《Reincarnated as a Warlock with zero skill》Chapter 1: The King
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My life hadn’t always been a smorgasbord of dragons, magic and adventure. No, it was all much less… exciting.
Working a normal nine to five office job with the compulsory water cooler talk and placating an annoying boss is just as boring as it sounds. Each day would be just like the last, spreadsheets, emails and paperwork. Ugh.
I’m not sure what John Hayman was doing on that day. The forty-year old delivery driver with hairy hands was probably on his phone. His van was speeding along the road before it suddenly and unexpectedly swerved violently across the highway, careering through the barriers and crushing me.
The last thing I saw was his dumb face.
Then I was flat on my back. No pain. At least, I don’t remember any pain. The cold started seeping in as my mind wandered. My life probably should have flashed before my mind but honestly it didn’t. If anything, I was relieved. It was that feeling you get when you realise it’s a Friday and there is no work tomorrow. No commute. Finally, I could sleep in. So tired.
Gasping for air I sat up, instinctively feeling for my legs. They were there. Sighing, I lay back down in relief.
“Master!” A woman’s voice bellowed from the distance. “Master! You’re alive. Thank the gods. Thank them.”
Suddenly, weight pressed against me. The warm sensation of another body brushing up against mine. A curvy body. A female body.
I shot up again.
“What the hell? Get off me.”
“My apologies Master.”
I looked across at the beautiful young woman who was so concerned about my wellbeing. She was slender, pale skinned and good looking in the librarian sort of way.
She pushed strands of bright red hair away from her face, dabbing the tears from her eyes with her palm as she did.
“Where am I?” My eyes darted around the room. It was a large room with an open fireplace directly opposite the lavish four poster bed I mounted.
Looking around the room, the walls all seemed to be made of mismatched stones about the size of my torso with the occasional rich blue tapestry draped from the ceiling to break up the pattern.
“A loss of the senses. It is to be expected from such trauma.” A deep voice echoed around the room.
From the shadows an older man entered my vision, stroking his grey beard and watching me with amazement.
“Honestly, a lesser man would have died.” He continued.
“I was in an accident. I think.” I rubbed my head. Ouch. Yeah, it hurt.
“We were ambushed by goblins, Master. They came from the forest as we made camp. Hundreds of soldiers were slaughtered in their sleep. They were targeting the King. You…” The woman sobbed.
“You saved his Majesty.” The older chap continued. “You saved the King, his council and then drove back the goblin attack. They are already singing your name in the taverns.”
“I’m sorry my Lord. I failed you. I lost my nerve and couldn’t face them.” The woman cried.
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“It’s OK. You did what you could.” I replied, reaching out my hand and patting her head. Although I’m not entirely sure why. She seemed to be under the impression that I was her superior.
“Your name?” I asked.
The girl and old man looked at each other.
“I am the Royal Apothecary Thomas.” The old man said.
“And I am your student, Asha, my Lord.” Asha said, bowing.
“Right. And you think I am…” I let the sentence linger.
“My Lord, you are the Warlock Kaida. The scribe of the forbidden athenaeum. A great teacher at the Royal Academy.” Asha replied with a quizzical look.
“That’s what I thought.”
I stood up, grabbing the heavy covers as they fell just in time to avoid exposing my no-no zone. They both took a step towards me, but I held out a hand and they seemed to get the message.
Pacing before the fireplace I patted at my forehead.
It’s just a dream. Just a dream that I’d wake up from any second before getting yelled at for sleeping at work.
“How dare you subjugate my mortal form you ignorant worm.”
A gravelly voice projected as if someone was stood right next to me.
“Uh?” I asked.
Asha and Thomas looked at me, then at each other and scowled with concern.
“Relinquish control before I devour your soul!”
“Are these walls talking?” I asked, pointing towards them. The voice was close, but I couldn’t see anyone else in the room beside Asha and the old man.
Thomas hooked an arm across Asha and turned. “Come dear, let us give your master time to rest. He is still recovering.”
“But-” She whimpered.
“Master Kaida, please get some sleep. The runes will heal you in time.” He said, pointing at my chest before leaving the room.
I walked back towards the bed and threw myself down. What the hell was going on?
“Fear me mortal. I am not to be toyed with.”
‘Shut up’ I thought to myself.
“How dare you speak with such disrespect. I am Kaida, Master Scribe of the forbidden athenaeum.”
‘No, you’re not. I am. Apparently’
“Do not jest, fool. I will tear the flesh from your skin.”
‘I’m pretty sure that would be your skin’ I thought, pulling on my forearm skin.
“Tell me. How did you subjugate my form? For what purpose do you depose me?”
‘I haven’t got a clue. I was minding my own business, died, woke up and now I’m here talking to myself.’
“There is no domain of power in this world that can perform such a feat. Reanimation may be child’s play, but to do so on a living soul is unheard of.”
‘Yeah. I’m not from around here. Or well, some of it is familiar. I’m pretty sure this is like an old worldy thing.’
“You are an outsider?”
