My miserable mood falls even further. On top of everything, I now have to deal with my... a million expletives surface in my mind wanting to make themselves known... Brother. I am the one who is the problem, he has made that clear many times.

Saveis Faelen, my half-brother, has yet to notice my awakening.

I don’t want this confrontation and so, I calm my slightly quickened breathing and close my eyes.

...

......

.........

Pathetic.

...

Huh, how worrisome.

A trail of influence pokes out from my mental defense, barely there but enough for the invading force to assert subtle influence over me.

‘Whoever and whatever you are, I want no part of whatever it is you want with me,’ as I think this I brutally force the strand back beyond my mental defense.

I see beyond the wall for a moment and a darkened, malformed silhouette grins back at me, floating at the chaotic juncture between my mind and the foreign influence.

There is no sound nor color in this strange world (dimension?) I find myself becoming consciously more aware of. The only thing composing this place are strands of... energy? Some type of energy.

This is all so strange, I’ve never had access or any control whatsoever of this... hmm, I’ll call it my mind space for now until I learn more about it.

After thoroughly checking the area around my mental defense I ascertain that no other strands have pierced through... yet. I did find some cracks and some areas that needed shoring up but other than that, nothing. I would need to check back periodically to make sure I wasn’t being unknowingly taken control of.

I still don’t know their motive nor how such a thing is even possible, but I refuse to concern myself with things I have no way of figuring out on my own. Once I have a chance to ask questions, I would take it but for now, one thing at a time.

I relax and let any and all tension leave me. Even so, my left thumb still moves back and forth across the mattress cover, the movement just barely discernible were one to pay attention.

Using conscious effort to settle my body into a state of prolonged stasis is next to impossible for me and so, I find it necessary to release the built up tension, anxiety, stress, and whatever else may be bogging my mind down with some sort of physical action.

With the feeling in my thumb, a rebellious thread rising proudly from the surrounding orderly weave becomes the object of my thoughts. As I focus on it, willing the time to speed up and my brother to leave, similarities arise.

That is to say, between myself and the thread. Not many but they are there. I wouldn’t be human without my egocentrism of course. The differences, they are absolutely innumerable and yet, focusing on the few similarities makes me feel as though I matter.

But.

I don’t.

...

......

.........

Yes, we do.

...

*sigh*

‘This is going to get old fast,’ I think as I push a newly revealed intruding thread back beyond my wall. The wall I am beginning to lose faith in if I am being honest.

As I gaze upon my wall, I notice a problem: In my shoddy first attempt at mental defense, I had strung the monochromatic energy threads in horizontal lines only, simply relying on the nil gravity within this space to keep the wall from completely falling apart. While the construct looked stable and unmoving, the slightest touch could part the threads for something to penetrate through.

‘Ugh, what a fuc*ing dumbass I am. And here I was so cocky as to believe I’d actually made a good first attempt at something.’

I suppose I shouldn’t be so hard on myself, I wasn’t even able to fully comprehend this newly discovered space 5 minutes ago.

Brainstorming for a good solution I take notice of how this space seems largely spherical. The outer boundary of this space seems both infinitely far away and right next to my visualized consciousness; very strange. The energy threads I had created before to separate my mind space and the junction point embedded itself within the membrane of this space; creating a perfect bubble around the junction.

Thinking purely logically, I decide to add to the perfection of this bubble by adding vertical energy threads and fusing them both to the sides of my mind space and the horizontal threads I am draping them over.

When I am done, there are no gaps large enough to see to the other side of the barrier; the threads being so absolutely innumerable as to barely be discernible from each other. The wall now looks even more resplendent in its deepened brilliant white.

I’m hoping that the force opposing me would be hard-pressed to penetrate this new barrier but I cannot be sure.

It’s weird thinking of how I have such uncanny control over this energy and my mind space in general but then again, it’s my mind so why wouldn’t I have this control?

I exit my mind space and return once again to the real world... to notice my brother is gone.

I heave a sigh of relief and open my eyes fully, looking around... to notice my brother is standing on the opposite side of the bed to where he was sitting. He gazes intently at me, as though he’d been waiting for my eyes to open.

I startle, “Holy Christ you scared the life out of me! The Hell are you doing creeping like that!”

His facial expression doesn’t change although he backs up a step or two to give me some space. His tree bark-brown hair gleams dully in the sunlight streaming through the window as his round, average face regards me with indifference. His brown eyes try in vain to conceal the hatred overflowing within him behind this veil of indifference.

I know him. And I know that what I’ve done cannot be so easily forgotten.

I swallow uneasily, wishing to be anywhere but here. I feel my sins crawling on my back underneath his dead gaze.

My brother starts, “I...” he ponders his words for a moment, “don’t want to be here anymore than you do so I’ll make this quick. Sis bade me come here on her behalf and, as I respect and love her, I begrudgingly accepted. Long story short, the doctors have no clue what happened to you. The only abnormality they could find was a sharp increase in neural activity, far beyond what can be considered normal. They suspect it could be caused by yourself but they have no evidence to suggest it. I for one support that theory, it only makes sense you...” insane fu*k, “never mind.”

He takes one last glance at me, the simmering flames of hatred deep within his eyes flare once before dying down, replaced by more indifference. “I should be going.”

“Wait!” I say before I can stop myself.

I hate the feelings I have when I’m around my brother. Guilt and shame and... embarrassment? A shiver of revulsion rolls through me, feelings I could live without.

I need to remedy this. But it’s simply not possible, what I’ve done is immensely reprehensible. I’m responsible for peoples’ deaths for god’s sake!

But, nothing ventured nothing gained right?

“Listen, I know I’ve majorly screwed up more times than might seem possible and I’ve shown myself to be a horrible person in every respect. I’m simply not! What can I do to convince you of this? Everything I’ve done has been to advance our family, happiness, and society. I want us to excel, I want us to succeed!”

“There is nothing you can give or do that can revoke your actions. Even if you gave me a trillion dollars and brought back everything you’ve destroyed with your corrupting touch, I would still hate you because I know what kind of sick and twisted mind lies beneath that thick facade.” His gaze upon me lights up again, rage and loathing barely concealed beneath the tightened muscles of his uncovered arms and face.

But, he then relaxes his coiled posture and looks me in the eyes with his dead stare.

He laughs, “But, I simply can’t bring myself to care anymore. You are nothing to me.” He laughs again as though the idea of this last sentence is novel, “Nothing.”

He promptly turns, opens the door, and leaves. The door shuts quietly on his departure.

...

...

...

I’ve never wanted to die more than I do now.

I feel numb but I know that will soon change. I’ll explode in anger and try to convince myself that I’m in the right while my brother is the one who’s wronged me. The typical defensive coping mechanism of displacement.

But, I think it’s different today. This life exhausts me. I just want to go to sleep and perhaps... it wouldn’t be so bad if I ever woke up? Yes, perhaps that would be for the best.

I close my eyes...