Truck-chan vs the butler

System Memo

From: The Goddess System a priori alpha version.00257643

To: Mr. Spickles, low level managerial department of reincarnation.

Sudject: Daily report, reincarnations are up /

Slightly above average volume of souls today!

340,473 souls reincarnated. 340,473 infatuations. I’m working beautifully. ^_^

Elsewhere, in the kingdom of Roach, in the capital city of boot, a messenger delivered his report to king Stepping Stone.

“Sire,” said the messenger, kneeling in front of the throne.

“Report,” said king Stepping Stone.

“A forest fire has been spotted in the forest of beginnings,” said the messenger.

“Sir Walter,” said the king, and a shadowy character emerged from behind the throne, kneeling beside the king.

“Yes sire,” said the kneeling man, he looked like a traditional butler type character.

“Take a squad of our finest knights to the forest of beginnings to investigate,” said the king.

“At once sire,” said the butler type character, turning on his heel and striding dramatically forthwith.

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Meanwhile, Truck-chan astride her dire bear mount, was rolling along through the burn scar, towards civilization.

The dire bear rolled on and on towards civilization. With nothing to do, Truck-chan dreamt slapping the goddess of reincarnation upside the head.

She used to be a truck, so her evil plans amounted to, rawr evil scary face, give me your gas money. That had actually happened one time. Her old driver Ralph got held up by another trucker, and had to hand over all his cash. Awful, she pitied the fool who came against her. They would be faced slapped, until she had all their lunch money. She burst into fits of uproarious laughter, all the while rolling along, on the epic sized transportation station of a dire bear. These were her thoughts, and other silly thoughts, with ridiculous half formed plans, to take over the world and whatnot. When suddenly…

“Halt in the name of king Stepping Stone,” said the butler type character, shouting through the burnt out trees, in the scarred ash filled forest.

“Hi,” shouted Truck-chan from on top of the mighty dire bear. The bear towered over, the normal sized horses that the knights were riding.

“I,” shouted the butler type character, “am Walter the witless waiter, servant of king Stepping Stone. Who art thou?”

“Vrroooooom,” she said confidently. Oh wait, she thought. A truck would understand, but humans, pssshhht they didn’t understand a single thing. She paused, what human words should she use?

“Wazaaaaaaaaaap,” she said instead. That was a good greeting for humans, she thought. Now what should she say next.

“Do you speak the language of franglish?” asked the butler type character, with a serious butler type expression.

“I spake hue-man,” said Truck-chan slowly and carefully, thinking he was an idiot.

Franglish was not a language she had ever heard of. Anyways, that stupid goddess had said something about understaning everyone so, she guessed, it didn’t really matter. These people were fuel anyway, for her meteoric rise to godhood. She contemplated turning them into roadkill for a moment, but waited.

“Where can I get more fuel,” asked the beautiful nakek women wearing a massive dire bear as her only piece of clothing.

“Excuse me?” Asked the butler type character.

“I need more fuel so I can become a god,” repeated Truck-chan.

She needs fuel for her god? Thought the butler type character stoically.

“What may I ask, is fuel?” asked the butler type character.

“You know,” said Truck-chan, “F-U-E-L, fuel.” This communicated absolutely nothing, and the butler type character was flummoxed. He decided to just get her to follow at least the rules of common decency, and maybe things would sort themselves out.

“Come down from there and I’ll give you some clothes,” offered the butler type character.

“Those worthless things,” said Truck-chan. It was warm out, why would she need clothes unless to protect from the cold, she thought.

“Please just come down, and put on some clothes,” pleaded Walter the witless waiter, proving more and more, his namesake.

She considered, should I kill them, or ask them to lead me to more humans. She reminisced for a moment about all the reincarnators she had run over in her previous life. She sighed, thinking of that satisfying thud, when she ran them over. More humans would probably be better, but this man wanted her to wear clothes. She messaged her breasts for a moment, the nipples were erect from the cool breeze. She really liked the feeling of being free and unfettered. She gave in, if it meant more humans to, then she’d compromise and wear clothes, at least for a little while.

“I am descending,” she stated imperiously.

The dire bear wandered off, as soon as she descended, off to receive some food from an unwilling animal source.

The knights turned their heads, to give her some privacy. Walter the witless waiter, waited on her, with a long woolen shirt, he’d procured from his belongings.

After she was summarily dressed, and grounded, Walter asked her another question.

“Do you know how the fire started?” he asked imperiously.

“Yes I do,” she stated back more imperiously.

“Were you involved?” questioned Walter.

“No I was not,” she responded. “It spread on its own.”

Sarcastically he responded, “and how pray tell did it do that?”

“Very quickly,” she retorted.

“Arrest her,” shouted Walter, the witless waiter. The squad of knights surrounded the poor girl, apparently helpless without her dire bear.

As the knights surrounded her, a huge blaring truck horn sounded. Seven semis appeared out of the mist, all blaring their horns, and revving their engines. They shot forward, from zero to sixty in 0.2 seconds. Devastatingly tossing both horses and knights in every direction. Blood flew, and men were smeared all over the ashed laden forest.

Walter immediately turned his horse, and galloped away for his life. She was some kind of demon, he thought. Sent to burn forests, and kill men with a supernatural power of epic proportions. The wizards tower would hear of this.

As he galloped away, the screams faded behind him, into the distance. He didn’t slow his pace, until he’d reached the outskirts of the nearest village.

“Quickly,” he shouted towards the beleaguered townsfolk. “I must have a fresh horse. I deliver dire tidings to the king,” he proclaimed.

“What tidings,” asked an aged man, squinting his eyes.

“A demon inhabits this forest,” shouted Walter loudly. “Or some type of witch or sorceress. She burnt down the forest, and killed my men, beware the demon,” He shouted.

“Now give me a fresh horse, so I may ride straight to the capital, to inform his majesty,” he commanded.

A fresh horse was led out for him, and he went quickly on his way, to inform his majesty the king of this development.

Meanwhile Truck-chan had barely recouped all the power she used to kill these people. It took a lot out of her, to summon so many ghost trucks, and she didn’t get that much power from a single human soul. She thought to herself, I’ll need to run over hundreds of people or maybe more to become a god.

Her math was way off, it was more like a billion, rather than only a hundred or even a thousand. She confidently walked her way towards civilization, waiting for the dire bear to return with her morning snack.