“Secrets… there are always secrets… I feel sick of everything…”

(«^») Iris Exurrana

8E/438Y/12M/31D 8:31 PM

I vaguely remember Aurora speaking a chant. I was barely conscious when she spoke the chant, too.

I was dying after all.

When she kissed me for just an instant I felt life fill my body, as light surrounded us. The lights danced as she pulled back and we both watched.

I saw many things in that moment.

I saw every life I ever lived, every memory I've ever lived. I saw years of blood, wrath, war, and death. And I saw years of tears, misery, and loss. And I saw years of life and joy. I saw each iteration of myself as the cycle continued, I saw my love, I saw my children, I saw my duties.

I saw the cycle itself.

As the lights faded, I collapsed back into Aurora’s arms.

She took out a small extra dimensional bag and grabbed a few thousand vials, and spread the dust over my body, and crushed a few for herself.

“There…” She took a long, exasperated breath. She looked at me with weary eyes. “I was so scared I wouldn't be able to make the anti-poison…” She grasped my shoulders then pulled me into a tight embrace.

“Using every limiter possible was a smart move.” I turned to the side and coughed a little, “Abusing the material limiter like that was also smart. I'm just glad you didn't use any important books…”

“You should be glad you're alive, you dummy.” Aurora laughed a little.

“Heh. I guess I'm the one that needs to learn to value their life… c'mon… we're almost to Saela…”

(«^») Yalina Lotfi Excalibryanna

9:32 PM

I was a native to Yn Dyr. Our world is somewhat of a mirror to yours, so Yn Dyr would be familiar to you if you knew of the oriental places in your world, and what they're like.

Although I was native, I didn't look like it. Yn Dyr was mostly populated by humans, lacuna, and fey. It was the same for Yn Sil. Although Vaelik was a different story. In fact Vaelik was so far removed from Yn Dyrian and Yn Silian culture that it was thought of as a completely separate thing. When people would refer to Nil Yn they were referring to Yn Dyr and Yn Sil.

Being close to a month late, I was very on edge about the safety of Aurora. I had learned the trade ship she was on was attacked, but when I did some investigation it turned out that everyone on that ship was missing.

They didn't find bodies. My hope was that they were attacked by the pirates of Britannya.

The reason?

They didn't kill. Well, they did, but they only killed those that didn't pass The Trial of the Queen’s Gaze. They only ever attacked ships carrying people they wanted dead, or important information or packages they could give to The Von. That would be for the best, since I knew Aurora would pass the trial easily. She was a good girl.

I was pacing back and forth that day unable to get my mind off of it when suddenly there was a knock on my door.

Hurriedly, I answered it, expecting a runner with news, but what I found was even better than what I thought would be the best of visits at the time.

Two girls, both leaning on the other, one with short white hair that turned red halfway down, and flaming pink eyes. The second.

The second was someone I'd been searching for for over a hundred thousand years. A girl, 5’7, with long black hair that reached her knees, and bangs that could cover her entire face. She had black irises, and her right eye had a scar running through it, inverting its color. Although the mark on her skin was barely visible, the mark on her eye was noticeable if you just took a moment to stare at her eyes. I gasped and smiled. I was 5’2 so I was shorter than both of them, but I pulled them both into a very tight embrace.

“Oh! You're safe!” I then turned to Iris, “And you're alive!”

“Wha-”

“Come in come in, it's cold outside!” I hurried them inside my home.

Well, mansion to be exact. Look up what an oriental palace looks like in your world and you have my house. Although my house was much smaller than an actual palace.

The two slowly limped inside, hanging on to the other dearly for support. Like two birds missing a wing leaning on each other to fly. They were smiling, but the smile was one of someone in pain, or that had just experienced some major loss. Their skin was gray, they had bags under their eyes, and their eyes were hollow.

The looks of people who just went through something harrowing.

I sat them down at my table in the living room, which was low to the ground and had cushions for seats. “So, you two. Before I say my bit, what exactly happened? It's been about a month now since the day you were actually supposed to arrive…”

Iris sighed, and started explaining what had happened to them over the past ninety-something days. “I nearly died on the train after that. The fucker poisoned me. Although I thought he had poisoned Aurora here. At that point I just accepted it, but this one,” She looked at Aurora with a soft smile, “This one refused to let me die… and now we're here.”

“Have you performed The First Rite?”

“Yeah… the memories are still extremely hazy… it's hard sorting an infinite amount of memories…”

“I understand… do you at least recognize me..?”

