《Berserker- Crank Wars》014. Argh! I'm not a f*cking Cranker!
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"Now tell me, uncle! Where is my wife?!" the boy stepped over to Sir Nick as he walked past the rest and enquired about Liss. "It's time for all of you to talk! I have a buttload of questions but not even a pinch of answers, and I hate being the ignorant one in the room! So let's get to know each other a bit, shall we?!"
He summoned a throne that looked like the one in the game of thrones fictional world but instead of swords, it was forged out of white monster bones. It had been adorned by the engravings of many mythical creatures, and unicorns, mermaids, griffins, chimeras, and trolls were just the very few of them.
"Before we begin…" the boy said as he stationed his bottom on the seat of the throne. He had his one hand resting on the throne arm while the other one was raised up to his eyes with his elbow on the respective throne arm supporting its movement. His fingers were pointing in the direction of his wives, jumping from one to another and to the one before. "Come to papa, my dear darlings!"
His backside could barely occupy a one third of the seat portion on that throne because of his slender and slick body. The throne arms were far from his reach but his tall hands got hold of them like any other normal sized person as his hands were abnormally long, long enough to reach his knees while in a straight standing posture.
"Are we doing this or not?! I don't have time to deal with your insecurities and comforts! I'm not cut out for that sh*t! So it's best if you two cut the theatrics and do as I f*cking command you to!" the boy yelled at the girl and the woman standing before him, hesitating to follow through his order. His words were edged sharp like kitchen knives shown in cooking tv shows.
When his girls approached him, the boy asked them to sit on his lap, and suggested those two toward sharing one thigh each. He was blackmailing them to be his girlfriends while sweet talking to them at the same time. And he looked very talented and experienced at that. Soon as Riley and Zoe sat on his stick like legs, he tried to open the list of questions he thought he had made beforehand but it was all in his mind and not real.
"Ahem!" He cleared his throat so as to divert everyone's attention from the fact that he had been searching for a piece of paper with the supposed list of questions on it that was purely and completely delusional. Looking at the men, one young while the other one old, that were staring at him, he gave voice to his first question. "Enlighten me what year am I in at present? That is if I'm still on a planet named… wait a second, I got its name on the tip of my tongue, girth is it?!"
"It's earth, sir!" Sir Nick corrected. "Girth is for the circumference of a person's or an animal's waist! FYI!"
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"I know what girth means!" the boy frowned at him.
"Or a band attached to a saddle and fastened around a horse's belly to keep the saddle in place!" Sir Nick added to his sentence.
"I know that too!" The boy replied, now he was annoyed. He had a slightly irritated look over his lips, and in his eyes. "Just answer the question I put forth, don't try, and be smart with me, old timer! You wanna catch up to your daughter in time or not?!"
"Liss is gone and whoever the girl that took her was, she was powerful enough to lead us into a full blown trap and we walked straight into the omega's lap. That was the magnitude of how powerful of an illusion spell that she had casted, and I bet my solemn wisdom that wasn't even a tad bit of her power!"
Sir Nick paused to rethink about the dialogue the boy pronounced a second ago, and when he did, he could fully comprehend what he meant and moved his jaws up and down to sound his query. "... You think Liss is still in this dungeon?!"
"Oh! I don't think she is here! No! Apparently I can't think anything properly with this shitty resetting mind of mine, well not yet at least!" the boy uttered but the opposite person could only hear his first statement. The other two statements that followed from his mouth afterwards were just him murmuring to himself.
"What's that, sir!?"
"What?!"
Sir Nick and Ryan both asked what he was mumbling about. But to Riley and Zoe, it was clearly audible and they looked at him with their judging eyes.
"Ahem!" he cleared his throat for a second time before he clarified what he said. "I don't think that! I know that! She is still in this dungeon alright!"
"There was a considerable lapse of time between now and then, and she could have taken her anywhere she had wanted away from this dungeon in that long time gap. Why would she be here after this long?!" Zoe explained her doubt to the boy.
"Argh! How the f*ck would you expect me to answer that?!" the boy said, angry and annoyed. He was using cursing words against that question of hers. "Maybe I can sense a strong aura coming from the floors below us. And maybe, that aura belongs to her. I don't know. It just might as well be my gut feeling! But what I do know is that we're not alone in this dungeon!"
Everyone in the room took a moment of silence for no specific reason before Sir Nick broke that memorial vibed environment by answering the question the boy asked at the first time. "This is the earth in the year 2525, sir!"
"Say what?!" The boy caught his breath with an open mouth, owing to an unforeseen astonishment.
"2525?! Last I can recall, I was in the 1980s or something! I had been dozing off for the past five f*cking hundred years?!"
"It's 550 years if I'm being accurate! But, whatever you say, kid! Huh!"
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Ryan gave his opinion without being asked, remaining his usual never-afraid-to-stick-his-oar-in self as always. And his comment got neglected just like his person like always.
"If I may ask, you're a cranker like all of us, aren't you?! Then why are you talking like you're some sort of, I don't know, a mental patient in an asylum or something?! Excuse me for my dated out analogy!" Sir Nick said to the boy.
