《Kiss of Tragedy》Finding Her Out
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Juliet went back to her dorm room in a stir of confusion. No matter what Seth said, those protruding teeth could not be ignored. Was he a vampire? He insisted he wasn’t, but if that was true, why did he back off so abruptly when she accused him of suffering from blood lust?
She sat down at her desk and was about to open her laptop when she caught sight of her own reflection in the mirror beside her desk. The mirror itself was tinted slightly pink and the frame was a shiny metal to match. She scrutinized her reflection with mild annoyance. To her, she resembled a child who wasn’t even trying to look like an adult. Was she really the kind of woman Seth wanted to bite? He had suggested more than once that they head back to her dorm room. If she hadn’t panicked and sent him away, he would have come over. She looked around at the mess on the floor. Her poster wasn’t the only reason she didn’t want him in her room.
Juliet stretched her limbs and started tidying up. She changed the sheets and made the bed and got a load of laundry ready to go. Then she emptied her entire closet and went through every piece of junk she had thrown in there in the past month and a half. She looked at her clothes, knickknacks, plushies, pictures, and everything else she owned. Soon, she was sitting in the middle of a donut made of girlish trinkets; fuzzy picture frames, colorful hair accessories, t-shirts with gaudy mascots on them. This was why she was a baby-pink spring and not a dark-cranberry autumn.
From the look of things, there was a part of her that hadn’t grown up yet. What was the rush? There hadn’t been a reason to hurry the process until she met Seth.
Dissatisfaction flooded her as she recalled her last vision when Seth kissed her. She pressed her fingers to her lips as she remembered. It had been a vision of womanhood she hadn’t known existed. A woman who accepted reality, who didn’t run from it. She had filled the cup with her own blood and felt contentment inside her. The sacrifice was within boundaries she was willing to accept. Those boundaries were widespread. Juliet had never felt that way in her life. Her mother, the only example of womanhood in her life, certainly hadn’t been like that. If Juliet had been in pain, her mother had encouraged her to forget about it, like ignorance was bliss. What if that was wrong? What if knowledge was bliss?
Juliet sat and tried to imagine what kinds of clothes the woman in her mind wore. Black certainly, but what else? Rich browns, orange, gold, and only white in touches. What style? Juliet thought of long fitted skirts, lovely textured sweaters, and the highest of high-heeled boots. Hardly anything in her closet fit the image of what she wanted to become.
She looked at her wardrobe strewn across the floor and, before she knew it, she had changed her mind about doing laundry. There was no point in washing clothes or bedding she was going to throw away.
Before she gathered everything up in garbage bags, she decided to check her bank account. She didn’t know how much it would cost to outfit herself the way she wanted, but she couldn’t risk meeting Seth again while wearing a black t-shirt with a smiley face on it, which was unfortunately what she had worn that day.
Her bank balance wasn’t great, but there was a little leeway in her budget. She decided to make the most of it.
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She was about to close her laptop when it occurred to her to check her email and blog. No new messages from Seth. However, she had his email address now.
“Hey Seth,” she typed. “Sorry about today. I would like to try again if you’re still up for it.” She wrote these words hesitantly. She had never had a relationship with a guy who couldn’t keep his hands off her. His feelings couldn’t have cooled since lunch, or could they? She continued typing. “I have something I need to take care of. I’ll get in touch with you when I’m ready to see you. Until then, please don’t pressure me. It will be worth the wait. Love, Juliet.”
Juliet pressed the ‘send’ button and went back to her cleaning. Finishing, she left her throwaways in garbage bags by the door. Then she took a shower.
When she was finished, she came back to her room and found a pair of pants and a shirt that she felt comfortable wearing, considering her new image. It was a pair of black polyester trousers and a cream-colored turtleneck sweater. She only put on mascara and eyeliner because she had put the rest of her makeup in one of the bags she planned to throw away. She decided she wasn’t going to wear glitter on her face anymore, and when she realized how much of it she owned, she was appalled. Exactly how much money did all that make-up represent?
