Chelly’s diner is not the best diner in a sixty-kilometre radius. It’s the only. But instead of selling crap at extortionate prices, Shelly makes everything in-house, at good prices. Her burgers are to die for. One inch thick. Medium ground. Served with just a touch of pink in the middle. That’s the only way she serves them and those who don’t like it go hungry. I hadn’t seen Jane eat yet but was expecting some resistance since most things that’s on Shelly’s menu include burnt crispy bacon in one form or another. Yup, vegans beware. Bring your own cucumber sandwiches.

The diner was only sparsely occupied, and I recognised most of the faces. The wonderful, coolish air smelling of greasy fried bacon and hot vegetable oil filled my nostrils and made my mouth water. We had taken off our combat jackets but even in jeans and a simple top Jane turned heads. She headed toward the rear of the diner and slipped into a booth from which she would have a clear overview of the Diner and entrance. I guessed it was second nature to Jane. She did it without even thinking after years of conditioning and training. I had been walking behind her but could feel her eyes darting about. Each face burning into her brain. Assessing each person. Rating them based on potential threat level and distance from our table.

Sitting there, pretending to look at the menu when I knew exactly what I was going to order, I tried to sum up Jane. Ghost? Definitely. Enigma? For sure. Hmm, and for some bizarre reason my brain keeps blasting this image of a Grim Reaper holding a Scythe with Jane’s face staring back at me from under the hood, into my focus. Creepy. Whatever she was before, she still is, Elite.

Chelly arrived with a “we-need-to-talk” expression. Her eyes kept darting between me and Jane who was still studying the menu in her left hand. Her right still under the table. I had not seen any suspicious bulges on Jane or any sign of a gun but after what I had seen earlier, I knew that no gun did not mean unarmed with Jane.

‘Hey Chelly.’ I gave her an “I-will-tell-you-the-moment-I-know-myself-what-the-hell-is-going-on” wink. She nodded. Full chested, gold hearted, Chelly. The kindest, sweetest barrel on two little stumpy legs that you will ever meet. With her candy apple red, round face, black hair in a tight pony, no neck and two little stumpy arms, she reminded me of a toy pirate stuck in a barrel. Only the head, legs and arms sticking out. But those short T-Rex arms can put any Ninja to shame in the kitchen when the going gets tough. I had often thought: In another lifetime, another universe we could be great together. But since Chelly is EVERYBODIES agony aunt, whose advice always comes with a strip of extra crispy bacon, I knew I would have to wait in line for that honour. ‘Chelly, may I introduce you to Jane, my... umm, temporary partner. Jane, this is Chelly. Chelly is personal agony aunt to all and feeder of good food to the masses.’

Both women gave me concerned looks. Fair enough. An odd introduction, but in my defence, I probably had lost part of my sanity this morning. Not that there’s much left anyway.

‘Hello Chelly. So, pleased to meet you and your fabulous establishment.’

Chelly shook Jane’s hand, then glanced at me with raised eyebrows and her lips in a pout.

‘The pleasure is all mine.’ Chelly replied and raised her notepad and pen. Yes, we’re ready to order, at least I was.

‘Thank you Chelly. I’d like a Rib-Eye, blue please, a baked potato, sour cream if you have, otherwise just a side of chips and some cream-based sauce. Diane, if you have and a cup of tea please.’

Jane handed the menu back to Chelly who was writing everything down in her shorthand that looked like stick figures getting it on to me.

‘I’ll have a double cheeseburger, fries and coffee please.’ As I handed Chelly the menu she raised one eyebrow. A sign I understood as, “answers-needed-stop-return-quickly-stop-dying-of-suspense-stop-now-stop”.

On her way back to the kitchen, Shelly looked back twice, with an expression of major confusion and not liking it one bit.

‘OK. Let’s talk,’ Jane said. This time she placed both arms on the table and intertwined her fingers.

‘Let me start by asking what your interests are in all this?’ I asked since I felt it important to know Jane’s motivation. I already knew she can make things happen with the snap of a finger, but I still failed to understand why she was getting involved in the first place. With so much power at her fingertips, why not just call in the cavalry or some special black-ops team?

‘Fair enough. Although I don’t believe you’ll understand my true motivations. For the moment let’s just say that I am in a unique position to help somebody and set right some injustices.’