"I dare you to say that again to my face!" The boy's temper had risen up like never! Maybe he didn't like the word mental, either that or he didn't like someone calling him crazy. It should be one of those two. Because he had repeated that set of three words, stressing and accenting each word. "I DARE YOU!"
"Calm down, boy! What Sir Nick asked is one hundred percent reasonable and legit! The apocalypse didn't even start until the early 2000s! And you're saying that you are from the year 1980! That doesn't make any damn sense!" Ryan lashed out at the boy at which the latter got taken aback.
"That makes two of us, asshole!" the boy got angry and raised his voice to the full, aiming at Ryan. "You want a piece of me, sucker?! Huh?! You want a piece of me?! Come and get it then, d*ckhead!"
The situation was escalating at a rapid rate and to dissolve the tension in the atmosphere, Zoe did something unthinkable. She hugged the boy tightly and suddenly, and her chest was rubbing against his as he cooled down like he was in a refrigerator, or a sixteen degrees air conditioner.
She began to explain the situation the earth was in right then. "Approximately, it was 500 years before when souls took control over their human bodies, and started turning into hideous monsters. We lost appetite, couldn't procreate anymore, and many other changes happened inside our bodies. We who were the last generation of humans had developed powers called cranks to fight those monsters and we crankers are the last human species left on the planet earth."
"We thought you were a cranker like us by seeing that scythe you used before but if that were true you couldn't be from the year 1980. That's why we got confused with your words."
"Oh that! That wasn't my crank or anything! That was Leela! When I converted her into my armor, a pack of her soul was left out so I used it to make myself a weapon!" the boy explained.
"And you thought scythe would be cool! You were an otaku in your past wake, weren't you?! A serious one at that too in my guess! Cause only anime and manga can imprint scythe as a freaking weapon in the readers' minds!" Ryan said.
"How did you know!" the boy said to Ryan, surprised but immediately got back to Zoe to listen to what else she had to clarify. She was like a chemistry teacher in the high school to the boy.
"So, you're not a cranker! Then who the abyss are you and what are you doing in this dungeon?!" Riley asked, talking to the boy out of the blue.
"Oh my! Look who's curious! I'll be damned if it isn't the icy cold queen!" The boy taunted Riley like a newly married couple fighting over the bed portion occupancy where the husband and the wife fight over who should sleep on which side of the bed.
"Ha! That's funny coming from you, pervert!" she said, with a contemptuous and a mocking smile on her face.
"I was a human like you once, but not anymore! I've been given an update by some evil organisation called… wait... shit I forgot what it's called, ahem, anyway I'm experimented on, tortured, mutilated, injected with shitty viruses that hurted like hell and all that lasted for centuries! I don't even remember when I was even born! 1980 was my last wake but it was not the year I lived my life as a normal human!"
"I could have had loving parents, teasing siblings, annoying grandparents but it was just that, a desperate yet never ending thought!" The boy said, tears rolled down his skinny cheeks for the first time. And without realizing it, the four had started welling up their eyes as they listened to his awful life story.
"That's enough of my info, don't you think?!"The boy said as he wiped his face cleansing it of the salt water. "You're far due for a big explanation!"
Sir Nick started to explain why they were there in the first place. "My daughter Liss got infected by the virus-X, so we rushed towards the nearest dungeon ws could find to perform the purification ritual on her to get her out of her abyss."
"What's the abyss!" the boy enquired.
"It's the place where the soul of a human resides. It's also the place where the human would fall into when the soul gets a hold of him/her in his weakened state. If that happens, when that happens the soul will take hold of the vessel and cross over into this world from the abyss!"
"Every human has their own abyss then! Cool! I'm hooked! Keep going!" Interest had piqued the boy as he bent forward to listen to the next sentences more carefully. "So, it's just like hell! As the saying goes each person has their own hell to deal with when at the end of the world!"
"Yeah, dude! You sure are sharp for a brain dead immortal in a high school kid physique! Haa!" Ryan commented on the boy.
"And from entering the dungeon, I'll take the steering of the story if you don't mind! Hell, what the heck?! I'll take it even if you mind! Suck it cause I'm the one who contributed the most to the team from then onwards! I have my basic human right to tell my own story as I want, haven't I?! Get ready for a bumpy ride, because it is! Haha!"
... to be continued.
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Restaurant Core
A dungeon core that wants to feed others instead of itself. Can this dungeon overcome its challenging start in a goblin cave? Will it achieve its dream of being the ultimate restaurant or will it be forced to concede to its own nature as a dungeon core? Follow Regis the dungeon and his loyal hobgoblin servant Strum in this dungeon's quest to become the one and only Restaurant Core. I started this to give me a more humorous character-centric narrative to explore. I also wanted to poke fun at the typical dungeon core story by turning it on its head. Who knows, maybe you'll learn a recipe or two from it. Hope you enjoy!Updates at least once a week. Special thanks to Asviloka for so much help in the art direction of the cover. Much love to her. And some thanks to carebear90 for their invaluable input during the process. Asviloka's profile: https://www.royalroad.com/profile/108594
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Pano kung yung pag alis mo ay isang malaking pag kakamale?
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