Chapter 1: The author is insane

THEAUTHORBLOG

Posted by THE AUTHOR, May 10, 2012 at 03:15 am, in BOOK

“On a day just like the ones that came before it the world changed, it was a small change, if you were to ask someone what changed on this specific day they might give you some weird looks, maybe even flip you the bird if they didn’t feel like it, but this is not about some rude hypothetical stranger, no, this is about how the world changed and it all starts here.

Hamsi, a small town north of the Western ridges, many would recognize it as---”

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No, no, no, that’s just terrible of me.

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I would never do such a thing to you dear reader. An info dump on page one? What would the people come to think of me? I shudder just imagining it.

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No, a good story always begins with action and excitement, or maybe even a short tale of our future heroes, if we were feeling spicy I could even throw in a map. How about that, wouldn’t you like a little ol map to awkwardly scroll back to every time you heard a new city name or destination? No? Well, maybe that’s just not your style.

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How about this, we can go the eastern route, drive over the MC who would surely be a salary man or some high school dropout, I’m sure truck-kun would enjoy another victim. We can then send the MC to a nondescript space where for inexplicable reasons god is present and has taken the form of a young to middle-aged woman in need of a main character to give powers to. Hippity hoppity our MC shall arrive in a world where the magic system makes about as much sense as the people and then we’ll be golden.

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“Cliché and boring” you say

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Well, that does put me in a pickle.

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Do not fret though as I the one and only AUTHOR will surely find a way to solve this conundrum. This enigma, this creative brain tickler, this closed-book ?

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Apparently ‘closed book’ is a synonym for a conundrum, thanks thesaurus. Luckily this is not a closed-book, but an open one full of ideas and wonders and I think you’ll enjoy this one.

What if, I write the main character, as a geezer. He’ll be like a hundred quadrillion years old, and I’ll make him stand on a mountain peak when he suddenly gets betrayed by his close allies. It’ll happen like this:

“ “It didn’t have to be this way you know”, battered and bruised Xing Xong Ping Pong was forced further and further up the mountain peak deflecting the strikes of no less than seven dao seeking experts. XX PP wouldn’t be able to hold off for much longer, if he didn’t do something quick his very soul would get extinguished. “If you had only just left the princess of the Eternal Hegemony Of The Mount Tai sect alone then none of this would have been necessary”

While Dong Rong Song Song was speaking from a great distance away Xing Xong Ping Pong could still hear the voice of his second sworn-brother. He and his eight sworn-brothers had once sought out the heavens, but now they were seeking out his life”

How about that reader, isn’t that exciting, I know it’s a bit rough around the edges and all, but still, better than before? No ?

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No?

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Reader?

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Okay, okay, okay, maybe I should ditch the action type genres, I was never good at fighting anyway.

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How about this since I won’t write the manly endeavors of manly men fighting manly battles how about I go to the polar opposites, I’m sure I can rustle the feathers of youth that I once held and stir the hearts of young and old alike with my depictions of romance.

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I just need a premise.

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I spend a lot of time thinking of the previous ones you know, and now they’re all for naught. Well whatever, I’ll do anything for you dear reader, even if that means throwing countless hours of work fleshing out useless one off premises and characters. See the first story was just a ruse for the second, which was a ruse for the third, I’m always two steps ahead you see. Sadly, Mr Ping Pong wasn’t appreciated.

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Okay, I got it. How about this, the setting will be your typical Japanese high school, we’ll have an abusive, but secretly in love heroine and a no good-looking, but internally sweet young man (He will not be made of candy on the inside). It’ll be a match made in heaven, of course only after a long, arduous and tumultuous period where their love for one another slowly starts to form.

I can already see it before me reader, I’ll write a comedic relief character that will actually complete the love triangle, this character will of course be used as a sacrificial pawn for the main heroine to get her teary eyed moment at the end of the last chapter.

The comedic relief character will say something like: “I’ve loved you ever since the culture festival” in this scene, of course played out in an empty classroom, the main heroine will have just walked nearby the classroom waiting at their sliding doors. Upon hearing of her friend’s confession she will run away causing our MC to choose to either respond to the confession or run after the heroine.

And of course he’ll run, he will run and run trying to find the heroine just for them to end up on the roof together, the MC will block one of the heroines strikes as she tries to confront her feelings with violence, and at that moment the main character confesses his love for her.

Champagne, fireworks and a panning shot of the third wheel as she comes to grips with the fact that she was rejected. It’ll be amazing reader, just amazing.

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That's a trope too?

Huh.