“You're General Lotfi of Alexandria, right?”

“I'm Yalina Lotfi Excalibryanna. I'm your mother.”

They both looked at me with awe, “Look at that Iris, your mom's a war hero.” Aurora laughed a little.

Iris looked at me with a hard stare, “Why didn't you ever find me..?”

I gave her a gentle look, “Let's just say fate and free will don't agree with each other…”

Iris’ look softened a little, “So much has gone so wrong over the course of my life… I guess I should just be grateful that I'm alive…”

“You Exurrana always have it rough… sometimes I feel as if it's Fate’s vengeance for you all defying it so much… do you remember anything about any of your family..?”

“Well, apparently I have a daughter and a granddaughter. I have lots of brothers and a handful of sisters. And now that I think about it I vaguely remember you and mom. Why the Hell is our direct family line all lesbians anyway?! Is that another Fate thing?”

I laughed a little, “It's not so weird as you think. I've seen so many Paradoxes, and in each one of them generations go by in families where their relationships end up like ours. It's not our entire family. Your grandfather is an Exurrana, and your aunt Nemina has a husband.”

“Are all True Exurrana like me?” She pushed her palm into her forehead, “This is way too much to process at once… it's giving me a migraine…”

“You'll get used to it soon enough. Although having so many memories… you're bound to skip over most of them… to answer your question, no. Not all True Exurrana end up like you. In fact it's rare that Exurrana who are born Exurrana ever become great warriors, or even find a Yurriana. To be an actual True Exurrana you have to meet the qualifications, and be born an Exurrana. However, a few of us Exurrana and Yurriana have such strong wills that we remain essentially unchanged from life to life, making us who we are now over and over again. As such we become great warriors simply because we were one in the life before. Although I'm no longer a Yurriana…”

Iris gave me a confused look, “Then how am I a True Exurrana?

“I'm an Excalibryanna, an Exurrana or Yurriana that has become something of their own. My nature has changed since your mother handed off the Matron’s duties to you oh so long ago. She disappeared after that, and now I'm functionally my own Exurrana. It's nice being able to enter the cycle without your mother, but ever since I've just felt… incomplete…”

Aurora jumped up, “I'm sure she'll come back! Iris did, didn't she? Why can't she!”

“Yeah… maybe she will come back…” I gave her a small smile. Although I didn't really believe the words. After all it's been three eras since she left. Three. Long… Eras… “What's your life been like up until now, Iris?” I decided to change the subject.

She gave me a long sigh, “It's been a long 37 years…”

“Almost 38 now actually.”

“Really?”

“You were born on 12/46. Exactly in the middle of the month, and exactly in the middle of winter. It's always been that way. I doubt it'll change.”

“Well, I guess it's been a long 38 years then… when I turned eighteen I was taken into government custody because I hadn't been found. I was adopted and disowned by around 360 families by the time I turned 28. I've spent the last 10 years with one woman who only keeps me because she can claim me as a dependant on taxes, and because I learned she can't easily disown me for independence if I spend at least one day a week with her. For a while I ran with a gang until I caught the leader… assaulting someone… we fought over it and I was kicked out. I've also been working as a contracted Ace for The Von for a lot of my life. The work is dangerous, but it pays good. And they stand for something I believe in. I don't really have any friends that don't have any relation to The Von, besides Aurora here… life has mostly been me just trying to get by.”

I could sense that there was more to those last few words, but I decided not to push it. I already knew what was hidden there anyways. “Just trying to survive… I've lived so long that survival is something that's constantly on my mind. I'm always wondering when my next death will be. Being effectively immortal would make you think death doesn't scare me, but it does. It scares me because I never know what'll happen in my next life. I won't be here to protect the world I love, the people I love. In my next life will I be born an Excalibryanna again? Will I still be the same Yalina? Will I still hold the virtues I value so much now? I've changed many times over the course of the cycle. Sometimes it's not always for the better…”

“Yeah…” Iris looked down with sadness.

“Sorry this shouldn't be about me. You two look like you've been through Hell. You're safe for now. Rest up, gather your strength, and relax. There are harder times on the horizon.”

(«^») 12:50 PM

I was on the second floor of my house, out on the patio that overlooked the city from the mountain my house was built on. I was leaning on the railing, just taking in the view when I noticed Iris walking behind me, gripping Aurora’s hand like a life line. “Oyaneh, Iris, Aurora.”

