That Girl Who's Always Alone At The Back

Chapter ix - So it begins

After seeing Amu being buried, I lost all reason to live.

I haven't touched my phone since then. Because I'll only see her picture on the screen. Last time I did, I can't remember how long I cried.

Just... why does it has to be like this? Why her? There had been tons of rape incidents here. But why her? Where is God when you need him? There are other people there, those who are shit and deserves to die. Amu hasn't done anything wrong. She's kind and is a good person. So why. I really don't get it.

Then I heard a knock on my room. "Your friends are here, Jericho." It was my mom.

"Let them in."

And there they were. Mark, Alistel and Rianne.

"You skipped two days. We're worried." Alistel said. "Are you sick?"

Mark sat on the floor of my room, taking out his YuGi-Oh! cards from his bag. "Let's play, you pussy." He grinned at me. I got up of my bed and took my own deck from my desk.

"I'll go back to school next week. I'm sorry. I'm just not up to it." To be honest, I just want to kill myself. But I just couldn't find the courage to do so.

Rianne on the other hand just smiled.

Everyday after school, they would just visit me. They would bring snacks and play movies on Rianne's tablet. It was fun. But whenever I'm alone, all I could ever think about is Amu. Her smiles, her laughter and her innocence. I wish I could've protected it. If only I could do anything for her.

And then, Sunday came. My parents and big brother went to our relatives for a birthday party of my aunt. I didn't vo with them because I still don't want to go out of my room.

It was around 1PM when I heard a knock on the door.

I didn't want to get up of bed. But I have no choice. It's probably just the idiot trio.

"Hey." It was just Rianne Gray.

She was wearing a blue shirt and black shorts. Her eyes seemed brighter than before. And her lips looks better without any lipgloss in it.

"Come in." I said.

"Are you going to school tomorrow?" She asked as she entered.

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"I'm sorry."

That's when I felt Rianne Gray's arms around me. She pushed my head on her chest and said nothing. "You can let it all out now. It's just me here. You don't have to hide it anymore."

I found myself embracing her back as I cried out loud. Tears fell endlessly as she caressed my head with her soft hands.

I felt her warmth that time.

Instead of saying how much she loves me and she's there for me, she said nothing. We just stood there, embracing each other. And there, inside her arms, I felt her love for me.

I looked her in the eyes. And just before I could even thank her, she kissed my lips. She held my hand tightly while her other hand were on the back of my head. She broke away from our kiss.

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't hav-"

I stopped her from talking as I kissed her. And this time, I groped her breast. I licked her cheeks. She was not against it. Rianne Gray's lips were so beautiful. And it tasted like mint. She probably just ate some mint candy before coming here. I took her to my room.

And there, we continued to kiss. Our tongues wrapped each other. I felt her teeth biting my lips. Not too hard. Not too soft. It felt weird. But I liked it. I layed her gently on my bed as I took her shirt off. Her lips tasted so good. I kissed her neck. It probably tickled her as I she pulled my hair. And that's when I realized what I'm doing.

"This is wrong." I said as I looked away from her.

"It's not." Rianne got up, her hands were on my cheeks. "I love you, Echo. If this could make you feel better, I will give myself to you whole heartedly." She smiled.

"No... it won't be fair." I said.

"I don't mind!" Rianne said. Now it was her who's crying. "I'll do anything for you Echo. Anything! I don't want to see you sad. It kills me. Everyday, I was thinking of how to make you feel better, how to make you feel happy. And nothing comes to mind. I feel so worthless. I can't do anything for you. So please. Let me do this. I want this. I want to be of use for you. I hate it when you're sad. I feel like dying seeing you so messed up. I know I'm not like your girlfriend. I don't know anything about her. But if it makes you feel better, I don't mind being her replacement. So please, Echo."

No one has ever said that to me.

I've never felt so important in my whole life.

I've grown up being compared to my big brother. How he got so many medals at sports and how he's been an honor student. I've always hated it. My parent's attention revolved only around my brother. And yet....

...and yet.

I kissed Rianne Gray. This time, with more passion. I held the back of her head with my right hand, on her hip, the other.

I lost track of time. I don't know how many minutes has passed bhut whenever she wants to let go, I did not allow her. I layed her gently on the bed again. But this time, we are facing each other sideways. Her legs were crossed on mine. Our bodies were connected.

I felt like I was about to lose my breath so I let go.

Rianne Gray looked at me and smiled.

Now I'm not sure if what I'm doing is right anymore. My girlfriend just died and now, I already fell in-love.

I fell in-love to a girl that I have loved since the first time I saw her.

And so, it begins.

I don't know if this is right. But all I know is that I don't want to be alone.