‘I just want to go home; I need a bath.’ I sighed.
“Then, perhaps we can come to some sort of accord.”
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‘You mean a deal? Do you know how to get me home?’
“The specifics escape me, but I have knowledge of the forbidden athenaeum, no curse or spell remains out of reach. Given time I will be able to reverse the process I am certain.”
‘And in return?’
“Relinquish control back unto me.”
‘How do I do that?’
“Close your eyes.”
‘Right’ I did what he asked.
“Think of nothing. Let yourself go. Imagine yourself floating in an abyss. The dark clouds enclosing around you.”
I tried.
“Stop fighting it. This is the only way.”
‘I’m not.’
I wasn’t. I tried to do as he said but whenever I imagined the dark clouds enclosing a wave of fire engulfed my vision and dissipated the darkness.
“Damnation! The curse is more powerful than I envisioned.”
‘Then I guess we’re screwed.’
I sat up again, walked over to the wooden door and creaked it open slightly. Outside an emerald rug ran the length of the long stone corridor. It stretched either side with a spiral stone staircase on the far right. Other wooden doors appeared along the corridor at random intervals.
“Perhaps with the aid of a conduit I could break the curse. Let us go to the Academy.”
“No.” I said, closing the door.
“It is the only way to return to your body.”
‘I need to sleep.’ I thought, purposely speaking to the voice whilst disguising the fact that my main concern was if I returned, I’d probably be dead.
“Why would you be dead?”
‘Can you read all my thoughts?’
“It would seem so.”
‘That’s creepy.’
I closed the door and returned to the bed. I laid back and stared at the tapestry on the bed ceiling. It was ridiculously ornate.
“Did you pass on?”
‘I think so.’
“Was it a heroic death?”
“Very.” I said aloud, hoping my claim was believable.
“That is not good, outsider.”
‘In my world I am considered-‘
“In your world?!”
‘I think I’m from a different world. Or at least a different time.’
“There are legends… passed on from each generation to the next. They go back to the dawn of time. Similar stories to yours, heroes who died in another world to be reborn in this one.”
‘Are there other people like me in this world?’
“I’m not certain. It’s possible. Certainly not in this kingdom - but the world is vast. It is conceivable that such beings exist elsewhere.”
‘I have to find them.’
“You fool! Do you not comprehend? This is not good. Whenever a hero appears from another world…
He paused for dramatic effect.
‘What?’
“It can’t be. A lifetime of work.”
‘What?!’
“Heroes tend to live long lives.”
‘Shit.’
“My thoughts exactly.”
Suddenly a muffled voice from beyond the door called out, “Make way for the King!”
“Ah, the King. Good. Perhaps we can influence him to aide us. Do as I say.”
Before I could reply the door swung open and three men clad in chainmail entered the room. They each stood aside and rested against their halberds. Their eyes watched me intently.
“You live! Praise the gods!” A jolly voice proclaimed.
Then the King entered. He was a rotund man, draped in lavish looking emerald robe. Across his shoulders he wore a red cape that was edged with white fur. His green eyes were friendly and welcoming.
“Kaida, my saviour.” The King said, reaching out his arms.
I stood from my bed and instinctively the three guards drew their halberds and pointed in my direction.
The King waved a dismissive hand, and the guards resumed their pose.
“Behave you fools. This man didn’t save me to then murder me.”
“If only.”
I lowered my head. I’d never seen a King before, but it seemed appropriate.
“How are you, my boy? The Apothecary tells me you are recovering well.” “I feel good.” I said, shrugging.
The King stared at me quizzically.
“Your Majesty.”
“Your Majesty.” I added.
“Excellent. As soon as you are well, we shall hold a feast in your honour.” The King stepped closer and whispered, “Quite frankly, I’m surprised you risked your skin to save me Kaida.”
The voice in my head laughed hard.
“I would have watched them eat you alive you worm.”
“Your Majesty. I’m not sure how to say this.”
“Do not.”
“Oh?” The King held his hand to his face.
“I’m not Kaida.”
There was a pause. I perched on the edge of the bed. “I mean, I am. I look like him.” I held out my hands. “See?”
“You do indeed!”
“But I uh.”
The King looked at the space beside me on the bed, gave it a cursory dust and then dramatically swung his cape as he took a seat.
“Do not tell the King!”
“Yes?” He smiled.
“I’m not from this world.”
“You fool.”
The King clapped his hands together and held them there, smiling. Smiling and staring. After a brief moment he stood up and turned to the guards, waving his hands. In response they looked at each other and then back at the King who was still shooing. They then left the room.
The King walked to the door and ensured it was closed before turning around and smirking.
“The summoning was a success!” He proclaimed, holding his hands up with glee.
“Welcome to the Kingdom of Ettendale, Hero. I am King Edmund Vorstuck the first of his name.” He continued.
“Thank… you?” I replied.
He stepped forward and gave me a hug.
“For what it is worth. I never liked Kaida. He was a wicked, scheming boy.”
“Well, that is just rude.”
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