"So, there's nothing more you can offer us as a suggestion to defeat the mecha dragons- er, metal guards?" asked Cleetus.

"As I said," the spirit of Durdumples replied, "they weren't built to be defeated. I was facetious in making them impenetrable. Water is the only known possible weakness but it sounds like there is no longer enough of that on this planet to use."

"What about explosives?" I asked, much to the confused expressions of all but Cleetus who knew my professional background, "do you think explosives would stop them?"

"I imagine it would be quite hard to blow them up as getting close to them to plant a device is highly difficult."

"But what if they weren't blown up individually? What if they were blown up while underground? Or at least the entrances underground blown up so that they couldn't get out?"

"Well," Durdumples considered, "that may have worked. Except, as you have activated the music, I can assure you none of the metal guards are still down there."

"Where would they be?" inquires Laurence.

"The sound was meant to encourage them to patrol," Durdumples put his hands behind his back. "I imagine they aren't necessarily patrolling, what with being free and independent now, but they most likely are flying around the surface of the planet exploring."

Detective LaLouf got a look of horror. "New Earth One!" she cried, "they're in danger!"

We all froze. She was right.

"How many of the metal guards are there?" asked Dr. Snively.

"We built twenty, initially, " Durdumples tapped his chin. "I believe one had issues- its core went bad early on- so we put it in storage down here. There would be nineteen left, unless since then others have broken down. I am not sure how long it has been or how long the lifespan of a metal guard would be, but again, they were built with the intention that they would last."

We were all quite worried now. Nineteen giant mecha dragons attacking New Earth One? We five perhaps were about to be the last remaining humans in existence.

All the while, the Martian trumpet music continued to blare around us.

"Ugh, I wish that fucking music would stop!" Shouted Detective LaLouf, stressed and concerned by everything going on. Suddenly, Durdumples raised his hand and snapped his fingers. In an instant, everything was silent.

We all stared at the Martian spirit for a moment.

"You had the power to turn it off all this time?" Cleetus slowly asked.

"I hadn't heard the song for awhile," confessed Durdumples, "so I was enjoying it. But you also never said that you wished for it to stop before so I was unable to take action."

We all again stared at the dead Martian.

"If we wish for something you have the...power to do it?" I slowly asked.

Durdumples stared back as if what I asked was obvious. "Don't you Earthlings have the same post-death conditions?"

"And what would those conditions be?"

"That as a spirit, you hypothetically get magic powers. A prize of death, one supposes. But the catch is you can't tell anyone directly about the powers." He winked slowly at us all.

We looked to one another.

"Fascinating!" said Dr. Snively.

"So you can do...more than turn off music with your undead magic powers?" I inquired, "how powerful are we talking?"

Laurence held up a hand. "While the first thought would be to see if Durdumples here can do something about the dragons, we have to consider the Monkey Paw possibilities. What if there's a catch that bites us back later? We need to think this through-"

"-what if we try something smaller first?" I suggested. "Like-"

"-don't," cut in Cleetus.

"Don't what?"

"Don't even say it."

"Say what?"

"I guarded you fifteen years," Cleetus said, "for you, 'something smaller' always relates to the cat. You'd waste his power on something stupid, like 'I wish Boom-Boom could talk', or-"

"-Done." Durdumples nodded.

"Wait, what? That wasn't a wish!-"

"-I wish Cleetus is never able to kill me, no matter how hard he tries!" I spit out quickly. If there was ever a time to test magic, now was it. Cleetus stared at me with a blank expression whereas Detective LaLouf, Laurence, and Dr. Snively looked unsure.

"...also done." said Durdumples. Suddenly, however, he begin to flicker in and out.

"What...what's happening?" Dr. Snively asked, looking down at the control panel.

"Did...you...charge...the...summoner?" Durdumples was breaking up as he spoke.

"Charge? How do we charge the machine?" Dr. Snively looked around for a button or plug. "Lola, do the directions say anything about charging?"

LaLouf looked around with the doctor. "I don't...see anything."

"I can't...stay...too little...power..." Durdumples was very choppy now. "Recharge...and call...again..."

"How do we charge?!" requested Snively to no avail. The spirit summoner gave a few blips and sparks and promptly shut down.

"We have to recharge!" Dr. Snively was adamant, "we have to recharge and get him back! We can wish the dragons away!" He continued to frantically search for instructions.

"Goddammit, Cole," muttered Cleetus, "you could have wished away the dragons! Instead you wasted it on THAT bullshit!"

"YOU'RE the one mouthing you want to kill me," I countered in defense, "so yeah, it's kind of on my mind at the moment to try and survive!"

"Okay! Guys!" exclaimed Detective LaLouf, stepping in between us, "stop the squabbling!" She turned to look at me. "But seriously, what was that about, Cole? Cleetus here has been your trusted bodyguard for years now- what in the world makes you think he wants to kill you? WHY would he want to kill you? What could you possibly have done that's so awful?"

From behind the detective, Cleetus shot a look of rage. I said nothing myself to answer but I could tell Cleetus was about to share what he had realized about me and Earth's untimely destruction.