Aurora nodded. She'd been awfully quiet the whole night. I could only wonder what was going through her head. Her eyes were dead, and she was no longer smiling. Iris told me they were assaulted on the beach, but I could tell there was more to it than that. The looks on their faces weren't the looks of people who'd just done a lot of fighting.

They were the looks of misery, and guilt. Of loss. Of trauma.

“Oyaneh. Aurora wanted to hear some of your stories now that she understands the Yurriana, Exurrana, and Excalibryanna. She said you would never have time to tell them.”

“Oh… well I don't really have any grand stories. Although I am part of the group formed by earth’s oyami.”

“I've heard about them. They're the heroes and gods found in myths, religions, and folklore of the humans on The Other Side, right?”

“Yep. Once upon a time I was a hero on earth. Although that was long ago. A few eras back The Council of Nines heavily restricted interaction with the other side. I forgot when, but it was around the time hero and god stories stop taking place on earth. It's why modern earth doesn't see gods and inhuman heroes anymore.”

“What hero were you?”

“In a few of my lives I've been male. During the late middle ages I think, I had found myself exiled from Paradox due to me being at odds with The Council of Nines. The only other place to go was earth. So I was sent there. Back then earth wasn't modernized at all. They didn't have guns, trains. Writing existed, but they didn't have a way to easily reproduce written records, so the majority of the population was illiterate, and… well, stupid. They were all very superstitious. Back then I was a draconic male. My name was Lotfi Excalibryanna since Yalina is my female name. At the time I found myself in what's modern England today. Surprisingly there were quite a few people from our world running around. Many of them were causing trouble. The way our auras affect non-magical humans has changed since, but back then your existence would slowly become unprovable over the years. The elemental Fate would just erase any proof you existed, and many would forget you existed eventually, but it depended on how large of a mark you left on their memory. So I wandered medieval England for awhile and at some point the king had died. His son would grow up to bring the whole of Europe to ruins, so I changed one of my gifts temporarily to turn back time enough to replace him. And so I became Arthur Pendragon, king of England.”

“Holy shit… isn't he one of the most famous heroes on earth, even in the modern day?”

“Indeed. Only because of some humans that dug really deep and found my personal records of everything that went on at the time. However, the records were altered in ways because of The Elemental Fates trying to erase my existence.”

“I've read the tales before, but what actually happened?”

“Lots of things. I'll tell you the whole tale at some point, but not today. We'd be here all night. But to give you an idea, someone was banishing highly intelligent Nightmares to earth, and they were wriggling themselves into spots of power, so I took it upon myself to slay them.”

Iris grunted a little, “Well, I guess knowing I come from a family of badasses is reassuring.”

I ruffled Iris’ hair a little bit. “Only the best of the best.” I then turned to look back at the city, “It's beautiful isn't it?”

Iris took the scene in for a moment, “Yeah. It is. Although it's nothing like Exana. The night seems empty here. In Exana it's always active. Always busy. You'll find just as many people doing their daily routine at every hour of the day and night. Here the city rests as the people do. And it's not as rushed as Exana either.”

“The people here live slower lives. They take their time doing what they do so that they do it well. Although I was born here, although I'm native, my real home is in Alexandria. These people are craftsmen. They make the majority of the everyday mundane items and provide the world with the ease to focus on other aspects of what's important to them. Protecting the world is what I care about. So I fight for Alexandria. I lead their armies. I keep the balance between each nation, and I keep the Nightmares of our world at bay. Strength, kindness, and understanding. I fight for these values so I fight for Alexandria.”

Iris nodded, “A true Alexandrian. Should we prepare dinner? It'll be time to sleep in a few hours.”

“A family dinner with my daughter and her girlfriend?!” I laughed as they both blushed furiously. “Unthinkable!” I smiled at both of them, “I'll show you some nice earth food. I doubt you've ever had a real meal.”

(«^») Iris Exurrana

“Before we go…” I let go of Aurora’s hand, and took my blade out. I pulled half my bangs, and the rest of my hair over my head and cut it. “This was getting too long. Besides I needed a new style.” I let go of the excess hair in the wind, then struck it with lightning as it floated away, completely destroying it, leaving me with hair that reached my neck, and my bangs covering my face completely on one side.

I walked away, grabbing Aurora’s hand. “Let's go.” I spoke to her in a gentle voice.