Juliet checked her email before she left to go shopping. She was amazed. There was a message from Seth.
“Hi Jules,” he started. “If you’re sitting in your dorm room sharpening wooden stakes, please remember that a normal person would die if you jabbed one through their heart. As for the rest, do whatever you need to do. Call for a walk when you’re ready. I’ll be waiting, Seth.”
Juliet thought of writing him back but decided against it. She didn’t have anything to say to him, at least, not until she became the woman who was good enough for him to bite.
Closing her laptop, she left to catch a bus.
***
Juliet’s shopping excursion started at a strip of boutiques on Whyte Avenue. They looked so cute from the bus window, but after popping into a few of them, she realized that she was going to go bankrupt if she tried to fill her entire wardrobe there. But she kept on walking and looking at price tags until she found herself at a second-hand clothing store. Because of her own feelings about used clothing, she had never spent much time pawing through a thrift store. But now, she felt like her squeamishness was childish. Maybe something with a little history was just what she needed.
After sorting through a few racks, she found a few skirts and sweaters she didn’t think were that bad. This particular thrift store had an abundance of evening gowns and so Juliet took a quick look through them. Surprisingly, she spotted three dresses that were all worth trying on. Two of them were black and the last one was burgundy with deeply colored raspberries embroidered across the hem and neckline.
She didn’t even have to look in the mirror when she tried the first black dress. It was obviously a no-go. The next black one turned out to be a shirt/skirt combination and not a dress at all. It was more expensive than the other two put together. It was floor-length and the top was like a corset with capped sleeves attached to it.
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Juliet groaned. She clearly had to buy it once she saw herself in the full-body mirror on the back of the dressing room door.
“I was going to buy that,” one of the sales girls told her, “but it didn’t fit.”
“The skirt is dragging on the floor,” Juliet pointed out.
“No problem,” the girl continued. “Wear a pair of heels and you’re golden. You won’t even have to hem it. It’s an amazing find. Next week, everyone will be looking for Halloween costumes.”
“I’ll buy it,” Juliet blurted.
“Of course you will,” the girl replied, tossing a pointed witch hat on Juliet’s head, before strolling back toward the sales counter.
Juliet tried on the rest of her cart and sorted through the items she wanted. She hadn’t been impressed with the tops she’s seen, so she thought she would take the bus to the mall after she finished. Plus, she wanted new accessories, shoes, and perfume.
When she was at the counter, the salesgirl ran the witch’s hat through with her other purchases. Juliet hadn’t planned to buy it, but she probably needed a Halloween costume.
By the time she left the thrift store, she was happy because nothing suited her purposes as much as the dress she’d bought.
Juliet caught the bus and went to the closest mall to campus. She had been there the week she had moved into the dorms. It was part of the ‘sight-seeing’ tour her parents took her on while they were still in town.
Juliet hopped around from shop to shop. She got a collection of stretchy black and brown tops, a pair of tweed trousers, a knit scarf and mittens to match, new stockings, new sheets, and a few other home decoration purchases.
The only thing that caused Juliet considerable financial pain was when she went to buy shoes. She wanted to buy at least three pairs. She needed boots, she needed heels and she needed something that wouldn’t break her ankles. All together, the ones she bought were so expensive they hurt her feelings.
Once she was done, she went on her impossible search to find a perfume that smelled like pomegranates.
The woman at the department store said, “There’s Euphoria by Calvin Klein.”
Juliet looked at the price and almost choked. She was clearly in the wrong store. Her budget was almost completely gone after the shoes, and she still wanted to buy some make-up, but she asked to smell it anyway. It was so familiar.
“Can I smell the men’s cologne, please?”
“Certainly,” the lady said with a smile. She sprayed some on a card and handed it to Juliet.
