OTHER sword?”

With this thought in mind I looked around the immediate area again to see if there was anything I missed. On closer inspection I noticed that the funeral pyre/altar had another, smaller altar right next to it. This one was cluttered with a few books, a sack, and some bandages. Honestly I’m not 100% what any of those had to do with dead person stabbing but I’m not really in a place to question good luck y’know?

“Alright well they aren’t clothes but it’s better than the wangle dangle.”

So I just accepted fate and wrapped the shit outta myself with those bandages. You ever see a mummy on Halloween with like toilet paper and maybe a beer? Well I looked like that but EVEN BETTER and also with a significantly higher risk of important bits popping out which I guess isn’t quite what your Halloween mummies looked like. Or maybe they did I dunno what kinda freaky shit you get up to and I’m not one to judge. Anyway after covering up a tad I looted ‘cause that’s what you do. My rewards included one How to Soul Bind a Mostly Fresh Corpse, Healthy Eating Tips with Sue Halfwilder, and A Complete Guide to Going from Naked and Alone to Adventuring by Eric Goatfucker: part one. First one makes sense, second one really doesn’t unless Mr. Spike’s previous owner was…a cannibal I guess? ……….maybe we won’t keep the second book, or look at it. Good plan, me. The last book looks like a plot device given to noobs in the frightening situation that is starting a new game with absolutely no idea what they’re doing. It’s definitely not weirdly specific to my exact situation.

“AHAHAHAHA” With that reassured laughter and a quick pat on the back I opened the guide to the author’s foreword.