(«^») Yalina Lotfi Excalibryanna

14:29 PM

I knew what was about to happen so I ended up preparing a lot of food. Although the food I made was from earth, we did have a variant of it here. What I made was my own personal recipe to make ramen. It was simple but tasty, something those two could help me with, and still enjoy. Especially Iris. In almost every life she got by just on those vial rations everyday. She rarely ever ate real food. I knew she'd rather eat real food but her drive for being as efficient with her vials as possible was something else.

I watched her as she downed a twenty pound pot of the stuff, barely emptied by Aurora and I.

I have no idea how she could pull it off. It never failed to surprise me. Even if using up so much food was expensive, seeing the satisfied expression on my daughter's face was worth it.

“Happy?” I smiled at her gently.

“Very.” For the first time in what I'm guessing is a month she smiled. A true smile. Not a small smile hiding deeper, darker emotions. Just a wide, feisty grin as she laid back, and sighed happily.

Something genuine, “I'm sorry I couldn't make your favorite. This house isn't exactly made for true luxury. Just a second home.”

Iris laughed a little bit. She bumped Aurora's shoulder while still holding her hand. I asked Aurora, “What's your favorite food?”

Aurora averted her gaze, “It's… embarrassing…”

I grinned, “The greasiest fast food stacked cheeseburger she can get her hands on. The Heiress of all people, royalty who eats only the finest high class food available in all of Alexandria everyday loves 1,000 vial triple cheeseburgers from a family owned restaurant called ‘Rosie's'.”

I grinned even wider as Aurora's face went red, “You didn't have to say!”

Iris laughed, “That's actually kind of adorable.”

Aurora blushed even harder, looked to her right, avoiding our stares.

Iris laughed some more then looked at me, “And you?”

“My favorite food? I've been all over the place. I've tried so many things, and there's so much I love it's hard to pick a favorite. But of all the foods I love, a lot of them come from Asia and Yn Sil. In every life I've been born in the mirror of Earth’s Asia, so their culture is kind of ingrained in me. Despite the fact that I feel like I belong in Alexandria.”

“Speaking of Alexandria, what's our plan to get this one back in power.” Iris sat back up and nodded to Aurora.

“The plans are to get both of you into power.”

“What?!”

I sighed, “These hazy memories of yours are going to be a problem… Iris, Alexandria is your country. It's not supposed to be ruled by anyone other than you and Aurora. From the very beginning you built Alexandria, and have ruled it consistently over each iteration of Paradox that you've been Matron. However during the massive World Shift in the seventh era, you mysteriously disappeared, and at some point died. Aurora here died a few years after you did leaving Alexandria without its leader. It's not even supposed to be a diarchy. You were never ‘The Storm Goddess-Queen of Alexandria’ like the history books say. Alexandria is supposed to be ruled by a Charmer. And you are the Storm Charmer, because your feeding substance and primary magic is lightning. At your highest points of power, the points in your life that make people call you a goddess, you had constant control over the weather. In mere moments you could turn the Tropics of Adara into a freezing wasteland. You could call up tornadoes, blizzards, storms, floods, heat waves, and earth quakes on the scale of thousands of miles. You know the abandoned city in The Shallows in Gyla?”

“Of course I do! It's one of the most famous sites in Gyla. Along with the Graveyards of Glass and Stone.”

“You did that. You summoned a storm with rain so hot it killed the entire populace, and melted away most of the city.”

(«^») Iris Exurrana

“Wha..?”

That left me reeling. “But back to the point. Alexandria is yours. Those of us in The Von know this, and are working to make you the Storm Charmer again.”

I was still focused on the fact that I, the girl that can barely survive each fight on her own merits, destroyed one of the greatest cities in Gylian history. But to think the city filled with people that hate me is mine. Something that is rightfully mine… I couldn't help but grin. “Well… that's the end goal. What's the plan? How we get from here to there?”

“I know you'd love to do everything yourself, but that's not gonna happen. Even at your highest points you still needed an army. You need to track down ten missing Exurrana. Your children and grandchildren, as well as your elder sister, and a handful of Exurrana not born as such. These are all people who are powerful, and can help you reclaim Alexandria. But even after that there's still work to do, and they'll be able to help then, too.”

“Who are these people?”

“Chance, your older sister. Melanie, your daughter. Azazel your other daughter. Raisa your granddaughter. Azrael your great-granddaughter. And then five Exurrana who aren't True, Akash, his mirror Ciel, an android named Vanessa, and two others who we're still searching for information on.”

