Chet Watakeekul

8th Grade

I rounded the back of the school building where Mateo had asked me to meet him. The black and white soccer ball bounced gently along the grass as I dribbled it. I got to the assigned spot and kept dribbling the ball in circles. The grass crunched satisfyingly under my feet. The soccer ball began to form little paths in the grass.

"Hey," Mateo's voice came from behind me.

I kicked the ball up into my arms and turned to face him.

"Hi," I said.

He didn't seem like his normal self. His feet kicked aimlessly at the grass. He bit his bottom lip and his brown eyes wouldn't meet mine. He seemed too interested in his shoe kicking at the grass now causing little tufts to come out completely and exposed the dirt underneath.

"You wanna practice?" I asked him and held the ball out towards him, but he merely shook his head. That didn't sound like him either. He loved soccer almost as much as I did.

"I...," he started, but then he frowned and looked up at the clouds in the sky. "This is difficult."

"What is? You can tell me. We're friends."

He seemed to frown even more at that, but he finally looked at me. "I like you," he blurted out.

"Thanks, man. I like you too." I clapped him on the back with one hand while the other held the soccer ball even closer to my body.

"No," he rolled his eyes clearly frustrated now. "I like like you."

"Oh."

He paused as if waiting for an answer. When I didn't immediately reply he went on. "I thought about not telling you, about just keeping it secret, but then I thought I wasn't going to get anywhere if I didn't say anything. And if there is a small possibility you might feel the same, shouldn't I say something instead of keeping quiet forever? I know it might seem weird because we are both boys and it's okay if you say you don't like me back, but I hope even if you say no that we can still be friends even though now you know I'm gay. You're my first crush and I keep staring at you, but you don't notice. You might tease me or maybe even dislike me now that you know I'm gay, but I don't think you're that type of person, but then again, maybe you've never been in this situation before so maybe I don't know you as well as I think I do. Please don't hate me." He bit his bottom lip again and it got really quiet.

I was the one who normally rambled, not Mateo. It took my brain a moment to catch up with all that he said because he had spoken so fast.

"I'm your first crush?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Thanks," I said. It felt great to be someone's first crush. I wondered if I was anyone else's first crush and they just hadn't been brave enough to tell me. Maybe there were lots of people.

He smiled hesitantly.

"That was the best confession I've ever heard," I went on. His smile got a little bigger, but there was still a little bit of doubt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way," I said. "But I'm really happy you told me and I'm really happy you trust me enough to tell me."

His smile faded as he nodded. He shrugged a shoulder. "It wasn't the answer I was hoping for," he said, "but at least you didn't call me gross."

I swung my arm around his shoulder. "Why would I call you gross? It's not gross. I really do feel sorry I don't feel the same because I really did like your confession."

"Still friends?" Mateo asked.

"Always," I replied.

"Chet," he said again and paused to bite his bottom lip once again. "Don't tell anyone I'm gay or that I told you I like you," Mateo said. "Not even Gareth, please."

"I promise I won't tell anyone until you give me the okay," I told him.

Present

I followed Mateo to the back of the bus and sat next to him. He had been quiet ever since he had arrived. He stared off into space a lot too. I was dying to ask him about the dinner, but from his mood I imagined it didn't go well. Had Mateo already been forced to break up with Alex? I would hate Vincent if that was the case. My view of Mateo would change too.

I stared at him as he stared out the window. The rest of our teammates and coaches found seats on the bus. There was a lot of chatting around us. Jimmy started walking towards us, but turned and sat next to Devon instead when he saw Mateo's somber expression.

The bus started on its way. We had at least an hour to drive and I didn't want to sit here like this the entire way so I nudged Mateo with my shoulder. He turned from the window and looked at me with sad eyes. It scared me a bit. It seemed more and more like he did break up with Alex.

"So," I started, but paused hoping he would just automatically fill in the blanks for me. He didn't. "Are you and Alex still together?" I ventured.