One breath of that scent and Juliet was forced to respond, “I’d like to get it, but unfortunately, that’s the cologne my boyfriend wears.”
“He has excellent taste,” she smiled.
“Of course he does,” Juliet agreed dryly before she exited the store.
In the end, she forgot about the perfume. She got make-up instead: the whitest shade of foundation she had ever been able to find, an eye shadow that had black, gray, and raspberry together, and new lipstick.
After all that she was completely out of cash. She didn’t even have enough money left to buy herself a pop from a vending machine. She had to get back to Lister so she could get a drink and bill it to her meal card.
When she got back to her dorm, she left her bags in her room and went straight to the cafeteria. She sat down to her Hawaiian pizza and Minute Maid and said, “That was a job well done.” Then she ate and spent the rest of her evening going through her garbage bags again. She picked out the bedding she was going to pitch and spent the rest of the evening in the laundromat thinking of how far she had come in only one day.
***
The next Friday night, Juliet put on her coat and bemoaned that she hadn’t bought a new one. She wanted to go back to the thrift store to see if she could find something passable, but she was out of cash. In the end, she layered two sweaters and put on her scarf and gold mittens. It wasn’t the darkest part of winter yet, so she decided she probably wouldn’t freeze to death.
Juliet left to go to the Occult’s Addict meeting. Same day, same time—Friday night at midnight. They met in one of the campus libraries and sat at a long table beside the reference material.
At the meeting, Rylan was his usual moody self as he gave a lecture on crop circles. He stood at the end of the table and showed a variety of different designs on a wall of the library with a projector. He talked about locations where they’ve been seen, highlighted one that looked like Hello Kitty, and a number of reasons why people rather than aliens may have done them throughout the decades.
He wrapped up his lecture, saying, “In the summer, I think we should make one of our own. I read about how amateurs can do it if they use a garden roller or wooden planks to flatten the wheat. Are you girls feeling buff? I hear it takes a lot of muscle,” he said with a wry smile.
“We’re always buff,” Fiona waved, showing off her bicep.
“I know. I know. Then we’ll leave it to Juliet to call the newspapers and stuff to let them know that there’s a new crop circle. She’s the only one of us that doesn’t come off like a crackpot. They’ll definitely believe her.”
Juliet frowned. She hadn’t liked the way he worded his lecture. It was almost like he had prepared the entire thing to make her look ridiculous for her interest in them. She was almost trembling from the humiliation.
“You really don’t think aliens made them?” she asked, using up every ounce of her concentration to speak rationally rather than to cross the room and slap his face. She couldn’t believe he was such a poor loser.
He stopped his reading and looked up. “I’m critical of everything. Haven’t you figured that out by now?”
“But, everything you’ve said makes it sound like you wouldn’t even consider the evidence that it could be the work of something that’s not human. Aren’t you supposed to give a presentation that looks at the subject from every angle?”
He didn’t answer her, but the expression on his face seemed to say, “The simplest answer is usually the correct one.”
Taylor stepped in and spoke up for him. “Rylan’s specialty is conspiracy theories. He likes to present them and explain how they’re right. He’s even suggested a couple on the internet that are quite popular. So, don’t mind him. He doesn’t even believe in the moon landing.”
“So,” Juliet said, turning to him. “What’s something unusual that you do believe in?”
Rylan frowned deeply. Taylor was about to answer for him when he put his hand up to stop her. “I believe in the afterlife.”
Juliet didn’t know what she expected him to say, but that certainly wasn’t it. In her mind, there was absolutely no doubt that there was a spiritual existence after death. She was hoping he believed in something more outrageous. His answer was so tame, she was certain he was still making fun of her. She gulped in utter aggravation and started gathering her things together.
“What? You’re leaving?” Rylan asked.
“Yeah. I’m leaving.”
He left his perch at the head of the table and came over to Juliet’s seat. “What’s the problem? Why are you angry? You said you were interested in crop circles and so I researched them for you. I was trying to be nice to you, so why does that make me the bad guy?”
