There was, in point of fact, a discount Thieves’ Guild. Of course, it didn’t advertise itself as such – what establishment would? Regardless of the official capacity, it provided an apt description. The technical name under which the bylaws were filed with the city [Clerks] was “The United Continental Association of Thieves and Scoundrels”. A loose organization of those who had loose morals.

Though the name specified only the [Thieves] and [Scoundrels] amongst their ranks, anyone who dealt with the “wrong” side of the law or even dabbled in the grey areas were permitted to join. Membership was cheap, unlike the prestigious and benefit-laden package that came along with Thieves’ Guild membership. Sure, they take a full 30% of everything you steal while you’re associated with them (enforced by magical contract sealed and bound by an [Arcane Jurisprudent] – breaking the contract has been known to cause lesser mortals to spontaneously disintigrate), but so long as their rules are followed, you have access to a vast network of [Merchants] to deal in stolen goods, you can use any of the many safehouses associated with the Guild, priority service and a small discount in any dagger/cloak/leather shop, access to the Legal Team, and a nearly blanket license to perpetrate and misdeeds and malfeasance you might desire.

The last point is by far the most popular with the type of people who sign up and that very fact is what The United Continental Association of Thieves and Scoundrels (UCATS being the most common abbreviation for what is a rather lengthy name) uses to draw people away from the Guild.

For the low, low starting price of 1 silver down and 10 gold per month, you, too, can start snatching purses. To the detriment of the UCATS reputation, most of their members fall into the simple [Thug] and [Snatcher] category. To the benefit of the UCATS reputation, about a third of those members were incredibly skilled and highly leveled delinquents, capable of performing whatever capers you might desire. Particularly if the object of your sinister attentions was up-to-date on their protection payments.

Roy found himself standing in front of the squalid, wooden building. It was a ramshackle and sprawling structure, as many windows loosely boarded as intact, tiles sporadically missing from the roof. He was quite sure that about half of it was leaning, the entire wall to his left seemed to be peeling itself away from the rest of the compound. It was noon, the sun overhead, but the courtyard formed by the deteriorating buildings was wreathed in shadows that were far darker than they had any right to be.

And the area bustled. Set away from most of the rest of the city, in a warehouse district used for the city’s food stores, assorted criminals and unsavory folk went about their errands. A pudgy gentleman with a mustache coughed uncomfortably.

“Ahem. Well. This is the place. You’re perfectly within your rights here in the city to hunt down any [Thief] or otherwise that robs you whilst within its walls. Unfortunately, the [Thief] was within their rights to rob you, so this is where we part ways.” The portly man snapped his arm into a tight salute, his spine ramrod straight.

“Right. Thanks. I appreciate it.” Roy nodded at the man and he relaxed, pivoted on the spot, and took off with surprising agility for a man of his size, one hand holding his helmet to keep it from bouncing on his head.

Roy watched the man bounce off into the distance for a moment, then considered how best to approach the building. Stealth was certainly out. Luckily, he didn’t have to watch his back too carefully as he had already been relieved of nearly everything he had of value. Still, impressions were important and he didn’t want to seem overly naive. But the exterior of the building offered no hints as to where a main office might be hiding, or even whether any sort of real organization existed here at all.

“Mm. Ah, well. Might as well just head in,” Roy said to himself, making his way toward the closest entrance.

The rickety door pulled open with surprising ease and a faint squeak. Roy stepped inside, the door closing quietly behind him.

And then the door opened and Roy’s head poked back out, looking from side to side. A curious and bewildered look on his face, he made his way back in.

Back in to a surprisingly opulent foyer. A large hall with warm wooden floors, plush rugs, and a guady desk with a smiling [Secretary] behind it. Two long halls extended off from the main room, and enchanted lanterns flickered with heatless flame, a soft yellow glow giving the place a warm, welcoming atmosphere.

A far sight from the crumbling exterior.

Roy made his way to the desk, the grinning woman’s eyes tracking his the entire way. Avoiding the steady gaze, Roy noticed that the lobby had more than just himself and the [Secretary] in it. People who looked like [Clerks] and [Administrators] hustled around, clutching briefcases and sheafs of paper and parchment. Men and women who looked like [Thugs], [Burglars], [Con Artists], and [Thieves] wound in and out of the way of their emburdened counterparts with impressive dexterity – not one shoulder bumped or paper dropped despite the general bustle.