“It's weird hearing I'm a great grandmother when I'm not even legally an adult. Also, I know Raisa personally… you make it sound like finding her is going to be hard.

“Lots of things become weird when you remember your past lives. And about Raisa… she's been framed for the murder of the Queen of Alexandria… so yes, finding her is going to be hard. Or at least getting to her…”

“Oh shit… Well, who should we look for first?”

I did feel a pang of guilt over Raisa’s situation, but I knew she could hold her own in prison, so I tried keeping my mind focused on doing this pragmatically.

“Azrael.” Yalina brought out some documents from her pouch. It contained a high quality picture of a fox lacuna with long, fluffy, wavy hair that was a bright pink, and golden eyes. They looked similar to Reje’s servant girl, although they weren't nearly as thin and willowy. They were fairly plump, but not in a way that'd you call them fat. They just had curves to die for. “Sheesh. Where do I find her?”

“Like many of these people, you can find her in one of the temples. Specifically the Flora Temple here in Yn Dyr. Most of the True female Exurrana are priestesses of an Elemental Temple. They're considered guardians of whatever temple they tend to. However to enter any temple you're gonna need to pass a trial of sorts.”

“Why would you need to pass a trial to enter a temple? Wouldn't that make the temples devoid of people?”

“Sometimes, not always. The reasoning is that only a priestess or a priest should be allowed in any temple. They're sanctuaries for the elements, and in some cases gods who've done worlds of good. They're places that should only be touched by those who can properly care for them.”

“Everything’s complicated in Paradox…”

Aurora tugged on my arm a little, “I… I'm sure we'll do fine… if we're together what can stop us..?”

I squeezed her hand a little, “I appreciate the encouraging words, but don't let your optimism to get your head. But yes, we're better when we work together.” I ruffled her hair a little, “Let's go sleep. We've got a long road ahead of us…”

(«^») Yalina Lotfi Excalibryanna

1:09 AM

Iris and Aurora were already long asleep. I still had to deal with a few runners, but by the time the clock rolled around to one in the morning I was done. I checked the room next to mine, slowly opening the door. Sure enough, they were both dead to the world. At the time I was wondering if that phrasing could be taken in two very different ways but I dismissed the thought. I smiled as I took in the sight of Iris wrapping her arms tightly around Aurora. Aurora curled up, nestled into Iris’ embrace. It was like Iris was trying to shield her from the horrors of the world that they'd undoubtedly faced in the past month. I stared at them sorrowfully. It's not like they had to do this. It's not like they had to suffer and fight so much. They could choose not to. Iris could leave Alexandria to the royal family. They could leave the succession to the current government and live on peacefully now that they had found each other.

But no. They chose to fight for what was theirs, and what they thought was right. Fate didn't apply to those with strong willpower. The stronger the will the less fate affected them. Sometimes the will of a person became so strong that it twisted the fates of those around them. That's part of what makes a True Exurrana. And that's why they chose to fight. They wanted to defy fate. To spit in its face and everything it threw at them. Because in every life fate has done them wrong. So they work, and fight, and defy until they destroy the future they once had and forge their own. A future they want, not what fate dictates. It could be a future where everything is perfect but even then they'll defy it.

Because the only hand holding acceptable to them is between them and their love.

I felt a strange mix of emotions. Pity, guilt, empathy, sorrow. But also a strange sense of pride, love, and envy.

My daughter was a person that never really changed. In some ways that saddened me, but it also made me happy to know that because she was strong then, she'd be strong forever.

What scared me was her getting jaded. Tired. Exhausted. Because of the Matron’s duties. She wasn't forced to carry them out, but I saw what happened to Iofiel. She'd been Matron for so long, and that kind of stress… it gets to you. And I could swear I could see it getting to Iris.

When Iris was first born the daughter of me and Iofiel she was a shy, quiet girl. Easily scared, and clumsy. When she killed her brothers to protect Sanguina and Chance who'd been heavily injured in the war the boys started over inheriting the Matron’s duties she gave them all proper death rites. Which means she knew them down to their feeding substances. She wept for every one of them, for 89 days while she dedicated a day to the death rite of every single one of them.

She used to be such a soft hearted, kind girl. Honorable and honest to a fault. Now…

Well, you've seen her. You know what she's like…

I started to cry a little, and I quickly closed the door before I woke them up. They needed their rest.

And I needed mine too.