“‘Trying to be nice’?” she gawked, putting her arm through the sleeve of her first sweater. “I wanted to hear a lecture that was trying to prove that crop circles were really done by aliens. Isn’t that more interesting? I didn’t say I was going to believe it. I wanted to hear the argument. And you..” she said, throwing her other sweater over her shoulders, “don’t want anyone to believe in anything that you don’t believe in yourself.”
Rylan stared at her with hard red eyes. “I guess that’s true,” he said slowly.
Juliet glared at him and grabbed her bag.
“Wait. You haven’t even eaten and the witches brought something really good tonight,” he urged quietly.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You’re being a baby.”
Juliet fumed, “And saying that is going to make me stay?” She turned away from him and shouted to Fiona, “What’s the meeting next week?”
Fiona got up from her chair and closed the distance between them so she wasn’t also shouting across the library. She didn’t actually say that Juliet’s manners were bad, but the tone she used when she spoke said it for her. “It’s the Halloween party. Rylan and Taylor are sharing their story of how they got their scars. You know, the ones that helped convince us that they were really conjoined twins.”
Juliet nodded.
“Will you come?” Rylan asked soberly.
She hesitated. “I’ll think about it.” Then she stepped away from him.
“Look,” he said, grabbing her elbow. “I wasn’t trying to piss you off. I presented the information in a way that was the most natural for me. You didn’t like it and I’m sorry, but don’t stay away from the meeting next week just because I didn’t present the information the way you wanted.”
She ground her teeth. She wasn’t leaving because they had differing views. It was because he was being petty about her and Seth and he called her a baby! But she could hardly accuse him of that in front of everyone, so she took a deep breath and listened to what he had to say.
He continued, “I’ll be on my best behavior. I promise. You don’t know how hard it was to convince Fiona to give me the meeting. She was planning on a séance. Please come,” he pleaded.
Juliet wanted to blow him off, but there was a desperate quality to his voice she found impossible to ignore.
“I’ll come,” she agreed. “Are we dressing up?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think the witches ever look normal and Taylor has been talking about dying her hair gray. I don’t know. Wear whatever you want.” He paused for a moment, as though he was considering Juliet’s current outfit. “You look lovely.”
Juliet smiled and pulled her arm out of his reach. “Thanks. See? That’s a nice thing to say. You should work on saying stuff like that to girls instead of trying to prove that you’re smarter than they are. See you later.” She left them and headed toward the exit.
She noticed a red Safewalk phone at the front of the building. She picked up the receiver and called for a walk back to her dormitory. For a second, it didn’t sound like Seth was going to be the one coming, but when the operator took her name she heard Seth in the background insisting on taking the walk even though it wasn’t his turn.
Juliet blushed deeply as she replaced the receiver. He hadn’t cooled. Thank goodness!
A few minutes later she saw Seth and Nixie coming across the lawn. Juliet’s breath caught in her throat as she recognized his dark head and striking features. Somehow, even though she had his picture up in her room, seeing him in person always dazzled her. It was the simple things about him that were amazing; the angles of his legs as he walked, the way he held his head, and perhaps the greatest thing about him—a kind of mystery in his eyes. Like there was so much more to him than he showed. There had to be mountains of thoughts and emotions behind his eyes he’d never shared with anyone. For a glimpse of what he hid, how high was the price?
“Hi,” Nixie said in a lazy tone as she cranked the door open. “Let’s get a move on.”
Seth smiled at Juliet and put out his arm so they could walk with their arms linked.
“Is this professional?” Juliet asked as she fell into step with him.
“And if it isn’t?”
Juliet smiled, but couldn’t meet his eyes for a moment. She was dizzy with the pleasure of walking side-by-side with him.
This time Nixie headed out first and let Seth and Juliet linger behind her. She even had the courtesy not to turn around to check on them. She just walked on steadily, trusting Seth to not let her get too far ahead of them.