“Sir? Are you alright, sir?”

Roy realized he had been standing at the desk, completely ignoring the woman there in his fascination with the well-oiled precision this place operated on. Her blond hair was pulled into a severe bun, her features with a sharp cast to them. Her eyes were bright and cold, and she wore an expertly tailored suit. The effect was rather imposing.

“Uh, yes. Yes, I’m fine. Quite a place you have here, huh?” Roy paused and looked around the hall again, waiting for her to reply. After a minute or so spent looking around, Roy finally turned back to face the desk. He could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head.

She was looking at him expectantly, hands clasped in front of her.

So much for pleasantries.

“Well, no, actually. I’m not alright. I’m afraid I’ve been robbed by one of your members.” Practically hearing her eyes start to roll at him from across the desk, he continued. “I’m aware it’s legal. Technically. Anyway, I’m just here for the Guaranteed Room And Board allowance. Whoever robbed me got everything but my clothes and I would rather not sleep in a stable if I can avoid it.”

“Oh, so sorry, sir. Unfortunately, the GRAB allowance was a deal our organization had worked out with the noble family that ruled here. Whoever told you about it is behind on their news, with the new [Warlord] in charge, all contracts with the [Lords] and [Ladies] formerly ruling here ended. Feel free to check the records, it’s all there in the fine print.”

Irritated, Roy opened his mouth to respond... and reconsidered when he saw the smile the [Secretary] wore now. “I... see. Thank you for your time, miss.”

He turned and walked back out the way he came. That smile made him uneasy, and there were a considerable number of [Rogue]-types about.

Roy knew when he was outmatched.

-

“So it’s not really the same as the Thieves’ Guild at all. The Guild is global. Every major city on every continent has a Thieves’ Guild branch in it. And the benefits it offers are always the same, their rules are the same, and the fee is the same.” A young woman in leather, leading a young man in chainmail past rows of warehouses alternately loaded and unloaded by teams of sweating [Laborers].

“Makes sense. Bigger guild equals better benefits equals more money for membership. And the smaller guild isn’t just cheaper. It has less rules. Which can be a big draw.” He adjusted his mail, tucking a bunched section back in and untangling a pouch from his sword’s scabbard. “Pretty basic stuff, reminds me of the trade lessons I got as a kid.”

“Ooo, look at me, I had personal tutors as a tiny little child,” Ella replied sarcastically, turning to walk backwards and face her friend precisely so he could see her eyes roll, “Look, not everyone is handed an education. Some people have to earn it.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry,” the young man raised his hands placatingly, “I didn’t ask to be born a [Lord]. And it’s not like it’s doing us much good now.”

Ella watched him dejectedly kick at a loose cobblestone. “Let’s get back on topic. We’re on our way to hire a [Thief]. Have you ever hired a [Th- have you ever hired anyone?”

The look he gave her was answer enough.

“Yeah, I figured. So you keep quiet. Honestly, I’d just leave you outside but I’m pretty sure you’d be robbed blind,” she paused, turning again, “And I mean that literally. There are Skills specifically for that. Oh, we’re here!”

A loose horseshoe of rundown buildings was sandwiched between two warehouses. Ella made her way into the heavily shadowed courtyard and the young man followed. As they approached the closest door on the left, the building gave a distinct impression that it was looming. As if the building itself was leaning over to inspect each entrant. Under the building’s watchful windows, the young [Lord] remembered his etiquette training and jogged ahead to open the door for his companion.

At the precise moment his hand reached the door handle, the door shot open and caught him right in the face. The young man rolled on the floor, groaning and clutching his head as a robed figure emerged from the surprisingly clean and well-lit depths.

“Oh, shit,” Roy said, “Was that me? That was me, wasn’t it?” Ella burst out laughing.

He bent and offered his hand. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s all good.”

“No, it’s not. Shouldn’t be taking my bad day out on someone else.”

