Miles stared blankly at the notification.

This is a joke, right? What the hell? Are the devs watching me? Do they know me? Fuck. Fuck!

He impulsively tightened his grip, then spread his palms across the desk.

No, that wouldn’t make sense. Maybe an AI would be able to keep track of me, but I’m sure they’re focused on maintenance. If I think about it...I haven’t said a word to a single person since I first spawned. But a class for not interacting with anyone? In an MMO? RedSoft has a twisted sense of humor.

The grain of the wooden bookcases around him slowly warped into a deep vortex as he was dragged further inwards by his thoughts.

The traits reek of derision, too. My Strength is cut in half but my Intelligence isn’t increased by twofold, and that last one sounds like it might ruin the point of having any Charisma. It isn’t a fair tradeoff at all! The Amalgamate said that a class change would cost a lot of money. I’m stuck with this deal for God knows how long. So much for the build I was planning on. Should I...should I just delete my character?

He bit his lip and focused.

But the devs wouldn’t create a useless class, right? No, there’s no way they would. This might be worth it in the long run. And honestly, the build I was envisioning before is something I’ve never strayed far away from. I rarely use magic when I play RPGs. Maybe I’m due for a change of pace. Yeah, I should just roll with it. Plus...it still feels like they’re mocking me!

Miles took a deep breath and sprung up from his chair. He puffed out his chest and confidently (but not too loudly) asserted, “Alright, let’s go! I’m turning a new leaf! I’ll be the most helpful soul who’s ever walked the earth! You hear that, RedSoft? You can’t keep me down!”

His mind immediately jumped to the librarian’s aide. She already had relatively good relations with him, so he should get started on that quest pronto. He hustled straight up to her and put on his best dashing smirk.

“Excuse me, miss...erm, I haven’t asked your name, but uhh. Well, I’ve been quite rude and I just thought - I mean, I’ve been thinking - ahem. When was the last time you saw your boss? Mrs Drummer?”

She glanced up at him with cold, disdainful eyes and flatly stated, “Oh? Did I tell you something like that? I don’t recall you saying anything in return. Get out of my sight, you vermin.”

“Whoa, whoa? Isn’t that a little over the top?! I’m telling you that I want to help here!”

“You can locate Ms Dromond on your own. Maybe you’ll find your spine while you’re at it. You scum.”

Miles tightened his hands into claws and leaked out a half-pissed chuckle. “Do you have any right to treat a player like this? You’re just a character in a game, you know? This is all made up, and you’ve been put here to help people like me...”

The girl turned to fully face him for the first time. She adorned a chipper smile and adjusted her glasses, replying, “Are you saying that this world was conjured by someone else? This world in which the sensations feel real, the sounds vibrate through your skull, and your meals taste genuine? Is that the case? Then where is the evidence that your world, the supposedly real one, isn’t also a falsification? You’re telling me that such a simulation makes sense to you, but you have the hubris to claim that you exist outside of any simulations yourself? Without a doubt in your mind? What about when you go to bed at night? You’re certain that your dreams are not, in fact, you visiting the true world for the most fleeting of moments? Better yet, can you tell me you’re really awake after you’ve gotten up in the morning? What if you fell into a deep and terrible dream, ages ago, one that you’ve never escaped from? Oh, but that would be a rude thing to suggest, wouldn’t it?” She gave a polite bow and walked away.

The Absent Librarian has been abandoned because your intimacy with Nancibel has fallen too low. You are no longer welcome at Kos Library until The Absent Librarian has been resolved.

Miles walked outside and quietly took a seat in the grass.

I should never mention that again.

He decided it was time to look at the character attributes he hadn’t yet learned about.