When Juliet felt comfortable, she turned to have a look at Seth. Apparently, his winter coat had just come out of storage because it wasn’t the same as before. This one was khaki gray with a fur collar. His dark hair curled into the edges of it by his ears and lit up Juliet’s imagination. That was how she always felt around Seth—on fire.
He licked his lips. “I’m glad you called. I’ve been watching for you around campus. Before we met officially, I used to see you everywhere, but not anymore. Where have you been?”
“I’ve been around,” she answered, trying to sound casual. “I just needed to get my ducks in a row. So, I sorted some things out. Do I seem any different to you?”
“Different?” He sighed, “I haven’t even begun to discover you. We need more time together. When can I see you next? I need to learn everything.”
Juliet’s fingers curled into fists to stop herself from trembling. For a moment, she couldn’t even answer, and when she looked up, they were already standing outside the dorms. Seth held the door open for her.
Nixie leaned against the handrail and warned, “Just like we agreed, you can walk her to her room, but don’t take more than ten minutes. I won’t wait longer than that and it would look really bad if I went back alone.”
“I won’t leave you hanging,” Seth said as he put his arm around Juliet’s waist and headed up the stairs with her. Once they passed through the double doors at the top of the stairway, Seth leaned toward Juliet and whispered in her ear, “So, what ducks have you been organizing? Don’t tell me you’re still trying to figure out a way to prove I’m a vampire?”
“Not everything is about you. It’s me that I’ve been thinking about. I’ve been giving myself a teensy bit of a makeover, so I’ve been spending some time at the mall.”
“A makeover? Is that all? You had me really worried.”
“Well, it was nothing. I just needed a little time to take care of myself and work my identity out.”
“By shopping?” he exclaimed.
“Well, it might seem frivolous to you, but just wait. You’ll be grateful. I got a killer dress. Do you want to see it?”
“Maybe later,” he said languidly, his breath still lingering around her ear. “Didn’t you hear Nixie? I have to be back downstairs in less than ten minutes? But, you still didn’t answer my question. Do you still think I’m a vampire?”
Juliet breathed deeply. “I know you keep saying you’re not, but those fangs of yours speak differently.”
Seth chuckled.
“All the same, I’m unconvinced. You’re too perfect to be human.”
His smile faded and for a moment he looked thoughtful. He bent down and whispered, “I have to tell you something.” Suddenly, his arms came around her and he slammed her firmly against the wall. Looking directly into her eyes with his tiger-colored ones he said, “Listen carefully.” He held her gaze in order to give weight to his words before he continued. “Please give up your vampire fixation. I think there’s one prowling around campus, and I don’t want you to get hurt, so promise me you won’t go looking for it. If you need to go somewhere after dark, call for a Safewalk.”
Juliet stared at him with intrigued eyes. “And what if I want to meet the vampire?” She wasn’t sure if she meant what she said. The only thing she knew was that she wanted to hear Seth’s response to her rebellion.
“Mercy! Don’t go looking for it!” he hissed emphatically, his eyes full of fury. “You wouldn’t be able to handle it regardless of your interest in the occult. It doesn’t follow the rules you’re familiar with. It would murder you.”
“There haven’t been any murders on campus lately,” Juliet said defiantly.
“Yeah, no murders,” Seth agreed. The way he said it suggested he was the reason why no one had been killed.
“All right,” Juliet said weakly. “I’ll stay indoors, but on one condition.”
“Name it.”
“You’ll come back tonight after you’re finished with work and tell me about vampires—the real ones.”
“Done. See you later.” He let her go and headed down the hall to the stairs.
Juliet leaned against the wall and let out a satisfied sigh. She was finally going to learn the truth about vampires and, hopefully, Seth’s exact connection with them. She crossed her fingers for luck, that nothing would stop him from returning, before getting out her keys and unlocking her door.
It was going to be a night she would never forget.
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