More vague bullshit. ‘And how do you think we—,’ shit, listen to me, I’m even including myself in this already. I am losing my mind. ‘—we go about doing that?’

The gold specks in Jane’s eye glistened as she said with a malevolent grin. ‘By any means necessary.’

‘OK.’ I sighed and decided to rephrase my question. ‘What are you, or what are we trying to accomplish?’ Jane’s face became serious. She continued in a hushed tone, leaning forward.

‘First, what I am is pissed off. Severely. And what I want is to visit the farm again, tonight. We need to know what they have in those other buildings. Also, I want to setup some surveillance cameras. I want to know the comings and goings of Jose.’

‘OK, but to what end?’

‘There were two 4x4’s at the farm.’ Jane pulled out a cell phone and began to swipe and tap on the screen. Moments later she turned the phone to me. A close-up picture of Jose filled the screen. How the hell and when did she take that? ‘I want to know who Jose is.’ If I am right, he will travel in at least two cars which will change positions, so nobody knows which car he is in. We need to know which one before they leave the farm.’

‘Why?’

‘Because we are going to stop his convoy and have a little private chat with him.’ Jane tapped the screen a few more times before placing the phone, screen down, onto the table with a satisfied grin. ‘We will know the question to our fist answer soon.’

I felt my eyes bulge and my head started to spin. Fortunately, Chelly arrived with coffee and tea before my mind caught a speed wobble and my imagination took me to places, I’d rather forget.

Sugar. Need sugar. At least my hand was steady as I grabbed the sugar pourer.

‘And what’s the plan to stop the convoy?’ Expressionless, continuing to pour her tea and adding a splash of milk, Jane said:

‘A 50cal round to the engine block of the car carrying Jose and something to incapacitate the follow car will do the job.’

My fault for asking when I was quite happy in my own little world filled with garden gnomes.

Shelly returned with our order and I was looking forward to a nice meal to clear my head. I heard the doorbell chime and felt a rush of hot air smelling of burnt vegetation against my cheek. Jane’s eyes narrowed. I turned my head and saw them. Two of our welcoming entourage at the farm. One was pointing our way. The other nodded and both turned to leave. Jane shrugged and began to slice into her steak that was way too rare for me. It was barely sealed. The griddle lines burned into the meat. Caramelising it under intense heat. All other parts a silvery blue colour. As she sliced into the chunk of meat, blood began to flow across the plate. With a satisfied expression Jane shoved a huge piece into her mouth. Her eyes rolled as she threw her head back, groaning with delight. Each to their own I supposed and got to work on my burger.

Besides from a few animal-like noises, no sound came from our table. I even forgot about the Mexicans which were surely waiting outside. Priorities. And since every condemned is entitled to a last meal, I ate. Meat juices were pouring down my chin, as I made room for a little piece of crispy onion ring on one side of my mouth and a triple cooked chip on the other. Bliss.

Problem one, hunger, solved. I slurped the last of my coffee while Jane poured herself some more tea. Her phone buzzed. Several swipes and taps later I could see she was reading something. Her eyes darted back and forth like a pink ping pong ball on speed. With a thin smile she turned the phone to me, gesturing me to take it.

The screen was filled with a photo of Jose Costas Dos Santos. A boss in the Kaneda cartel. Beside his picture was a summary of his suspected crimes, but no convictions. Murder, kidnapping, drug, and people trafficking all present and accounted for. The man obviously knows how to make sure his hands stay clean. A delegator. A shadow moving pieces in the night. My blood was already boiling. But first things first. We have a date with some pissed off Mexicans.

I nodded my acknowledgement and returned the phone. ‘So, unless we’re having desert, I guess let’s pay up and see what’s waiting for us outside.’

Jane sighed as if having completely forgotten as she got up.

‘Yes, a little exercise after that meal will do me good.’ She pulled out a wad of crumpled notes, took out three and threw them on the table. She shrugged. ‘Oh well, maybe I can practice my Spanish.’ Her eyes narrowed as she rolled her shoulders and cracked her neck.

‘Then again, they speak with strange colloquialisms which I won’t bother to learn, so let’s just break their legs.’

I wasn’t sure what bothered me more, what she had said or the nonchalant way she had said it.

‘Thank you, Shelly, it was nice to meet you.’ Jane waved with a big smile while striding to the door, me following like the Frenchy, hot on her heels.