“You’re right about that,” Ella said, theatrically wiping away a tear from her eye, “But it was the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while, so thanks for that. I’m Ella, by the way.”

She held out her hand. Roy considered it for a moment, then took it. “Roy. I’d offer you a potion or something, but I got robbed at some point today and don’t have anything left. This worthless hole of a guild won’t even give me the little bit they ‘promise’ for a room and a meal if you get cleaned out.”

“Really? That’s fucked. Did they say why? The GRAB is supposed to be a guarantee, maybe I can talk to someone for you?”

“Ah, it’s no problem. I can manage. But I really do feel bad about your friend, here.” Roy gestured to the [Lord] and they watched him for a moment, mostly upright and quietly grumbling under his breath as he held his head in his hands. “I don’t usually assault people for fun. The least I can do is offer whatever services I can. I’m not the highest level, but I am a [Mage] and my schedule is open. We all seem to be trapped in the city for the foreseeable future, anyway.”

“Well, actually, there is this key that we need to st – wait, what? Who’s trapped in the city?” Ella asked, looking suddenly bemused and concerned.

“Everyone, as far as I know. I spent the morning getting an appointment with that [Warlord] guy that just took over I guess? Anyway, I heard from him that no one’s getting in or out of the city right now.”

The young woman let her head fall back and let out a low groan. “Ugh. So much for my plans to join up with an adventuring team and slip out of the city after I helped this idiot out.” She pointed to the still-grumbling but now mostly functional [Lord]. “Any chance you have a secret way out of the city? Or into the castle dungeons?”

Roy frowned. “I’m sorry, but I don’t. I’m not actually from here.”

Ella looked the young [Mage] up and down a bit more closely. Dark skin, close cropped hair, burgundy robes. The robes seemed slightly magical. Stain resistant at most, but still enchanted. Pretty standard gear for a low-level magic user. Sure, most of the apprentices wore green robes around here, but that was just the local magic school’s policy.

“Then where are you from?” Ella asked, eyeing her damaged friend as he uncorked a healing potion and took a small sip.

Roy’s face painted with melancholy and his eyes misted up. “A small village, far to the south of here. Past the mountains, but not quite to the coast. Beautiful, rolling hills that would be covered in wildflowers every spring. The [Farmers] tending their fields, their kids scaring the crows away. I was apprenticing with the only magic-user for miles, an old [Grand Wizard].

“He was trying to create a new ritual spell and it was working, mostly, but something went wrong. You know how finnicky new spells can be. Anyway, there was a total absense of light and then my bones felt like they were chewing on tin foil, and I’ve been stuck here ever since.”

“Wow. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you for your sympathies. It’s-” Roy broke off, seeming to choke back a sob “- it’s been hard.”

“Of course. That’s really sucks. How long have you been stuck in Bastow?”

“About twelve hours now.”

It was the concussed [Lord]’s turn to burst out laughing. He worked his way from a chuckle all the way to a proper guffaw before stopping himself. “– Woo, shit. Seriously, twelve hours away from home and you start attacking people in the street?”

Roy flushed and awkwardly adjusted his robes.

“Don’t taunt the poor guy, Al. It’s not nice,” Ella grinned at him. “Plus he seems kinda sheltered.”

Al nodded knowingly. “Ah, ease him into the banter. Got it.”

Ella laughed. “Alright, Mister [Mage]. You and Al wait here, I’m gonna go haggle with criminals.”

Bodily shoving her companions aside and pulling open the door, she strode in.

Al looked relieved. “That’s probably for the best. I was not looking forward to going in there.”

“Are you afraid of closed spaces?”

“What? Oh, no, I’m just a terrible negotiator. If I was in there, I’m pretty sure we’d end up paying double.”

Roy considered this new information seriously. “I’d say it’s definitely for the best that you stayed here, then.”

The [Lord] shot him a sidelong glance. “Dude. I was kidding.”

“Of course, I’m sorry. I’ve spent the last few years in a tower learning from a [Wizard] who’s been shut in there since before I was born.” He scratched at his chin. “My conversational skills may be a little lacking.”

“Psh, you’ll pick it back up. It’s like riding a horse. You never forget.”

“Ah. Damn. I don’t know how to ride a horse.”