[Diary]

10th March, 2015

Sunday (10:12 PM)

Dear Diary,

Today at Mr.Jansha's suggestion I decided to start writing a diary, I don't know how this all works but Mr.Jansha gave me a general idea of what to do here apparently I am supposed to write about myself and everyday occurrences here so hmmm let's start with writing about myself I guess.

I was born in Mohali, Punjab in 2 march 2004 so I guess I am 11 years old right now. I don't remember much of when I was an infant but I do have memories of when I was in LKG and after because during my LKG days I saw children coming to school with their mother and father, though I knew what a mother is supposed to be I didn't know what a father is so i asked mother about this father existence and with an angry expression she said,"That son of a bitch died when I was born" though I still don't know what that "son of a bitch" means. Every time I brought up the topic about father, mother would always get angry and would start yelling and throwing stuff so I stopped asking after I reached 2nd grade.

But from all of the mother's tantrums, I got to know that she became pregnant with me when she was 15 years old with her classmate because at that time much awareness about birth control was not there so when mother became pregnant she was thrown out of house because her parents were old and tradition-minded but was given a rented house and monthly allowance by them so that she could take care of herself and me so I guess they did care about mother but at the same time didn't want their reputation and image to suffer.

My father unable to grasp the situation became paranoid and ran away from responsibility by declining every claim that he was ever in a relationship.

After that mother was devastated. She did take good care of me when I was in LKG, UKG but after that monthly allowance stopped coming and she started working as a housemaid for the next 2 years and slowly started ignoring me to the point that we just had dinner together and nobody would talk. I started noticing when I was 8 years old(3rd class) that the mother was becoming more and more strange each day and she also started having panic attacks.

Every day she would say that it was because of me that all this was happening and threw tantrums at me but at that time I didn't know why was I the cause but now I know "why" i.e because of my birth mother didn't get to do anything in life and everybody abandoned her.

So after hearing things like that for almost a year when I became 9 years old I also started getting annoyed by mother's tantrums and blaming me for everything that I started messing with my classmates to vent off the frustration and I realized how fun, calming and pleasurable it feels to make others cry and sad because then I wouldn't be the only one who is sad everyone around me will be like me.

But apparently, it seemed like I was doing bad things even though I wasn't so teachers called mother every week to complain and after that, at home she would complain to me more, this cycle went on for 3 months before the mother couldn't take it anymore and started beating me after the beating I took the knife from the kitchen and threatened mother to kill myself because if I died then mother wouldn't have to suffer anymore and I who was not supposed to be born who also not exist so everyone will be happy at that time it was a wonderful idea and I still do but apparently mother made a horrified expression and started calling me "witch" or something like that and day after that she left home and the next day orphanage came and took me in when I was 9.

Mayuri

[Mayuri's POV]

Hmm, I think that's how you are supposed to write a diary maybe it got a little big but whatever for the first time I think it's ok so let's go to sleep now.