《My Good Friend Murphy》My New Sidekick
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NAME: Jin
TITLE: Enigmatic/ Endless Sleeper/
AGE: 19
RACE: ???
LEVEL: 2
CLASS: Beginner
STRENGTH: 12
VITALITY: 13
SPEED: 17
AGILITY: 17
LUCK: -1
INTELLIGENCE: 15
DEXTERITY: 18
MANA: 5
SKILLS: Origin(UPDATED). Traveler (+lighten load). Enigma(UPDATED).
“Sir Stabbington Spike do you have any idea what the hell that ‘UPDATED’ thing means?”
“No.”
I whipped my head towards Sir Spike for a long minute before checking my status plate for any signs of a schizophrenia status. I didn’t find one but y’know what? fuck it I’m just gonna pretend my sidekick I ironically named is just a knife. Right? Ok. I looked back at my status plate and tapped the ‘UPDATED’ part.
ORIGIN
-----Updated Lvl 1----
Effects ::: Can return small to medium objects to a previous state/ Can be used on self to heal injuries/ Can revive user on death once a month/
ENIGMA
-----Updated Lvl 1----
Effects ::: Can hide stats (Active)/ Can make things more confusing (Passive)/
“Oh fuck yes.” So I can revive now when I get eaten. That’s fukkin’ hella. Wait but what’s this new enigma update? As I wondered that looking at the plate, the letters blurred before snapping back into focus.
ORIGIN
----Updated Lvl 1----
Effects ::: Can make things go back/ Heals sometimes/ Maybe not die so much/
ENIGMA
----Updated Lvl 1----
Effects ::: Makes stuff sneaky/ Heh./
I feel personally attacked. Are you kidding me enigma?? How are you so useless???
ORIGIN
----Updated Lvl 1----
Effects ::: / +/ ^//
ENIGMA
----Updated Lvl 1----
Effects ::: ~~/ 🖕/
Alright well I don’t really have the leisure to sit around getting into pseudo-arguments with my goddamn status plate. I’m a bit naked, which is slightly inconvenient I guess. ‘Ok so first we need to find clothes.’
“Wait what the SHIT?? Where’re my clothes? My cool armor?? My OTHER sword?”
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With this thought in mind I looked around the immediate area again to see if there was anything I missed. On closer inspection I noticed that the funeral pyre/altar had another, smaller altar right next to it. This one was cluttered with a few books, a sack, and some bandages. Honestly I’m not 100% what any of those had to do with dead person stabbing but I’m not really in a place to question good luck y’know?
“Alright well they aren’t clothes but it’s better than the wangle dangle.”
So I just accepted fate and wrapped the shit outta myself with those bandages. You ever see a mummy on Halloween with like toilet paper and maybe a beer? Well I looked like that but EVEN BETTER and also with a significantly higher risk of important bits popping out which I guess isn’t quite what your Halloween mummies looked like. Or maybe they did I dunno what kinda freaky shit you get up to and I’m not one to judge. Anyway after covering up a tad I looted ‘cause that’s what you do. My rewards included one How to Soul Bind a Mostly Fresh Corpse, Healthy Eating Tips with Sue Halfwilder, and A Complete Guide to Going from Naked and Alone to Adventuring by Eric Goatfucker: part one. First one makes sense, second one really doesn’t unless Mr. Spike’s previous owner was…a cannibal I guess? ……….maybe we won’t keep the second book, or look at it. Good plan, me. The last book looks like a plot device given to noobs in the frightening situation that is starting a new game with absolutely no idea what they’re doing. It’s definitely not weirdly specific to my exact situation.
“AHAHAHAHA” With that reassured laughter and a quick pat on the back I opened the guide to the author’s foreword.
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