Traits

Thick Skin

Resist 10% damage from blunt attacks and 5% damage from slashing attacks. (Req: 10 FTD)

Skills

Eidetic Memory (Level 1)

You may select up to 10 pages from any number of books and save them to your profile. These pages can be viewed via your Skills tab. (Req: Recluse, 8 INT)

Spells

Ember [Costs 20 MP]

Conjure a small spark of flame, dealing minor Fire damage over time. (Req: 10 INT)

Harassment [Costs 10 MP]

Deliver unsavory words to a target, inflicting negligible Psychic damage and stunning it for a brief period. (Req: Recluse, 15- CHR, vocal catalyst)

Squalor [Costs 35 MP]

Choose a target; reduce one of its stats by 33% (rounded up) for 30 seconds. Cooldown time of one minute. (Req: Recluse, 15 INT)

I have to admit this is a little interesting, but isn’t it still underpowered? I’m basically just a single-target debuffer. And the debuff might be nice if I pick the right stat, but it’s a total crapshoot. Wait, does that say 15 INT? So I get early access to abilities, not just a flat stat boost? I could have better potential within only a few levels, then...

He scrunched up his nose and lightly slapped his face with both hands.

Don’t give in, Miles! If you assist someone in public it might raise your standing with the whole town. You’re going to help the next person that’s in need, even if they reject you ten times over! Grit your teeth and bear it!

He walked up to the first stall situated in front of the library. An elderly woman was behind the counter making tiny adjustments to a full display of spectacles and jewelry.

“Excuse me, ma’am, do you know if anyone-“

“Sorry, we’re closed,” she spat out before doing an about-face and gingerly welcoming another player. Miles craned his neck and saw that two other merchants were eyeing him with looks of repulsion.

Okay, screw the market for now. How ‘bout over yonder?

He walked in between two buildings and took an alleyway that funneled into the residential district. Once he was out the other side, he saw an open plot of grass cordoned off by dirt roads. One would call it a park if they were an extreme optimist. A little red-headed boy was slowly pacing back and forth on one of the roads. His garments were dirty but obviously a step up from lower class and he had a teddy bear practically wedged into his left side.

“Grandpa? Where are you, grandpa? Did I win hide-and-go-seek?”

Jackpot.

Miles made himself known in the most disarming manner imaginable and crouched down a few feet away from the child. “Hello, what’s your name? You can’t find your grandpa?” In his opinion it was the finest first impression he had ever given.

The kid stared at him with an expression of innocent wonder. Or was it contemplation? He planted his thumb firmly in his mouth and mumbled, “Mister, you’re pretty creepy, aren’t you?”

Guh...

“Who, me? I’m just a hero who likes helping others in need! Call me whatever you like, but we should get you to your grandpa first.” Miles stood up, dusted off his clothes, and outstretched his hand. “Friends?”

He was then decked squarely in the crotch.

The pain threshold in Elutheria was lowered significantly from that of the real world. Taking damage still felt unpleasant but it wasn’t a wholly traumatic experience. That being said, the shock of what happened made Miles instinctively grab his groin and fall to the ground. The boy stretched his arms outwards and ran into another alleyway, making whoosh noises as he went.

“Ah, wait!” Miles quickly recovered and hopped up after the troublesome tyke. The boy was on the verge of darting totally out of sight as he turned several corners. Finally, he stopped at a small bridge overlooking a stream, allowing Miles to catch up. He seemed like he was momentarily distracted.

“Mister?”

“Don’t...do that...you could...really get lost or hurt. We have to get you to your family so you’re safe. You wanna see grandpa again, right?”

“But Mister, I see grandpa right over there!” he replied, pointing out past the bridge. Miles quickly ran up to its edge and scanned the distance, leaning forward while cupping his eyes.

“What good luck! Where is he? Did you see him really far away?”

He felt his pants dropping to his ankles.

“Eh?”

The child rammed his shoulder into Miles’ rear end, causing him to drop like a stone into the water below. Flailing and gargling, it took him until a Drown meter appeared in his field of vision for him to get his bearings and stand upright. As he waddled to shore, the boy scampered off in the opposite direction.

You have been afflicted with the Drenched status!

That’s it, you little snot-nosed punk. I don’t care if this is a game. I’m going to make you scream and cry for your mommy. My revenge will be swift, and so very, VERY sweet. Ohhhhohohoho yes. You’re about to rue the day you messed with me, you molecule sized piece of shit flavored garbage!