He smiled, not big, but it was genuine. "Yes," he said. "We're still together."

"Then why do you look so sad?"

He sighed and looked out the window again. "I don't know what my grandpa and dad think about all this. When I announced I was gay and that Alex was my boyfriend, my uncle didn't react well and everything was thrown into chaos."

"Your Uncle Diego?" I asked.

Mateo nodded.

The few times I'd met his uncle I had thought he was kind of a jerk. Of course, I couldn't tell Mateo that.

"My mom seems to approve though," he said with a slight smile. "She told Alex to come again when things had calmed down and she said she liked him. She also kissed me on my forehead and told me she loved me. And my sister and brothers also told Alex they like him and love me so there is that. I just have no idea what my grandpa and dad think," he repeated and his smile disappeared.

We rode on in silence. I wasn't sure what to tell him. I was glad he didn't breakup with Alex though. At one point Tim dared to come sit on the other side of me and tell me about the girl he had started dating. He seemed happy. Was dating really that great? Everyone seemed happy when they dated - at least until they weren't. Should I just try it even though I didn't find anyone attractive? Maybe the attraction would come later. Maybe. But I doubted it. And it wasn't like I was unhappy. I was happy with my life and who I was so did it really matter?

Mateo's phone rang. He looked at the caller I.D. and frowned. Tim took that as a cue to leave. I looked over Mateo's shoulder at the caller I.D. too. It was Serafina.

"Hello," he said into the phone.

I leaned in real close so I would be able to hear the conversation. What can I say, I'm a snoop.

"Are you okay?" her dim voice said.

"Yes," he said. "How is grandpa?"

"His test results came back."

"And?"

"And he has high blood pressure and is high risk for a heart attack."

Mateo frowned at me when he realized I was blatantly eavesdropping, but he didn't push me away.

"How is he right now?" Mateo asked. "I shouldn't have started anything last night."

"You didn't," Sera said angrily. "Uncle Diego did. Everything would have been fine if he hadn't opened his stupid mouth."

"I don't know," Mateo said. "Neither dad nor grandpa were happy."

"That was because of Uncle Diego. Hold on." Her voice sounded even further away as she said, "He thinks your outburst was because of him."

There was shuffling and then Mateo's dad said into the phone, "It wasn't because of you, son. I'm sorry I led you to believe that. I was just so angry that Diego would speak that way in my house in front of my children that if I hadn't left I would have beaten the crap out of him."

"So...you're okay with me being gay?"

His dad sighed heavily in the phone. "I'll be honest. I'm going to need a little bit of time to wrap my head around it, but I will. It doesn't affect my love for you."

"Thanks, dad."

I didn't know what his dad had to wrap his head around. Mateo was gay. It didn't change who he was. He was who he always was. Whatever, I wasn't a father. At least he was willing to try. So in your face, Vincent.

"So, I can bring Alex by again sometime?" Mateo asked.

There was an overly long pause that I didn't understand. Finally, Mateo's dad spoke again, "Yes. He seems nice. Just...just give me a little bit of time first. I'll try not to make you wait too long."

"Thanks, dad," Mateo said.

"Good luck on your game tonight," Mateo's dad said. "Remember to..." There was shuffling again on the other end of the phone and from further away I heard Mateo's dad say, "I wasn't finished talking, dad."

"I'll talk to him now," Mateo's grandpa said to his son-in-law. "Mateo," he said into the phone.

"Yes, grandpa."

"You be who you are and bring that nice boy around so I can meet him properly."

Tears suddenly filled Mateo's eyes but he quickly looked out the window and blinked them away before anyone except me noticed. "I will. Thanks, grandpa."

"I love you, Matty," his grandpa said.

"I love you too."

The phone clicked as his grandpa ended the call. Mateo sighed and put his phone away in his pocket.

"See," I said, "everything is fine and now you can concentrate on the game."

Mateo smiled big. "I feel like I can breathe again. I should call Alex."